Finding other femme women in Dublin

RagsOBrien · 25-05-2014 10:56pm #1

Hey Guys,

First post here so here goes. I've known I was into women since I was 15. Fast forward ten years and I still haven't really dipped my toe in the lady pond, so to speak. I would like to change this sooner rather than later.

My close friends know that I am attracted to women and don't mind at all. I've been to the George a few times but never went on the pull as such. I am not the type to approach strangers in bars/clubs really hence being a bit shy
and assumed a lot of the women in there were either straight or thought I was because I am femme. I'm wondering where other bi/lesbian women would recommend going for a newbie to the scene.

Just to point out as well, I am not curious or looking for a ONS but not sure if I want a serious relationship at this point. I would like to meet women who are also bi/lesbian and see if anything comes of it. I'm scared though to be honest as it's new territory for me.

All comments welcome. Thanks

there were either straight or just
woulxn't be interested

baby and crumble · 26-05-2014 4:15pm

Try Running Amach, on meetup.com. Lots of events every week and you're gaurenteed the women are lgbt.

Lauren3142 · 20-06-2014 6:49am

I have the same exact problem i cant approach women and they don't approach me. Its a hard life for femme lesbians that are looking for other femme lesbians. I almost pulled in the front lounge once but i lost my nerve !

rotun · 20-06-2014 6:52am

None of my business, but seems obvious that to me that rags and Laura should go for dinner!

Tigerfi · 23-06-2014 12:30pm

Hey...this is my first posting too. I'm in a similar boat...I experimented with a few friends as a teenager/at college but nothing since. I've lately found myself thinking about it more and more...

I was in the Dragon, and the George the last 2 weekends, but never got the nerve to approach anyone...plus it seemed like there were more straight girls there than bi, and lots of butch types which isn't my thing.

I'd be really interested in meeting like minded ladies...I'm not normally shy, but the newness of all this is a little daunting! I would like to have a bit of fun, nothing serious, with a sexy lady...too much to ask?!?

If no one has suggestions on places to go per se, maybe someone would be interested in meeting over a coffee? Discuss the frustrating nature of it all face to face lol

ongarboy · 23-06-2014 3:49pm

Why don't you organise a Boardsies meet up specifically for lesbians like what has been been happening over the last year with the general LGBT boardsies meetups. From what I hear, that has been a great social outlet for lots who visit this forum although I gather it was mainly under 25s who frequented those outings. Does anyone know if many women attend those meetups?

J_E · 23-06-2014 5:17pm

ongarboy wrote: »

Why don't you organise a Boardsies meet up specifically for lesbians like what has been been happening over the last year with the general LGBT boardsies meetups. From what I hear, that has been a great social outlet for lots who visit this forum although I gather it was mainly under 25s who frequented those outings. Does anyone know if many women attend those meetups?

I was only at once but couldn't help noticing no women turned up, so maybe it could be a spinoff/extra night?

Ambersky · 24-06-2014 1:21pm

Maybe it would help to enlarge the opportunities for femme women to meet other women if they opened up a little and got to know some of the women that have up to now been written off.
Just because the women in the George or sitting in a corner of any gay club dont look like the stereotype of straight girl femininity doesnt mean that they are butch.
Yes it can be a problem if you are sitting in the George and the other women there look straight to you and you cant tell which ones are bi and no one will come over to you because they think you are probably straight too. So why not go over and ask to sit with the women you think are butch that might help to clarify a bit about who you are at least and who knows you might meet some nice women. Then you might be invited to mix around a bit more in womens groups and you might just find someone you are attracted to.

studentoflife · 25-06-2014 10:49am

I would like to ask the same question about Galway. I've been to the G bar a couple of times but there is not much women. Where does one meet femme women in Galway?

LegacyUser · 25-06-2014 12:17pm

Friday night is women's night as far as Pride in Dublin is concerned. It will start in The Front Lounge before moving to "Dyke Night" in The Button Factory. You will find women of all ages, types, persuasions (but you can mostly assume any femme woman you meet that night is interested in ladies), many that don't bother with the scene the rest of the year also.

