Gay guy seeking advice

strong silent type · 25-09-2014 7:07pm #1

First let me start of by saying that I'm a "long time lurker, first time poster", so please be kind in your responses! I've read through loads of threads looking for help in the past, and never thought I'd find myself asking for advice.

I'm a gay guy in my mid twenties from Dublin, recently single after a long term relationship. I'm very quiet and don't have any really close friends, and prior to the breakup spent nearly all of my spare time with my, now, ex-boyfriend. I consider myself very straight-acting, not into the sterotypical gay scene (clubs), also not interested in sports. Much prefer to sit in and watch a movie/documentary or go the cinema, or a quiet pub for a few drinks. My shyness has always left me isolated, and even during secondary school / early twenties I was always introverted and stood out from the rest of my peers. Having said that, once I know a person I would consider myself funny, and I'm always up for a joke.

Anyhow, I'm finding it incredibly difficult to make any gay friends that are like myself. There's an Gay Society in college, but all the members are what I would consider "camp" (apologies to anyone who takes offense to me using that word, but tbh I don't know what other word to use) , and unfortunately we don't share any common interests (clubbing, arts, human rights/politics, etc). It is also proving extremely difficult to meet anyone online that is not interested in either nsa fun or a clubbing/drinking-buddy.

So in summary I guess I'm wondering has anyone any suggestions for places/ways to meet guys with a similar outlook.

Thanks.

Ash885 · 25-09-2014 7:45pm

Welcome to the club. Short and sweet, you can always try the meetups here on boards. Helped me 'come out' of my shell, and also stop relying on god awful puns haha. There's a trip this weekend that isn't scene related so you might fancy that.

But just remember, no matter what the circumstances, you're never truely alone!

J_E · 25-09-2014 8:14pm

On phone so can't make a long post, but you're only isolating yourself more by refusing to engage with others on the basis of perception of campness, that's how it reads to me.

strong silent type · 25-09-2014 8:24pm

Ash885 wrote: »

Welcome to the club. Short and sweet, you can always try the meetups here on boards. Helped me 'come out' of my shell, and also stop relying on god awful puns haha. There's a trip this weekend that isn't scene related so you might fancy that.

But just remember, no matter what the circumstances, you're never truely alone!

Thanks Ash, might give one of those trips a go.

strong silent type · 25-09-2014 8:27pm

J_E wrote: »

On phone so can't make a long post, but you're only isolating yourself more by refusing to engage with others on the basis of perception of campness, that's how it reads to me.

Hi J_E. It's not that I'm refusing to engage with others on the basis of campness, it's just that when I do get chatting to them we have nothing in common. I'm friendly and would sit any chat to anyone regardless of their "campness", but the isolation only comes about when the conversation stops flowing, while the rest of the group share many common interests. For instance, if everyone in a group wants to head out on the "scene", and I'm the only one thats not interested in that sort of thing it can be isolating, but I don't think I'm to blame as I'm not refusing to engage, clubbing just isn't my thing.

Daith · 25-09-2014 8:32pm

To be honest I find it hard to believe that all members of the gay society in college are "camp". No matter what you are looking for or what group there will be different people.

I would suggest looking at
1) The meetups here
2) You like movies so possibly the Gay Film club http://www.filmqlub.com/home/faq

3) Dublin International Gay Group
http://www.meetup.com/dublin-international-gay-social/

qweerty · 26-09-2014 1:45am

I've tried to get involved in my uni QSOC this year. I'm quite straight-acting, but am attracted to camp guys. Almost all the guys in the soc are either very camp or obviously gay. Given my preferences, that should suit me. But I seem to really struggle to integrate. Everyon's really friendly, but I seem to have different interests and reference points to the group as a whole: I'm fine when just talking with one person, but if it's a group convo, I just go silent and feel I've nothing to say. My quite dry sense of humour goes unappreciated, as well!

In the same way that especially masculine guys will often have predictable interests and hobbies, so too camp guys. So, I don't think it's necessarily ignorant for one to say that they don't get on that well with camp guys.

