Is there some truth to the perception that gay men are promiscuous?

J_E · 27-06-2014 2:45pm

brooke 2 wrote: »

Comes down to the physics of the entry process. Which would be valued more -
a key which can open 7/8/9, etc., locks or a lock which can be opened by any
number of keys????

Terrible comment to make.

door · 27-06-2014 2:56pm

Cydoniac wrote: »

Except it's not... Why disgusted? Nothing wrong with enjoying sex. The only issue is the finger wagging anti-gay people who thrive off shame.

Who said anything about not enjoying sex? I'm gay, very sexually active but I'm monogamous. Promiscuous people and consenting adults can do what they want but labelling all gay people, which is what I frequently hear, as promiscuous does disgust me because it conjures up an image of people incapable of showing true affection or love or any ability to express deep feelings or sensitivity to people they encounter for sexual or non-sexual relationships. This is my experience, it is my opinion and it why the stereotype of promiscuity disgusts me. I must add that I know more promiscuous straight people than gay people.

brooke 2 · 27-06-2014 3:30pm

Cydoniac wrote: »

Terrible comment to make.

Why?

It illustrates the time worn difference in attitudes towards the sexual
activity of men and women, as illustrated by a poster's comment re his
friend's one night stand, ie, it is OK for him to have one but he would not
have much regard for the girl who would have it with him!!!!

If you have read anything about the mother and baby scandals, you would see
that there is very little opprobrium piled on the fathers of these babies. Why
is that?

Annasopra · 27-06-2014 3:38pm

door wrote: »

Who said anything about not enjoying sex? I'm gay, very sexually active but I'm monogamous. Promiscuous people and consenting adults can do what they want but labelling all gay people, which is what I frequently hear, as promiscuous does disgust me because it conjures up an image of people incapable of showing true affection or love or any ability to express deep feelings or sensitivity to people they encounter for sexual or non-sexual relationships. This is my experience, it is my opinion and it why the stereotype of promiscuity disgusts me. Again for all the trolls who will attack my comments, they are my opinion based on my experiences. I must add that I know more promiscuous straight people than gay people.

Just because people disagree with you does not mean they are trolling

door · 27-06-2014 4:47pm

Joeytheparrot wrote: »

Just because people disagree with you does not mean they are trolling

Edit: Despite the above initial comment I understand your point now. The original post regarding "trolls" was a bit off the cuff pre-defensive, which I have now removed in order to avoid the course of this thread going further askew.

J_E · 27-06-2014 5:24pm

brooke 2 wrote: »

Why?

Because women are not 'locks' that are spent after a few uses. The worst kind of objectification.

door wrote: »

Didn't say people who disagree with me are trolls, only said the trolls who *attack* my comments/opinion as if I'm not entitled to it. Big difference between disagreeing and attacking. I'm preempting the vile responses, not those who disagree. No need to be bold either

I'm not sure if this was aimed at me, I was certainly doing no such attacking anyway! I am of the opinion that while a relationship is nice, sexual encounters don't have to necessarily be 'disconnected' emotionally at all. I'm in a relationship now but I was just as happy out of one too, two different experiences. You can love many people in life and simply have a strong bond with someone without being in love. LGBT people make their own rules, why simply regard the heterosexual standard as the only life option? I'm going into territory that would probably suit the Humanities forum better though. I think the whole stereotype of gay men humping each other like animals all the time is obviously ridiculous, by the way.

floggg · 27-06-2014 6:17pm

door wrote: »

Didn't say people who disagree with me are trolls, only said the trolls who *attack* my comments/opinion as if I'm not entitled to it. Big difference between disagreeing and attacking. I'm preempting the vile responses, not those who disagree. No need to be bold either

Even an "attack" on your opinion doesn't affect or go to the issue of your entitlement to an opinion. The essence of free speech is that you are allowed to express your opinion freely. It doesn't however require that your opinion be respected, accepted, listened to/read or be free from ridicule or attacks. In fact free speech by it's nature requires that others be equally afforded to attack it if you so wish.

