Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi all,
Vanilla are planning an update to the site on April 24th (next Wednesday). It is a major PHP8 update which is expected to boost performance across the site. The site will be down from 7pm and it is expected to take about an hour to complete. We appreciate your patience during the update.
Thanks all.

Is my boyfriend mean? Or am I being unreasonable?

Options
  • 22-04-2014 8:22pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Myself and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years and I have never been happier. We have a really healthy relationship and we can talk about everything, which is great because we never fight as any problem is usually talked about and dealt with before it becomes an issue... except for this one thing that is bothering me and I don't know how to approach it with him.

    The issue I have is that I seem to always be spending more money than him. We don't live together, we are both mature students receiving back to education allowance. I have a part time job which pays for my college fees (he gets a grant which pays for his), so we both have basically the same amount of spendable income. It's not that I always get caught to pay for everything, it's not like that as we do go halves on stuff usually, but sometimes he is slow to put his hand in his pocket and I end up buying the extra round, or the cab home, or the takeaway etc. We share a car and I pay the insurance monthly from my account, he has contributed probably one third of what he was supposed to.

    I think the thing that is bothering me the most though is the fact that I always get him a great birthday present but when it comes to my birthday I feel like he doesn't put in as much effort as I do and doesn't spend half the amount of money. I hate even writing that because it's not usually my style, I'm usually happy with any gift as long as I'm thought of and it does make me feel like a bit of a spoiled brat to be even thinking this way. This may be the reason I'm finding it difficult to approach the subject with him, I would really really appreciate some opinions.

    For example, the first year we were together I got him a little present and baked him a cake and then took him away for a weekend up the country. I paid for the accommodation, the petrol, the food for the house and basically spoiled him because it was his birthday and I wanted to make him feel special. When it came to my birthday he said he was taking me away for the weekend, he paid for the accommodation and everything else was halves for the most part but I actually ended up paying more than him on some things such as that extra round or the takeaway etc.

    The next year I bought him a gift worth €250, it was something he really wanted and he knew before I bought it that he was getting it. When it came to my birthday he suggested he would treat me to a weekend away and once again he paid for the hotel which he got as a deal on a coupon website and the rest of the weekend we went halves on everything, this time I didn't feel like I had paid more but the weekend itself ended up costing me a lot of money, later I was pee'd over it as it was money I needed for other stuff.

    So, this year he asked me if I would like to go away for my birthday, this time I decided that I would refuse and let him get me a present instead as I wouldn't be able to spend that kind of money on a trip away again. On the lead up to my birthday he kept mentioning that he was broke, which was fair enough and I told him I didn't really mind once he marked it with a card and something small that it was the thought that counts.The weekend before my birthday we went to a party and were supposed to go home the next day but he wanted to stay there and was well able to produce money to get more drink etc. I was annoyed because I was thinking about all the times I sacrificed things to be able to afford him a nice birthday and there he was complaining about how broke he was that he wouldn't be able to afford me a present but yet well able to spend another €50 on more drink. I should mention also that he did get me a top which he gave to me before the weekend, he returned the present I had bought him for valentines day (which was €26) and exchanged it for a top for me (€16) and some other bits for his mother and gave this to me as part of my birthday present. I thanked him for it, after all the present I gave him was his to do as he pleased and it's the thought that counts after all, but after the party I just felt a bit annoyed.On the morning of my birthday he forgot it was even my birthday, I didn't get a card from him. He did ring me later on and apologized for forgetting and wished me a happy birthday and that was that, I felt a bit sad that there wasn't more of a fuss made but was trying to snap myself out of it because I felt like I was being childish. For his birthday previously I had once again spent €200+ on his present, he was there with me when I bought it and he picked it out so it's not like it was something I just sprung on him. He kept saying that when he has money he will get me a better birthday present......

    So, fast forward two weeks he gets a full weeks work during the easter break and earns a nice bit of cash. He announces he's going to treat me at the weekend and was taking me to a show, we would go for dinner beforehand and drinks afterwards, I was really looking forward to it. He had bought the tickets online which were €30 each, I honestly thought he would be paying for dinner at least but we went halves on everything, I had to take a loan from him to pay my half because I was really broke that week.

