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Ways Bill Gates should die:

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  • 05-09-2003 8:01pm
    #1
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,829 Mod ✭✭✭✭


    1. Nitroglycerin suppository
    2. Dr. Kivorkian approved suicide/euthanasia kit
    3. Paper cuts from hate mail
    4. Wine press
    5. Random act of terrorism
    6. Dissolved in organic solvent of choice (e.g. 1,1,1-trichloroethane, acetone, carbon tetrachloride)
    7. Clubbed by a baby seal hunter
    8. Exploding gas barbecue
    9. Date with Lorena Bobbit / Tonya Harding
    10. Rusty meat hook
    11. Pulp digester / Saw mill
    12. Sexually transmitted disease
    13. Lethal ingestion of bean sprouts and tofu
    14. Skydiving accident (His concrete parachute fails to open).
    15. Bill meets the Terminator. "Hasta la vista...Billy!".
    16. Gag exploding software box.
    17. Field trip to the Toronto Metro Zoo. Bill loves to sell his products to all of the carnivores.
    18. Tylenol laced with cyanide
    19. Sacrifice to a tribal god
    20. Fed through a branch/leaf shredder (or office paper shredder)
    21. Trampling by thousands of tiny spongy feet
    22. Asphyxiation on a twinkie
    23. Bungee jumping with chord tied around neck
    24. 1000 RPM merry-go-round
    25. Building sandcastles in a quicksand box
    26. Dragged behind a school bus on a gravel road
    27. Leg caught in elevator doors
    28. Make it legal to enslave Bill.
    29. Home lobotomy kit
    30. Nasal spray or eye drops replaced with concentrated acid (e.g. nitric, chromic, hydrofluoric, sulfuric, or hydrochloric)
    31. Add crushed glass to his granola or high fiber cereal.
    32. Thrown in a vat of bleach.
    33. Paint him black and turn him over to a white supremacist.
    34. Sucked into a turbo-prop engine
    35. Submerged into a CANDU reactor
    36. Swarmed by killer bees
    37. Deadly parasites
    38. Kidnapped by members of the Columbian drug cartel
    39. Chopped up into pet food (Purina Bill chow)
    40. Shintu massage as administered by a sumo wrestler.
    41. Assimilation by the Borg (If bill doesn't assimilate them first).
    42. Acupuncture with a nail gun
    43. Force fed pure sugar and caffeine until he explodes.
    43. Bill meets Mr. Chainsaw
    44. Hit and run in front of the Microsoft offices.
    45. Exploding in an industrial sized microwave oven.
    46. Strapped to a shuttle launch pad..3, 2, 1, ignition!
    47. Strapped to the heat shields of a space shuttle during reentry.
    48. Brain scrambled (rescrambled?) by aliens
    49. Body cavity search using a fish scaling knife.
    50. Harpooned by a whaling ship
    51. Dipped in liquid nitrogen, and "accidentally" pummeled with a baseball bat (guess they found the glass transition temperature).
    52. Served as Thanksgiving dinner
    53. Eaten by the homeless (Bill pate anyone?)
    54. OOPS! Bill shouldn't have soldered that propane tank while full.
    55. Mistaken for a Piñata
    56. Run over by a zamboni
    57. The Microsoft Windows startup sound triggers avalanche.
    58. "Accidentally" shoved in front of a subway train.
    59. Nuclear warhead explodes at ground Bill.
    60. Scientific experiments on Bill sublimation temperature.
    61. Crushed between plates in a fault line.
    62. Blended into McBill shakes, and pressed into McBill patties (would you like McFries with that?)
    63. Inquiring minds want to know... What is the tensile strength of Bill?