RagsOBrien · 07-07-2014 12:42am

Thanks for all the replies. A meet up from the board is a good idea- maybe one just for women as one poster suggested. How did the women's night go on Pride weekend? I was out of Dublin that weekend!

Ash885 · 07-07-2014 6:16pm

Just saying that the boards meetups were open invite, with no restriction on gender or age. No women turned up even though countless attempts were made to be inclusive about it.

J_E · 07-07-2014 8:32pm

Ash885 wrote: »

Just saying that the boards meetups were open invite, with no restriction on gender or age. No women turned up even though countless attempts were made to be inclusive about it.

I imagine it's just a case where women might feel there aren't other women there to associate with, and nobody went. Even the LGBT community is usually male-default before anything else.

Ash885 · 07-07-2014 8:35pm

Cydoniac wrote: »

I imagine it's just a case where women might feel there aren't other women there to associate with, and nobody went. Even the LGBT community is usually male-default before anything else.

Well if it's a case of a self-fulfilling prophecy type thing, maybe some brave soul needs to make the first step.

RagsOBrien · 07-07-2014 9:17pm

Ash885 wrote: »

Well if it's a case of a self-fulfilling prophecy type thing, maybe some brave soul needs to make the first step.

You're probably righ there Ash. Is it jusg the Boards Meetup that women don't turn up to or is it a common scenario in LGBT groups generally in Ireland in your experience? I suppose women like myself and others who are active online somewhat in this context but don't present at real life LGBT social forums and outlets are not helping to improve the visibility of LGBT women.

LegacyUser · 08-07-2014 10:14am

I am a femme lesbian and find it hard to meet other woman. I find the scene very clicky I'm starting to wonder if there are any nice decent girls left. All my friends are straight so I don't get the opportunity very often to head out to gay club to meet people or even just to broaden my gay circle.

Lynn87 · 08-07-2014 11:00am

This is my first post, I am of the same opinion as many of you that it is extreme hard to meet other woman in Dublin. I am a femme lesbian and agree with a few of you that it's that bit harder for us to meet woman as a lot of people assume we are straight as we like to dress that bit more girly. All my friends are straight and I would like to broaden my gay circle.

baby and crumble · 08-07-2014 11:10am

I think that we need to mention taking a risk- as in don't wait for someone to 'see' you as a lesbian, you may have to take the initiative and make the first move.

Lynn87 · 08-07-2014 11:20am

I agree with taking the risk but the scene is very clicky and taking the risk isn't as easy as it sounds.

LegacyUser · 08-07-2014 12:12pm

Lynn87 wrote: »

I agree with taking the risk but the scene is very clicky and taking the risk isn't as easy as it sounds.

That is my biggest fear really- being rejected by other lesbians/bi women for whatever reason, mainly because I have dated men and don't rule out dating them again either so I don't identify as lesbian. I'm not sure how much of an issue that is in the community? I have that suspicion that it would be a problem for self-identified lesbians.

All I am looking for is to make some friends, initially at least and go from there. Just fed up hiding and feel like I'm missing out but I suppose there are cliques in all aspects of life- the workplace, the classroom, the football team. Why would the Gay scene be any different?

GrandBlaa · 08-07-2014 5:41pm

I too find it hard even meeting other femme women to just connect with, let alone date. I don't mind being 'seen' as a lesbian, but I do like wearing make-up and having long hair, too.

Looks like there's a fair few of us here, though!

Lynn87 · 08-07-2014 9:53pm

Seems to be a lot on here but not when we go out. Which is a shame

baby and crumble · 08-07-2014 10:40pm

Have any of you tried Running Amach?

Lynn87 · 08-07-2014 11:04pm

I haven't tried it yet I was thinking about it but heard the Crowd is much older.

Ambersky · 09-07-2014 6:15pm

Running amach is open to women of all ages which I think is great and meetups often have a mix of age groups. Some of the meetups do tend to get an older crowd and some tend to get more of the younger ones.

Anyone whos a member of Running Amach can suggest a meet up and you could suggest one that would be of interest to people in your own age group if you wanted.