Daith · 26-09-2014 8:27am

qweerty wrote: »

In the same way that especially masculine guys will often have predictable interests and hobbies, so too camp guys. So, I don't think it's necessarily ignorant for one to say that they don't get on that well with camp guys.

Isn't the actual problem the fact that you have nothing common with these group of people? The fact that they're "camp" to you doesn't mean anything other than stereotyping?

If a camp guy said he watched X-Factor you would attribute that to his campness.
If a straight acting guy said he watched X-Factor what would you attribute it to?

Rick_ · 26-09-2014 10:22am

Daith wrote: »

If a straight acting guy said he watched X-Factor what would you attribute it to?

His incredibly bad taste in television programming...!

I had a lot of the same feelings that the OP had previously, but I realised (thanks to some help threads I started myself on here and listening to the advice that others were given) that if I wasn't at least willing to try and make some changes then everything was going to stay the same and I'd remain miserable. We may not like certain aspects of gay culture/life, but remainign negative towards them and not giving them a chance is incredibly counter-productive.

I'm not a fan of the scene either, but I make the effort to go now and again (but I have only been once this year). It's a place full of other gay people (and straight girls!) and gives you your highest chance of meeting someone you could end up being friends with or even a possible relationship down the line. Not everyone is out for just the ride. To think that way is just another form of stereotyping and doing that is gonna get you nowhere. Not everyone in a club is going to be very camp / effeminate and how they behave is not an indication of the type of life they lead or interests they have. Get to know the person instead of making an outside judgement. What's that saying, never judge a book by its cover...

I would say though that your best bet is to consider attending one of the meet-ups the forum runs regularly. I have not had the pleasure myself of going, but every thread created for one is full of comments from previous attendees saying how much they ended up enjoying it and how they can't wait for the next one. It's friendly, relaxed and in a non-nightclubby place so people can meet and chat and get to know one another without pressure.

And like Ash says, you have all of us on here to chat to, so stick around, make some friends here and they may translate into a real world friendship through a Boards meet up and who knows what could come of it?

floggg · 26-09-2014 3:08pm

strong silent type wrote: »

Hi J_E. It's not that I'm refusing to engage with others on the basis of campness, it's just that when I do get chatting to them we have nothing in common. I'm friendly and would sit any chat to anyone regardless of their "campness", but the isolation only comes about when the conversation stops flowing, while the rest of the group share many common interests. For instance, if everyone in a group wants to head out on the "scene", and I'm the only one thats not interested in that sort of thing it can be isolating, but I don't think I'm to blame as I'm not refusing to engage, clubbing just isn't my thing.

While you are under no obligation to go anywhere or do anything, you cannot expect friends to fall into your lap.

So as long as you refuse to step out of your comfort Zone - including by going out on the scene, or joining a club or society then you are to blame for your difficulties in meeting new friends.

Yes, it can be tough for gay people to make new gay friends - especially when they aren't a fan of the scene. But to be blunt, tough titties.

If you want to make new gay friends (which is a very worthwhile endeavour , then youre just going to have to step out of your comfort zone, Grin and bear the awkward parts, and interact with as many people as you can.

You won't click with a lot of them, but you'll never find the ones you do click without putting yourself about a bit.

And join a sport/social club - there's loads, including soccer, tennis, rugby, running, outdoor activities, a choir etc.

Lyaiera · 26-09-2014 5:30pm

I read a great agony aunt article doling out tough love a few weeks ago. A woman in her twenties was asking how to make friends given she's a busy person, living in a big city, with her own interests and rarely meeting people with things in common. The basic gist of the advice is to concentrate less on making "best" friends (or relationships.) Instead try and keep satisfied with casual friends, and best friendships might develop out of that or you might just stay casual friends but still friends who can call on each other for an activity or a night out.

She was saying that as people get older they realise that not everyone will gel 100% with them, and they're more happy to have friends who serve a specific purpose. The advice was that people in their twenties would do well to take a similar attitude. So you say you like do like films, politics, human rights, clubbing, etc. (just as an example.) It could take you years of trying to find someone who shares all those interests with you. Instead you might find someone who likes films but has no interest in politics. So just watch films with them. Talk about films with them. Invite them to your apartment for a marathon of Clint Eastwood directed films and popcorn and drinks. Sure they may not be interested in other aspects of your personality, but you do both like films and sharing cinema with someone sounds like a great way to pass an evening.

