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Can anyone shead some light?

  • 21-04-2008 9:18am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Basically heres the jist, been with my fiance for four years, The last 2 years our sex life had seriously dwindled down to mearly nothing(i mean once every four months kinda thing) It bothered me A LOT as ive a pretty high sex drive and have to mastubrate a lot to keep me satisified. Anyway we have had a lot of fights about it and he always promised to try get into it more. But to no avail. The Last time we had sex was Janurary and after it I pretty much gave up and stopped annoying him about it cos it seems like id never get a response.

    He went away to his parents for a few days on a little holiday as they live on the other side of the country and he hadnt seen then since December and during that time I worried he didnt fancy me sexually anymore, and he just told me I was being daft. Though we did have a big talk when he returned and the conversation moved on to kids. I love kids and always informed him that id be wanting babys of my own. He has always complained about this cos hes not a big fan of kids, but oddly enough he said "Lets try for a baby in about 2 years time". Now i was really shocked but he said latley hes just been wondering what its like to be a dad, and he has been spending a lot of time around his nieces and nephews latley and its made him think about what he wants in life.

    Im thrilled but of course will be waiting the two years mainly because he wants to make sure its what we both want and not something we rush into. But thats not why im writing this. Since this "chat" things have really changed not just emotionally but sexually. The other night we were in bed after a night out and he just jumps me, the next morning same thing, then this morning before work he tried to wake me up cos he was in the mood(we didnt have sex this morning as i had just come off the night shift but ya get what i mean) Its so weird and also he has been suggesting sex in the middle of the day and asking me to try out fantasys of his, and this has all been in the space of a week, Im delighted of course, but I dont know whats brought this on, he has never been like this even when we started dating.

    Can anyone shed some light?


Comments

  • #2
    Curvy Vixen
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,131 ✭✭✭Curvy Vixen


    It always fascinates me when people ask other people questions like this, whether it be strangers on a board or friends or whatever.

    You need to ask him. We can't shed any light on why he is doing this now. We can speculate just like you are and no doubt you'll get people on that will say stuff like he had an affair while he was away or whatever.

    But at the end of the day only he can answer this question. You need to sit him down and tell him nicely that you are obviously thrilled at the change but how come it's happening now? And if it's something that you want, how do you maintain and sustain this part of your relationship?


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Curvy Vixen wrote: »
    It always fascinates me when people ask other people questions like this, whether it be strangers on a board or friends or whatever.

    Im asking in case anyone else had a similar experience and i already asked him and he says he doesnt think there is a difference


  • #4
    Beruthiel
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    papapanio wrote: »
    but I dont know whats brought this on, he has never been like this even when we started dating.

    Can anyone shed some light?

    I'm with CV on this.
    Only he can shed the light on what's going on.


  • #5
    Curvy Vixen
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,131 ✭✭✭Curvy Vixen


    The Last time we had sex was Janurary and after it I pretty much gave up and stopped annoying him about it cos it seems like id never get a response.
    Since this "chat" things have really changed not just emotionally but sexually. The other night we were in bed after a night out and he just jumps me, the next morning same thing, then this morning before work he tried to wake me up cos he was in the mood(we didnt have sex this morning as i had just come off the night shift but ya get what i mean) Its so weird and also he has been suggesting sex in the middle of the day and asking me to try out fantasys of his, and this has all been in the space of a week, Im delighted of course, but I dont know whats brought this on, he has never been like this even when we started dating.

    Well surely when he said that he hadn't noticed any difference you repeated what you have typed above...?


  • #6
    lolli
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,173 ✭✭✭lolli


    Hi Op,

    Maybe he has realised the error of his ways. you told him that he wasnt satisfying you enough so maybe he has realised the if he doesnt change this it could lead to the breakup of your relationship. Or perhaps hes hoping the your contraception will fail and he'll get you pregnant!!!

    He could have been depressed maybe and was evaluating what he wants out of life. He could now realise that he wants to be with you, have children and settle down. Perhaps he wasnt sure before.

    Anyway, Enjoy it!!! :)


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  • #7
    Hobart
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,839 ✭✭✭Hobart


    Curvy Vixen wrote: »
    It always fascinates me when people ask other people questions like this, whether it be strangers on a board or friends or whatever.

    You need to ask him. We can't shed any light on why he is doing this now. We can speculate just like you are and no doubt you'll get people on that will say stuff like he had an affair while he was away or whatever.

    But at the end of the day only he can answer this question. You need to sit him down and tell him nicely that you are obviously thrilled at the change but how come it's happening now? And if it's something that you want, how do you maintain and sustain this part of your relationship?

    I presume what the OP is asking, although not phrased quite correctly, is that "has anybody experienced of a similar situation?" . I don't think that there is a situation which occurs on this board, between two people, whereby "you need to ask him/her" cannot be used as an answer.

    Secondly I don't think that there are many situations (excluding breakups and violence) whereby a questionnaire would think twice of asking a bunch of unknowns on a BB a question of intimate importance, before they would ask their nearest and dearest.

    It's called experience and advice folks.


  • #8
    Curvy Vixen
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,131 ✭✭✭Curvy Vixen


    Hobart wrote: »
    I presume what the OP is asking, although not phrased quite correctly, is that "has anybody experienced of a similar situation?" . I don't think that there is a situation which occurs on this board, between two people, whereby "you need to ask him/her" cannot be used as an answer.

    Secondly I don't think that there are many situations (excluding breakups and violence) whereby a questionnaire would think twice of asking a bunch of unknowns on a BB a question of intimate importance, before they would ask their nearest and dearest.

    It's called experience and advice folks.

    I understand that Hobart and I didn't mean it as a criticism of the OP but really the only one that can help is her partner. And if they are looking to have babies together in the future then surely this is something that can be discussed with each other.

    I could have come on and said oh this happened to me but my hubby was having an affair. Someone else could have said that happened to me and my partner was depressed but fixed now, someone else could have said my partner had been seeing a prostitute but she's out of business now et al....(I know, I used my imagination a little but hey :D) and let's be honest, none of these would be any help to the OP except maybe to put doubts and worries in her mind.

    I just think that if she is truly looking for an answer she needs to crack open a bottle of wine and have a little chat that's all....


  • #9
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Well that sounds familiar to something that happened to myself and my ex-partner. Except I am the male in this situation...My opinion on my personal experience is that he could be depressed.

    I know I was and sometimes I was up for it and sometimes not, this generally coincided with my actual personal mood, mostly I was down for whatever reason hence no sex, not that I did not fancy her just that I was in a rut in my life (she did not know this as I never really let on) and sex is not all about physical side it also has a mental side to it , so it caused all sorts of problems.

    Another thing it could be and hopefully most likely is that he is now happy and decided on what he wants from life, i.e. you, marriage, kids whatever. For me I believe if I was 100% happy in my relationship, meaning I new that I wanted all the above with my ex-partner the sex life would not have suffered.

    Finally and my last theory is that he may have become bored with the sex life, not saying it is you but both of you may need to talk to each other about what you like etc, he has already told you about his fantasies etc so he is maybe trying to spice things up, maybe when he was away he thought about it, had a look around and found that you were the only one for him and is making the effort now....


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