Will I ever get over her and feel love for someone else again?!

af_thefragile · 03-05-2008 1:01pm #1

Dunno again why i'm posting this. Guess i just need to vent. Or maybe find the answer to that question?!

I've got this ex whom i was in a really serious relationship with till last year when we broke up towards the peak of our relationship (her mom made it happen n we had to part unwillingly). Things went completely downhill from there. She started dating this other dude the next day of the relationship and we tried to be friends, it didn't work out, tried again, didn't work out again. It was all horrible until i finally told her to **** off and hope i'ld never hear from her again.

Now yesterday i got this mail from her (last thing i wanted right now), it wasn't bad though. She was apologizing for everything that happened and wishing me good luck n all, told me she still thinks bout me everyday... saying goodbye, promised me i'ld never hear from her again.

So here's the situation:
I still love her deep down in me. I know she still loves me deep down in her heart too. I know if we ever get back, it'll be the happiest day of our lives. And hypothetically if we manage to put aside all that happened over the past year, we'ld be the happiest people on this planet. I know we can't get back together. She's still with her boyfriend, neither do i want to get back in a relationship with her after all that happened over the past year. I just can't see it happening. My ego won't let it happen either.

And here's the problem:
I still feel i love her deep down. I feel i won't be able to love anyone again the same way. I feel i won't be able to find another person like her, be in another relationship like the one i was in. Cuz no matter how it ended n what all happened after it ended, it was the best time of my life when we were together. It was love, i felt it and tasted it. It was pure and true. Something i feel my life can never match again.

SO what am i supposed to do here?
Will i ever be able to break out of this rut? Will i ever be able to love someone else again without wishing the world could somehow flip around and we could be together again. Will i ever be with another girl cuz i love her rather than cuz i'm attracted towards her?
I've got these questions which i dunno if anyone can answer...

Though maybe there's one question ye guys here could help me out with..
How can i get out of this and be able to live a normal life again??! Be able to fall in love again? Feel love for someone else again without wishing i'ld be with my ex instead. How can i make this happen? This is the question...

cowzerp · 03-05-2008 1:10pm

Move on and learn from it, its better to have loved and lost etc...

you will get over her but need to get on with new parts of your life..

af_thefragile · 03-05-2008 1:16pm

^Thats exactly what i've been doing over the past few months.
I've had zero contact with her since Jan till the mail yesterday. And she tried to add me as a friend saying "for the sake of old times", but i rejected her friend request saying its not time for it yet. Its best for us to stay away from eachother.

Its just i feel i can't love again cuz i still love her somewhere deep down in me. But i wanna be able to love again. I just can't see it happening. I don't know if i'll find another person like her again, i feel i'll never find another person i can love the same away again and you know how it goes....
Yeah, its the same old story with me and i know these thoughts rarely come true, its just i need to get myself to somehow truly believe this is not gonna happen with me and i will be able to find an awesome relationship again, without my brain going "B.S!".

Liam Byrne · 03-05-2008 1:19pm

Hold on.....either your phrasing is iffy or I'm not awake enough...

It was - supposedly - "serious", but she started dating someone else THE NEXT DAY ?

If that's the case, forget it - she's a headwrecker; as for that email, forget it too....I got one of those over Christmas....didn't know [then] whether to take it as sincere, and tried to take it at face value, but now I'm pretty sure that it wasn't.

While there are genuine people out there, most of the time stuff like that is purely idiotic game-playing / keeping options open.....let 'em off.....

Oh, and the "add as friend" stunt ? Been there! It seems to be the preferred method of the late 2000's for keeping tabs on an ex......I got asked TWICE - the second time was 2 months after I deleted the first request.....! :P

lolli · 03-05-2008 1:19pm

Op,

I am sorry you are hurting, think about it though, if she really loved you why would she start going out with someone else straight away? She wouldnt. Even if it was a rebound this it wouldnt have lasted this long. If she started going out with someone else straight away she obviously doesnt have much respect for your feelings. You deserve better treatment than that!! Do you really want to be with someone who can treat you in that way.

I know it hurts, it will for a while, when time is right you will meet someone else who deserves your love.

cowzerp · 03-05-2008 1:19pm

Love can come on you so fast, its not something you ask for, when you meet the right 1 it will be all forgoten and you'll be in a happy loving relationship again, i dont have any feelings for my 1st love and i was mad into her and felt i always would be, now im in a long term loving relationship and am happy at the way it panned out..

Wagon · 03-05-2008 1:27pm

I remember your previous threads on this lady and I don't think your looking at her actions with the big picture.

She wants to be friends, you can't. Happens a lot. Women find it easier to be friends with people they've been in relationships with in the past. So you rejecting her requests and telling her to **** of and not hear from her again is pretty understandable and direct. But look at what she does? You're trying to get over her and move on with your life and then she sends you an email out of the blue telling you she thinks about you all the time yet she's still with this other bloke. That would really really piss me off.

