Conor Cusack opens up about his sexuality

JupiterKid · 27-01-2014 11:49pm #1

Former Cork GAA player Conor Cusack, brother to out ex-GAA player Donal Og Cusack, reveals his sexuality in a recent blog.

Cusack had recently gone public with respect to his battle with depression.

http://www.thescore.ie/conor-cusack-mental-health-blog-1285479-Jan2014/

ongarboy · 28-01-2014 7:10pm

That's interesting. I'm not aware of any other (relatively) famous openly gay siblings in Ireland. Comes across such a nice lad too like his brother.

tayto lover · 28-01-2014 7:13pm

Why does being gay make headlines regardless of who it is?
Being gay is the same as being straight. No need for headlines.

baby and crumble · 28-01-2014 7:17pm

tayto lover wrote: »

Why does being gay make headlines regardless of who it is?
Being gay is the same as being straight. No need for headlines.

Oh I don't know, maybe the fact that people still think gay men are crap at/ uninterested in sports? Maybe because it'll help fathers deal with their sons coming out easier? Maybe because having positive role models is important for kids and teenagers growing up?

For heavens sake, you seem to think that everything is rosy and nobody is discriminated against for being gay. In a perfect world your comment would have merit but it's not and it doesn't.

tayto lover · 28-01-2014 7:20pm

baby and crumble wrote: »

Oh I don't know, maybe the fact that people still think gay men are crap at/ uninterested in sports? Maybe because it'll help fathers deal with their sons coming out easier? Maybe because having positive role models is important for kids and teenagers growing up?

For heavens sake, you seem to think that everything is rosy and nobody is discriminated against for being gay. In a perfect world your comment would have merit but it's not and it doesn't.

Would you prefer the headline "Gay Irishman man climbs Everest" or " Irishman climbs Everest".
I know which i'd prefer.

freshpopcorn · 28-01-2014 7:29pm

tayto lover wrote: »

Why does being gay make headlines regardless of who it is?
Being gay is the same as being straight. No need for headlines.

It's to show people out there that are depressed/hate themselves/suicidal/living a lie. That being gay is okay and that you don't have to be loud and camp to be gay.

Dr. Shrike · 28-01-2014 7:57pm

tayto lover wrote: »

Would you prefer the headline "Gay Irishman man climbs Everest" or " Irishman climbs Everest".
I know which i'd prefer.

I don't think anyone has ever been afraid of Mt. Everest not allowing them to climb it because they were gay

And if you hadn't noticed, reaction to this story has been refreshingly low key.

I think it's gotten more attention because people are like "and his brother too?!".

hotmail.com · 28-01-2014 7:59pm

I have to agree with some of the comments..My thoughts were who is he and who cares.

That said, there are still many men and women stuck in the closet in their 20s and 30s, so maybe this will help? I don't know.

Lou.m · 28-01-2014 7:59pm

ongarboy wrote: »

That's interesting. I'm not aware of any other (relatively) famous openly gay siblings in Ireland. Comes across such a nice lad too like his brother.

I know three pairs of siblings (non famous) who are gay though. Two pairs of brothers and sister and brother.

It's weird the families seemed to be more surprised about the second siblings. As in what are the odds ?? etc. They are all pretty well adjusted though

You know some gay men are crap at sports and camp and some are great at sports and masculine. And it is ok to be either.

tayto lover · 28-01-2014 8:01pm

freshpopcorn wrote: »

It's to show people out there that are depressed/hate themselves/suicidal/living a lie. That being gay is okay and that you don't have to be loud and camp to be gay.

You don't have to be gay to experience any of that though.
Of course being gay is ok and if I was gay I wouldn't like to be called "the gay footballer", "the gay teacher" etc. I'd much prefer to be the sportsman or the teacher.
I actually think it does a dis-service to gay people to highlight the fact that they are gay. The statement makes them seem different when they are not. They are people.

freshpopcorn · 28-01-2014 8:46pm

tayto lover wrote: »

You don't have to be gay to experience any of that though.
Of course being gay is ok and if I was gay I wouldn't like to be called "the gay footballer", "the gay teacher" etc. I'd much prefer to be the sportsman or the teacher.
I actually think it does a dis-service to gay people to highlight the fact that they are gay. The statement makes them seem different when they are not. They are people.

