Meeting ex again after 12 years

Hi! All, thanks for all the replies - food for though! However, didn't end as I thought. My sister knew I was going to chicken out as we, the kids and I, had decided to go away to our holiday home in South East for Xmas, so wasn't going to be here to meet him, except weekend before Xmas. She persuaded me to text him and let him know that, and to suggest meeting up the weekend before Xmas or one of the weekends leading up to it - which I did, I suggested he call or text me then. I also said that while I don't remember dates and times like he did, I do remember the great conversations and chats we had, and that I had thought about contacting him previously when we were in Kildare for a wedding - he was teaching there - but was a little afraid to - he had been really angry when I moved to Australia all those years ago, saying he never wanted to see me again because of breaking up - I didn't want him to think that I had just broken up with someone and he was a rebound, and he had said he had hugely fond memories and was really looking forward to meeting. However, I got no reply at all - that was a week ago. I presume that means he has changed his mind. I know his sisters never liked me as I came from a one parent family myself - I don't know if they have influenced him. Now, they may feel that he could end up dating me and I am a single mother - though my kids are teenagers, I'm financially independent, have a good job, my own home and our holiday home. He knows I have a good job and am at a senior level, and that I live in the same house I bought when we were going out together. He does teach religion and music in a school, so maybe even friendship or the potential of more with a single mum wouldn't be acceptable. I was very influenced by Quakerism when I was at a Quaker school, and became a Quaker ten years ago, which he also knows - as we used to joke about what wonderful religion/spiritual tradition I was going to end up in! Maybe this is a big no no too! Anyway, I will never know now! Thanks agai

Hi! All,

I did finally meet my ex - I had made an excuse, but a friend had arranged to meet us both, and didn't say to either of us that the other was coming. She left us a lone after half an hour, and we chatted for three hours solidly until I had to collect my kids from a friends house. He insisted on walking me to my car, took my hands and said he would have to have several brandys on the way home to get over the meeting; that he would ring me, I said I was away until 18th Jan - and maybe ring me after that. We laughed/joked etc. - that was a week before Xmas. He had also put on a lot of weight and probably looked older than his years. He said I looked about 10 years younger than my age - which a lot of people say. He told me he hadn't been in a relationship for 10 years as he had been in a very abusive relationship where the girl told him she had a lesbian partner after 7 years together.

Fast forward Christmas Eve - 6 days after we me - I sent a text to wish him Happy Xmas, said I was just going away for three wks which he knew, that I like him had been really nervous about meeting up, but was glad that we did; that I hoped we couldn't lose touch and could meet up now and then as friends - he comes home every third weekend to look after his mother - so I said if on those weekends he was ever at a lose end, he could phone me for coffee/drink. I didn't hear anything back until today - thought it might just be Xmas - got a text this p.m. saying he didn't want us to be in contact with each other again!!! I can't understand what happened - people who know him said there is no one else in his life, he told me so himself. In any case, he was my best friend during the years we went out, and I am quite happy just to meet up every so often and be friends - I sincerely, would value his friendship - does anyone have any idea what could have gone wrong?

Hi! Faith,

I want a relationship, but I would never push him - I know he went through 7 years with this girl, who I know from others, also had an alochol problem - he didn't leave her, which I can and can't understand. Everyone knew of their rows - they were legendary. I wasn't there at the time, but I know he was bereft when she left and moved in with her girlfriend - he had thought over many years that she wasn't attracted to him, but she was actually gay. I know he has been through a lot and I wouldn't want to push him - also its not my style.

Hi! Faith, I didn't want to frighten him by mentioning a relationship. I also said during our conversations about our past relationships that I thought good friendship was the basis of any good relationship - in the end, even if he met someone tomorrow, I would still be happy to meet up for coffee now and again and catch up. I think your're right though, I'll just text back and say I'm sorry to hear that he doesn't want to have contact again, but I respect his wishes, and leave it at that. Thanks so much for the advice.