Basically, don't worry about making best friends, worry about making casual friends that share some aspect of your personality. Things will go from there.

qweerty · 26-09-2014 11:58pm

Daith wrote: »

Isn't the actual problem the fact that you have nothing common with these group of people? The fact that they're "camp" to you doesn't mean anything other than stereotyping?

If a camp guy said he watched X-Factor you would attribute that to his campness.
If a straight acting guy said he watched X-Factor what would you attribute it to?

Yes, the problem is that I appear to have a limited over-lap of interests with the group as a whole. To put it another way, with individuals I am able to find things in common - rock music, sport, etc - but that when talking in a group, when we need to find a subject for discussion that is of common interest, it seems that my set of interests invariably doesn't include that subject.

Stereotyping can prove acurate when you recognise the limitations of the assumption. I don't think it's contentious to say that, on average, camp guys (I don't know why you put it in quotation marks) will be more likely to watch X-Factor.

Daith · 27-09-2014 9:11am

qweerty wrote: »

Stereotyping can prove acurate when you recognise the limitations of the assumption. I don't think it's contentious to say that, on average, camp guys (I don't know why you put it in quotation marks) will be more likely to watch X-Factor.

It's just I find camp is too subjective. I mean if someone told me they were straight acting but didn't play sports or go to the gym ( a stereotypical straight guy thing) I'd wonder what qualifies them as straight acting.

Aard · 27-09-2014 9:56am

I think the phrase "straight acting" has come to mean: wears muted tones, speaks without animation, and never ever ever discusses homosexuality in public. But as said above - scratch the surface and there's give-aways to beat the band.

J_E · 27-09-2014 11:25am

Aard wrote: »

I think the phrase "straight acting" has come to mean: wears muted tones, speaks without animation, and never ever ever discusses homosexuality in public. But as said above - scratch the surface and there's give-aways to beat the band.

Yeah, all 'straight acting' is doing is reinforcing this notion that all gay men are weak/effeminate, which most of us know is BS. Why would I want to be 'straight acting'? I'm given a liberation to be an expressive person and not have to constantly feel like I have to live up to an image of being the grunting alpha male. If people are being airy and pompous to an excessive degree and it's annoying you, then just talk to someone else, simple. To be honest I find the straight guys with the quiffs and rugby shirts worse.

Ash885 · 27-09-2014 12:51pm

^ exactly, straight acting nowadays could equally mean someone who just arrived off the cast of Jersey Shore. If you enter into things like romance, friends etc. with such a narrow mind, prepared to be left out of a lot of things. People want to be around others when they can be themselves; and this includes us. You'll find someone on a similar wavelength soon enough, but if you advertise yourself as "Don't come near me unless you're x/y/z" you're in for a lonely old spell indeed.

bodice ripper · 27-09-2014 4:24pm

must be wonderful to start a thread on feeling isolated as a gay person, only to have it quickly descend into brow-beating because campness doesnt appeal to you.

floggg · 27-09-2014 4:30pm

Aard wrote: »

I think the phrase "straight acting" has come to mean: wears muted tones, speaks without animation, and never ever ever discusses homosexuality in public. But as said above - scratch the surface and there's give-aways to beat the band.

To me it just means insecure and unauthentic.

Ash885 · 27-09-2014 4:39pm

bodice ripper wrote: »

must be wonderful to start a thread on feeling isolated as a gay person, only to have it quickly descend into brow-beating because campness doesnt appeal to you.

There was a time where I may have posted the exact same as the OP, until I realised that getting anon. help from people online wasn't going to help me change my attitude on the gay community.