Ultimately the only time your entitlement to express an opinion would be called into question is if the state was trying to block you from expressing it (boards aren't necessarily required to give you a platform so can remove it if they wish).

For the record I would somewhat agree with your comments on the issue at hand, but I hate to see people who voluntarily contribute to a debate try to frame any negative response to their opinion as some form of attack on their right to express it.

door · 27-06-2014 6:39pm

floggg wrote: »

For the record I would somewhat agree with your comments on the issue at hand.

Cheers!

Regards the rest, I understand and accept your point. Pity one little side point in my post changed the course of this thread a bit though. I've edited my previous posts now to avoid this point going OT.

Scaldy Ned · 28-06-2014 1:26am

Hello all

Got drawn to this thread because even though i'm straight , my brother was gay...he died of a brain hemorrhage in London ten years ago . I would say that he was promiscuous and even though he would rightly argue that most straight men constantly think of sex it seemed to me that he could never switch off.....for example to watch a footie game or a good documentary etc.
I got to know all his friends and it's honest of me to say that every single conversation they ever had was always coded reference to gay sex.....Good luck to em is what i say , whatever floats your boat, i would say that gay men are definitely more promiscuous than straight men.
I personally think that it's a kickback to a society that shuns such things as gayness but i also think these attitudes are rightly changing and more and more straight people are learning to accept people for what they are. In answer to your question though , i would say yes ....Gay men are more promiscious

floggg · 28-06-2014 2:05am

Scaldy Ned wrote: »

Hello all

Got drawn to this thread because even though i'm straight , my brother was gay...he died of a brain hemorrhage in London ten years ago . I would say that he was promiscuous and even though he would rightly argue that most straight men constantly think of sex it seemed to me that he could never switch off.....for example to watch a footie game or a good documentary etc.
I got to know all his friends and it's honest of me to say that every single conversation they ever had was always coded reference to gay sex.....Good luck to em is what i say , whatever floats your boat, i would say that gay men are definitely more promiscuous than straight men.
I personally think that it's a kickback to a society that shuns such things as gayness but i also think these attitudes are rightly changing and more and more straight people are learning to accept people for what they are. In answer to your question though , i would say yes ....Gay men are more promiscious

Without being disrespectful towards your deceased brother (who I obviously didn't know):

(A) not every single conversation was about sex. It's just not possible - occasionally people need to talk about mundane **** too; and

(B) even if he was promiscuous as you seem to believe, he was one person. Gay people are still just people - we all differ. So regardless of the accuracy of your perceptions regarding your brother, they are only true for him and not for all gay people. We are not interchangeable.

J_E · 28-06-2014 4:34am

Scaldy Ned wrote: »

Hello all

Got drawn to this thread because even though i'm straight , my brother was gay...he died of a brain hemorrhage in London ten years ago . I would say that he was promiscuous and even though he would rightly argue that most straight men constantly think of sex it seemed to me that he could never switch off.....for example to watch a footie game or a good documentary etc.
I got to know all his friends and it's honest of me to say that every single conversation they ever had was always coded reference to gay sex.....Good luck to em is what i say , whatever floats your boat, i would say that gay men are definitely more promiscuous than straight men.
I personally think that it's a kickback to a society that shuns such things as gayness but i also think these attitudes are rightly changing and more and more straight people are learning to accept people for what they are. In answer to your question though , i would say yes ....Gay men are more promiscious

Hmmm...not sure this is exactly a fair account. Even the most sex-addled guys I know have other interests and hobbies, family life, work, etc. and it isn't a constant thing...I would say in the grand scale of things it was just a segment of their life like everyone else. Sure, they might have sexual jokes, but that doesn't actually mean they're thinking about sex itself at all. I don't know your brother better than you do though. Just think that's a little bit black and white.