    64. Used as a crash test dummy. Listen up boys and girls. This is what can happen to you if you don't wear your seat belt.
    65. Bill becomes one with Oscar Myer.
    66. Bill used as shark bait.
    67. Used as a guinea pig in a pain threshold study.
    68. Used in a TV commercial promotion of Ginsu Knives. Even after cutting this tin can, the ginsu knives rip through Bill's flesh with ease.
    69. Diplomatic mission with Klingons
    70. Deep sea diving in a locked steamer trunk.
    71. Nato air strike.
    72. Live organ donor.
    73. Egyptian mummification ritual.
    74. Plummet into an active volcano.
    75. Coated in honey and fed to the fire ants.
    76. Conversion to sugar glazed junk food.
    77. Quiet dinner with Jeffrey Dahmer.
    78. Pilgrimage to the Holy land.
    79. Tie him down and run over him with a steam roller.
    80. Visit to the taxidermist.
    81. Blasted with a Neuron-T-disrupter.
    82. Take him off Prozac.
    83. Forced to watch "The Wall" video without his happy pills.
    84. 100 hours of continuous "Black Sabbath".
    85. Give him a lead role in a snuff film.
    86. Tar and feathered by crazed computer users.
    87. Spontaneous combustion.
    88. Bludgeoned to red paste.
    89. Compressed to a singularity.
    90. Bent, folded and mutilated by Canada Post.
    91. Send him to a Bill's game dressed as a Miami Dolphin.
    92. The plague
    93. Extruded through microcapilliaries.
    94. Forced to spend a week with Bart Simpson.
    95. Bill goes for a spin on a cyclotron. Too bad about the sudden stop.
    97. Pre-mortum autopsy reveals that Bill's head is full of worms.
    98. Massage with a stun gun.
    99. Heat pasteurization.
    100. Bill stars in an Itchy and Scratchy movie.
    101. Abandoned in a sensory deprivation tank.
    102. Bill meets Elmira (I'm gonna hug him and squeeze him to itty bitty pieces.)
    103. Put Bill in an old Star Trek episode, in a RED SHIRT.
    104. Put Bill in a Star Trek Next Generation episode, in a gold shirt.
    105. Make him the drummer of Spinal Tap.
    106. Use him as a zap-o-matic target.
    107. Paint him green & give him to Gallager for his Sledge-o-matic.
    108. Paint him green & give him to David Letterman for a 10 story drop.
    109. Confine him with Marvin the depressed Android (Douglas Adams).
    110. Put a horse collar on him and abandon him on alt.sex.beastiality.
    111. Stick him in a car with Ted Kennedy near a bridge.
    112. Paint "Branch Dividian & Proud of it" and drop him off at the BATF hq.
    113. Put him on a blind date with Lorena Bobbit AFTER she gets her new set of Ginsu(tm) knives.
    114. Bill scrapple.
    115. Bury him next to Jimmy Hoffa.
    116. Tell Tipper Gore he wrote a program on how to masturbate.
    117. Recreate the Challenger accident with Bill playing substitute teacher.
    118. Use Bill as a test subject for exotic new nerve gases.
    119. Hit him with a car. <THWUNK>
    120. Book him on an airplane who's new autopilot runs on Windows 98.
    121. Grant him the privilege of being the first person to cross a new bridge that was designed using Windows 98.
    122. Plant a bomb in his Macintosh.
    123. Make Bill use Windows 3.1.
    124. Get a bunch of pauperizes to follow him.
    125. Spatial Anomaly.
    126. Drop a VAX on his head.
    127. Shove him out the nearest air lock.
    128. Push him in to a vat of molten steel.
    129. Attack him with nanites, have them remove his liver.
    130. Hide unshielded plutonium under his bed.
    131. Travel back in time and convince his parents to use contraceptives.


