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Dad at war with everyone

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  • 07-01-2016 4:09pm
    #1
    Fionne
    Registered Users Posts: 392 ✭✭


    Since New Year's Eve, my Dad has decided he's no longer speaking to my mum or sister. As far as I can tell, it started over a silly argument over him not having total control of the tv remote.

    He has a history of depression, paranoia and the like. My mum reckons he's just in a mood and she says she doesn't care if he decides never again to speak to her. I seem to be far more bothered and I don't even live with them. It's making me feel physically sick I'm that worried about the situation. He's acting like a spoilt child really, storming off if he doesn't get the remote, refusing to hand over his social welfare payment (my mum does the grocery shopping and pays the bills, etc).

    Has anyone had to go through this in their family? Do you EVER get used to the horrible atmosphere and lack of communication between your parents?
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    #2
    Chemical Byrne
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,311 ✭✭✭Chemical Byrne


    Your dad is acting the maggot. If him and your mum are the only income earners in the house and if he is refusing to spend a penny on the household, then why should he enjoy the benefits. Your mum could bring him to his senses by not cooking him anything, washing anything for him or doing anything for him really until he cops himself on. As long as he doesn't pay his way he shouldn't be getting his way.


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    #3
    Shrap
    Registered Users Posts: 3,163 ✭✭✭Shrap


    FonE wrote: »
    Do you EVER get used to the horrible atmosphere and lack of communication between your parents?
    Eh, no. I doubt it. I doubt that anyone can get used to it without losing some part of their sanity, ie. Being conditioned to aggro and heightened emotions may mean that people become a little bit disfunctional and unaware of normal standards of behaviour in families and relationships. Your mother, for example, by saying this is just one of his moods and she doesn't care if he never speaks to her again is displaying exactly that. In feeling you have to live with someone who is that volatile and depressive, you can fall into a rut of thinking this is all life is going to be like and feeling helpless to change anything, which will in turn impact on other close family. Also, she is in the position of being financially dependent on your father (also on behalf of your sister) and may not see herself as able to rock the boat too much, whether she's willing or not.

    I'd be a little concerned about your sister OP. She's still living at home? What age is she? Not that I'm not concerned for you too, but you're not around it every day...

    Essentially, it is an impossible job to help those who don't see the need for assistance OP. As your parent's child, you are against the odds as to what you will be able to do to influence either of your parent's behaviours, but perhaps you could attempt to find out what way your mother would go (for your sister's sake at least), if the financial dependency wasn't an issue? Is there a close friend/relative of her's who might understand the situation and give you some guidance, or maybe help you talk to your Mum (or your Dad, even)?


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    #4
    Emme
    Registered Users Posts: 4,055 ✭✭✭Emme


    FonE wrote: »
    Has anyone had to go through this in their family? Do you EVER get used to the horrible atmosphere and lack of communication between your parents?

    I grew up in a house where there was constant aggro but in a different way. Even when I moved out of home it affected me because I always felt responsible for my parents - they both have had long-standing health issues which are probably partly due to the stressful environment. There have always been emergency hospital admissions with various chronic and acute issues such as heart disease, depression, you name it.

    You don't ever get used to the horrible atmosphere. I always felt better the further away I went from them and the longer I stayed away. I regret not emigrating for good years ago but I always felt responsible for them and their happiness. It too a lot of reading and some therapy for me to realize that they are responsible for their own happiness.

    I would advise you to have minimal contact with them and if your sister is old enough encourage her to leave home. The less contact you have with them the better. They are not acting like responsible adults.

    I don't know if there is a history of abuse but at the moment he's acting in an emotionally and financially abusive way towards your mum and sister. If the moods and withholding of money are an ongoing issue it might be no harm to check out the Womens Aid website: www.womensaid.ie


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    #5
    Pawwed Rig
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Home & Garden Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 22,306 CMod ✭✭✭✭Pawwed Rig


    What is your Dad's version of events?


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