Love but not in love :(

magicwok · 24-04-2014 4:31pm #1

Been going out with my girlfriend just over a year now, amazing woman and we get on very well together and everyone that meets her adores her, but lately i've realised i just dont fancy her and dont lust after her, ive found myself looking at women all the time and have even contemplating cheating, Is it time to let her go?

LottieP25 · 24-04-2014 4:38pm

Yes

turnikett1 · 24-04-2014 4:39pm

Yup.

Tokyo · 24-04-2014 5:15pm

You don't love her and you want to be with other women. The answer is pretty obvious - go your separate ways, for both your sakes.

ViveLaVie · 24-04-2014 6:44pm

Did you ever love her op?

magicwok · 24-04-2014 7:12pm

ViveLaVie wrote: »

Did you ever love her op?

I've always loved spending time with her and we've always had great fun together, I suppose I've always heard people say personality is more than looks but what I've realised recently is that that's absolute nonsense, attraction is so so important, I was so attracted to my ex that I wanted to jump her at every moment but I've never felt that urge with my current girlfriend but she's so much a nicer person than my ex, breaking up is gonna be a very tough thing for me to do and I can't exactly say "Im just not utterly attracted to you" now can I?

turnikett1 · 24-04-2014 7:22pm

magicwok wrote: »

I've always loved spending time with her and we've always had great fun together, I suppose I've always heard people say personality is more than looks but what I've realised recently is that that's absolute nonsense, attraction is so so important, I was so attracted to my ex that I wanted to jump her at every moment but I've never felt that urge with my current girlfriend but she's so much a nicer person than my ex, breaking up is gonna be a very tough thing for me to do and I can't exactly say "Im just not utterly attracted to you" now can I?

There's no need to put it like that... There isn't really an easy of saying it though, to be honest. You just gotta be quite honest and tell her you're not intimately attracted to her anymore. It's gonna fúcking sting for her, but that's life I guess. I was gonna suggest telling her you want some space for yourself and a break but really there's no point in lying.

I don't know what's best to say really, sorry I can't give you better advice!

MugMugs · 24-04-2014 8:45pm

Christ don't tell the girl you don't fancy her anymore.

Tell her that you're just not into the whole relationship anymore. That it's not for you and be firm and 100 percent on it. If you tell her that you're not attracted to her anymore you could do irreparable damage to her self confidence

December2012 · 24-04-2014 9:09pm

Do you still have sexual urges for other women?

Dellnum · 24-04-2014 9:18pm

Just tell her you are not in love with her and that because of this you have to let her go.

magicwok · 24-04-2014 9:22pm

December2012 wrote: »

Do you still have sexual urges for other women?

All the time

MagicMarker · 24-04-2014 10:49pm

It doesn't sound like you ever had more than plutonic feelings for this person OP, so well done on stringing her alone for over a year now. It's time to rip the bandaid off.

beks101 · 24-04-2014 10:50pm

Did you fancy her to begin with? Was there ever a point in your relationship when you wanted to 'jump her all the time', or were you just insistent on giving it a go because she's such a nice person?

December2012 · 24-04-2014 11:04pm

magicwok wrote: »

All the time

Then there's nothing wrong with your libido, so it's an attraction issue. You can't fix that and you shouldn't have to.

Time to break up.

magicwok · 26-04-2014 6:54pm

Well I broke up with her last night, told her I just wasn't feeling me and you anymore for a while, I'm so upset about the whole thing as she's an amazing woman and I'll miss her so much, she told me she had noticed me being distant recently and gave out to me for not telling her sooner

snowflaked · 26-04-2014 7:15pm

Tbh she deserves a guy who can love her to pieces and not just her personality although this is the most important. A personality which shines like hers generally should blind you of anything physically negative. Therefore you are not the right guy for her either. You made the right choice for her, not just yourself. Take care

Linka · 26-04-2014 7:51pm

magicwok wrote: »

Well I broke up with her last night, told her I just wasn't feeling me and you anymore for a while, I'm so upset about the whole thing as she's an amazing woman and I'll miss her so much, she told me she had noticed me being distant recently and gave out to me for not telling her sooner

So can you imagine what it would have been like for her to find out further down the line? Or even worse, her way of finding out was that you had cheated on her? If you no longer feel the same way about someone in a relationship, the best thing that you can do for their welfare is to cause them as little emotional damage and leave them with their confidence intact. Albeit a little on the late side, you've done the right thing for her sake.

December2012 · 26-04-2014 8:10pm

You did the right thing OP. It's not easy, but well done.

Love but not in love :(

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