    I think that the issue comes down to our difference in upbringing, his mother seems to be very obsessed with money. Everything is "how much" or "that's too expensive". For example we went to two weddings last year and she was outraged at the amount of money we were giving as a gift (both were friends of mine where I gave a gift of €200, he contributed €50 of this). The same happened when I gave gifts to friend's babies and spent €50, she would be completely shocked and appalled whereas for me and everyone I know this is the amount we would usually spend for such an occasion. The other thing is his families attitude toward giving gifts to each other, they tell each other what they want for birthdays/christmas etc and there is generally no gratitude, in fact if the wrong present is bought then they argue with each other for buying something crap. My boyfriend thankfully is not that extreme and is thankful for presents etc but that's the type of atmosphere around gift giving in his home.

    I really don't know how to deal with this, I would love to tell him how I am feeling but I'm afraid that I might come across as being money mad or that I might upset him. Everything else in our relationship is perfect, he is literally the best boyfriend in the world except for this one thing. If nothing changed I would obviously still love him but I'm afraid that I might become resentful of him which is totally unfair because he probably doesn't even realize that something is up.

    I have also been thinking that I could avoid talking to him about it and just make sure everything is equal in future. Our insurance is up pretty soon and I could suggest we set up a joint account which we would both pay equal amounts to every week, this would cover our insurance and other things like cinema, meals etc. I could downscale on his birthday gifts and at least then I won't be so disappointed with mine.

    I would love some feedback from fellow boardsies on this matter. Am I being unreasonable or is my boyfriend a bit mean? What should I do?


«13

Comments

  • Options
    #2
    retro:electro
    Registered Users Posts: 21,039 ✭✭✭✭retro:electro


    Honesty? Your boyfriend is living the good life free and easy having to pay less than his fair share and you picking up the bill most of the time. You have never made this an issue with him so why would he complain? It's obviously learned behaviour from his mother, he's probably a bit of a scab and you happen to be there to pick up the tab. He should think nothing of treating you to dinner and a show esp after gettin extra money. Similarly having you spend a load of money on your bday weekend away is a huge no no.
    You really need to bring this up with him since it seems to be bothering you so much. Me and my bf are always broke but when we go for dinner he wouldn't dream of taking money off me, if he couldn't afford it we just wouldn't go. Sometimes we split, mostly he pays and rarely I'd pay, simply because he wouldn't allow it.
    I don't know OP, it seems to me your bf is enjoying this easy ride.


  • Options
    #3
    Chucky the tree
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,341 ✭✭✭✭Chucky the tree


    It certainly sounds like he's mean. However he could just be very lax in terms of memory, I do thinks that's less likely though. I'd often never keep track of rounds/presents/meals but I'd definitely make a solid effort to pay them back when I remember. The worry is that he never bothers.


    I'd certainly bring it up and I'd stop paying for those extra rounds/taxi cabs/takeaways. If you think this issue is going to make you resentful then talk to him and set down a solid foundation of how you will spend your money and how things will be split. This might help you feeling less pissed off.


  • Options
    #4
    Chucky the tree
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,341 ✭✭✭✭Chucky the tree


    anna080 wrote: »
    Honesty? Your boyfriend is living the good life free and easy having to pay less than his fair share and you picking up the bill most of the time. You have never made this an issue with him so why would he complain? It's obviously learned behaviour from his mother, he's probably a bit of a scab and you happen to be there to pick up the tab. He should think nothing of treating you to dinner and a show esp after gettin extra money. Similarly having you spend a load of money on your bday weekend away is a huge no no.
    You really need to bring this up with him since it seems to be bothering you so much. Me and my bf are always broke but when we go for dinner he wouldn't dream of taking money off me, if he couldn't afford it we just wouldn't go. Sometimes we split, mostly he pays and rarely I'd pay, simply because he wouldn't allow it.
    I don't know OP, it seems to me your bf is enjoying this easy ride.


    I got a good lol from these two lines.


  • Options
    #5
    Mantis Toboggan
    Registered Users Posts: 17,653 ✭✭✭✭Mantis Toboggan


    anna080 wrote: »
    It's obviously learned behaviour from his mother, he's probably a bit of a scab and you happen to be there to pick up the tab.

    These two were my favourite!

    Free Palestine 🇵🇸



  • Options
    #6
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    @anna080 thanks for the reply. Your right, it is actually partly my fault for allowing this to happen, I can be a bit too generous at times and in the beginning if there were weeks where I did have more money than him it wouldn't bother me to fork out more, I would say things like "ahh shur don't worry about it, you have less than me this week" .... in the expectation that when I was having a bad week that it would work both ways, unfortunately this hasn't been the case.

