My situation

lollie3 · 22-04-2015 1:44pm #1

Hi all

ok so my situation is the following - i am married since 2010 we have two children aged 8 and 4 - I have split up with my husband since 2013 we are still living together he sleeps in with my son who has a double bed - things are not good and there are a lot of arguements - i finished the relation ship but just before i finally admitted my feelings i had an one night stand it should have never happened (my husband found out) and i know that but it gave me the kick in the bum to finally tell my husband that for the last two years i wasn't happy (suffered badly with depression and panic and anxiety attacks ) he was no help to me and i was doing everything on my own. I am a lot happier in myself and have had no mental health problems since the split - we done 12 sessions of mediation and now it looks like its going to go to court which i didnt want - there is no problem with access to children and i would love it to be ambicable between us but my ex husband is obviously very angry and bitter and hurt . i just cant get him to move out we came to three mediation agreements and at the last minute he renaged on the three of them he has 2 other houses one which is five minutes from our home which he has rented -- so he has somewhere to go - this is going on the last 18 months dont know how much longer i can take living together - can anyone give me some advise - (thanks for reading)

magicmushroom · 22-04-2015 1:49pm

Could you not move out?

lollie3 · 22-04-2015 1:51pm

I dont have anywhere to go with two kids,
we both work fulltime but I do all the pick ups and drop offs as my ex husband does not have a car just a company van. I am the main carer of our children - I do everything for them

Taltos · 22-04-2015 1:53pm

Best thing you can do OP is get in touch with a solicitor. If this is going to court as you now think you need to be prepared for the long haul, especially if he's already been making it difficult with the mediation.

Gather any financial information you have, as well as evidence of when you started to live separately, eg bills etc, and go to a solicitor asap.
In terms of "making" him move out - sorry but really it's his home too and while it might be easier for you both I can well understand him not wanting to leave his family home or his children, put yourself in his position - how would you feel to be told to move out?

However saying that I don't think it's appropriate for him to be sharing a bed with a child. Your son deserves his privacy as a growing child and both of you have a responsibility to ensure he grows up in as calm and supportive a household as possible, even if you both don't get on. Again - talk to your solicitor about this but be prepared this has the makings of being a long drawn out affair so if you need support seek it - eg counseling.

lollie3 · 22-04-2015 1:58pm

I am in consult with a solicitor as one of the mediation agreements was to sell our family home and for me and the children to move into the rented accommodation then he told me i couldnt have it so i had to take our home off the market -
but even being in mediation in October the mediator asked when my ex husband could make a phone call to see a solicitor and he told her the first week in December totally dragging his heels - we live totally separately - including sleeping arrangements bills cooking cleaning laundry - there is just a tense athmosphere all the time

I dont think it is appropriate for him to sleep in my sons bed but is there a legislation against that ? or any child protection laws?

lollie3 · 22-04-2015 1:58pm

ps: whats op?

Taltos · 22-04-2015 2:00pm

OP = Original Poster - sorry.

lollie3 · 22-04-2015 2:01pm

thanks sorry my first time posting

Rubberchikken · 22-04-2015 2:03pm

i agree with poster who says your son should have his own bed. i'm not implying anything and no there's no law that says a dad can't sleep in his son's bed but for the child's sake it would be healthier all round if his dad could find somewhere else to sleep.

overall any negative atmosphere in the house is going to affect kids. no matter how young they are, they will eventually pick up on it.

is there anyone who could talk to him, make him see how difficult this is for everyone?

lollie3 · 22-04-2015 2:04pm

i totally agree

hes not the sort of person to talk to anyone about anything ive tried reasoning with him about it and he just wont talk - it always ends up in an arguement -

hopgog · 24-04-2015 7:25pm

lollie3 wrote: »

i totally agree

hes not the sort of person to talk to anyone about anything ive tried reasoning with him about it and he just wont talk - it always ends up in an arguement -

If you are both on the mortgage he has as much right to his home as you, have you looked at buying him out? If he moved to one of the rentals he would have a huge loss of income and it's very unfair to ask him to do that when he wasn't the cheater and home wreaker.

You should buy him out or ask him to buy you out and both of you can start fresh

My situation

Comments