Jehovah's Witnesses

Brimmy · 17-12-2010 5:05pm #1

Just wondering what the general AH opinion is on them? They keep calling around to my house recently and I'm slowly considering becoming one.

Not necessarily because I agree with the ideology but because they always call around with a different hot girl and they seem to be getting hotter each time...although the same girl never comes around twice. Which gets me wondering what happens to them? Should I be worried?

What should I do?

yeppydeppy · 17-12-2010 5:07pm

Yes, join us and you can help sacrifice and eat the hot girls (ooh and some nice halibut)

17-12-2010 5:08pm

I would look into their beliefs regarding sex and relationship before you get involved with the hot girl.

Are these the ones that wear the white shirts, ties and usually manbags too? God - they annoy the hell out of me.

phill106 · 17-12-2010 5:09pm

Brimmy wrote: »

Just wondering what the general AH opinion is on them? They keep calling around to my house recently and I'm slowly considering becoming one.

Not necessarily because I agree with the ideology but because they always call around with a different hot girl and they seem to be getting hotter each time...although the same girl never comes around twice. Which gets me wondering what happens to them? Should I be worried?

What should I do?

You would be out of luck, think they have a problem with sharing body fluids

dr.bollocko · 17-12-2010 5:10pm

If you live in a remote area and two call around, shoot the both of them.
Perfect crime. There'll be no witnesses.

easyeason3 · 17-12-2010 5:10pm

I don't know when I was last approached by one of them.

I feel left out now.

17-12-2010 5:10pm

dr.bollocko wrote: »

If you live in a remote area and two call around, shoot the both of them.
Perfect crime. There'll be no witnesses.

Apart from Jehova.

Brimmy · 17-12-2010 5:12pm

phill106 wrote: »

You would be out of luck, think they have a problem with sharing body fluids

Knew there had to be a catch...

easyeason3 wrote: »

I don't know when I was last approached by one of them.

I feel left out now.

You can come around to my house the next time they call around if you like. There's always two so we can split them, it would give me time alone with the hot girl too :cool:

Welruc · 17-12-2010 5:14pm

dr.bollocko wrote: »

If you live in a remote area and two call around, shoot the both of them.
Perfect crime. There'll be no witnesses.

Pun intended or not??? I can't decide

thebigbiffo · 17-12-2010 5:14pm

i once had a 20 minutes theological argument with a jehovah's witness at my front door. that f'ucker knew what he was on about alright. but i then i pulled out the old millions dieing of starvation card.

f'uck yeah.

Marcus.Aurelius · 17-12-2010 5:14pm

Brimmy wrote: »

Just wondering what the general AH opinion is on them? They keep calling around to my house recently and I'm slowly considering becoming one.

Not necessarily because I agree with the ideology but because they always call around with a different hot girl and they seem to be getting hotter each time...although the same girl never comes around twice. Which gets me wondering what happens to them? Should I be worried?

What should I do?

As an ex JW, all I can tell you is to stay away. As far away as you possibly can. If you want to keep your independence, if you want to make your own decisions in life. If you like dedicating your life to an organisation that demands you refuse blood in medical emergencies, feel free to piss your life against the nearest wall.

If you join you'll have all your decisions made for you, all your morals controlled by a group of old farts in Brooklyn. No sex before marriage, no sex positions except the good 'ol missionary position, you dirty pervert.

That hot girl is just bait, and she won't touch you until you're a fully functioning drone within the collective.

A bit overkill, but all true.

Sea Sharp · 17-12-2010 5:16pm

Some of my family are members.
They're hard-core christian nutters.

The end has been nigh for at least 100 years.

jack presley · 17-12-2010 5:21pm

Caesar Augustus wrote: »

That hot girl is just bait, and she won't touch you until you're a fully functioning drone within the collective.

But she will touch you then? Hhmmmmm?

Marcus.Aurelius · 17-12-2010 5:23pm

Sea Sharp wrote: »

Some of my family are members.
They're hard-core christian nutters.