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    #2
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,829 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    132. Swipe $10 from Bill, get Bill to chase you. Run toward a very deep canyon, but stop at the edge. Bill will zoom by. On his way down he will hold up a sign that says "yikes!".
    133. Get Tim "The tool man" Taylor to re-wire Bill's helicopter beanie.
    134. Force him to take a shower with an electric eel.
    135. Get him a lifetime subscription to the "addictive drug of the month club."
    136. Take him roller skating on the roof of a very tall building, with uneven spots near the edged of the roof.
    137. Aliens abduct Bill Gates. Their space ship crashes when he tries to "upgrade" their systems.
    138. Feed him to Barny.
    139. Get him a lifetime subscription to the "unstable explosive of the month club".
    140. Drown him in bean dip.
    141. Drag Bill to the Recycle Bin.
    142. Replace Bill's heart with a mechanical heart, that runs Windows 2000.
    143. Drop Bill head first on to a bed of nails.
    144. Set Beavis and Butthead loose in Microsoft HQ.
    145. Put Bill right in front of a hungry T-rex.
    146. Beaten to death by an enraged mime.
    147. Packed in to a giant snow ball and rolled down the side of Mt. Everest.
    148. Trick him in to walking through a mesh of high intensity laser beams. Look! Little bitty Billy pieces!
    149. Choke to death on a nice, hot cup of java.
    150. Bludgeoned to death by his own Active X controls.
    151. Get him drunk to where he passes out. Before he wakes up, fly him to Briton and leave him in a car.
    152. Shrink him to 1 1/2" tall. Make him roommates with a hungry hamster.
    153. Stuff him in a dryer and set it to "extra-dry".
    154. Write the split-second control system for his car in Visual Basic 4.
    155. Put him in a rocket and shoot him in to the sun.
    156. Tell him someone dropped a $20 bill into a deep well.
    157. Shrink him down to the size of a molecule and hit him with a proton.
    158. Force him to do all his work through "MS-Bob".
    159. Brain transplant with an iguana.
    160. Implant a device in to him that zaps him every time he tries to sleep.
    161. One of a kind, Life-size 3D Bill Gates jig saw puzzle.
    162. An operation to surgically remove his wallet.
    163. Slap him silly with a concrete block.
    164. Tie him up in christmas lights. Dump a bucket of water on him.
    165. Put a Roto-Rooter up Bill's butt.
    166. Tie him up in a white sheet and call Ghostbusters.
    167. Choke him to death on the wide end of a spatula.
    168. Pressed to death in a giant waffle iron.
    169. Cut in to thin strips and used as fire lighter.
    170. Prodded with Klingon pain sticks until his head explodes.
    171. Expose him to that mysterious death fog that turns people inside out.
    172. Transporter accident. He materializes with his head attached to his butt.
    173. Switch his glasses with trick glasses that make everything look pixilated. Give him a gun and some ammo. When he starts killing people, call the police.
    174. Lock him in a room with an infinite amount of pissed off monkeys.
    175. Rewire his nervous system. Connect his ears to his legs and his mouth to his bladder.
    176. On a vacation to a beach, Bill lets someone bury him up to his head in sand. They then run over his head with a lawn mower.
    177. Fill him up with unleaded.
    178. Goes hunting. Deer drive home with Bill on the top of the car.
    179. Use DNA re-sequencing to clone an "anti-Bill".
    180. The molecules in Bills body get bored and decompose in to hydrogen.
    181. Mauled by a small yellow funny-ol' bear.
    182. Ass kicken contest with John Romero.
    183. Accidentally crosses paths with a disgruntled postal worker.
    184. Have Santa bring him that exploding Barny toy he always wanted.
    185. Inflate Bill. Use him as a balloon in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.
    186. Freeze him in carbonite and use him as a wall decoration.
    187. Pay the janitor to put some extra wax on the floors. Watch Bill sliiiide right in on Monday morning....
    188. W31... W95... W98... BOOM! You sunk my Billy ship!
    189. Sell Microsoft a ten ton led brick. Put it on their Bill.
    190. Slashed to death by a hyperactive paper clip.
    191. Crushed to death by a hard copy of all of the lawsuits against him.
    192. "Beamed" using 1997 technology.
