Is this appropriate?

LegacyUser · 21-05-2015 1:54am #1

Hello guys!

Wanted to get some opinion on something.

My Girl Friend of over 10 months has a photography blog. The pictures are of her travels (before I met her) and I noticed that she had a picture of a guy and the tagline was "Handsome". It was put up about a month before we met.

Like I said, It was put on her blog prior to us meeting but Im almost 100% sure it's an ex of her's. As I cross checked the name of one (curiosity) and the guys in the two photos are nigh on identical...in fact it is him.

Is it really appropriate she still has the picture up? She changed the blog around a while back and could have removed it out of respect...but she never uses it much these days and hasnt in months....what do you guys think?

CaraMay · 21-05-2015 6:19am

I think it's no big deal - it's not inappropriate, not disrespectful and would not cost me a thought. However if a new bf started getting antsy about the photos I have in my blog it would annoy me

LegacyUser · 21-05-2015 7:22am

So you would be totally happy for your partner to have a picture of an ex entitled "handsome"?

Wow!

pookie82 · 21-05-2015 8:17am

She's a photographer ... so not everyone in her images will invoke sentimental feelings in her. It's the PHOTO, not the person, she's keeping.

If it was done now, I'd be questioning it, but it was before you met. She doesn't have to take anything down.

Personally, I've "hidden" most of my photos with my ex on my social networking pages as I'm in a new relationship now. I don't necessarily want to delete them - not because I have a SMIDGEN of feelings left for him, but just because they were part of 6 years of my life! It would feel odd erasing them like it never happened.

I wouldn't even raise it with her.

Think of it like this… imagine if, in today’s world, every time we got into a new relationship, we systematically erased all trace of the last person from our lives/pages. The next relationship doesn’t work out, we meet someone else, and we erase the last. This goes on and on until we have absolutely no memories/photos left of anyone!

Remembering a nice holiday with someone or a happy time from photos does not mean you long to be with them again. There are elements of my last relationship I’ll always look back on fondly. That doesn’t diminish or put in doubt my feelings for my current bf whatsoever – he’s my future.

Do you expect someone to do a memory-wipe every time they meet someone new?

HelgaWard · 21-05-2015 8:59am

Honestly think you are being overly sensitive and over thinking things. You seem very insecure. There is no need to be. She is with you now.

Stench Blossoms · 21-05-2015 12:33pm

TheWorrier wrote: »

So you would be totally happy for your partner to have a picture of an ex entitled "handsome"?

Wow!

Did you come on here expecting people to say it was really inappropriate? It's not. It's a picture on her blog that was uploaded before she even knew you. It's not like she changed her facebook profile picture to a picture of her and her ex while in a relationship with you.

You are obviously very insecure.

HelgaWard · 21-05-2015 12:38pm

TheWorrier wrote: »

So you would be totally happy for your partner to have a picture of an ex entitled "handsome"?

Wow!

People have pasts. This was put up in her past. She should not have to hide/delete her past from you.

Neyite · 21-05-2015 1:35pm

I'd imagine that she is keeping the photo more so for artistic merit rather than because of the subject matter. Particularly if its on her professional blog. It could be the way she used the lighting, or use of lenses that gave her photo an effect that pleased her. Maybe it was her first attempt at portraiture and she is proud of the shot.

Think about it op. If every artist destroyed their work because the subject matter was an ex, we'd have sod all in our galleries and museums as all the great artists used loved ones as models for their art.

jaffusmax · 21-05-2015 1:39pm

TheWorrier wrote: »

Hello guys!

Wanted to get some opinion on something.

My Girl Friend of over 10 months has a photography blog. The pictures are of her travels (before I met her) and I noticed that she had a picture of a guy and the tagline was "Handsome". It was put up about a month before we met.

Like I said, It was put on her blog prior to us meeting but Im almost 100% sure it's an ex of her's. As I cross checked the name of one (curiosity) and the guys in the two photos are nigh on identical...in fact it is him.

Is it really appropriate she still has the picture up? She changed the blog around a while back and could have removed it out of respect...but she never uses it much these days and hasnt in months....what do you guys think?

Forget about it! If she was with the guy she obviously had a good reason to still not be with him. If you really like her don't give her a reason to dump you too. Try to put primal jealousy aside and think rationally. Trust me I understand the feelings well.

LegacyUser · 21-05-2015 3:43pm

TheWorrier wrote: »

So you would be totally happy for your partner to have a picture of an ex entitled "handsome"?

Wow!

If it was six foot tall and above her fire place in her living room and there was nothing else in the room but the photo with it's giant HANDSOME caption underneath and she spent hours sitting in front of it every day then yeah but on a photography blog were I'm sure she's got dozens of photos, nope wouldn't bother me in the least. If she's doing photography as either a profession or a serious hobby she can aesthetically appreciate someone or something as being handsome with out it being anything personal.

iusedtoknow · 21-05-2015 4:06pm

so your ex girlfriends were all ugly and horrid and been written out of your past completely?

Your GF has a past - everyone does. Whenever I go back to Barcelona, I have a drink with my wife's ex - from 12 years ago. Nice guy who is married to a friend of mine (bizarre coincidence but there you ). He is also part of my wife's circle of friends as they were all friends since childhood. Both have moved on and are perfectly happy in their lives.