    @Chuckythetree.. he can actually be a bit lax with memory even with other things but the thing is he wouldn't forget if I owed him money. He would never ask me for it but I would say "oh I owe you €20.." and he would be like "yeah you do.." and I would give it to him.

    I know I should probably talk to him but I'm not sure how to approach the subject, I have always hated talking about money, it's just the way I was raised, I don't want to seem mean... I know I'm not but it's just trying to word it.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #7
    Gongoozler
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,263 ✭✭✭Gongoozler


    I agree it sounds like he's taking the piss but as a couple do you really want to be watching every euro owed here and there too? I mean who remembers buying something for €26?!

    Have a word with him about it, in terms of you're both on the same money, and it's a little unfair that you pay for more things than him. However I would leave out the difference in money spent on gifts, that's completely up to you. Spend it or don't spend it. Don't resent him for not spending more on you. He can hardly enjoy the things you get him knowing you'll be expecting the exact amount back in your next gift.
    God, sounds awful.


  • Options
    #8
    retro:electro
    Registered Users Posts: 21,039 ✭✭✭✭retro:electro


    Buddy Holly wrote: »
    These two were my favourite!

    Am what?


  • Options
    #9
    retro:electro
    Registered Users Posts: 21,039 ✭✭✭✭retro:electro


    Chucky the tree wrote: »
    I got a good lol from these two lines.

    We rarely eat out and when we do I always offer to pay my share but my bf being the nice guy he is always wants to pay. Why don't you concentrate on giving advice to the op instead of picking apart my reply.


  • Options
    #10
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    @gongoozler I can see how you might think I am watching every euro, I knew the price of the item he returned because when I went to change the top he got me for another size I had to get the receipt. I know what you mean about not mentioning about the gifts but he was there with me and picked out his stuff the last time.... if someone asked me to pick out what I wanted for my birthday I certainly wouldn't pick something worth way more than what I would be spending on them. I would probably have gotten over the whole birthday thing if it wasn't for the other stuff to be honest. It does sound awful because this whole thread is filled with this one problem, honestly it's a minor part of our relationship and everything else is great. I just need to figure out how to bring it up I suppose. Thanks for the response.


  • Options
    #11
    jaja321
    Registered Users Posts: 793 ✭✭✭jaja321


    anna080 wrote: »
    Me and my bf are always broke but when we go for dinner he wouldn't dream of taking money off me, if he couldn't afford it we just wouldn't go. Sometimes we split, mostly he pays and rarely I'd pay, simply because he wouldn't allow it..

    Why wouldn't he allow it?


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #12
    retro:electro
    Registered Users Posts: 21,039 ✭✭✭✭retro:electro


    jaja321 wrote: »
    Why wouldn't he allow it?

    Don't know really, perhaps because it is so rare when we do eat out that he would like to treat me. Anyway this is not my issue so people need to focus on the op's issues not my reply.


  • Options
    #13
    jaja321
    Registered Users Posts: 793 ✭✭✭jaja321


    anna080 wrote: »
    Don't know really, perhaps because it is so rare when we do eat out that he would like to treat me. Anyway this is not my issue so people need to focus on the op's issues not my reply.

    True that. Apologies if derailing!


  • Options
    #14
    Tramps Like Us
    Registered Users Posts: 1,066 ✭✭✭Tramps Like Us


    OP you are spending too much money on him and as a result have unrealistic expectations


  • Options
    #15
    strandroad
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,676 ✭✭✭strandroad


    He is somewhat tight all right but then you are oveshooting massively. You are essentially an unwaged person but you're getting people €200 gifts... You need to meet in the middle! Shared account is a good idea and you should both discuss your birthday expectations. For example, that a birthday *should* be marked, but €50 is the limit.


  • Options
    #16
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    anna080 we go out a lot, we both earn the same amount of money so I wouldn't really be expecting him to be paying for stuff because just because he's a man. I just want things to be more balanced.

    Tramps_like_us, you have a point. The birthday issue alone wouldn't be a problem for me if the other stuff wasn't happening too, and the other stuff I probably wouldn't even notice if it wasn't highlighted by the birthday issue.