Scaldy Ned · 28-06-2014 5:31am

I sometimes post in the "gay thread" because of my experiences with my brother and his friends , and it always seems that guys will come on and tell me that i have misread a situation or that i am being unfair in some way....Listen when i tell you that you could not boil an egg for my brother as breakfast but there would be some inuendo involved ...same goes for lunch , dinner ,supper and drinks later. When i was in the company of his friends absolutely everything was coded and i honestly cannot remember one conversation that did not eventually come round to "the scene" and what it involved....When my daughter was 6 , she bought him pink pound shop earings and jewelry.....such was the understanding in my family.
I'm not generalising as to how things are now but this is the way it was with my brother and most of his friends ....so sorry if you dont like it but tough titty it's the truth.....,every stereotype from John Inman to quentin crisp to the bull queers in shawshank redemption was true in my brothers case and it was all consuming .....if it's not like that for you so be it. But dont come on and tell me i'm mistaken or that it was black or white....i wish it was.....Unfortunately it was mostly grey tinged with pink

jill_valentine · 28-06-2014 5:51am

Conversations about why women don't seem to seek out casual sex via Grindr equivalents ought to take into account the fact that women have a justified distrust of them, and safety concerns which aren't necessarily echoed among gay men. Lesbian online communities, dating sites etc are riddled with creepy straight guys posing as lesbians. This is so widespread that it's not at all beyond the realms for two such guys to inadvertantly court each other, each believing the other was a lesbian, because all the actual lesbians realised something was off and steered clear.

Any Grindr style app would not only have to deal with that phenomenon effectively, it would also have to overcome that pretty universal negative prior experience in potential users.

baby and crumble · 28-06-2014 9:06am

Sex is a natural drive and desire for most people- and some individuals (regardless of gender) have a more active drive than others, but that doesn't mean they act upon it. And it particularly doesn't mean that they act upon it with multiple partners. Talking/ thinking/ fantasising about sex a lot doesn't make you promiscuous. (I hate that word anyway).

Like a lot of people here have said, there is less judgment of men having frequent sex, with multiple partners, regardless of orientation. So societal pressure doesn't exist as much for gay men. Neither partner in the sexual courtship (be it a 2 minute or 2 month courtship) has to manage that societal pressure that exists for women, even if women desire sex as much as they do.

J_E · 28-06-2014 11:10am

jill_valentine wrote: »

Lesbian online communities, dating sites etc are riddled with creepy straight guys posing as lesbians. This is so widespread that it's not at all beyond the realms for two such guys to inadvertantly court each other, each believing the other was a lesbian, because all the actual lesbians realised something was off and steered clear.

Oh god, that's insane. Are people really that sad and desperate? What an awful thing to have to deal with if you're dating...

eviltwin · 28-06-2014 11:58am

Cydoniac wrote: »

Oh god, that's insane. Are people really that sad and desperate? What an awful thing to have to deal with if you're dating...

I've seen straight men troll on women's health forums as females with an imaginary problem in order to engage other unsuspecting women in conversations about intimate issues, there is a whole lot of crazy out there

floggg · 28-06-2014 4:57pm

Scaldy Ned wrote: »

I sometimes post in the "gay thread" because of my experiences with my brother and his friends , and it always seems that guys will come on and tell me that i have misread a situation or that i am being unfair in some way....Listen when i tell you that you could not boil an egg for my brother as breakfast but there would be some inuendo involved ...same goes for lunch , dinner ,supper and drinks later. When i was in the company of his friends absolutely everything was coded and i honestly cannot remember one conversation that did not eventually come round to "the scene" and what it involved....When my daughter was 6 , she bought him pink pound shop earings and jewelry.....such was the understanding in my family.
I'm not generalising as to how things are now but this is the way it was with my brother and most of his friends ....so sorry if you dont like it but tough titty it's the truth.....,every stereotype from John Inman to quentin crisp to the bull queers in shawshank redemption was true in my brothers case and it was all consuming .....if it's not like that for you so be it. But dont come on and tell me i'm mistaken or that it was black or white....i wish it was.....Unfortunately it was mostly grey tinged with pink

The only contribution of yours I can remember was the thread you started when you wanted a replacement gay friend for your wife to take the place of your brother - in which you seemed to view us all as interchangeable objects that could be swapped in for each other like you would with a child's goldfish.