I was referring to people who were gay and it made them depressed/suicidal/etc
They are people out there in manly working/schooling/sporting/family environments and they don't realise/fully believe they are gay because they feel they don't fit the bill. People used often associate being gay with being camp/having a high pitched voice/being stereotypically gay and this still exist.
When people like the Cusacks come out it shows people you can be sporty/manly and be gay.

Lou.m · 28-01-2014 8:52pm

tayto lover wrote: »

You don't have to be gay to experience any of that though.
Of course being gay is ok and if I was gay I wouldn't like to be called "the gay footballer", "the gay teacher" etc. I'd much prefer to be the sportsman or the teacher.
I actually think it does a dis-service to gay people to highlight the fact that they are gay. The statement makes them seem different when they are not. They are people.

If you are not gay you don't know what a gay person would like to be called.

It is like saying if I were black I would not mind being called the N word.

It is up to people who are actually gay to decide.

And some people are proud to be known as gay. It IS something about our identity and it is not for anyone else to decide.

Some gay people prefer differently. I don't know why you are in the LGBT section as a straight person complaining about gay people who want to have members of their community to look up to. And WE refer to them as gay people maybe some of us like that.

Experiencing depression because of discrimination or being gay in a straight world is different. And coming out being proud to be gay and saying it is a part of your identity is empowering for some people.

If you are not gay why worry about it?

tayto lover · 28-01-2014 9:42pm

Lou.m wrote: »

If you are not gay you don't know what a gay person would like to be called.

It is like saying if I were black I would not mind being called the N word.

It is up to people who are actually gay to decide.

And some people are proud to be known as gay. It IS something about our identity and it is not for anyone else to decide.

Some gay people prefer differently. I don't know why you are in the LGBT section as a straight person complaining about gay people who want to have members of their community to look up to. And WE refer to them as gay people maybe some of us like that.

Experiencing depression because of discrimination or being gay in a straight world is different. And coming out being proud to be gay and saying it is a part of your identity is empowering for some people.

If you are not gay why worry about it?

Because I think it is highlighting a difference when there is no need.
Any gay person I know wants to be treated the same as anyone else and do not want to be classified as different.

baby and crumble · 28-01-2014 10:23pm

tayto lover wrote: »

Because I think it is highlighting a difference when there is no need.
Any gay person I know wants to be treated the same as anyone else and do not want to be classified as different.

I want to be treated as someone worthy of respect. If a few high profile individuals coming out- thereby breaking the taboos that STILL EXIST in Ireland- means someones grandad down the country who sees the local football hero is gay changes his opinion and votes for expanding my rights etc., then great.

Look, the simple fact is that until Ireland is somewhere where NOBODY is treated negatively for being gay, then these types of stories are going to happen. Until nobody actually has to come out, and make a statement on their sexuality to their family and friends, then stories like this are going to happen. And for each high profile person like this who comes out, there are 100 people who come out who are ostracised for their sexuality, and seeing positive role models is vitally important.

tayto lover · 28-01-2014 11:30pm

baby and crumble wrote: »

I want to be treated as someone worthy of respect. If a few high profile individuals coming out- thereby breaking the taboos that STILL EXIST in Ireland- means someones grandad down the country who sees the local football hero is gay changes his opinion and votes for expanding my rights etc., then great.

Look, the simple fact is that until Ireland is somewhere where NOBODY is treated negatively for being gay, then these types of stories are going to happen. Until nobody actually has to come out, and make a statement on their sexuality to their family and friends, then stories like this are going to happen. And for each high profile person like this who comes out, there are 100 people who come out who are ostracised for their sexuality, and seeing positive role models is vitally important.

Ok I can understand your opinion in those circumstances.

baby and crumble · 28-01-2014 11:36pm

tayto lover wrote: »

Ok I can understand your opinion in those circumstances.

I totally see where you're coming from too, btw. I just think we need to be realistic too.