It's getting very repetitive of people posting on this forum giving out about a certain part of gay culture repeatedly; in a way that demeans them and makes it like they're not true men. Especially when all this negativity is from the very people complaining they always get judged for being gay in the first place and feeling alone.

floggg · 27-09-2014 4:46pm

bodice ripper wrote: »

must be wonderful to start a thread on feeling isolated as a gay person, only to have it quickly descend into brow-beating because campness doesnt appeal to you.

If somebody wants advice on how to meet people, insecurities are a logical place for people to advise they start.

And yea, anybody saying they have nothing I common with camp people or can't relate to do have some to work on. Whatever about dating, if you can't find some common ground with a camp person then it's your issue, not anything to do with tgroup

Much like any pyher stereotyped characteristic, campness isn't adefininag characteristic. I know camp guys who love sports, cars etc, "manly men" who love x factor and madaonna, etc.

It's an aspect of their personality - but just one. If you can't look past it to find a few points of common ground with anybody camp, then its nothing to do with them - it's about you.

I would bet most guys who say they can't relate to camp guys would have one or two female friends with similar interests to those camp guys and yet the still find ways to relate.

(not saying camp guys are like girls, just pointing out that most guys will have a female friend who loves x factor and pop music (as an example of so called cap guy interesfs) but if a guy is into those things they will claim they can't relate).

bodice ripper · 27-09-2014 4:51pm

floggg wrote: »

To me it just means insecure and unauthentic.

thats what campness says to me in a gay man. funny that.

strong silent type · 27-09-2014 5:09pm

Ash885 wrote: »

It's getting very repetitive of people posting on this forum giving out about a certain part of gay culture repeatedly; in a way that demeans them and makes it like they're not true men. Especially when all this negativity is from the very people complaining they always get judged for being gay in the first place and feeling alone.

It wasn't my intention to demean or judge anyone with my original post, and didn't mean for the word "camp" to come across as derogatory or offend anyone.

I understand that there are many subsections to "gay culture" (likewise for many different groups seen in straight culture), but just that I didn't feel an association to the majority of gay people that I have interacted it with thus far.

Really I suppose I was just asking for advice regarding clubs or organisations that might have been an outlet for me to meet similar people to myself (quiet, non-scene, nightclub/pub hating lol).

Ash885 · 27-09-2014 5:37pm

strong silent type wrote: »

It wasn't my intention to demean or judge anyone with my original post, and didn't mean for the word "camp" to come across as derogatory or offend anyone.

I understand that there are many subsections to "gay culture" (likewise for many different groups seen in straight culture), but just that I didn't feel an association to the majority of gay people that I have interacted it with thus far.

Really I suppose I was just asking for advice regarding clubs or organisations that might have been an outlet for me to meet similar people to myself (quiet, non-scene, nightclub/pub hating lol).

Emphasis on thus far. We all have preconceptions but if you hold on to them for too long that's when you really will be isolated, and that's off your own bat to be fair. Pubs and clubs have all types anyway; somtimes it's nice once in a while just to go and get chatting, make connections. If you're there, it's not out of the realm of possibility that someone like you is there too, so keep the faith

Sometimes it's the last place on Earth I want to be in, but it does you good in the long run.

bodice ripper wrote: »

thats what campness says to me in a gay man. funny that.

Just wow. Campness is an abstract thought; everyone has their own opinion on what it is and isn't.

No one that I've ever met defines themselves as being camp. The fact you judge people you believe to be camp, as being insecure and unauthentic says more about you than the people you're judging.

bodice ripper · 27-09-2014 5:47pm

Ash885 wrote: »

Just wow. Campness is an abstract thought; everyone has their own opinion on what it is and isn't.

No one that I've ever met defines themselves as being camp. The fact you judge people you believe to be camp, as being insecure and unauthentic says more about you than the people you're judging.

You gonna call Flogg out on being judgemental, or is it ok if its the party line?

rozeboosje · 27-09-2014 5:47pm

I would suggest two things:

1) Just open yourself up to friendships from anybody who you feel some kind of "connection" with. Women, men, gay, straight, whatever else. Unless you're looking at a person as a potential life partner, their sex or sexuality shouldn't matter...

2) Don't act. It doesn't matter whether it's "camp" or "straight", if you're "acting" it, it's not going to work. Be yourself.