    I am also super conscious of the fact I had similar issues with my last boyfriend. We were together for 6 years and I literally supported him throughout the last few years of our relationship when he was unemployed/being a lazy bastard. It's probably why I'm so conscious of all those euros more than him I am spending as I don't want another repeat of the last fiasco, but then again I am obviously somewhat enabling it if it's happening again albeit at a much lesser degree!!!


  • Options
    #17
    Merkin
    Registered Users Posts: 8,230 ✭✭✭Merkin


    You need to talk to him about it or you're just going to seethe with resentment. If you love the guy so much and this is the one thing that really grates on you and causes you angst then you need to be upfront. As far as the insurance goes, you split it fifty/fifty, no more freeloading and both of you contribute equally. You then need to discuss your respective attitudes to money and gift giving and be very clear (both of you) on what your expectations are. Seems like you just need to clear the air and set out some mutually agreeable guidelines. So for example he has €150 to spend on you on your birthday, tell him you'd like a specific gift/spa treatments/pair of shoes or whatever rather than spending it on a hotel room and then you ending up out of pocket. TALK to him!


  • Options
    #18
    Geomy
    Registered Users Posts: 1,296 ✭✭✭Geomy


    Hi OP,

    Your seem to be able to manage your money quite well, I am working full time have a car on the road, a mortgage and child maintenance to pay.

    I can't remember the last time I had 200 euro to spare let alone have enough money to spend a night away.

    You sound like you're well able to manage your outgoings, maybe he is just really bad at managing his money, or spends above his means.


  • Options
    #19
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    @mhge & Merkin... yeah we definitely both need to discuss our expectations regarding gifts. I'm going to talk to him tomorrow about the renewal of our insurance and suggest that we open a joint account so we can share our costs more evenly. I think I'm going to leave the gift discussion for the next time there is a gift to be bought. Hopefully the joint account will have balanced everything else out by then. Thanks for replying.

    @Geomy, thanks. I don't think our situations are comparable as I don't have children or a mortgage!!! My boyfriend is actually better at managing day to day money than I am, he usually ends up having more left at the end of the week than I do so that really isn't the issue.


  • Options
    #20
    scallywaggles
    Closed Accounts Posts: 37 ✭scallywaggles


    It is possible that he is sitting there thinking that you blow through your money too easily, over spending on birthday presents etc but you'll never know until you talk to him. At the end of the day you want to be in a relationship with this guy, and one of the things that you will eventually have to talk about is money, so why not talk about it now rather than letting your resentment towards his attitude to money destroy any chance at having a lasting relationship.


  • Options
    #21
    liz lemoncello
    Registered Users Posts: 247 ✭✭liz lemoncello


    sunflower27 wrote: »
    No, he is tight remember. He can afford an extra €50 on booze when it suits him. He has a little fund for a rainy day because he doesn't split the cost of things with his partner.


    And, as the OP says,
    We share a car and I pay the insurance monthly from my account, he has contributed probably one third of what he was supposed to.

    So, gifts aside, he's not pulling his weight.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #22
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I don't think that you are being unreasonable at all. He is quite happy to let you pay for things and even when he has some more money he is not willing to spend it on you. This is what I have noticed from your post

    You are both on a limited income but you end up paying for
    a) Extra rounds of drinks on a night out ( how much does this cost you?)
    b) takeaways and taxis home
    ( the takeaway could cost you €20 and the taxi home €15 to €20 a night out)
    c) Even for your birthday he will give you as little as possible.

    Along with this you share a car with him but despite this you paid most of the car insurance last year and he still owes you money for this. I would tell him you still owe me x amount for last years car insurance and I want this back. When the insurance becomes due this year I will get it only in my name as I can't afford to pay for you as well. Let him know that your not going to sub him in regards to this.
    Tell him if he wants car insurance it will cost him x amount a month & you want this paid by standing order into your bank account on the 1st of each month.
    I would not get a joint account with him as if you brake up he could be gone with your money.

    The next night you go out with him at the start of the night I would tell if you want to buy an extra round of drinks don't ask me for the money as I don't have it. I would also tell him I hope you have plenty of money tonight as I can't afford the taxi home.
    If he wants a takeaway tell him you will ring for this once he gives you the money.