You're views on sexuality/LGBT people seem to he naive to say the least (which is the nice way of putting things).

Maybe your brother was as you describe him, but then he would be the exception rather than the rule. Your interactions with him don't seem to have given you the insight into LGBT people that you think they did.

suicide_circus · 29-06-2014 4:31am

Straight men not coming off well in this thread!

Mr.Frame · 29-06-2014 11:49am

suicide_circus wrote: »

Straight men not "coming off "well in this
thread!

>sniggers<

Locker10a · 29-06-2014 5:53pm

Scaldy Ned wrote: »

I sometimes post in the "gay thread" because of my experiences with my brother and his friends , and it always seems that guys will come on and tell me that i have misread a situation or that i am being unfair in some way....Listen when i tell you that you could not boil an egg for my brother as breakfast but there would be some inuendo involved ...same goes for lunch , dinner ,supper and drinks later. When i was in the company of his friends absolutely everything was coded and i honestly cannot remember one conversation that did not eventually come round to "the scene" and what it involved....When my daughter was 6 , she bought him pink pound shop earings and jewelry.....such was the understanding in my family.
I'm not generalising as to how things are now but this is the way it was with my brother and most of his friends ....so sorry if you dont like it but tough titty it's the truth.....,every stereotype from John Inman to quentin crisp to the bull queers in shawshank redemption was true in my brothers case and it was all consuming .....if it's not like that for you so be it. But dont come on and tell me i'm mistaken or that it was black or white....i wish it was.....Unfortunately it was mostly grey tinged with pink

Your brother and his friends do not represent the vast majority of gay men. period.
You are not a liar, at all, I totally believe what you are saying, but it sounds like you have had close involvement with guys who are living in a bubble world a sort of scene within the scene situation and are not a representative sample of the gay population. If you think the majority of gay men are like your brother you are mistaken

daithi84 · 04-07-2014 10:28am

The one night stand culture exists in both gay and straight social scenes. Gay men are more open and direct when it comes to sex, but i wouldnt say that gay men as a whole are more or less 'promiscuous' than straight men.

Stepping Stone · 04-07-2014 3:01pm

I am not a gay man, so I cannot offer any insight into the perceived promiscuity, however I am curious about how it started.

Is it possible that it was because for hundreds of years, homosexuality was by varying degrees illegal/ taboo that it either forced men to think that instead of finding love and happiness and living good quality (emotionally) lives that the best that they could hope for was a fleeting encounter with another person, and that loneliness and desire would increase the likelihood of these encounters, leading to a perception of promiscuity or perhaps, actual promiscuity in the case of individuals?

I would like to think that anyone growing up now can hope, regardless of sexuality that they have as much hope of finding the right person and living the life they want as the next person.

As for casual sex now, there is just an acceptance of it socially. I do wonder if it is actually easier for two people of the same gender to communicate desire (leading to higher success rates) than it is for two people of the opposite sex, based purely on communication and understanding.

daithi84 · 04-07-2014 3:18pm

Stepping Stone wrote: »

I am not a gay man, so I cannot offer any insight into the perceived promiscuity, however I am curious about how it started.

Is it possible that it was because for hundreds of years, homosexuality was by varying degrees illegal/ taboo that it either forced men to think that instead of finding love and happiness and living good quality (emotionally) lives that the best that they could hope for was a fleeting encounter with another person, and that loneliness and desire would increase the likelihood of these encounters, leading to a perception of promiscuity or perhaps, actual promiscuity in the case of individuals?

I would like to think that anyone growing up now can hope, regardless of sexuality that they have as much hope of finding the right person and living the life they want as the next person.

As for casual sex now, there is just an acceptance of it socially. I do wonder if it is actually easier for two people of the same gender to communicate desire (leading to higher success rates) than it is for two people of the opposite sex, based purely on communication and understanding.

I would agree with that. Gay people were forced underground and the only chance of an encounter with the same sex was quick encounters. These could not lead to relationships per se as if you were suspected of being gay you would have been arrested and sent to prison.

i would also agree that if you are looking for casual sex it is easier to communicate that with the same sex than the opposite sex.

