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May have taken advantage of someone and now feel terrible...

  • 24-07-2014 7:04pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Er, hi PI. This is a rather confused post, so bear with me.

    About a week or so ago I discovered a young woman crying in the street in Dublin. I asked her what was wrong and we got chatting and it seemed she'd been thrown out of her house by her now ex-boyfriend and had nowhere to stay since her family all lived in Galway. Perhaps it was foolish of me but I let her crash on my sofa that evening (I live in a one bedroom apartment).

    The next morning she borrowed my phone and arranged for her sister to come pick her up and take her back to the family home. I let her stay in the house until her sister could fetch her (it was a Saturday so I was home as well). Anyway, a few hours later my phone rings and its her sister asking for directions to my flat.

    To cut a long story short, just before the sister arrived the young woman I'd let crash on my sofa decided that she should, er, "thank" me by giving me a bl0wob. She was very insistent that I let her, and I'm ashamed to say that I let the fact that she was attractive cloud my better judgement, so I let her do it. Afterwards her sister arrived and she said thank you for letting her have somewhere to stay and then left.

    Now, she didn't seem annoyed at all. In fact she seemed genuinely grateful. But I'm filled with shame at my actions. I let her crash at my place because I didn't want her out on the streets where someone could take advantage of her... and then I promptly took advantage of her, at her insistence or not. I was always told not to act like this and then I go ahead and do it.

    What can I do about this feeling of shame? Was I totally wrong? Help me Boards.

    (For added information I do know her name and the fact that she was over eighteen (we talked a fair bit on the Saturday); I'm not revealing those details here because I want to keep her anonymity.)


Comments

  • #2
    Tokyo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,655 ✭✭✭✭Tokyo


    Demanding that a girl desperate for a bed for the night give you a blowjob in exchange for a place to stay would have been a shameful act.

    Her deciding of her own free will to go down on you and you letting it happen would be one of those live and learn things - it was her choice, and a moment of weakness for you. Consider it a lesson learned about your own morality and move on.


  • #3
    iusedtoknow
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,698 ✭✭✭iusedtoknow


    If it wasn't an expectation on your part, and she was an adult - there is nothing shameful on your part (slightly seedy maybe, but not shameful). I'd usually give my gratitude in card form or a bottle of wine.

    As long as it was consensual, and no one got harmed - then you should try and forget about it. It's one of these "well..i learned my limits" life lessons, and you should move on.


  • #4
    Doom
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,381 ✭✭✭Doom


    Two adults, both consent, infact that it happened the day after, no problem.


  • #5
    strobe
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,872 ✭✭✭strobe


    What on earth have you to feel shameful about? You did a nice thing for her and she did a nice thing for you... Not everyone thinks of sex or sexual acts as some kind of sacred holy ritual. Some people just see it as a fun and pleasant thing to do. Sounds like she was just one of these latter kind of people. Neither of you did anything wrong or took advantage of anyone or have any reason to feel shameful about anything that happened.


  • #6
    Eeden
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,912 ✭✭✭✭Eeden


    Maybe, OP, you are not comfortable with a sex act being something like payment? I can understand that mindset, and I think maybe that's why you feel it could be thought of as a bit dodgy. I don't think you should feel bad at all, but maybe you should think about it and figure out why it made you uncomfortable.


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  • #7
    CaraMay
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,652 ✭✭✭CaraMay


    It's done but it was a very icky situation


  • #8
    Bafucin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 642 ✭✭✭Bafucin


    I think the phrase 'thank you' was a little joke or flirty talk by her. I think she did it because she felt like it.

    Maybe she was angry at the boyfriend and wanted to be wild who knows.

    Neither of you did anything wrong. You have nothing to feel bad about.

    But if it bugs you then now you know your comfort zone.


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