Confused Depressed and Need Help

Hi, mango.

Thanks for the concern. We've talked loads about it, and it's not permanent. He'd just be staying with me for a few days a week. We'd be looking to make it more permanent in the future, obviously.

I know it's a huge step, but we both know each other really well, so we're comfortable with it, and we should be fine.

It is a bit quick, but it just feels so right. I don't know why we want this so much, but it's like I said earlier; we just love spending time together. Even if it's just sitting around doing nothing. Just being together makes us both so happy. Even before all this, when we were just the best platonic friends, we just loved spending time together and just hanging out. We just share so many similar interests and passions.

He also basically lived with me for a while when he was going through a rough patch with his folks (long story) and we got on great. We never argued at all over anything since as long as we've known each other.

It's all rose-tinted glasses and idealised at the moment, but it just feels so right for me. I understand the concern, and I appreciate it. Really I do. It's just people trying to stop us from ruining it and to stop us getting hurt.

But I don't think that is likely to happen. It just feels so right.

Thanks for listening.

Hi, all.

Also, the Baltimore Ravens won the Superbowl. GO RAVENS!

I'm just so happy, and looking back on this too. The thread started out so negative and fearful, as I had no idea what to do. Life just has a way of sorting these things out, even at absolutely dizzying speed. I still cannot believe it sometimes. But I'm forever grateful that this has happened. He just lights up my life and my day so much.

I also want to thank everyone on here. For the support and for being so happy for me. It has helped a lot. Even though they don't read this, I also want to go on record that our friends that we have told so far have been just spectacular. Maybe initially a bit shocked, but so happy for us. One of our friends was actually in tears telling us how happy he was for us. It's been incredible. It really affirms your faith in the decency of people and in how amazing your friends are.

For the time being (on my day off), I'm just gonna plan on what to cook for dinner tonight and see if I can get my hands on a few films for us to watch.

Hi, again. Sorry about being so sporadic with posting, but work is just busy and I've just been spending pretty much all my free time with a certain someone too.

Funny night last night. My boyfriend (his name is Billy, btw! Can't believe that in all my posts I've not mentioned it!) went out with friends of ours to a house party. I wasn't able to go, as I had work this morning. I arrived home from work to watch some of the football and rugby, two of our friends passed out and Billy in bed. They'd somehow came back to our apartment and had died off. The other two lads have gone home now, and I'm sat here giggling to myself, just wondering what state he'll be in when he finally surfaces.

For the time being, he's my "housemate" to the outside world (apart from the few of our friends who are in the know), and it's brilliant. We are just so happy knowing that we'll have a loving welcome when we come in from work. We both seem to have a real spring in our step lately.

While we left it too late to do anything for Valentines Day, I don't think we would have been too pushed either way anyway. We're just going to treat it like any other day, methinks. Though I'm secretly going to buy him something anyway. Just for the hell of it.

We're both a bit more looking forward to the 14th of March, to be honest (that's "Steak and B.J. Day" for those not in the know).

On a slightly negative side, we're still pretty afraid to tell our families. I'd be happier telling mine, but Billy is utterly terrified. I try not to talk about it too much, as it upsets him a bit, but I think it will genuinely stifle certain aspects of our relationship and mean it's less open to the world. While we don't want to shout it from the rooftops, I'd like to be able to say it if someone asks. But that is pretty much the only problem we have, and if that's the worst thing that happens to us, I'll count myself lucky.

Hi, everyone.

Been over a week since I last posted, didn't realise it had been that long.

My ex has now met my current. She was really surprised, but was delighted for the two of us. She came up to my apartment to meet us, and I kinda told her to be prepared to be a bit surprised. There was a lot of hugging, some tears and a lot of happiness throughout. I love when things go so right.

I also told my younger brother in the last week. Like most people he was stunned. He was really silent after I told him, and I didn't dare speak. He was just staring off into space, and I thought he'd taken it really badly. I was so nervous. After a fairly long silence, he just turned to me and said "Why'd you wait so long to tell me?" We had a long conversation after that, and he cried a bit when I told him that I'd 'known' for a long time, but was too afraid to say anything.

We always were really close when we were kids; I was the bigger brother and he always looked up to me, treated me like his hero when he was young. We never fought much, and we always were close, so he was really upset about a few things. That I was hiding it for so long, that I was unhappy for so long and that I never told him. But he's so happy for me now. I asked him not to tell anyone else just yet. I want to do it at my own pace, obviously. And I trust him to keep the confidence. Again, another massive weight off my mind and it feels so good.

And of course, me and Billy are still loved up. It's getting more "normal" now, if that's the right word. We're not as giddy or giggly over it as much anymore, but it's still proper amazing. We can't leave each other at all without saying "I love you", gag inducing as that might be. But nothing beats coming home from work and being able to hug the person you love. Going for walks together too is so good, even if we do get frozen walking around. Roll on the summer, ffs.

Hi again, everyone.

There's going to be positives and negatives in life. Unfortunately, the last week hasn't been positive.

Billy decided to try and tell his family. It didn't go too well. I wanted to go with him, even if just to sit in the car outside his house so I could be there for him if needed. He asked me not to, so he could be alone to tell them.

I was waiting at home, nervous and hoping it would go well. I got my answer. He arrived home looking pale and was like a zombie. He just sat down onto the couch and burst into tears. He sobbed for about an hour straight, and all I could do was just hold him. Struggling between pure heartbreak and incredible fury.

