Would you break up family over a gut feeling?

jackal · 21-05-2008 11:30am

estar wrote: »

you sound isolated, paranoid, very negative, very over bearing
in your studying of your husbands behaviour. if you continue
to play detective even if he isnt cheating you will break up
as thats just not the way marraige works.

i would go insane if someone invaded every single area of my private
life. i like having private time. if i say i go to the gym, and then
end up going shopping, im not going to answer questions on it
to my partner. i dont want to be followed around and studied.
i want to be loved, appreciated and trusted. it sounds like you
lost all your identitiy and confidance after your baby(s) were born.

its time to get that back, and start communicating more with your
husband. intimacy starts and ends with feeling understood,
appreciated and feeling close to another person.

tell your husband how you feel. if you cannot tell your partner
how you feel even if it is - i feel so lonely that im creating
scenarios about you cheating in my head and obsessing about
them and watching if your clothes have been used to go to the gym
how are we going to get back what we once had?

honesty, communication, maturity, and kindness and understanding
will fix almost any relationship where the partners are willing
to meet each other half way.

sit down with your husband or when you are both relaxed,
and chat before its too late.

also tell him if he was more understanding regarding the
post natal depression you might feel more like having
sex with him. its not about lying back and doing it for
ireland, you have to feel appreciated and understood
to really enjoy it. and you have to appreciated and understand
him also.

This post is... eh not helpful.

You said: "if i say i go to the gym, and then
end up going shopping, im not going to answer questions on it
to my partner."

Does that include walking out on your spouse and children rather than saying a simple, "I went shopping"?

honesty, communication, maturity, and kindness and understanding seem to be qualities utterly lacking in the OP's other half based on what she has written over the course of the thread, did you read it? Or just get on your high horse after the first post?

Sitting down talking blah blah blah, these things are all great if both parties genuinely want change. One person cannot fix a relationship, and to be honest the OP has done little wrong as far as I can see. She was handed kit to wash which was spotless, and she is not allowed to question that?

Get your head out of 1920's Housewife or wherever you are getting your advice from and read the thread.

Sugar Drunk · 21-05-2008 11:38am

leavingonawhim wrote: »

.

He came to see the children. Ignored me more or less only to ask was the baby due a bottle as i was going to the shops. I went up to the bedroom for a while when i came back then went into the kitchen, he was in the living room. I was hoping we could have some kind of a chat. He closed the door connecting the 2 rooms. Then 2 minutes later said he was going. An hour he gave the children. He had not seen them since friday. He was at karate today so shouldnt have had anything to do. Just couldnt be arsed and that was my break from the kids, an hour.

..........

im gobsmacked after reading this! The bloody cheek of him. Have you spoken to his mum at all? someone must know whats going on with him as his behaviour is just completely bizarre.

To be honest if it were me I would advise him that if he wants to see his kids again he needs to sit down and speak to you rather than treating you like dirt. he cant be let away with turning up when he feels like it, ignoring you and giving you no answer what so ever as to whats going on.

are you close to any of his friends that you could speak to?

dresden8 · 21-05-2008 12:03pm

Sugar Drunk wrote: »

To be honest if it were me I would advise him that if he wants to see his kids again he needs to sit down and speak to you rather than treating you like dirt.

Using the kids as a method of control. Class.

craichoe · 21-05-2008 1:12pm

dresden8 wrote: »

Using the kids as a method of control. Class.

Using sarcasm in an attempt to make yourself feel like a comedian .. priceless.

Nevyn · 21-05-2008 1:21pm

craichoe Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

Sugar Drunk · 22-05-2008 12:32pm

dresden8 wrote: »

Using the kids as a method of control. Class.

No, its just that if he wants to come round to her house and see the kids then he should be expected to treat her with some degree of respect.
Why should the OP tolerate him turning up when it suits him, ignoring her and then fecking off with out so much as a words explanation as to why he left her in the first place?

Im not saying ban him from seeing them but tell him that if he wants to have a relationship with his kids and wants to be able to visit them where she is living then he needs to sit down and work out whats happening with her first.

bored and tired · 22-05-2008 3:17pm

op, i just wanted to back you up on your affirmation that it was not all you, and not all pnd. but rather from the sounds of it a boy who hasnt learnt how to be a man yet so has ran back to mammys at the first sign of trouble.

My partner has put up with a lot in the last few years, firstly his father passed away and instead of me being a rock for him to lean on, i got mangled in a car crash, so three weeks after we buried his dad, i am hit from behind, taken to hospital and hooked up to all kinds of wires and machines, i cant get out of bed for 2 months unaided, i cant shower on my own, i cant tie my shoe laces, i cant get dressed, im on all kinds of drugs, need to be driven to doctors appointments, Then i end up in and out of hospital with fertility problems and had 3 ops on ovarian cysts, each time, lying in bed wondering after the op am i going to be able to have another children but knowing that my back is in such a weak condition that i wouldnt be able to carry a child anyway. He has been my rock, my inspiration, he has supported me while i have been recovering, taking on the mortgage on his own, paying the childminder full rate while i moped at home unable to look after my own child. he got me through deperessions, through rehab and phsio, never mind no sex in 3 days, we didnt have sex for almost a year,
He is what a man is supposed to be, he took on his responsibility, he faced up to them and met them head on, thats what a man is supposed to do, He was there when i was viciously mean to him, taking out my frustrations on the person i cared the most about, knowing that when i screamed in anger about the house being untidy or not making the bed that i was really screaming about being a cripple, about having no control over what was going on around me, frustrated at my lack of progress, He was always understanding, and when he saw something that i was improving at he would remind me that i couldnt do that 2 months ago to boost my confidence, He was never an angel, but he certainly was my angel.

dont ever let your husband convince you that you are to blame when it was he who was too weak to challenge your relationship problems and deal with them. In our darkest days and nights, myself and partner still talked or faught about our dreams, our problems, and ways to improve things but we never gave up.

chuci · 22-05-2008 8:23pm

^^^ wow op take heed of the last paragraph very good explanation of what your supposed other half is and is lacking. hope things have improved for you some little bit

Would you break up family over a gut feeling?

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