AwaitYourReply · 29-01-2014 12:33am

Some fascinating and well thought out comments in this thread topic. I hugely admire the two Cusack men (who I do not know personally myself apart from what I've read in the media) for being so brave, courageous and generous in the whole way that they have expressed their own personal thoughts on such sensitive subjects (i.e.) mental health/depression among men & being gay in public. Anyone from a rural community would not find it easy to share this and I hope they are rewarded in time to come as they deserve every happiness for helping others who may not feel able to come out in a similar way. Their actions demonstrate that to be gay you do NOT need to fit or match any of the typical stereotypes often portrayed in the popular media - it's just that the wider community needs to know that people are not all the same in the LGBT community either. They are all unique people in their own way who should never have to apologise to anyone else for being gay. Well done to Conor Cusack and also to Donal Óg Cusack for the good example you have both shown in this area. The GAA and Cloyne are lucky to have two such fine ambassadors who are broadminded and very much in touch with men's issues in modern Ireland. I hope your message is received positively by as many people as possible.

hotmail.com · 29-01-2014 12:55am

AwaitYourReply wrote: »

Some fascinating and well thought out comments in this thread topic. I hugely admire the two Cusack men (who I do not know personally myself apart from what I've read in the media) for being so brave, courageous and generous in the whole way that they have expressed their own personal thoughts on such sensitive subjects (i.e.) mental health/depression among men & being gay in public. Anyone from a rural community would not find it easy to share this and I hope they are rewarded in time to come as they deserve every happiness for helping others who may not feel able to come out in a similar way. Their actions demonstrate that to be gay you do NOT need to fit or match any of the typical stereotypes often portrayed in the popular media - it's just that the wider community needs to know that people are not all the same in the LGBT community either. They are all unique people in their own way who should never have to apologise to anyone else for being gay. Well done to Conor Cusack and also to Donal Óg Cusack for the good example you have both shown in this area. The GAA and Cloyne are lucky to have two such fine ambassadors who are broadminded and very much in touch with men's issues in modern Ireland. I hope your message is received positively by as many people as possible.

Outside of his local area and the fact that he's the brother of a mildly famous person, I just don't get the front page status of this story.

If anything it may have a negative impact on coming out as it makes it a huge deal, which it shouldn't be.

baby and crumble · 29-01-2014 1:01am

hotmail.com wrote: »

Outside of his local area and the fact that he's the brother of a mildly famous person, I just don't get the front page status of this story.

If anything it may have a negative impact on coming out as it makes it a huge deal, which it shouldn't be.

In all fairness, he too played hurling for Cork. He's also a well known person in mental health, campaigning for acceptance of mental health issues as normal.

sawdoubters · 29-01-2014 1:03am

they say it runs in the family usually farther son,not 2 brothers

Annasopra · 29-01-2014 1:14am

hotmail.com wrote: »

Outside of his local area and the fact that he's the brother of a mildly famous person, I just don't get the front page status of this story.

If anything it may have a negative impact on coming out as it makes it a huge deal, which it shouldn't be.

I really don't see how it would have a negative impact at all.

AwaitYourReply · 29-01-2014 1:45am

Coming Out where people in public life have a higher profile than your average Joe Soap be it through Sport, Music,Politics, Film/TV etc; are concerned is grabbing increased attention. In more recent years with Tom Daley (UK Olympic Diver), Gareth Thomas (Welsh Rugby), Donal Óg Cusack, Conor Cusack, the late Stephen Gately (ex BoyZone), Mark Feehily (ex WestLife) Derek Mooney (RTE), Michael Murphy newsreader (RTE), Aengus MacGrianna newsreader (RTE), Jerry Buttimer (Fine Gael TD) all confirming their sexual orientation/sexual preference on the public record and so on...
The whole mental health/depression and possible link to male suicide is also a hot topic and if it sells more newspapers and generates more advertising then it will make it into some newspaper front pages especially if the particular publication believes it to be newsworthy on that day Versus what other stories are grabbing attention at that point in time. I saw the Conor Cusack story as more of a positive rather than negative and I really hope that it has a positive impact but you maybe right but only time will tell to be fair.
As far as gay tendencies running within the same family: I honestly do not know if it has yet been conclusively shown that where a gay parent is concerned that it would always runs from the gay parent in question down to their own direct offspring as opposed to two siblings of same generation. I'm not certain it is as clear cut but again I am open to correction here.

L1011 · 29-01-2014 9:32am

sawdoubters wrote: »

they say it runs in the family usually farther son,not 2 brothers

No, "they" don't. Try to not spout random contents of your brain as facts.

