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Really lonely, hardly any friends

  • 29-04-2008 9:25pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    So as the title says, I have hardly any friends here in Dublin. Sorry if it comes across as moany but I'm getting really lonely and miserable. I came down here for college, enjoyed my time OK, got involved in some societies and met loads of people. Since leaving college last year, I've found it so hard to meet people. In college if you're in your room bored, there's always this or that society to go to, you can just turn up and chat to people whereas now I find myself at a loose end. Now the weather is so lovely in the evenings, I'd love to meet friends for a coffee or go for a walk but I don't really have anyone to call. I do have a couple of friends from college who are still here (most of my mates were internationals and moved away), but one is still in college and really busy and the other wouldn't be up for meeting that often, she spends a lot of time at home with her mam and family. Other than these 2 girls I wouldn't really have anyone I'd call a good friend. I've been temping, so that means I never really get to know anyone in a work situation either, and all the places I've worked mostly had older people (40 or so), and I'm 22. I am lucky enough to have a great boyfriend which stops me going completely insane, but he has his own friends and finds it too stifling to invite me along as we'd then be spending all our time together. .

    Is anyone else in the same boat and has managed to overcome the loneliness? What did you do? I thought about volunteering but most of the activities seemed to be during working hours, or in the time I'd be going to/from work. I thought joining a club of some sort might work but I don't have much money to spare so it'd need to be something fairly cheap. My interests are music, live gigs, just having a pint in the pub, going for tapas, I'm into salsa and other dance (not very good at it tho!), foreign films, but I'd be willing to give anything a try. Just anywhere I can meet people in my age group! I'd appreciate any suggestions!


Comments

  • #2
    RedXIV
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,465 ✭✭✭RedXIV


    Hey lass!

    Dunno about you but i'm heading up to Dub for the summer next week and i know precious few people, so if ya get stuck gimmie a shout :D

    I've enquired into a few martial arts clubs in my area, looking into the place i'm workin and i'm sure i'll meet more people on the way! I love meeting new people so shouldn't take too long to get comfortable and if ya still feel lonely next week, lemme know!


  • #3
    Kevster
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,980 ✭✭✭Kevster


    Hi,

    Just so you don't feel completely alien, I am 25 and have no friends either (bar those that I see each day in college). In the past year I have only been in a pub once I think, and it's been years since I was last in a night club. Cinema? - I cannot remember when I was last in one.

    It's not that I'm shy or anything - it's just that I don't enjoy the things that everyone else does.

    Take care,
    Kevin.


  • #4
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    I can relate. I went to the cinema alone this evening; I really only know two people here and rarely see them. So it certainly isn't just you who's lonely out there. I'd say there's a lot more than you might think.


  • #5
    AARRRGH
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,382 ✭✭✭✭AARRRGH


    I've been toying with the idea of setting up pints.ie for a while now... The basic idea is one or two days a week there would be a pub meetup for anyone who wants to come along. It'd be a way to meet people and basically just have a bit of a laugh.

    Would this kind of thing interest you?


  • #6
    DJ_Spider
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,958 ✭✭✭DJ_Spider


    +1 for this idea! I am organising a karaoke night for boards, but as the podcasts have taken off and the BGRH/LL aren't really into karaoke, I'm finding it hard to get people into it. How about using it to launch pints.ie? Might be a good icebreaker :eek:


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  • #7
    RedXIV
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,465 ✭✭✭RedXIV


    Woolshed in parnell street do it on a wednesday night! and i love that pub! pick any night after next week and i'm in!


  • #8
    DJ_Spider
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,958 ✭✭✭DJ_Spider


    RedXIV, not good bar if you're not into sports though :(


  • #9
    RedXIV
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,465 ✭✭✭RedXIV


    DJ_Spider wrote: »
    RedXIV, not good bar if you're not into sports though :(

    Only when a game is on. I'm not that mad on sports but i love good food, Steins of beer and on karaoke night, not a pitch to be seen anywhere :D

    I'd pick this pub over any other in dublin


  • #10
    Cazlou
    Closed Accounts Posts: 659 ✭✭✭Cazlou


    OP, you should pop over to the Ladies Lounge in the Recreation (Rec) section, and check out the LL Meetups thread, there's plenty of us that are/have been in the same boat and we arrange meetups every so often, be it for coffee and cake, a trip to the cinema, few beers or a night on the tiles! All ya gotta do is stick in a post saying hi, and you'd like to know when there's gonna be a meet-up, and lo-and-behold, something is highly likely to have been setup before ya know it! ;) Come on over - we don't bite!:D