So easily said, though. I accept that.

Ash885 · 27-09-2014 6:07pm

bodice ripper wrote: »

You gonna call Flogg out on being judgemental, or is it ok if its the party line?

For me personally, campness has more negative conotations than using straight acting. Same way as people say straight talking, straight and narrow etc.

I can't speak for Flogg but what I've said previously in the thread I stand by, if straight acting is what we're lead to believe, then it involves an awful lot of behaviour previous generations would have deemed "camp". So it's ironic.

When you use the term campness, in my books, it's usually more often than not, related to a put down.

Daith · 27-09-2014 6:26pm

bodice ripper wrote: »

must be wonderful to start a thread on feeling isolated as a gay person, only to have it quickly descend into brow-beating because campness doesnt appeal to you.

There was never any reason to bring "I'm straight acting and everyone in the LGBT soc is camp" whereas the actual issue is that he has nothing in common with them regardless of them being camp.

strong silent type wrote: »

Really I suppose I was just asking for advice regarding clubs or organisations that might have been an outlet for me to meet similar people to myself (quiet, non-scene, nightclub/pub hating lol).

Also non-sporty clubs? The film club is the only one I can think of. Or maybe Acting Out? The gay theatre group? Would you consider volunteer work for the likes of LGBT Noise or GLEN or the gay helplines?

Though do you really need to meet more quiet people?

J_E · 27-09-2014 6:35pm

bodice ripper wrote: »

thats what campness says to me in a gay man. funny that.

Genuinely? That's an awful, shallow judgement of someone. If someone has that much issue with someone because of their 'campness' it nearly always points to an insecurity about being associated with them. Many of us have had that hangup but then looked to ourselves, developed as a person, and have little issue with it now.

How can you complain about isolation and then generalise massive segments of the community you are trying to relate to, without really trying to work past your own insecurities/perceptions of people? There has to be some sort of middle ground. Don't get anywhere if you don't start somewhere.

ninty9er · 27-09-2014 7:24pm

strong silent type wrote: »

Really I suppose I was just asking for advice regarding clubs or organisations that might have been an outlet for me to meet similar people to myself (quiet, non-scene, nightclub/pub hating lol).

Join a political party. Crawling in gay guys of all types, with the uniting feature of being argumentative. The political establishment is now so in favour of enacting equality legislation that there are few other places so comfortable to be gay and out.

Annasopra · 27-09-2014 8:04pm

strong silent type wrote: »

Really I suppose I was just asking for advice regarding clubs or organisations that might have been an outlet for me to meet similar people to myself (quiet, non-scene, nightclub/pub hating lol).

Do you have any hobbies or interests? Sports? Music? Politics? Volunteering? Reading? Films? Anything at all?

bodice ripper · 27-09-2014 8:06pm

J_E wrote: »

Genuinely? That's an awful, shallow judgement of someone. If someone has that much issue with someone because of their 'campness' it nearly always points to an insecurity about being associated with them. Many of us have had that hangup but then looked to ourselves, developed as a person, and have little issue with it now..

Not always. I was trying to make a point about how it seems to be fine to blast people for calling themselves "straight acting", but you can't say camp isn't your thing. What happened to the right to self identify?

Aard · 27-09-2014 8:20pm

Perhaps the camp/straightacting debate should be split; it's very interesting. I guess it comes down to one group considering themselves more authentic, while maintaining that the other is more affected. And viceversa.

The other element of the argument -- of what constitutes "straight" behaviour these days being so different from even the not-too-distant past -- really emphasises how outdated the term straightacting is, if taken literally. But at the same time, location/context is important to control for. What's considered normal "straight" behaviour in places like Dublin mightn't wash everywhere else.

Ash885 · 27-09-2014 9:01pm

bodice ripper wrote: »

Not always. I was trying to make a point about how it seems to be fine to blast people for calling themselves "straight acting", but you can't say camp isn't your thing. What happened to the right to self identify?