    I know you are not keen to say this to your boyfriend but the reality is that you can't afford to keep subbing his lifestyle.
    My feeling is that your boyfriend knows the value of everything and this was learned at home. He is quite happy for you to keep paying his bills so he can keep more of his money.
    If I was going out with this man I would tell him that you have noticed all the times you pay for the extra round of drinks, the takeaway and the taxi home.
    I would also tell him that despite you paying for all these things that even when you had some extra money you would not bring me out for a night without expecting me to pay half the cost for a meal.

    Put it this way the €20 a week you spend on a taxi home is €20 x 40 week a year = €800. The takeaway every week is €20 x 52 = €1040 a year.
    I know what it is like to live on a limited budget so been hit for this kind of money on a regular basis means a lot to you.
    If you could put this money aside it could help you move abroad for better career prospects or to do some traveling if this is what you want to do.

    I would then tell him that you can't afford to sub his lifestyle and that unless he changes his ways you will end things with him.


  • Options
    #23
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks for the replies guys, it is very helpful to see other peoples views on it.

    @sunflower thanks! Yeah, see that's the thing I do know he is tight, this is why I am noticing every extra euro I spend even though in the grand scheme of things it's not a whole lot, but why isn't he ever the one to be spending the few euro extra? To be honest, I didn't mind him returning the gift, it didn't fit him and he had been meaning to return it for ages, I wouldn't have minded just getting that top if he was genuinely broke but the fact we went to a party that weekend and he had more than enough cash just hit a nerve with me, especially considering that I would always make sacrifices to get him something nice. I don't know, I just kind of wanted him to make more of a fuss for my birthday and he didn't which combined with the crappy present and the general taking the piss it's making me mad.

    @wisewoman thanks for your reply, however it is nowhere near as bad as what is coming across in your posts. For the most part, we do split things 50/50 when we are out, but if it is ever uneven then I am the one who seems to be paying extra.
    The extra round would be where it is my turn to buy a round but I was the first one to buy the round so have gotten caught with the extra expense. Sometimes I'm the one to pay for the taxi, it might be as simple as we pull up outside his house and I would have the money out quicker, he might only have a 50 and I would have smaller change so I would pay in the expectation that he would sort me out afterwards but then doesn't. Like, I honestly wouldn't even mind if that did happen every once in a while.... if it worked both ways which it never seems to and I just note him to be a bit tight with things in his own life which is probably why I'm taking so much notice.
    I'm not worried about us breaking up and him running off with the money to be honest, for one we actually have a very good relationship despite what it may seem like in this thread as I am just focusing in on this issue which is honestly a tiny part of our relationship. He is not an asshole, he is very sweet, kind, caring, honest and he would never do something like that to me if we did break up, but I can't see us ever breaking up, not even because of this. I do know I need to deal with it though as I could quite possibly begin to resent him for it but as I said it is a minor part of our relationship.

    I do know I need to speak with him, I find it very difficult to talk about money though, I think it's to do with the way I was raised. I can never bring myself to ask someone for money if they owe it to me or it is someone's round or whatever, I know this is my hangup and it's probably adding fuel to the fire when it comes to my relationship issue because if he is tight he is obviously not going to offer the money!! Ughh!


  • Options
    #24
    Gongoozler
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,263 ✭✭✭Gongoozler


    It is a really hard thing to talk about in a relationship, without seeming like it's all about money. I suppose as long as he knows you care about him and love being around him, it should go ok. Just try be tactful


  • Options
    #25
    Katgurl
    Registered Users Posts: 2,142 ✭✭✭Katgurl


    Ok if you can't talk about it in a general way you are going to have to get your point across with specific actions.

    Firstly, say to him that he needs to get the next two months car insurance because he still owes you for the other two.

    When you're out for a drink, sit down and tell him what you want so he gets the first round.

    In the taxi just wait it out till he pays his share. If he doesn't remind him in morning that he needs to pay you back.

    And he is scabby. I have a friend like this. He probably gets anxious about relinquishing his money but that's not your problem.

    I like treating people and feeling generous but when I suspect I'm being taken advantage of its hurtful. I'd imagine that's what is going on here.

    I think you should come to an agreement too about the excessive birthday gifts. You are spending an awful lot (again - I've been here and it's horrible wondering was I actually taken for a ride).


  • Options
    #26
    username123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,484 ✭✭✭username123


    The problem is, even if you discuss this issue with him and he resolves to be more fair, tightness is an inherent personality trait - he will ALWAYS be tight, he will just try to hide it better from you.