Even now, on my own flickr account (i have 1000's of photos on there) there is a group shot my group of friends and I out in 1st year of college , along with my ex gf, with all the comments saying how great we looked together.

In short...get over it and move on. In the scheme of things it is more about your own insecurity and nothing about your GF.

Knex* · 21-05-2015 5:52pm

Is he not handsome?

blatantrereg · 21-05-2015 6:54pm

Old blog post is grand. Expecting her to remove it is not okay. You'd be best off looking more at your own behaviour than hers I think. I predict that failure to do this will result in you being dumped within a few months and lacking the insight to understand why, which will distress you.

retro:electro · 21-05-2015 7:59pm

It's an old picture. It's not as if she recently put up the photo and the caption. It's years old. Stop creating an issue where there is none.

MadDog76 · 21-05-2015 8:46pm

TheWorrier wrote: »

Hello guys!

Wanted to get some opinion on something.

My Girl Friend of over 10 months has a photography blog. The pictures are of her travels (before I met her) and I noticed that she had a picture of a guy and the tagline was "Handsome". It was put up about a month before we met.

Like I said, It was put on her blog prior to us meeting but Im almost 100% sure it's an ex of her's. As I cross checked the name of one (curiosity) and the guys in the two photos are nigh on identical...in fact it is him.

Is it really appropriate she still has the picture up? She changed the blog around a while back and could have removed it out of respect...but she never uses it much these days and hasnt in months....what do you guys think?

I'd just ask her to remove the photo or at the very least change the title out of respect for you and your relationship ......... if she gets annoyed by your request simply ask her "What's more important, a photo or my feelings?".

IlmoNT4 · 23-05-2015 8:11am

I think you are being over sensitive OP...how do you feel being in this relationship? Do you feel loved and confident?... The photo is triggering something in you, maybe explore that and what it means for you.

I dont think its abnormal to have a picture of an ex on social media/blog etc, especially these days. But if you are going to talk to your g/f about taking them down, best to be clear why and what you are asking

liquoriceall · 23-05-2015 8:54am

MadDog76 wrote: »

I'd just ask her to remove the photo or at the very least change the title out of respect for you and your relationship ......... if she gets annoyed by your request simply ask her "What's more important, a photo or my feelings?".

I assume you are taking the proverbial?? Do people just go out of their way to have upset feelings??

Mr. Incognito · 23-05-2015 9:18am

TheWorrier wrote: »

So you would be totally happy for your partner to have a picture of an ex entitled "handsome"?

Wow!

Yes. I am not a controlling insecure unreasonable partner.

MadDog76 · 23-05-2015 9:56am

liquoriceall wrote: »

I assume you are taking the proverbial?? Do people just go out of their way to have upset feelings??

The Op is upset by this situation, he feels disrespected, he needs to let his partner know how he feels ........... who are you to say he can't feel upset?

sReq | uTeK · 23-05-2015 10:04am

God I never understood this reason of thinking. Next you'll be asking her to apologise for having a life before she met you. A tagged photo saying handsome.....really..

Can you take solice in the simple fact she is with you and not this handsome guy, is that not enough. If not I suggest you cut the cord and get some help for what seems like very irrational insecurities.

Just to iterate my wife has PLENTY of photos of her and her ex on Facebook, you know what......she's married to me. End of.

sReq | uTeK · 23-05-2015 10:06am

MadDog76 wrote: »

The Op is upset by this situation, he feels disrespected, he needs to let his partner know how he feels ........... who are you to say he can't feel upset?

He can feel upset sure, we all react differently emotionally. That doesn't mean it's the right thing to do and clearly in this instance its not.

The ops gf has something that is personal to her BEFORE they were ever an item to suggest he says something because of that is madness, especially something as innocent as "handsone"

MadDog76 · 23-05-2015 10:15am

sReq | uTeK wrote: »

He can feel upset sure, we all react differently emotionally. That doesn't mean it's the right thing to do and clearly in this instance its not.

The ops gf has something that is personal to her BEFORE they were ever an item to suggest he says something because of that is madness, especially something as innocent as "handsone"

You're making assumptions here, his girlfriend may not have a personal attachment to the photograph at all and perhaps she will understand why her boyfriend is upset by it and simply remove it ....... or not ......... in either case the Op needs to be honest with her.

The Op came here for advice and opinions ........ I have the right to offer him my opinion/advice and you have the right to offer him your opinion/advice ......... just because our opinions differ doesn't mean your advice is "right" and mine is "wrong".

osarusan · 25-05-2015 12:46pm

OP, you can't control what upsets you or what you are or are not ok with. If you don't like the picture on the blog and are not happy about it, that's just how you feel.

But what you can control is how you deal with it - first, I think you should ask yourself whether or not your girlfriend has done anything wrong in this situation. As far as I can see, the majority of people think that she hasn't, and that is more an issue with your perspective on the issue, and the importance you seem to give to it. I'd agree with that too.

If it were me, I might not be thrilled to see it, but it is something from her life before i knew her, and something which she doesn't seem to be actively engaged in now, so I'd just leave it alone.

Is this appropriate?

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