No one ever says though, which was my point earlier, to use straight acting as a negative. When people use straight acting to define themselves it tries to reaffirm the archaic belief that there is something wrong with being gay/acting gay (whatever that is....), i.e. "Oh I might be gay BUT I don't do anything those normal gays do, I'm straight acting." Self identity does not mean putting down someone, and that's just my two cents on it.

So it's the same for the OP; you can't give out about a sect in the gay community and wonder why you're not being embraced by the other. Because typically people nowadays shouldn't (and more often don't) see gay people as camp gays, straight acting gays or whatever; they usually just see them as people who happen to be gay >_>

strong silent type · 27-09-2014 9:36pm

J_E wrote: »

If someone has that much issue with someone because of their 'campness' it nearly always points to an insecurity about being associated with them. Many of us have had that hangup but then looked to ourselves, developed as a person, and have little issue with it now.

I don't have a issue with them being camp, and would have no insecurities being associated with somebody, whether they be gay or straight.

It is more that their interests/hobbies/activities don't match mine and it's difficult for me to find some common ground. Obviously if you have common interests your more likely to gravitate towards them, and therefore are more likely to make friends.

strong silent type · 27-09-2014 9:40pm

Ash885 wrote: »

So it's the same for the OP; you can't give out about a sect in the gay community and wonder why you're not being embraced by the other. Because typically people nowadays shouldn't (and more often don't) see gay people as camp gays, straight acting gays or whatever; they usually just see them as people who happen to be gay >_>

Please don't think I'm "giving out about a sect in the gay community" based on my perception of them being unlike me.

I was just stating that their interests don't match mine.

Ash885 · 27-09-2014 10:00pm

^Ah sorry, yeah I've re-read your post! My phrasing was off, what I meant was you can't group people whose interests don't match yours as camp and wait for more "straight" interests.

qweerty · 27-09-2014 10:35pm

Lol, this got super heated since I left (I was on a really cool walk, if you're interested, that took in DIT's new campus, large tracts of Phoenix Park, and the War Memorial Gardens - would highly recommend it to anyone).

I am not camp (to my mind, a guy can be effeminate and not camp, but not th other way around, and I see it as meaning friendly and outgoing in that gay sorta way, IYKWIM), but I really wish I were. I wonder am I not cause of supression in childhood. Anyway, if I'm not camp, at least there's the possibility of dating someone who is. I don't discount that my personality and/or appearance is the cause (:p), but I seem to be far more attractive to gays who are less camp (*in place of "more straight-acting"!). Would that were not the case.

It's surely not inconceivable that QSOC would be disproportionately populated by a certain type of gay: the debating soc attracts intellectual types, for instance.

I use "camp" without any negative conatations.

Annasopra · 28-09-2014 10:02pm

Joeytheparrot wrote: »

Do you have any hobbies or interests? Sports? Music? Politics? Volunteering? Reading? Films? Anything at all?

This post might have been lost. If you could give us an idea of your interests then we might be able to help more.

LegacyUser · 30-09-2014 7:01pm

rozeboosje wrote: »

I would suggest two things:

1) Just open yourself up to friendships from anybody who you feel some kind of "connection" with. Women, men, gay, straight, whatever else. Unless you're looking at a person as a potential life partner, their sex or sexuality shouldn't matter...

2) Don't act. It doesn't matter whether it's "camp" or "straight", if you're "acting" it, it's not going to work. Be yourself.

So easily said, though. I accept that.

This is the only relevant reply in the whole thread. It truly is a numbers game - in order to make new friends, you must start interacting with more people - be it work socials, clubs/societies, gym/exercise classes, whatever. By increasing the number of people you interact with, you will find people that you gel with. And that can lead to meeting new friends.

To make a point about the other argument going on in here - I am sick and tired of people becoming defensive and going into victim-mode whenever a gay guy says he doesn't like 'the scene' or camp guys or whatever. THERE IS NOT ONE CATCH-ALL PERSONALITY FOR EVERY GAY PERSON. For a group of people that champion diversity, you sure don't like diversity within the gay community.