The end has been nigh for at least 100 years.

And failed prophecies and doctrinal flip flops all the way through, recent ones have caused a lot of internal conflict.

Cognitive dissonance ftw!

Marcus.Aurelius · 17-12-2010 5:24pm

jack presley wrote: »

But she will touch you then? Hhmmmmm?

Not until you're married, unless your chaperone isn't looking and she's faking her interest in the JDubs too.

(Yes, I said chaperone)

(No, I'm not kidding)

smash · 17-12-2010 5:25pm

You should invite her in for a chat and a cup of tea. Make sure you're just wearing a dressing gown and no boxers. Sit facing her with your legs open and act like normal. Then come back here and tell us what happens.

kowloon · 17-12-2010 5:26pm

Caesar Augustus wrote: »

As an ex JW, all I can tell you is to stay away. As far away as you possibly can.

My spider senses are tingling, there's a story in this, do tell...

prinz · 17-12-2010 5:27pm

Admiral Akbar: It's a HONEY trap!!

red menace · 17-12-2010 5:27pm

Witnesses believe there are two destinations for those saved by God. They say the number of Christians going to heaven is limited to exactly 144,000, who will rule with Jesus as kings and priests over earth

Their heaven bus is filling up quick so I would sign up soon.
You don't want to get stung with the earthly paradise

Marcus.Aurelius · 17-12-2010 5:33pm

kowloon wrote: »

My spider senses are tingling, there's a story in this, do tell...

Actually I had quite a good childhood, and didn't suffer much because of my parents who were fairly moderate. There are loads of people who have suffered family breakdown with some awful consequences.

People (and parents) around the world who refused blood transfusions, organ transplants (old days) and died (or their children died). Children discouraged from going to University, full-time job offers ignored so they could preach full-time. Malawians butchered for refusing to carry a political card (ordered to refuse to) while Mexican witnesses were allowed to bribe officials to rubber stamp false claims of having served in the military so as to escape prison. There were thousands of witnesses imprisoned for refusing military service and alternative service too.

The old farts in Brooklyn eventually changed it and blamed anyone who resented their senility for not waiting on Jehovah to sort it out. Always the same.

Hey OP, you want to see the real stories? Try any of these:

www.jehovahswitnessrecovery.com
www.jehovahs-witness.net
www.silentlambs.org
www.freeminds.org

Jumpy · 17-12-2010 5:37pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Apart from Jehova.

http://i.ytimg.com/vi/R_hlMK7tCks/hqdefault.jpg

TheZohanS · 17-12-2010 5:40pm

Had a couple of them call around to me around a year ago, two old dudes. I was polite to them only because one of the old guys hands were twisted with arthritis....then he farted. :mad:

AgileMyth · 17-12-2010 5:48pm

It must be awful awkward when the Jehovah's witnesses call to the Mormon's house.

prinz · 17-12-2010 5:50pm

TheZohan wrote: »

I was polite to them only because one of the old guys hands were twisted with arthritis....then he farted. :mad:

Did he ask you to pull his finger? :pac:

/coats already on.

Marcus.Aurelius · 17-12-2010 5:53pm

AgileMyth wrote: »

It must be awful awkward when the Jehovah's witnesses call to the Mormon's house.

Both parties probably wet themselves as they read each other's stuff.

kowloon · 17-12-2010 5:53pm

Cheers Caesar. Glad to hear you didn't have a bad childhood because of it.

Sea Sharp · 17-12-2010 6:06pm

Caesar Augustus wrote: »

Both parties probably wet themselves as they read each other's stuff.

It would be like some sort of Bible dance-off.

kerryman12 · 17-12-2010 7:05pm

the same story here, regular callers.

I alternate between I am not interested and, oh yea call in and say the rosary with me and then we will discuss your beliefs

PeterIanStaker · 17-12-2010 7:07pm

I got an advent calendar off the Jehovahs Witnesses.