  • #11
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi LonelyGirl22. Trust me you are not the only one in this predicament. I am in a similar situation as you. I have finished college, am a similar age and for a multitude amount of reasons I'm in the lurch socially and it’s killing me, I feel like the only one even though I’m not. I am from Dublin myself and unfortunately I generally do find people in this city to be cliquey but you cannot let that deter yourself from getting out there and finding new people. You are right, being involved in a club or a social group is really your only option. You have got to find something that regularly meets because anything irregular where you don’t see the same people often may deliver you acquaintances but may not necessarily be a productive environment for building solid friendships. Follow your interests like Salsa or what you did in college, you may be more likely to bounce off similar people as yourself. If you want an idea thrown out I've heard that Tag Rugby is really good fun, sociable and not too expensive. Unlike most other sports, it’s not overly competitive so people will be more relaxed, more open and its good for your fitness too, I plan to start playing it this summer. Even if you continue to find it a struggle to meet new people just make sure you don't leave any stone unturned and most importantly keep yourself healthy and busy even if it’s going for regular walks after work. You sound like a lovely person and if you stay true to yourself there will always be someone out there who will appreciate your company, it’s all about finding them. It won’t be an easy task and may take time so please continue to have patience and belief in yourself. Good luck! :)


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  • #12
    Clare Bear
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,613 ✭✭✭✭Clare Bear


    Cazlou wrote: »
    OP, you should pop over to the Ladies Lounge in the Recreation (Rec) section, and check out the LL Meetups thread, there's plenty of us that are/have been in the same boat and we arrange meetups every so often, be it for coffee and cake, a trip to the cinema, few beers or a night on the tiles! All ya gotta do is stick in a post saying hi, and you'd like to know when there's gonna be a meet-up, and lo-and-behold, something is highly likely to have been setup before ya know it! ;) Come on over - we don't bite!:D

    Yeah I was told to stop biting newbies :(

    Seriously OP, Cazlou has given great advice there, have a look at the Ladies Lounge, it's good craic in there and there's some lovely girls, many of whom are in the same boat as you.


  • #13
    AngryBadger
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,251 ✭✭✭AngryBadger


    dublindude wrote: »
    I've been toying with the idea of setting up pints.ie for a while now... The basic idea is one or two days a week there would be a pub meetup for anyone who wants to come along. It'd be a way to meet people and basically just have a bit of a laugh.

    Would this kind of thing interest you?

    +1 to this idea.

    OP as you can see a lot of people are in a very similar situation.

    Maybe join a social group that meets weekly? Sorry I can't offer anything more solid than this, but I experience the unique difficulties of socialsing in Dublin myself on a daily basis. The difficulty in getting anywhere, and the ridiculous time involved, is a further disincentive to meeting people since it just adds more hassle to an already hectic daily schedule. I know that after a days work I have zero interest in travelling back into the city to meet people.

    Boards beers are generally a good way to meet people, and they're from Boards.ie so you know you're getting the creme de la creme ;)


  • #14
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    The next boards beers is the 28th of June.
    http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055285196


  • #15
    LadyMayBelle
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,095 ✭✭✭LadyMayBelle


    OP, i think I can understand you completly. Ive posted a thread on this similar topic too recently. Im 25, and volunteer, work and study, see family but sometimes would just love to meet a friend for a coffee, and generally there is no one to call on. Love the idea of pints.ie, especially for some of us (me incl) who feel they are socially inept..PM me if you want someone to talk to, Im the other side of the country but do understand and have the same interests as you. I took up dancing a few years back, but slacked off and found I lost contact with people in it :(

    You'll pull thru


  • #16
    lily lou
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 153 ✭✭lily lou


    Hi I know how you feel too, all my friends have husbands or boyfriends and being the only single one can be very lonely at times:( Not sure I'd be brave enough to show up to an LL meet or boards beers on my own!! You said you like salsa and as far as I know there's salsa lessons in the International Bar every Wednesday night and it includes free entry to the salsa club after, I only went once and everyone was very friendly, there's beginers classes as well as advanced I think!!