    193. In the future scientists will discover how to convert Bill in to a clean, efficient fuel.
    194. Modify his screen saver to produce suicidal subliminal messages.
    195. Freak foot powder / molecular inversion accident.
    196. Pushed in to a deep fryer. Cooked to a golden brown. Served with secret sauce.
    197. Liquefy, consume and regurgitate Bill.
    198. Switch his deodorant with 2-ton mega paste.
    199. Use sharpened circular saw blades in a fun game of frisbee with Bill.
    200. Lodge 100 Linux CDs in Bills abdomen.
    201. The ever classic stake through the hart.
    202. Abandon him on an Elbonian mud farm.
    203. Put him in the same room with Robbie the Robot. Robbie is pissed about how Bill "upgraded" his sister.
    204. Bill plummets for 24 stories and lands in a pile of bull****.
    205. The next Comdex with guest speaker Bill Gates, will be held in South Park.
    206. Put Bill in the middle of a building that is about to be imploded.
    207. A star ship beams him up, but routes his pattern to a food replicator.
    208. Thrown at a canvas at over 300 MPH and used as art.
    209. Exorcism.
    210. New antibiotic that destroys Bill cells.
    211. Lock him in a small room with Terrance and Philip.
    212. Stuff his "Microsoft Bob" underpants down his throat.
    213. Dies of a heart attack after having a nightmare where everybody is running Linux, MacOS, OS/2, BEos, etc, and NOT Windows.
    214. Crushed under a collapsing set of bleachers while scouting out new territory.
    215. Killed by his non-evil twin from an alternate universe.
    216. Boiled in a huge pot of macaroni. Mixed and served with cheese sauce.
    217. With no warning, MS HQ is about to be bulldozed to make way for a new bypass. Bill throws himself in the path of the bulldozers.
    218. Stuffed in a giant donut and left in a police convention.
    219. Replace his nose spray with a mini-mega-suction-o-matic.
    220. Beaten to shreds with the ceremonial killamajig.
    221. Bill's new pacemaker with a built in wireless web server gets mentioned, with a link, on Slashdot.
    222. Thrown in to a pit of rabid llamas.
    223. Cave-in while ass spelunking.
    224. Squashed by a twenty ton gavel.
    225. There IS no Bill.
    226. Bill tries out a new electric toothbrush made out of plastiqe explosives.
    227. Manufacturing accedient in Microsoft's newly aquired nuclear arms devision.
    228. Soylent Bill.
    229. Ripped to shreads by a flock of angry penguins.
    230. Killed by a radation leak and brough back to life as a hologram - who's holo projection system runs Windows 98.
    231. Throw a bucket of water on him and watch him melt.
    232. Take him for a ride one of the Navy's new ships with Windows-powered navigation.
    233. Bill's attempt to start a new "Kentucky Fried Penguin" chain backfires as the penguins start an "eat more Bill" campaign.
    234. Place a chip in his head that gives him an electrical shock every time a copy of Windows crashes somewhere.
    235. Turns in to the space fetus from the end of 2001: A Space Odyssey... and is promptly aborted.
    236. Impale Bill on a CueCat bar code reader. Or would that be in violation of Digital Convergence's Intellectual Property?
    237. Ordered by the DOJ to port Internet Explorer to the TI-99/4A all by himself.
    238. Browser wars escalate to using nuclear weapons.
    239. Deny his oxygen usage request form R32B-432/Z.
    240. Convince bill to take up chainsaw juggling.
    241. Giant cheese shredder.
    242. Billskin rug.
    243. Blown out a whales' ass.
    244. Giant electric egg mixer.
    245. Rover Retriever gets rabies and mauls bill.
    246. Install service pack on Bill.
    247. Let bill go on a moon mission - and leave him there.
    248. Killed in a fouled up attempt by a cyborg from the future to assassinate the future leader of the resistance against the then sentient Microsoft Sky.net.
    249. When the day comes that all monetary transactions (even for food) must go through MS Passport - Lock bill out of his account.
    250. Fatal zipper explosion.
    251. Killed by a mob of angry penguins on a trip to the north pole.
    252. Bill Gates is "open soured."
    253. Bill tries out a new electric toothbrush made out of plastic explosives.
    254. Hell opens up beneath Microsoft HQ and sucks it and Bill in.
    255. Ripped limb from limb by a Wookie.
    256. Pack him in to a giant firework and set him off for the 4th of july.
    257. Stuff him in a trash can and through him off a cliff.
    258. Eaten by a dopefish. (burp!)


