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should I contact her?

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  • 20-04-2014 6:26pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I had a female friend which we were both very close as friends. We both single parents and both had a child each of the same age and were friends too. we would be in contact most days and spent alot of time together as friends and I would often babysit for her child and vice versa. She was a great friend and I really liked her

    anyway last Christmas we started sleeping together and she knew how I felt towards her but she wasnt sure how she felt. This unable to make her mind but continue sleeping with me went on for a couple of weeks. Eventually , I think we wanted different things so we stopped sleeping together, I wanted some distance for a while , just to get my thoughts back together and re-evaluate the friendship as I still had very strong feelings for her

    She wanted us to remain good friends, cook for me, watch movies together but I felt this was strange and not something I felt comfortable with. without going into specifics, I got the impression she sleeps with her friends and I asked her about this. Perhaps I shouldnt have but I was confused.

    She was hurt by this and we have not spoken since (3 months) now. If we see each other, we both say hello but nothing more. I know how she thinks and I know she will never contact me again, ever.

    I have decided to move country as I have been offered a job. I really want to tell her, Im not sure why. Partly to say goodbye and out of respect as well, not to mention her child was friends with mine

    However, Im not sure, if I should or shouldnt. Would she even care, want to know. What difference will it make to me if I tell her or not.

    I am leaving, she is staying. Maybe she is happy with the current situation and just wants to be left alone or maybe she would appreciate me calling her to let her know?

    I still have very strong feelings for her, so maybe this is a reason to not to call her

    I just think about the 3 year friendship , how close we were and how much help we were to each other

    thoughts?


Comments

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    #2
    Brego888
    Registered Users Posts: 1,314 ✭✭✭Brego888


    Seems like a no brainer to me. Contact her.


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    #3
    Time Now Please
    Registered Users Posts: 66 ✭✭Time Now Please


    Ah for God sake man, this girl was a very close friend, your soul mate, your lover, you both shared a lot of things in life and were obviously very comfortable in each others company and had a very strong bond, and then you go and tell her that you formed the opinion that for some reason she was sleeping with all her mates!!, did it ever occur to you that she might even have feelings for you??

    By the way are you leaving the country because of this girl? because from what I can make out from your post you would be making a very big mistake if you did, look, make contact with this girl, meet up for a coffee or something, explain to her that you are a complete plank for suggesting that she sleeps around, and start again, you really hurt her feelings and at the moment I am surprised how she even says hello to you on the street, all that said if you really want to you can fix this, if you think she is 'the one' then don't let this opportunity pass you by, best of luck and keep us posted.


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    #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    decided against contacting her in the end. Thought it best for myself and probably for herself too. Nothing really to be gained from contacting her. Having said that, I came very close to making that call. anyway that was the conclusion to my op


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    #5
    Alf. A. Male
    Closed Accounts Posts: 740 ✭✭✭Alf. A. Male


    shouldImakecontactorleavealone? wrote: »
    decided against contacting her in the end. Thought it best for myself and probably for herself too. Nothing really to be gained from contacting her. Having said that, I came very close to making that call. anyway that was the conclusion to my op

    Is it a conclusion though? Or are you going to be left wondering what might have happened if you had called, or wishing you'd at least said goodbye before you go?


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    #6
    Time Now Please
    Registered Users Posts: 66 ✭✭Time Now Please


    shouldImakecontactorleavealone? wrote: »
    decided against contacting her in the end. Thought it best for myself and probably for herself too. Nothing really to be gained from contacting her. Having said that, I came very close to making that call. anyway that was the conclusion to my op
    At the end of the day it is your decision, but you will never know what could have happened it you did make that phone call.


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    #7
    Matteroffact
    Registered Users Posts: 457 ✭✭Matteroffact


    Do not call her. You are going away and you have enough to contend with. If you call her it would just dig up all the past and old feelings and you want to start afresh with none of this on your mind going away. We all have old friends from the past and you both had already decided to split as lovers before you had that row with her. If you still have those strong feelings for her like you would like to be in a relationship with her then it is best not to contact her. She doesn't feel the same and told you this a while back, so my best advice would be to leave well enough alone.


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    #8
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    2 days I go I was at the school to collect my child and had my back to the entrance as I always do

    a friend of mine who doesnt know the situation or how close I was to the woman was waiting behind me in a crowd

    anyway she saw the woman walk up to me and tell her child to run up and say hello

    The child did this and took me by surprise I said hello and as I did, the mother grabbed the child as if to make out that the child ran up to me without her knowing and apologised

    . There would be no reason whatsoever for my friend to make this up


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    #9
    December2012
    Registered Users Posts: 4,695 ✭✭✭December2012


    I don't understand your last post so I can't give any comment to that.

    But there is nothing wrong with you contacting your friend to apologise and say goodbye.


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    #10
    Merkin
    Registered Users Posts: 8,230 ✭✭✭Merkin


    So there have been a series of misunderstandings at this stage? I really think you should clear the air, for both your sakes. It seems a shame to have bad blood between you considering how close you once were. Get in touch.


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    #11
    ManOfMystery
    Registered Users Posts: 2,394 ✭✭✭ManOfMystery


    This is the kind of situation you could look back on in years to come and regret not clearing the air, at the very least, before you go. What have you got to lose?


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