what to do about my ex

I was on this before but I don't want any one that knows me to link it to me in real life. I asked the moderators and they said it was grand to do this.

I still don't think she is a Muppet or anything like that but I still like her so much that I'm sure my vision is clouded.when we were together she was so good to me and I like to think I was good to her but only she could say that for sure. When we had the drink together and she told me that if the roles were reversed and I met someone so soon that she would have been hurt. I told her the truth. That I tried to hate her when I found out she moved on but I couldn't. Thats still the truth. I know you will say I had no reason to hate her but if I did then it would have been easier to move on for me is all.

I don't know the ins and outs of him coming to Ireland but he seems to come from money so it doesn't seem a big deal for him to come over him and she has told him that she will not be moving away from Ireland. He seems to be happy to move over. She just said to me that he seems to be very outdoorsy and very used to the good weather of his home country so thinks he will struggle in our climate. Also he has enough money that he can basically not really worry about a living having ti be made.I don't think she is with him because of GIS money either because she never seemed like that as I had no major amount of money.

She also never said that we would get back together but just that if I had asked before she met him then she would have. My questions come into play about how she can move on so quick while still claiming that if it was me then she would be so upset about it. Also if it would kill her so much then how is she so willing to strive foreword at such a pace with the new lad.

Maybe I just thought I ment more to her like she did to ne and although it doesn't sound like it. I am happy for her ans do hope she is happy but I'm just feeling low. I realise that I need to get a grip and move on. I also know that if she asked me back I would be delighted but I would really have to think so hard about it and we would have ti ait down for a major heart to heart.

To be honest I'm the same as this post. All over the place. I'm basically just getting my thoughts out their and appreciate any insight that can be given. Thank you.

OP, if you were the one who broke up with her then you really don't have the right to ever expect her to get back with you,(sorry to sound harsh) that puts it up to you to be making most of the effort now if you want to get back with her. However, you have to know that if you broke her heart she will probably not be likely to get back with you again, as presumably she wouldn't want to go through that again. Also, there appears to be no concrete, satisfying reason why you broke up with her. It just sounds like a bunch of silly reasons, at least from her point of view, id imagine. Now I am sure that in your own mind those reasons were valid, but perhaps you did not articulate them well enough, I don't know. At this point I would say that all you can really do is learn from the situation and not let the same thing happen again with the next person down the line, as I would doubt this woman could ever truly trust you to not break up with her again. She is only human, too. Also , regarding her not telling you about her new boyfriend, again, you had broken up with her, and so she had no reason to tell you anything about her personal life after that. you had made your decision. Of course, if im wrong and she was the one who had broken up with you then none of this would apply

hi OP, in one post you said you had been the one who broke it off with her, and in others you are saying it was 'mutual'...? Anyway I think it is wrong for you to be so angry with her, as she didn't do anything wrong by moving on. You were not together at the time. If you don't want her leading you on or whatnot, then just stay away from her, I think you are giving her far more attention than she is giving you, also it looks as though you think she is not a nice person, going by comments here. If she is so bad, then why would you want her back anyway? Also, regarding the whole farming lifestyle, does this mean that all farmers are single? Surely they must find time for people somewhere along the line? Maybe someone a little closer to home might work out better.

i see now that the negative comments towards the woman were more from other commenters than your own comments here, OP, and i understand the frustration of someone just going AWOL like that. In the days before facebook it happened to me and sometimes you would honestly be worried that something terrible may have happened to them, but with online social networks we can now see if someone is in a new relationship (sometimes) and we can see that they are ok if they keep updating statuses (not saying you should take this up necessarily but it does help to provide information/closure at times). To be honest I don't think there is any 'blame' in this situation, it looks like neither of you were being needlessly cruel or anything, I suppose if it were meant to be then you would have not cancelled meeting with her on those occasions (i have been on the receiving end of someone who did that and it does indeed make you feel that they just don't care about you), and she would not have moved on in 3 weeks. 3 weeks is nothing. If she was that into you there's no way she could be over it in 3 weeks, in my humble opinion, at least. In my opinion, you have two options. 1. Say that if it were meant to be it would have been, and slowly forget all bout it, or 2. Make your thoughts clear to her, for example by showing her this thread, and then you will have done your best and if she doesn't want to know then, then at least you will have given it your best shot.
Im saying this from the point of view of someone who has been on the receiving end of being rejected by someone who kept cancelling on me, had depression and gave me a lot of the same reasons etc...From my point of view if I were ever to be with said person again it would probably end in disaster as I would never be able to fully trust him with my feelings ever again, id be always waiting for the same withdrawing behaviour to happen again. Sometimes OP you can love a guy like this but not be able to be with him because it is too painful. (sorry if im generalising a tad here, i just feel like to an extend i know what its like to be on the other side of this, although the difference being i would never be able to move on in 3 weeks if i was really emotionally invested in the person). Sorry this went on and on :P

I understand what your saying about blame. I Know it doesn't matter but she was so adamant that I was completely to blame for not getting back together. I have wrecked my head wondering for so long if that is true. im not even trying to blame her and to be honest im not sure why I started this tread. I suppose I just wanted to talk about it to some one.