  • #17
    rohe
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 229 ✭✭rohe


    i know exactly how you feel

    I never had many friends growing up and anyone i did become friends with basically took the p*ss out of me

    Even now i have no friends as such but i have people i use to work with and things that i can always text or call and arrange a nite out, although i wouldnt actually confide anything with them, but its comforting in a sense that if i fancy a mad night out i can do it

    I would suggest you try and meet people through work or voluntary work and even if you just went on a night out you could meet some nice genuine people, but in my case i gave up trying and am quite content with my bf and tormenting my family with any probs i have :D

    But if you want a chat anytime just pm

    Best of luck


  • #18
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks for all the advice everyone, I'll try to do some of those activities. The only problem is I suffer from some social anxiety and am really shy when meeting a group of people but I think I'm just going to have to push myself because I can't go on being lonely like this.
    what about old school friends? im sure not EVERYONE you know from college lives out of dublin?

    Get in contact with everyone you used to like before you moved away, im sure theres a few close by!

    go to the Ladies Lounge on here, Rec -> The Ladies Lounge - they all meet up every so often so you can find people that way

    I just re-read your post, you say you have 2 good friends AND a Boyfriend? you must go out with your boyfriend, talk with his friends, go out with your other 2 friends and meet their friends

    Well, it's complicated, as I moved around a few times as a child and where I went to school wasn't where I consider 'home'. I never really fit in there, I did have a few friends at school but during the last year, there were a lot of petty fights and bitchiness, some friends bullying other friends etc, just general negativity. They just aren't the kind of people I really want in my life to be honest, and where I went to school was miles away from Dublin anyway and nobody from there lives here.

    I don't go out much with my BF as he prefers to hang out with his friends without me to give him some space. I do hang out with him and a couple of his old friends from school on occasion. One of my girl friends has loads of friends but she's always really busy as she's involved in lots of activities and it usually feels like she's too busy for me. I do try to meet up at least once a fortnight but it gets tiring always being the one to text and make plans. She barely ever texts me of her own accord. The other friend is quite introverted and doesn't have many other friends. She spends most of her time with her family, so when we meet up its usually just the two of us, just cinema or a drink.


  • #19
    Cmol
    Closed Accounts Posts: 732 ✭✭✭Cmol


    Hi LonelyGirl

    I just want to reiterate what some of the other ladies have said re: the Ladies Lounge, I am in a vaguely similar situation and have met some lovely girls through there... trust me, noone has two heads or anything (that I've have met!! :P)
    I'd be happy to meet you sometime, if your registered just send me a pm :D


  • #20
    Cmol
    Closed Accounts Posts: 732 ✭✭✭Cmol


    dublindude wrote: »
    I've been toying with the idea of setting up pints.ie for a while now... The basic idea is one or two days a week there would be a pub meetup for anyone who wants to come along. It'd be a way to meet people and basically just have a bit of a laugh.

    Would this kind of thing interest you?
    DJ_Spider wrote: »
    +1 for this idea! I am organising a karaoke night for boards, but as the podcasts have taken off and the BGRH/LL aren't really into karaoke, I'm finding it hard to get people into it. How about using it to launch pints.ie? Might be a good icebreaker :eek:

    Count me in for both / either of these:D
    Karaoke?!?!? JUST STOP ME!! (Trust me, you'll want to too :p)


  • #21
    SheRa
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,628 ✭✭✭SheRa


    Girls (and guys) Id also highly recommend the LL meet up thread. If you are nervous about meeting a few people from the internet (completely understandable, I was so nervous when i joined 4 months and went to the first meet up on my own and it was great craic) maybe PM one of the girls and meet her beforehand.

    I love going to the cinema but dont have as much fun when I dont have someone to talk to the movie about afterwards, so I love when people suggest cinema meet ups.


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  • #22
    Arty Darcie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19 ✭Arty Darcie


    I know exactly how you feel.I have spent the majority of my teenage life with barely any friends.Things are only starting to take off now and still i feel left out with some of my friends.I know it gets you down and sometimes i feel like i'm not a likeable person but the most important thing is to know you are not alone. Just throw yourself out there thats what i had to do. And if oyu are ever stuck give me a shout i love befriending other lonely people


  • #23
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I'm also like you OP. Not too long out of college and living in Dublin and also finding it hard to make friends. My main problem is that I'm afraid people will find out that I've no friends so it's like a circular problem. I'm afraid of getting close to people in case they find out my "dark secret". Anyone else like this?


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