The amount of posts telling the OP that 'he hasn't allowed himself to get to know people' or 'you need to accept gay culture and not be negative about it' is ridiculous. Just because you're not into camp guys, or you don't like gay clubs with music you dislike, or you don't personally identify with aspects of gay culture... it does not make you a self-loathing, homosexual-renouncing gay guy. To draw assumptions about people and berate because they don't all like exactly the same things... it's laughable really. Would you tell someone they were ashamed of being Irish because they don't like drinking alcohol? Would you be angry at a woman because she doesn't like wearing dresses?

Gay people are not all alike. Different gay people like different things. Straight-acting is probably a badly worded phrase, but it's commonly used to convey to people that they aren't really into 'gay culture' and are more likely to watch/play sport, do outdoors stuff, tech, be into their cars and DIY and going to the pub for a few drinks - regular guy stuff not tied to gay culture. On Reddit, they coined the 'gaybro' term as a more palatable replacement word. And yes, these things are more masculine-oriented, and people get butthurt about making masculine/straight connotations. But that misses the point. You need some sort of way to distinguish this subgroup of gay guys with different interests - straight-acting just happened to be that descriptor word.

The OP in question clearly identifies more with 'straight-acting' traditional male pursuits than he does with aspects of gay culture. So telling him to suck-it-up and try it out is counter-productive. If someone doesn't like certain things, you shouldn't force them into liking it. And you certainly shouldn't make them feel ashamed because they have differing interests.

strong silent type · 30-09-2014 8:57pm

Joeytheparrot wrote: »

This post might have been lost. If you could give us an idea of your interests then we might be able to help more.

The problem is that I don't have alot of interests other than TV/Movies/Cinema, and I don't have an out-going personality that lends itself to joining a new group. But some people suggested the gay cinema club so I'll give that a shot and see how I get on. Thanks for the help guys.

Ash885 · 30-09-2014 9:42pm

strong silent type wrote: »

The problem is that I don't have alot of interests other than TV/Movies/Cinema, and I don't have an out-going personality that lends itself to joining a new group. But some people suggested the gay cinema club so I'll give that a shot and see how I get on. Thanks for the help guys.

Maybe use this time to take up somthing new as well? I know easier said then done but I'm hankering after this myself. If you're in the Dublin area I think there's some running groups which could be great.

floggg · 01-10-2014 8:30am

strong silent type wrote: »

The problem is that I don't have alot of interests other than TV/Movies/Cinema, and I don't have an out-going personality that lends itself to joining a new group. But some people suggested the gay cinema club so I'll give that a shot and see how I get on. Thanks for the help guys.

Again, not to be blunt, but unless you are willing to go out side your comfort zone, you're unlikely to see any difference in terms of results.

The film group is a must for you, but also consider other outlets. Join in on the meet-ups here, and consider wet n wild. Its a general outdoor activity group.

I know it's not easy - when I came out I had to force myself out there to meet people too. It can be tough, but it's also very rewarding.

Daith · 01-10-2014 8:36am

strong silent type wrote: »

The problem is that I don't have alot of interests other than TV/Movies/Cinema, and I don't have an out-going personality that lends itself to joining a new group. But some people suggested the gay cinema club so I'll give that a shot and see how I get on. Thanks for the help guys.

Ash885 wrote: »

Maybe use this time to take up somthing new as well? I know easier said then done but I'm hankering after this myself. If you're in the Dublin area I think there's some running groups which could be great.

Agree with Ash885 here.

I was in the exact same situation last year. Never considered myself sporty at all. I joined the Dublin FrontRunners who were doing a beginners program. From someone who couldn't run for a bus to doing about 10k now it's a big thing.

I would have considered myself like you. Quiet, non-sporty prefer a quiet pub. I guess my point is you need to come out of your comfort zone as other people have said.

I like the idea of the film club too but tbh you're not going to make friends watching a film but when they discuss it after and that could be place you might not like.

Running might not be for you but sure give it a shot? Acting? Political Groups? Volunteer groups? Football? Wet and Wild sports stuff? Hiking?

You're young and in Dublin. Take a chance. If it doesn't work out it doesn't work out but at least you will know instead of wondering.

Gay guy seeking advice

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