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    #3
    bizmark
    Registered Users Posts: 6,892 ✭✭✭bizmark


    :D sweet jesus....Theirs a man that had tomany blue screens of death in his time


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    #4
    Pugsley
    Registered Users Posts: 7,136 ✭✭✭Pugsley


    I never knew he had fans that loved him so much.... :D


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    #5
    Runfree
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,144 ✭✭✭Runfree


    Originally posted by bizmark
    :D sweet jesus....Theirs a man that had tomany blue screens of death in his time

    What makes you think that. My gues would be
    120. Book him on an airplane who's new autopilot runs on Windows 98.

    142. Replace Bill's heart with a mechanical heart, that runs Windows 2000.


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    #6
    Cabaal
    Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators, Regional South East Moderators Posts: 28,469 Mod ✭✭✭✭Cabaal


    I have four words..
    TO MUCH FREE TIME

    :D


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    #7
    TomTom
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 3,290 ✭✭✭TomTom


    I sense some resentment towards bill in here.


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    #8
    AL][EN
    Registered Users Posts: 2,236 ✭✭✭AL][EN


    Whhhoooooowww
    that man needs some anger managment classes!!


    LOL some of there were quiet good!


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    #9
    Meadows
    Registered Users Posts: 255 ✭✭Meadows


    i think bill gates is grand, me or my buddies havent paid the poor chap a penny sence 95. :ninja:


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    #10
    AL][EN
    Registered Users Posts: 2,236 ✭✭✭AL][EN


    People PAY bill gates????? for what? :confused:


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    #11
    Spenguin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 292 ✭✭Spenguin


    OK,

    1. Bill gates isn't that bad.
    2. dude, you need a life.
    3. I actually didn't read any but three cos I don't have as much free time as you.


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    #12
    LoneGunM@n
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,414 ✭✭✭LoneGunM@n


    God my eyes started to hurt after about 5 lines, so I don't know if this is in there somewhere, but I believe he should be chucked through the nearest open window :rolleyes:


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    #13
    BEAT
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 5,945 ✭✭✭BEAT


    Originally posted by Cabaal
    I have four words..
    TO MUCH FREE TIME

    :D

    my sentiments exactley


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    #14
    Heathen
    Registered Users Posts: 1,459 ✭✭✭Heathen


    Originally posted by Cabaal
    I have four words..
    TO MUCH FREE TIME

    :D

    i have 4 words aswell ......

    "WELL DONE Capt'n Midnight"

    i totally agree.... im 2 steps away from formatting my whole PC and changing to linux forever... i have waisted the equivilint of about 11 months work over the last few years with bill's shabby excuse for a program.. i have used all platforms from 3.0 / 3.1 / 3.11/ 95 / 98 / me / 2000 / and now xp and it just gets worse!!!!

    they went from a pokey program that ran on a 286mhz processer and fit onto 5 floppy disks to a multy billion selling program with millions invested into it and the pokey program is 1000000 times more reliable!!
    i thought companies got better at their product the longer they were in the game?? obviously not with these jokers!! there getting worse... i think that Blaster worm was a beta version of there new program that got leaked hehehehe

    later
    Macker


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    #15
    Ebonyks
    Registered Users Posts: 529 ✭✭✭Ebonyks


    zeropout.jpg


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    #16
    joseph brand
    Registered Users Posts: 4,537 ✭✭✭joseph brand


    173. Switch his glasses with trick glasses that make everything look pixilated. Give him a gun and some ammo. When he starts killing people, call the police.

    105. Make him the drummer of Spinal Tap.

    AH ha ha ha ha.
    There may be a lot but a few good ones in there all right.
    Got a great laugh readin these at 5 in morn on night shift, cheered me up, tanx.

    Heres a nice one,
    259. Put him in horse box with angry stallion that enjoys kickin people in the face, ouch!!


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    #17
    Havelock
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,446 ✭✭✭Havelock


    It is horrible to see how afwul you can be to poor Bill, yeah he's a mutli-billionare, so what. Its the way it goes. Love to save his lfe in one of these assassination attempts to see what reward I'd get.


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    #18
    scojones
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,230 ✭✭✭scojones


    Originally posted by Spenguin
    OK,

    1. Bill gates isn't that bad.

    You're going straight to hell with him.


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    #19
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,829 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    Havelocks I wouldn't count on that reward

    This is the same guy that has used coupons in newsagents and travels economy class, even though it's not worth his while picking up $100 bills off the ground.

    There is one thing you have to admit about him - when it comes to seperating people from money Bill is a class of his own.


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    #20
    scojones
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,230 ✭✭✭scojones


    Originally posted by Capt'n Midnight

    There is one thing you have to admit about him - when it comes to seperating people from money Bill is a class of his own.

    He's a class of his own alright. Stealing code, taking over opposition. Taking advantage of M$ position to stifle other companies. Bullying tactics. Yah, he's a real class act. When i grow up, i want to be a bully too :rolleyes:


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    #21
    Discovering
    Closed Accounts Posts: 142 ✭✭Discovering


    Excellant stuff Midnight.

    I admire Bill Gates cos of the way he run his business... very clever stuff.

    I hate Bill Gates cos he now has the resources to make decent software but would rather spend his money killing the competition!!

    Thats my two cent.


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    #22
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,829 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    bgatesmug.jpg
    "This is a real police mug shot taken of William H. Gates III from a 1977 traffic incident."

    BTW: PhatFiesta - the term is Defenestration - though it might also translate as removing Windows from him - so to be on the safe side do both...


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    #23
    v074
    Registered Users Posts: 9 ✭v074


    259. Have his car crash and display the Blue Screen of Death, then have all of the Windows break.


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    #24
    loremolis
    Registered Users Posts: 944 ✭✭✭loremolis


    ^^^^^^^^^^^

    WTF??????

    12 years later?????


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