J_E · 29-01-2014 2:55pm

I have a great deal of respect for the Cusack family.

floggg · 29-01-2014 3:43pm

tayto lover wrote: »

Because I think it is highlighting a difference when there is no need.
Any gay person I know wants to be treated the same as anyone else and do not want to be classified as different.

hotmail.com wrote: »

Outside of his local area and the fact that he's the brother of a mildly famous person, I just don't get the front page status of this story.

If anything it may have a negative impact on coming out as it makes it a huge deal, which it shouldn't be.

I'm assuming your not gay yourself.

However, if you ever read or watch interviews with the likes of Gareth Thomas (Rugby), Jason Collins (NBA player), Robbie Rodgers, Anton Hysen, Thomas Hitzelsperger (soccer) you will see that these people all receive messages from closeted gay people or gay teens struggling with their sexuality all saying how their coming out had such a positive impact on them. The same goes in other contexts outside of sport.

It's important to have visibility of gay people for numerous reasons - so that gay people can see that being gay isn't incompatible with playing sport, or following a certain career path, that you can live your life openly and proudly, that you're not alone and that you have nothing to be ashamed of.

You'll also see those gay sports stars saying they wished they had somebody in their own position to look up to as a youth, and to be an example for them.

The visibility of gay people is also hugely important for advancing equality and eliminating prejudice and homophobia. Attitudes to homosexuality only changed when gay people came out and refused to be hidden, and people realised that gay people weren't sinister perverts. they were their friends, family, colleagues etc.

If a prominent sports star or other person comes out, straight people are force to re-examine their own ideas of who and what gay are. Lots of people used to think that being gay was incompatible with being into sport or "manly" - the more people who come out the more they see the reality of who and what gay people are.

It is particularly relevant as the Irish people are soon going to be asked to essentially vote on whether gay relationships should be treated with equal dignity and respect by the state as gay straight relationships in a marriage equality referendum. if people are going to vote on lgbt relationships, its important that they can attach faces to those relationships and recognise that this is the rights of real people they are voting on.

And, as a gay person I never want the "difference" to be downplayed. While I don't want to be defined by my sexuality, it is an important part of me. and pretending it doesn't exist would be ignoring a part of me.

Lastly, much like all other news, it's news because there are clearly people interested in this. If this sort of news didn't matter to people, the national media wouldn't have picked it up from his blog and published it.

AwaitYourReply · 30-01-2014 12:19am

It is heartening to read the very positive Editorial piece written in today's Cork Evening Echo (dated Wednesday 29/01/2014) in relation to the Conor Cusack coming out story. It also praises the efforts of his older brother Donal Óg Cusack who lead the way in this area as well. Those men did not have to go the public route and let's face it would have involved risks however; their decision to do so shows tremendous character and good nature and they deserve praise and respect for doing so.

LegacyUser · 30-01-2014 2:45am

Going anonymous here. I'm gay, from out the country and I play GAA. I also have a gay brother. When I first saw the headline in the Star or Sun in the shop I sort of cringed. I understood why Dónal Óg coming out was a big deal and I admire him for doing so. In fact, I just recently got round to buying his book a few weeks back. Anyways, at first I was a bit embarrassed that we are still at the stage that his much lesser-known brother makes the front headlines for coming out. The fact that it was the Sun or Star 'newspapers' didn't give me much hope for a decent article, without the sensationalized bull that they spout in those papers. Anyways, after some more thinking about it, I'm glad he made it public. A lot of people read about his battles with depression in the past, and sure anything to help normalize being gay, I'm all in support. Fair play to him.

For people saying that it's not a big deal in this day and age...alas, it still is. Undoubtedly, not as much of an issue as it was before, but it still is an issue. It's funny how the small, seemingly insignificant little comments can stay in one's memory. About this time of year, three years ago at a training session we were stretching after doing the warm-up. Stretching the quads, involving standing on one leg, our manager told us that we can put a hand on each other's shoulder for balance because, "We don't have any Dónal Ógs here." As if you couldn't have a gay guy rest a hand on your shoulder. That was an off-the-cuff, irrelevant statement to most people. I didn't care much about the statement, but it kind of stayed with me as a sign of how welcome gay players were. Luckily I've come out since to some of my teammates and haven't encountered any noteworthy hassle from them. Although I have heard that it has been talked about among other players, but none have acknowledged it with me, while sober.