Stepping Stone · 04-07-2014 4:56pm

daithi84 wrote: »

Gay people were forced underground and the only chance of an encounter with the same sex was quick encounters. These could not lead to relationships per se as if you were suspected of being gay you would have been arrested and sent to prison.

It is actually heartbreaking to think of people spending their lives alone, unhappy and living a lie for something as trivial as sexuality. I know it isn't trivial to the individual but on the grand scale of things, it should rank up there with the state of your toenails on how it impacts the way you live your life.

MiloDublin · 12-07-2014 11:49am

Gore Vidal: men are squirters, woman are squatters
For men its a quick climax but woman have to deal with the result and sit on the nest.

J_E · 12-07-2014 12:57pm

MiloDublin wrote: »

Gore Vidal: men are squirters, woman are squatters
For men its a quick climax but woman have to deal with the result and sit on the nest.

Not sure what that means...women can have a quick climax too (and then more!) without any consequences.

Found the quote;

"Men are squirters, they can squirt here, squirt there, it doesn't take much & can happen again & again. Women on the other hand are more methodical, they have much more at risk & they only become 'activated' once a month. Whereas a man is activate AT LEAST once a week."

I don't know if this is really fair though. If anything it's women who can climax over and over, not men! I think maybe he was referring more to fertility.

daithi84 · 21-07-2014 2:48pm

Here is an extract from wikipedia on the history of homosexuality during the 1950's and 1960's which summarises the persecution gay people experienced in America around that time, this attitude was also rampant in Europe after WW2.

"Throughout the 1950s and 1960s, the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) and police departments kept lists of known homosexuals, their favored establishments, and friends; the U.S. Post Office kept track of addresses where material pertaining to homosexuality was mailed.[12] State and local governments followed suit: bars catering to homosexuals were shut down, and their customers were arrested and exposed in newspapers. Cities performed "sweeps" to rid neighborhoods, parks, bars, and beaches of gay people. They outlawed the wearing of opposite gender clothes, and universities expelled instructors suspected of being homosexual.[13] Thousands of gay men and women were publicly humiliated, physically harassed, fired, jailed, or institutionalized in mental hospitals. Many lived double lives, keeping their private lives secret from their professional ones.

In 1952, the American Psychiatric Association listed homosexuality in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) as a mental disorder. A large-scale study of homosexuality in 1962 was used to justify inclusion of the disorder as a supposed pathological hidden fear of the opposite sex caused by traumatic parent–child relationships. This view was widely influential in the medical profession.[14] In 1956, however, the psychologist Evelyn Hooker performed a study that compared the happiness and well-adjusted nature of self-identified homosexual men with heterosexual men and found no difference.[15] Her study stunned the medical community and made her a hero to many gay men and lesbians,[16] but homosexuality remained in the DSM until 1973."

floggg · 21-07-2014 2:53pm

Cydoniac wrote: »

Not sure what that means...women can have a quick climax too (and then more!) without any consequences.

Found the quote;

"Men are squirters, they can squirt here, squirt there, it doesn't take much & can happen again & again. Women on the other hand are more methodical, they have much more at risk & they only become 'activated' once a month. Whereas a man is activate AT LEAST once a week."

I don't know if this is really fair though. If anything it's women who can climax over and over, not men! I think maybe he was referring more to fertility.

It's outdated BS.

I "activate" a lot more than once a week I can assure you.

Women are also capable of activating a lot more often. It says more about the prevailing attitudes to sex at that time than about actual human sexuality.

baby and crumble · 21-07-2014 4:26pm

In all honesty, if I could have sex every single day I would. I'm female. This whole sex drives rubbish is exactly that. Rubbish. Everyone is different. Nobody is wrong either- if your natural drive is once a month good luck to you I say. Mine seems to be every 5 or 6 minutes sometimes!!! As the great Rachel Berry once said "Do you want to know a secret none of them tell you? Girls want sex just as much as guys do!"

Is there some truth to the perception that gay men are promiscuous?

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