I opened the little door and there were two more of the f*ckers behind it!

For Forks Sake · 17-12-2010 7:16pm

Saw two of them tramping around in north Belfast yesterday. They must have really pissed jehovah off to be assigned that beat.

cynder · 17-12-2010 8:38pm

kowloon wrote: »

Cheers Caesar. Glad to hear you didn't have a bad childhood because of it.

My father did, his parents were evil. He turned to drink and drugs because of the 'ROD OF DISCIPLINE' he left the religion but returned to it when we were kids. We had it bad but nowhere as bad as he did.

I hate his parents and his one sibling (his as evil as his parents). My one brother remained a jehovah's witness, my other brother and i left.

I know a load of jehovah's witnesses and you cant paint them all with the same brush. I have a respect for many of them that i know, others mainly my dads family i HATE THEM, they a bunch of liars and hypocrites and deceiving monsters. But if there religion is too believed then they will get whats coming to them.

I wouldn't like to say anything against the religion as my motto is 'each to their own'. As long as someone is a good person i could not care what religion they are.

* funny thing is im now 30, i left 15 years ago but i still believe most of what was taught, or to say i believe it more than any other religion i have encountered.

the purple tin · 17-12-2010 8:44pm

Are JW's allowed to drink alcohol, eat pork etc?

cynder · 17-12-2010 8:49pm

the purple tin wrote: »

Are JW's allowed to drink alcohol, eat pork etc?

Jehovahs witnesses YES, jews, pork NO drink????

Jehovah's witnesses can drink alcohol only in moderation they are not permitted to get drunk.

Yet my dad was an alcoholic and so were his parents and one brother. They didn't let anyone know that they liked the drink, only the family knew and it was a big secret. My dads traumatic childhood drove him to drink and drugs.

Thatnastyboy · 11-05-2011 6:46pm

^^

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kA4YMAHozWw

holystungun9 · 11-05-2011 10:43pm

Had some young J dubs in my class. A big part of their philosophy is that the only thing you can 'celebrate' is him above( if you believe that cr@p in the first place).
The parents gave me a leaflet about their beliefs and norms etc, so when it was father's day or mother's day, I would be helping the other little kids making their cards and gluing stuff etc. etc. but I was to give the j dubs some puzzles or other thing to do as those kind of days are manmade celebrations and play no part in their lifestyle.
Same with birthdays or school plays. We had to section them off somewhere else as the rest of the school had the party or did the play, performance etc. It's a fairly dull life style from what I can understand and I hope for their sakes there is some ever lasting heaven type place for them or else they will have completely wasted their time on earth.
Also a thing that bothered me a bit was when the subject of christmas came up (they were 5 year old kids) and one of the jdubs says that he is going to heaven and the christmas celebrating rest of us were going to see hell (he didn't know that word but he managed to express it and mentioned the animal/monster we would be living with( the devil I guess). Sweet kids but the parents are so 'focused' in their belief I think it can only stifle their kids lives and limit (to some degree) their friendships and outside experiences.

FinnLizzy · 11-05-2011 11:08pm

For Forks Sake wrote: »

Saw two of them tramping around in north Belfast yesterday. They must have really pissed jehovah off to be assigned that beat.

Were they Catholic Jehovah's Witnesses or Protestant Jehovah's Witnesses?

galwayrush · 11-05-2011 11:26pm

I got a lecture from them some time back about the metits of whole grained bread above all things.
Bloody Hovis Witnesses.

Smeefa · 11-05-2011 11:28pm

There was a JW in my secondary school class - one of the nicest guys you'll meet.

He never tried to convert or even talked about his beliefs until we started pestering him, wanting to know who Jehova was and was he allowed "pleasure" himself... He was grand with it all, answered all our questions!

Only thing was he NEVER came out if we were drinking or anything, stuck with his own friends from church or whatever I guess.. Since finishing school he seemed to disappear off the face of the earth, no one has seen him since the Leaving cert!

Jehovah's Witnesses

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