    I couldnt go out with someone tight myself, I really think its an awful way to be. It doesnt matter how nice the person is in other ways, trying to save buying the last round or takeaway or always looking for the easy ride is not attractive at all.

    Id also worry what this bodes for the future. Its one thing now, when you are both reasonably independent and dont live together, but what if you move in, settle down, have babies - are you always going to be picking up the tab? How would you support yourself on maternity leave or through redundancy/illness, would you be able to ask him for money if he was the only one earning? Tightness is something that you really have to look to the future about because if its showing up now before you even live together, whats it going to be like later.

    Also, you are spending far too much money on gifts etc...


  • Options
    #27
    runswithascript
    Registered Users Posts: 2,789 ✭✭✭runswithascript


    OP, your boyfriend sounds like a scumbag and he should be ashamed of himself. I would strenuously caution against opening a joint account with him due to how it may only make the problem worse. He may start dipping into it. After all you have told us would you really feel comfortable with him having direct access to your money even when you are not around?
    anna080 wrote: »
    Honesty? Your boyfriend is living the good life free and easy having to pay less than his fair share and you picking up the bill most of the time.
    anna080 wrote: »
    Me and my bf are always broke but when we go for dinner he wouldn't dream of taking money off me, if he couldn't afford it we just wouldn't go. Sometimes we split, mostly he pays and rarely I'd pay, simply because he wouldn't allow it.
    I don't know OP, it seems to me your bf is enjoying this easy ride.

    anna080, it must be said it sounds like the OP's boyfriend is the only one riding for easy. You are a hypocrite and from your use of double standards a sexist. You should consider this thread and point your observational lens at your own relationship the next time your boyfriend will 'not allow' you pay for dinner


  • Options
    #28
    retro:electro
    Registered Users Posts: 21,039 ✭✭✭✭retro:electro


    dusf wrote: »
    OP, your boyfriend sounds like a scumbag and he should be ashamed of himself. I would strenuously caution against opening a joint account with him due to how it may only make the problem worse. He may start dipping into it. After all you have told us would you really feel comfortable with him having direct access to your money even when you are not around?





    anna080, it must be said it sounds like the OP's boyfriend is the only one riding for easy. You are a hypocrite and from your use of double standards a sexist. You should consider this thread and point your observational lens at your own relationship the next time your boyfriend will 'not allow' you pay for dinner

    Like I have already said, we rarely go for dinner and when we sometimes split the bill, but mostly ya he does pay, and that's not because I don't volunteer my half or anything but it's because it's so rare when we do eat out (maybe 6 times a year in total) that my bf mostly pays as a treat. Not because I want him to or because I'm a scab, but because he wants to. Maybe "not allow" were the wrong words to choose, he's not forceful with it or anything, he just does it sometimes to be nice. Don't know why people see this as such a problem tbh. How you can label me sexist for that is ridiculous and totally insulting.


  • Options
    #29
    username123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,484 ✭✭✭username123


    anna080 wrote: »
    Don't know why people see this as such a problem tbh.

    I think its because your original post said this:
    anna080 wrote: »
    Your boyfriend is living the good life free and easy having to pay less than his fair share and you picking up the bill most of the time.
    anna080 wrote: »
    Me and my bf are always broke but when we go for dinner he wouldn't dream of taking money off me, if he couldn't afford it we just wouldn't go.

    It just sounded that although you are both in the same situation re money (broke), he gets to pay for the treats. I noticed the irony myself but I guessed you didnt intend it that way.


  • Options
    #30
    retro:electro
    Registered Users Posts: 21,039 ✭✭✭✭retro:electro


    username123 wrote: »
    I think its because your original post said this:





    It just sounded that although you are both in the same situation re money (broke), he gets to pay for the treats. I noticed the irony myself but I guessed you didnt intend it that way.

    No I certainly didn't intend it to be that way. I was just pointing out to the op that it's not unusual for her to be treated every now and again. Anyway I don't know why I'm defending myself here this isn't my issue. My bf has never had a problem with doing those kind of things, he certainly never started a thread on boards complaining about it anyway.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #31
    Tokyo
    Politics Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 22,655 Mod ✭✭✭✭Tokyo


    Can I remind everyone to keep the thread on-topic and directed towards the OP's issue?

    Regards,
    Mike


Advertisement