When he calmed down, he told me that his mother started to cry and his father just quietly told him to leave and not to come back for a while. They weren't angry, but just seemed so disappointed. He says he heard his mother saying something like "Why? Oh, why?" as he walked out. He is still so deeply upset and depressed. He is just feeling so rejected and let down. Not even his brothers (who he thought might have been more accepting of the idea) have got in touch. He isn't sure if his parents told them, but I'd be nearly certain they would have.

I'm not going to, but the temptation is seriously there to arrive on their doorstep and f**k them from a height. He is a wonderful person and there is no reason for them to behave like this to him other than they are narrow minded bigots, and I'm just beyond furious. I'm also seeing how much it's upsetting Billy and he feels like he's let his family down and I hear him crying in he bathroom when he thinks I can't hear. It's breaking my heart.

He's said that it's the more disappointed, calm reaction that's gotten to him. He was psyched up for a ballistic response, where they'd be angry at him. But it just sucker-punched him when they were more or less calm and he was thrown by that reaction.

I don't know what to do. He's just been so upset and it's killing me. I feel helpless. All I can do is hold him and let him know that he does have people who love him. I love him more than anything and his friends will always be there for him. I've also said that in a few days his parents might have calmed down and want to talk to him. But how anyone could upset and destroy their own son like that is just beyond me. Particularly when he's such a sweet, wonderful, caring person and has never been anything but a good, devoted son to them.

I seriously have never been so angry in my entire life. It's seeping into other areas of my life too (I'm angry at everyone in the last few days) and that's not good. What can I do to help him? Is there anything I can do? It's just so ****ing unfair.

Hi, again.

Remember how someone said way back how I'm surrounded by the most amazing people and I should cherish them? They were absolutely, 100% correct. I am so lucky. I'm happy, but the following was a bit bittersweet for me after what happened with Billy.

I decided the longer I put it off, the harder it would be. I bit the bullet on Thursday night and told my parents. It wasn't just my own decision. There was some gentle pushing from my brother. Nothing insistent, just stuff along the lines of "They would want to know. They love you so much."

I was still very nervous, as is natural I suppose. But I needn't have been.

The three of us were in the sitting room of their house, just after watching some of the football with my Dad. I stammered around for a bit, beginning with telling them how much I loved them and how I hoped they loved me. I blurted out what I wanted to say and sat forward and put my head in my hands.

I just felt my Mum putting her arms around me and kissing my cheek. They hadn't said anything, but I just burst into tears. I couldn't help it. My Mum hugged me. I don't think she ever hugged me as close in her life.

My Dad's reaction was hysterical now that I look back on it. When I looked up, he was sat still peering down at his paper. My Dad is pretty old-school. He's a real "socialist" and all, but would be a traditional guy (think Jim Royle only a real hard-working go-getter and no beard). I was a little worried about what he'd think. I needn't have been.

"Dry your eyes, soft-lad. Don't get all weepy."

I laughed through the tears. He always called me and my brother 'soft-lad' in a good-natured way when we were growing up if we didn't want to do hard work or if we moaned too much. It was affectionate teasing.

I asked straight out if they were upset. Neither were. They weren't even shocked. I was puzzled, because I've had girlfriends in the past. My Mum just shrugged and said she'd always had a feeling, and she was just waiting for me to say it. Dad's opinion was that he'd known since I was 13 when I refused to play rugby. :rolleyes: Maybe his unsubtle attempts at humour were something of a coping mechanism, or maybe it was to make me feel more at ease. If it was to put me at ease, it worked. I started laughing a little through the tears.

I couldn't help but cry several more times before I went home. We talked a lot. Together and then individually. I never saw my Dad cry before in my life, but when we talked, he did. He looked at me and said words I will never forget as long as I live: "You are my son. I love you so much. I've always been proud of you. You're the best sons a father could ask for, you and your brother. Never a moment's trouble, either of you. And if you ever get a hard time over this, I'll box the ears of whoever it is gives you a hard time. You hear me?"

All I could say was "I love you, Dad" before crying again. He was never a man to show much emotion (except when watching football or rugby or something), but he showed it that night. And it helped so much.

Of course, Mum asked the typical 'mum' questions, which I answered truthfully and openly. No point in hiding anything now, was there? Of course, it all led to: "Do you have a boyfriend?" I told her yes, and I told her who it was too. That shocked her a little, as she's known Billy for years. And now, of course, she wants to meet him again. Wants a big dinner thing with all of us and to get to know him more.

It took me over an hour to leave the house from the time I said I was going. Too many happy, relieved and emotional tears, too much hugging and too many 'one more cup of tea'. When I finally drove home, I had to pull over once to call them on the phone to say goodnight and to have another bit of a cry (maybe Dad was right with the 'soft-lad' bit ).

Sorry about the long post, but I just wanted to truly emphasise what it all means. My parents are legends. They provided a wonderful, caring, loving home for me and my brother as we grew up. They always supported us and loved us. We never wanted for anything as kids. They made us the men we are. And they do all of that to this day. I'm crying a few tears here as I type this. I love them both so much, even more now.

As if that wasn't enough, I think Billy might be getting somewhere with his own parents. They called him, and while it was a bit tense, it was an improvement. They did sign off with "I love you" and so on, so that is only a positive sign. His mood also improved so much when I came home and told him what had happened with my parents.

So pretty much, yeah. Very happy out. Much as it might be a bit embarrassingly mushy, I secretly cannot wait for this dinner with me and Billy and my brother and my family. It will be sweet.

I'm signing off this and I'm walking on air. I'll be sure to check back and let you know how the dinner went.