Ignore her. Whenever you feel your mind wandering to her, think about something else. Sounds simple but if you can manage it it actually works

you just have to try harder. And remember, no contact.

af_thefragile · 03-05-2008 1:28pm

cowzerp wrote: »

Love can come on you so fast, its not something you ask for, when you meet the right 1 it will be all forgoten and you'll be in a happy loving relationship again, i dont have any feelings for my 1st love and i was mad into her and felt i always would be, now im in a long term loving relationship and am happy at the way it panned out..

Yeah, this is what i've been trying to feel.
I've been waiting for that love to come and searching for it. Haven't found it yet. But then i know you rarely find it when you're anticipating it. It really hits you when you least expect it.

And for the people question about her starting to go out with the other guy the NEXT DAY, yeah, i've sorta been over it. I did spend a good 6months trying to figure out what exactly happened there but now i think i know what really happened. It started off as a rebound, i told her to go away, she tried coming back to me, i told her to f.ck off, so she decided to stay with the current guy she's with. And her explanation was "i'm sorry what started off as a rebound turned into something this beautiful" something like that.
Anyway, that is THE reason why i KNOW i'll never get back with her again. Or else we would had been back together within a few weeks of the breakup.

So yeah, thats the least of my concern.
What my concern right now is to get away from it all and be able to feel that i can have an awesome relationship once again. Cuz lately my bad luck with girls and dying hopes of finding another relationship are seriously not helping my situation...

cowzerp · 03-05-2008 1:36pm

you find women and love when your not looking, fact, thats why men in relationships find it easier to get women!

desperation is the biggest turn off for anyone, go out enjoy yourself and play hard to get, then you'll get there,,

af_thefragile · 03-05-2008 1:37pm

Wagon wrote: »

I remember your previous threads on this lady and I don't think your looking at her actions with the big picture.

She wants to be friends, you can't. Happens a lot. Women find it easier to be friends with people they've been in relationships with in the past. So you rejecting her requests and telling her to **** of and not hear from her again is pretty understandable and direct. But look at what she does? You're trying to get over her and move on with your life and then she sends you an email out of the blue telling you she thinks about you all the time yet she's still with this other bloke. That would really really piss me off.

Ignore her. Whenever you feel your mind wandering to her, think about something else. Sounds simple but if you can manage it it actually works you just have to try harder. And remember, no contact.

Yup i know,
this is bout the 4th time this has happened. She really can't stay for more than 3months without trying to contact me and "try to be friends" again. This was the reason why i told her direct to f.ck off and hope i'ld never hear from her again. It did piss me off when i got that mail cuz it really was the last thing i wanted to see in my inbox!

But yeah, i'll try to keep my mind off her n stuff. Shouldn't be too hard. I'm sorta 80% over her by this stage and have gotten immune to most of her antics. Just gotta find the rest 20% and get done with it. But it doesn't seem to be coming easily. But yeah, maybe over this summer i'ld find a good loads more things to do that'll keep be busy enough n maybe i might find that "love" i've been looking for too! Doesn't take much for hope...

lolli · 03-05-2008 1:38pm

Op what age are you?

af_thefragile · 03-05-2008 1:40pm

^ahmm.. 20.
I know its still very young and i know i do behave like a heart broken teenager at times...

pookie82 · 03-05-2008 1:42pm

Look, it's this simple. i get the impression you're quite young, maybe I'm wrong. I t certainly sounds as if she'd your first love/major relationship. Yes?

Ok. She's a bit of a b*tch by the sounds of things. Going off with another guy the day after you broke up undermined everyhting you two had. She can't take that back. She's messing with your head by sending you thses nostalgic emails while still with him. She wants to stir up a reaction in you and probably still wants to feel like she has some power left over you. Don't give it to her by responding.

First loves are horrible to get over. But you will. However, rushing it and trying to meet the next big thing in your life too soon means you'll get disillusioned and fall into the I'll-never-meet-anyone-like-her-again trap. Admittedly you won't. No two people or relationships are the same. That's not a bad thing. once you've moved on you'll be able to look back on your good times and think nicely of it as a great time in your life. Eventually you won't feel compelled to go back to it.

It feels awful now, and to be honest if you're sitting around consciously waiting for the next love of your life to come along you'll moe than likely be waiting for a long time. Everyone has been in this situation and it does get better. it does change. Don't go back to her, but don't be in too much of a rush to make something else happen either. You'll get over her, believe me.

lolli · 03-05-2008 1:44pm

we all suffer broken hearts every now and then, you arent acting like a heartbroken teenager. Seriously though, you are young, you deserve better treatment than this, there is someone better for you out there than her that will treat you with respect. Enjoy being single for a while and when you meet someone who is worth it and you connect with you will be ready for a new relationship, theres no hurry on you yet. In a few years you'll be kicking yourself that you didnt make the most of your time being single

pookie82 · 03-05-2008 1:44pm

Didn't see your age there till I'd posted. You have YEARS ahead of you to find Ms Right. Go out and play the field and have a good time and when she comes along, she comes along. But don't give this head wrecker the time of day

Wagon · 03-05-2008 1:47pm

af_thefragile wrote: »

But yeah, i'll try to keep my mind off her n stuff. Shouldn't be too hard. I'm sorta 80% over her by this stage and have gotten immune to most of her antics. Just gotta find the rest 20% and get done with it. But it doesn't seem to be coming easily. But yeah, maybe over this summer i'ld find a good loads more things to do that'll keep be busy enough n maybe i might find that "love" i've been looking for too! Doesn't take much for hope...

