It's Time

In 2010, my 16 year old brother told me he was gay. We both worked in a pub in Tralee and were driving home at about 3:30am after a long days work. As I drove home, we joked about the characters we encountered during the night but the conversation suddenly changed. My younger brother looked over at me and in an honest voice said, “Dylan, do you know I’m gay?” I paused for a moment and looking over I saw his gentle expression mixed with anxiety as he studied my reaction. “No, I didn’t” I answered truthfully. With a smile he asked how I felt about it.“Evan, once you’re happy, then I’m happy.” We both welled up with tears in our eyes and we hugged each other for some time.

We talked for hours about what it meant to be gay, what he was going through and I reassured him of how courageous he was to be up-front and honest with the people that were closest to him. “It wasn’t easy to talk about but it’s time”.

As Evan opened up with me, we began to talk about the future. He simply put “How do you feel about two people of the same sex falling in love and getting married?” I fell silent for a moment as I imagined Evan’s future. “I think they should be allowed to get married” I said, “but raising a child is a different matter entirely.” Doesn’t the dark element overshadow the logic? Is Irish society subconsciously placing a cap on the level of happiness a person is allowed to aspire to depending on their sexuality?

Never will I forget the look of disappointment on his face once those few words left my lips. “Not that I have a problem with two people of the same sex raising a child or anything, but the harsh reality is, people are cruel. I’m unsure if a child raised in a same sex marriage would have the same opportunities in life in Ireland as other children." Evan just listened but didn’t say a word. Explaining my trail of thought to him, narrow-minded people would discriminate against a child raised by a homosexual couple and the child would be subject to bullying, even more so than any child already is. I knew I had offended him but he wouldn't show it, he’s far too strong for that. It wasn’t long before I let that archaic opinion go.

When I was 21 I fell for Jill, the girl of my dreams who had been my best-friend for a couple of years already. We moved to Marbella on the Costa del Sol in Spain for the Summer of 2012. We worked in separate restaurants and Raul, the Spanish kitchen porter of the restaurant I worked in was gay. The Head-Waiter, Martin was Irish and was also gay. Raul kindly offered that Jill and I move into his apartment until we could find our own place. For one month we lived with Raul, whom we quickly found to have the biggest heart and a wonderful respect for people. We learnt a lot about each other and became close friends.

Often drinking in gay bars with Martin and Raul, to say I was perfectly comfortable in those situations initially would be a lie, I wasn’t. I enjoyed the company of my new found friends however, I felt quite vulnerable in these bars. I tried to imagine what it must be like for a gay person in a bar or pub with a frenzy of drunken lads out on the tear being obnoxious and vulgar. I tried to imagine how my brother felt in such a situation. As the summer months passed, I'd found so had my uneasiness. Martin and Raul were very open and honest people, who spoke often of love, life and happiness. They envisioned the same as I, to live a life with someone that makes them happy, to never stop doing what makes them happy, to someday have a family and make them happy. They spoke about wanting children, someday getting married to the man of their dreams and living happily ever after. It was these months in Spain that really changed my perspective on gay marriage and on life.

Who am I or anyone else for that matter, to crush someone else's dreams of happiness? Nobody. I want my brother and everyone to have a right to be happy, to have as little obstacles as possible standing in the way of their pursuit of happiness. That’s what this vote is about. It “allows” gay people to build a future where they can be happy and a future where raising a family is a reality. The Anti-Happiness barbarians spread their propaganda and their lies about what a Yes Vote will do to the country and in the past few months I read some of the anti-gay propaganda online which consisted of absolute manufactured lies. They preach that the homosexual union of two people who are in love is gravely immoral? Immoral? To enforce eviction on the economic victims of this country is immoral. To give the majority of the adult youth of this country, no option but to emigrate so that they can build a future is immoral. Not to give those forced emigrants powers to vote abroad is immoral.

It seems that immorality strikes Irish hearts where it shouldn't and fails to strike where it needs to. A child needs love and affection to be happy, the prejudice thoughts of people are absent in innocent children and there should be no reason as to why two people in a union of love whether heterosexual or homosexual, cannot raise a happy family and continue on their pursuit of happiness.

If I was financially capable, I would fly to my hometown Tralee and try to rally support for this just cause. Join hand in hand with my brother and anyone who would hold my hand and make it known that Yes is the only way forward. Unfortunately, I cannot afford to go home but here is my letter to the people of Ireland. Stand up for happiness, stand up for the future and stand up to those who say No.