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Struggling with my sexuality

  • 24-09-2014 10:14pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi everyone. Seeing as yesterday was Bi Visibility Day, I thought it was the best time to actually try and talk about some of the issues I've been having lately.

    I've known that I am bi since I was a teenager, and came out to my best friend when I was 18 (I'm 24 now). I've told most of my close friends over the years, and they've all been grand. I've had a number of pretty severe mental health issues since I was young and have been in recovery for the last 4 years. However, it is really only in the past few months that I have began to focus on my sexuality as I cut myself off from anything romantic/sexual/relationshippy for a long time as I felt I was worthless etc etc.

    I know so many people who are proud and comfortable with being queer, and I feel like that will never be something I'm able to do. My parents are your stereotypical rural catholics and I feel like I could never possibly tell them that I'm bi cause they'll just not understand. I actually think they'd find it far easier to accept if I told them I was a lesbian. There's a huge stigma in society about being bi; the whole perception of bi people being greedy/not able to make up their minds/nymphomaniacs, and that's where they would be coming from with their awareness of bisexuality. I know I can counter those examples, but I just don't feel emotionally strong or assertive enough to have to do it constantly (I know some of my friends who I'm not out to have very similar thoughts on bisexuality).

    I hate the fact that I'm bi, and wish I could just have never told anyone so that I could just forget about it. I feel so guilty when I say that, because that is the opposite of what I'd say/think if this was anyone else in a similar situation.

    I don't want to feel like this any more. I want to be happy with my identity, but I don't know how to get to that place.


Comments

  • #2
    CdeC
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 510 ✭✭✭CdeC


    BiAnon24 wrote: »
    I hate the fact that I'm bi, and wish I could just have never told anyone so that I could just forget about it. I feel so guilty when I say that, because that is the opposite of what I'd say/think if this was anyone else in a similar situation.



    This is bad right here. You need to learn not to hate that you are bi. This is hugely self destructive and ultimately leads to your feelings of worthlessness. You need to learn to love yourself. All of yourself. Being bi is a part of you but it doesn't define you. Any preconceived notions about bi people are rubbish. You can be whoever you want to be. If I said because you're a woman you must like rom-coms. You'd tell me to p*ssoff. Remember you are number 1. You have the power to make yourself happy., you are 24 now and your own person. You have friends. people like you and want you to be happy.
    Help make their wish come true.


  • #3
    stephen_n
    Registered Users Posts: 12,920 ✭✭✭✭stephen_n


    BiAnon24 wrote: »

    I hate the fact that I'm bi, and wish I could just have never told anyone so that I could just forget about it. I feel so guilty when I say that, because that is the opposite of what I'd say/think if this was anyone else in a similar situation.

    I don't want to feel like this any more. I want to be happy with my identity, but I don't know how to get to that place.

    You are who you are and trying to disown any part of that will only lead to pain. It's very hard to be happy with your identity, when you can't hear your own voice over the clamour of others. Peoples perceptions of your sexuality are quite frankly none of your business. To become happy with your sexual identity, you have to take ownership of what it means to you, not what others think about it. Also it's important to remember, this is only one small part of who you are, it doesn't define you. Your attention has recently focused on it, then it can also reduce the focus, so you can get a bit more perspective on it. You mention mental health issues, are you seeing someone? if so that might be the safest space for you to explore your feelings around this, without them becoming overwhelming. I am assuming from your post, that this is all cognitive at the moment? as in you are not in a relationship with anyone at the moment. If so then you have time on your hands to sort through this, take a breath, slow down and try find yourself in the middle of all this.


  • #4
    MiloDublin
    Registered Users Posts: 80 ✭✭MiloDublin


    It's the same as being left handed, i.e. one way for humans to be.
    The morality is a later cultural contruct. Capitalism encourages population growth so fruitless unions were a threat.
    Michel Foucault nailed it.


  • #5
    BonnieSituation
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 19,085 ✭✭✭✭BonnieSituation


    As a bi-male in a happy relationship with a female I can understand the OP's issue with the comfort. I'm thirty and it took me until this year to accept my bisexuality as a fact. I spent so long justifying things on a purely sexual basis and it wasn't helping. Coming out to some of my friends helped enormously and my partner is just amazing about it.

    It has taken about 15 years for me to get here so there's no rush OP. It will happen. And as regards your parents I wouldn't worry about them as yet. You need to be comfortable with yourself until you can deal with everyone else. no one is more important than yourself.


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