A few things in my defense though. I don't think I completely neglected her. I traveled up to see her twice as much as she came to see me but I didn't mind.doing that. She only stayed with me mid week on a couple of occasions and told me how much she hated it because of the early start to get back for work while I was doing it every second week. I know I'm my own boss but the work still has to be done and I have no one to cover for me at short notice. For all her teachers holidays she went traveling which were two 2 week excursions and a weeks one at holoween. I admired her for it and she was great at getting cheap flights. I couldn't call up on Mondays or Wednesday as she gave grinds and traveled home and back every second weekend o that ruled out every second Friday and Monday. The other weekends we usually spent together.

On canceling on her. That happened 3 times in a 10 month period and two of them were during calving when I was expecting a cow to give birth and the other was when I couldn't get anyone in to do the milkings for me. It wasn't that I just couldn't be bothered to see her.but the plan would have been made and then something would go wrong and I would have to cancel. The one weekend I traveled down to her home town and was staying at her parents house she told me as I was walking up the drive that she had only told her father she was seeing someone. I walked up to him and thanked him for letting me stay at his home and he looked at me and said that he didn't know I existed 5 minutes ago. I had been seeing his daughter for 7 months at this stage. What's worse is that he is a high ranking garda detective and he grilled me. One time I had a match that I couldn't get out of so I brought her to it. When ever I looked over she seemed to be having a great time with some of the other girlfriends and then we all went for lunch at a restaurant after then back to the local for a few and there was a music session. She said she had a great night but she had called down to see me. I really did think that was odd but I do understand where she was coming from

I don't want to make out she was in any way bad to me but just she takes her job very seriously and I respect that and know that if she was late for her job then she risked punishment. Also she had a fuller social life than me.she always taught of me on her travels and would bring me back something and when I went up she would always be planning things for us to do. Also she was in Dublin and there is so much ti do up there while I live in the sticks.

About the depression. Well im delighted that you don't understand it because it probably means you don't have it. I was the same once and used ti think that it was nothing a days work and a few pints won't sort out. But it is crippling and completely irrational. My mind used to go a hundred miles an hour. I just couldn't keep up with it. I can only say it was the world was laying siege to my mind. No matter how hard I pushed I was just forced back. It started with cracks in the foundation and then they spread and while im trying to fix one crack the next one is spreading. After that the walls collapsed and I felt every one had abandoned me. I went into full retreat and eventualy felt like I had barricaded myself into a tiny room where if I only looked out the window then I would be got. I felt that all I could do was brace the door and close my eyes.

It's hard to talk about it on this but seems impossible to admit it in person although I did tell her but I needed to tell someone and it felt like I had sent out a flare or some sort of life line. What im trying to say is that it's so hard to admit to it and I was so worried what people would think and I still am I felt so weak and pushed her away because I was afraid I would drag her and everyone around me down to hell with me. I know now it doesn't make my actions right but they weren't taken lightly or just for the he'll of it.they were the biggest negative emotions iv ever faced and I wouldn't wish them on my worst enemy. I don't want them to define my life either and would hat the thought of people always coming over and saying "are ye all right" I've been to see a doctor since.

Sorry to go on so much but if it's worth anything then it has helped ti talk about it. I have moved on from her a lot and I won't be bothering her any more. I still hate to think I broke her heart and don't blame her for anything but I suppose I just wish I knew( I can't find a way to finish this sentence). I still don't know what a blog is really and if this is one and if it's a bad thing then I apologise. I still feel better for getting it off my chest and getting others opinions though.

just saw in an earlier post you said this :

''Even though the long distance was hard. I made it worse because I was in such a rut. We would make plans like I would call out to her home town or bring her to the airport and a few days before I would make excuses for not being able to do it. Usually saying that I think I would have to much to do on the farm. I can understand why she got the hump.''

so maybe there were some times when you may have needlessly push her away (thought id gotten that impression from somewhere!), but anyhow it sounds as though you are reaching a point now where you are doing better, maybe a blog or a diary of some sort might be a good idea, as that way its easier to remember what it was actually like at a certain time, with no rose-tinted glasses, or whatever the expression is...?