Anyways, just wanted to say, yes, it is unfortunate that we are still at the stage that this type of story still makes the headlines but with the more public figures and players that do come out, the less of story it will become with each one. So fair play to Conor. As I mentioned, my brother's also gay, and I actually found that the fact that he had come out before me made it harder for me to do. I felt that it would draw more attention onto the family as a whole that two brothers were gay.

(I always thought Conor was better looking than Dónal Óg anyways...so it was good news in that respect as well!! )

AwaitYourReply · 30-01-2014 9:21pm

Sligeach4Sam14 - Your story is an interesting read and I totally understand why anyone still chooses to remain anonymous especially in an Online platform such as here. I applaud those who feel able to come out so publicly but I would never ever judge or hold it against those who feels very uneasy or unable to go public as we all come from unique backgrounds and some families and friends support networks are more approachable than others for a whole host of different reasons. Some parents & families are often more "old school" in their thinking and it would be great in an ideal world to tell them all to get over it but most people tend to want their parents & families & friends to be fully behind them in a supportive way rather than reject it or tolerate it. It's not all that long ago that 2 guys kissing in one well known bar in Cork City were made feel very unwelcome for expressing their affection towards each other and although there was subsequently some kind of understanding reached between all parties concerned it reminded me that we still have some distance to go in this area.

Everyone be they straight, gay or otherwise deserves to find true love and affection without trampling on others in the process. I just wish i was in my late teens or 20s now as its all the more harder once you start to hit your 40s in age in my experience! Hopefully you will meet your soul mate and get to spend the rest of your life with someone you love. All the Best

Lou.m · 30-01-2014 11:16pm

Sligeach4Sam14 wrote: »

Going anonymous here. I'm gay, from out the country and I play GAA. I also have a gay brother. When I first saw the headline in the Star or Sun in the shop I sort of cringed. I understood why Dónal Óg coming out was a big deal and I admire him for doing so. In fact, I just recently got round to buying his book a few weeks back. Anyways, at first I was a bit embarrassed that we are still at the stage that his much lesser-known brother makes the front headlines for coming out. The fact that it was the Sun or Star 'newspapers' didn't give me much hope for a decent article, without the sensationalized bull that they spout in those papers. Anyways, after some more thinking about it, I'm glad he made it public. A lot of people read about his battles with depression in the past, and sure anything to help normalize being gay, I'm all in support. Fair play to him.

For people saying that it's not a big deal in this day and age...alas, it still is. Undoubtedly, not as much of an issue as it was before, but it still is an issue. It's funny how the small, seemingly insignificant little comments can stay in one's memory. About this time of year, three years ago at a training session we were stretching after doing the warm-up. Stretching the quads, involving standing on one leg, our manager told us that we can put a hand on each other's shoulder for balance because, "We don't have any Dónal Ógs here." As if you couldn't have a gay guy rest a hand on your shoulder. That was an off-the-cuff, irrelevant statement to most people. I didn't care much about the statement, but it kind of stayed with me as a sign of how welcome gay players were. Luckily I've come out since to some of my teammates and haven't encountered any noteworthy hassle from them. Although I have heard that it has been talked about among other players, but none have acknowledged it with me, while sober.

Anyways, just wanted to say, yes, it is unfortunate that we are still at the stage that this type of story still makes the headlines but with the more public figures and players that do come out, the less of story it will become with each one. So fair play to Conor. As I mentioned, my brother's also gay, and I actually found that the fact that he had come out before me made it harder for me to do. I felt that it would draw more attention onto the family as a whole that two brothers were gay.