Don't go looking for it either, it's an absolutely sure way you might never find it

But yeah your doing grand. If you were pining for her back then you'd be acting the wire but you want to move on so that's fine! To be completely honest, she doesn't sound like a very nice lady. You told her repeatedly to leave you alone and yet she doesn't listen. Pretty selfish actions on her part. Here's a tip actually, when you go out and meet a girl don't go looking for qualities in her that you loved in your ex. Rather, remember the really bad stuff your ex did (like not giving a ****e about your feelings and not respecting you as a person) and make sure that she doesn't have these qualities so you can avoid this whole mess in the future.

af_thefragile · 03-05-2008 1:55pm

Yeah, i guess i need to really stop chasing and searching for that "fantasy relationship" of mine and just live my life.
It just gets too lonely at times and i feel getting another relationship would help me get happier and help me completely get over my ex.
But then i think thats not what relationships are for and it'ld be very selfish of me to be in a relationship solely for that purpose and it would never be the sorta relationship i'm looking for.
The relationship with my ex started off with just love for eachother before anything else. Thats why it felt so special. Cuz it was never physical attraction or any sorta stuff like that. It was just i fell in love with the sorta person she was n same happened for her. We started out as friends and got too attached to eachother over time, sharing our burdens n stuff...

Anyway, yeah... i think i need to really stop getting desperate here. Cuz no matter how much i dislike to admit it, i think i am getting desperate for a relationship here! And we all know being desperate you'll never find a relationship.
So guess need to get my head straight, try to enjoy being single a little bit more. Maybe, hopefully someday the right person will come, i won't notice it coming, but when it comes, life will be awesome! I do know i can manage a relationship much better this time around. I've learned immensely from my previous one and all that happened with and after it.

af_thefragile · 03-05-2008 1:58pm

Wagon wrote: »

Here's a tip actually, when you go out and meet a girl don't go looking for qualities in her that you loved in your ex. Rather, remember the really bad stuff your ex did (like not giving a ****e about your feelings and not respecting you as a person) and make sure that she doesn't have these qualities so you can avoid this whole mess in the future.

Great one, i'll keep that in mind! Thanks.

And yeah, i'll try to stop getting desperate here and just live my life. I've got other more important things to do than worry about ex's trying to be friends and searching for relationship that you yourself are not sure where they exist!

Wibbs · 03-05-2008 2:09pm

af_thefragile wrote: »

I've got this ex whom i was in a really serious relationship with till last year when we broke up towards the peak of our relationship (her mom made it happen n we had to part unwillingly). Things went completely downhill from there. She started dating this other dude the next day of the relationship and we tried to be friends,

I remember this well and the part in bold you're still kidding yourself about. Fact. She fancied someone else, she dumped you, then tried to keep you as a safety net should the rebound not work out. If you still believe it was unwillingly you frankly need your head read at this stage. I had a feeling you didn't believe it the advice at the time. Then your actions drove her further towards him and here we are. She's still keeping you in play simply because he is a rebound in my opinion and she wants to make up a "perfect" boyfriend between the pair of you(you won't get the good stuff though). Add in some of the guilt is still running in her. Plus she gets to keep control of the situation which clearly she still has or you wouldn't be here now.

Mark my words she'll dump him and you down the line and go off with a third party and soon enough too I reckon.

You have to let this go and go out and meet other women. Otherwise you're wasting the best years of your life for nothing.

spinandscribble · 03-05-2008 2:11pm

you probably wont want to hear this but by talking about her and going to the effort of posting about her you're not letting yourself forget about it. you seem to be thinking about her way too much. shes attention seeking. i bet you're getting these emails each time things get rough with her fella and she thinks of that old boyfriend who's always good for a pick up. she at the very least is immature and selfish. not respecting your wishes and showing you no respect by hooking up with a new fella the next day. seriously, just forget about her. block her email address why dont you. seriously you're 20. spending a year being miserable is just awful. once you've been with someone else who isn't a headcase who'll actually feel so silly spending any time still thinking about her. Trust me

speaking from personal experience on that one. yes you shouldnt go out with someone when you're on the rebound but you need to move on.
I'm with wibbs on the mother excuse. seriously.

Will I ever get over her and feel love for someone else again?!

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