(I always thought Conor was better looking than Dónal Óg anyways...so it was good news in that respect as well!! )

I hope it helps more in your situation feel more accepted and loved :-) HUGS

floggg · 31-01-2014 1:17am

Sligeach4Sam14 wrote: »

Going anonymous here. I'm gay, from out the country and I play GAA. I also have a gay brother. When I first saw the headline in the Star or Sun in the shop I sort of cringed. I understood why Dónal Óg coming out was a big deal and I admire him for doing so. In fact, I just recently got round to buying his book a few weeks back. Anyways, at first I was a bit embarrassed that we are still at the stage that his much lesser-known brother makes the front headlines for coming out. The fact that it was the Sun or Star 'newspapers' didn't give me much hope for a decent article, without the sensationalized bull that they spout in those papers. Anyways, after some more thinking about it, I'm glad he made it public. A lot of people read about his battles with depression in the past, and sure anything to help normalize being gay, I'm all in support. Fair play to him.

For people saying that it's not a big deal in this day and age...alas, it still is. Undoubtedly, not as much of an issue as it was before, but it still is an issue. It's funny how the small, seemingly insignificant little comments can stay in one's memory. About this time of year, three years ago at a training session we were stretching after doing the warm-up. Stretching the quads, involving standing on one leg, our manager told us that we can put a hand on each other's shoulder for balance because, "We don't have any Dónal Ógs here." As if you couldn't have a gay guy rest a hand on your shoulder. That was an off-the-cuff, irrelevant statement to most people. I didn't care much about the statement, but it kind of stayed with me as a sign of how welcome gay players were. Luckily I've come out since to some of my teammates and haven't encountered any noteworthy hassle from them. Although I have heard that it has been talked about among other players, but none have acknowledged it with me, while sober.

Anyways, just wanted to say, yes, it is unfortunate that we are still at the stage that this type of story still makes the headlines but with the more public figures and players that do come out, the less of story it will become with each one. So fair play to Conor. As I mentioned, my brother's also gay, and I actually found that the fact that he had come out before me made it harder for me to do. I felt that it would draw more attention onto the family as a whole that two brothers were gay.

(I always thought Conor was better looking than Dónal Óg anyways...so it was good news in that respect as well!! )

If there is one thing less sexy than a Cork accent, it's a Cork jersey!

Lou.m · 31-01-2014 11:56pm

floggg wrote: »

If there is one thing less sexy than a Cork accent, it's a Cork jersey!

We may end gay fueds and homophobia ...but we are never going to end intercounty warfare

And WHEN will Dublin win the Hurling ..when when when it's OUR tuuurn !

I love Dublin.

I like Cork too. But I love Dublin.

Sorry went a bit off topic there.....

lottpaul · 01-02-2014 12:21am

floggg wrote: »

If there is one thing less sexy than a Cork accent, it's a Cork jersey!

To a Kerryman any player in a Cork jersey is definitely less sexy

but well done to Conor and to Dónal and the whole Cusack family.
Wish him all the best in his struggles with depression and his work to help others in the same situation.

floggg · 01-02-2014 5:46pm

Lou.m wrote: »

We may end gay fueds and homophobia ...but we are never going to end intercounty warfare

And WHEN will Dublin win the Hurling ..when when when it's OUR tuuurn !

I love Dublin.

I like Cork too. But I love Dublin.

Sorry went a bit off topic there.....

I haven't much more love for Dublin.

Though I'll admit that not even a Dublin jersey can take away from Bernie Brogan 's hotness!

ongarboy · 15-02-2014 6:30pm

Excellent interview with Conor Cusack on Late Late last night. He discusses his past depression and coming out. He comes across as such a lovely guy and so much of what he says is so inspirational and from which everyone could benefit! Worth watching!

Starts at about 29 minutes in.

http://www.rte.ie/player/ie/show/10253102/

periodictable · 15-02-2014 10:51pm

Lou.m wrote: »

I know three pairs of siblings (non famous) who are gay though. Two pairs of brothers and sister and brother.

It's weird the families seemed to be more surprised about the second siblings. As in what are the odds ?? etc. They are all pretty well adjusted though

I've a friend who's one of 5 children, 4 boys and a girl.
Three of the boys are gay, their brother and sister straight.
The three gay boys are also left handed. Genetics?
I came out to a former teacher of mine some years back-he was a well known bishop, and a scientist, and he quizzed me about being gay. I cited this example, which really impressed him, and, whilst always being quite a liberal guy, which his colleagues hated, I did notice a very much stronger defense of gay people from him in his pronouncements following our chat, and I think it was from a greater understanding of the genetic basis for that.

Conor Cusack opens up about his sexuality

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