Im also of the belief that often we have to get out there and take a risk and make things happen for yourself.

lemon_sherbert · 10-07-2014 9:22pm

I've been to a few Running Amach events and will echo that this is a wide group of ages, tends to be 25+. Everyone I met there was very friendly and welcoming, though I have to admit I haven't been to that many. And it's hard walking into these things on your own, but at the same time, you can't expect queer friends/partners to fall out of the sky.

As for meeting other women - I'll agree, I find it very hard in Dublin. I came out while living abroad, and fell into the scene there easily enough, but upon coming home found it tough in Dublin, particularly when so much of socialising (and not just queer socialising) is based in the pub.

Anyway, I've bit the bullet and agreed to go to the next Boards LGBT meet-up. If anyone fancies joining pop over to the thread and join in - you never know, might make some new friends!

Lynn87 · 10-07-2014 9:37pm

I have looked for the thread for the next meet up but can't seem to find it?

lemon_sherbert · 11-07-2014 6:42am

Lynn87 wrote: »

I have looked for the thread for the next meet up but can't seem to find it?

Don't know how to post links from my phone, but it's on the first page of the forum- called forum meetup july

Blogatron52 · 16-07-2014 11:16pm

RagsOBrien wrote: »

I would like to meet women who are also bi/lesbian and see if anything comes of it. I'm scared though to be honest as it's new territory for me.

Hey rags, let me know if you or any other newbies go to the meet up or arrange a spin off! I currently have a g/f but we're in the same boat in that all our friends are straight and I'd like to get to know a few like minded people but have never been out in a gay bar or on the scene! Its fairly daunting stuff!

CloneDreamer · 16-07-2014 11:57pm

Hey there, I'm glad I came across this post seems like I'm not the only one with this issue.. I would really like to broaden my circle I have mostly all straight girl friends and when I do go out with my best gay guy friend people assume we're a couple which definitely isn't what we want people to think or I'm his straight friend accompanying him, not great ðŸ˜
So I'd definitely be interested in any future meet ups / get togethers..

RagsOBrien · 17-07-2014 2:05pm

Blogatron52 wrote: »

RagsOBrien wrote: »

I would like to meet women who are also bi/lesbian and see if anything comes of it. I'm scared though to be honest as it's new territory for me.

Hey rags, let me know if you or any other newbies go to the meet up or arrange a spin off! I currently have a g/f but we're in the same boat in that all our friends are straight and I'd like to get to know a few like minded people but have never been out in a gay bar or on the scene! Its fairly daunting stuff!

Hey Blogatron,

I will of course. I did hear mention of a meetup in July. I suggested August in the meetup thread and I guess we can see who is interested and work from there. Would be good to have a meet up! I've been out to gay bars a few times but don't know any other queer folks, not very well anyway! It would be nice to just see if a few friends could be made for starters!

Lauren3142 · 18-07-2014 12:07am

Meet up sounds great , i hope im not going to be the youngest there or ill die!

lady111 · 28-07-2014 1:15am

Hi guys,

Interested to see your post ! I'm in the same predicament. I'm very femme and like the same but am gay !! Meet up would be great..

lady111 · 28-07-2014 2:58pm

Guys, I propose we agree some get together, everyone seems to be thinking along the same lines.. I will defo be in the front lounge Friday (1st) and will keep my eyes open for other " straight looking woman " !!

rere · 29-07-2014 7:24pm

I think a front lounge get together sounds good.

lady111 · 29-07-2014 10:10pm

Well nothing ventured nothing gained and would be nice to get to know others so we should agree something..

LegacyUser · 30-07-2014 7:45pm

lady111 wrote: »

Guys, I propose we agree some get together, everyone seems to be thinking along the same lines.. I will defo be in the front lounge Friday (1st) and will keep my eyes open for other " straight looking woman " !!

I'm on hols at the moment. Just back from Amsterdam actually so not going to be around this Friday but the following one I could do fo sho or the rest of August is okay! FLounge is a good idea as a start off point- not as mental as the George as the Dragon!

Not to be nosy but wondering what age everyone is? Actually I am being nosy but shur it's good to have an idea. I'm 25 FYI!

Emz93 · 30-07-2014 9:43pm

We could organize a meet up on the night of the next Crush and maybe all meet in Frontlounge before? Just a suggestion

Blogatron52 · 30-07-2014 9:44pm

Yeah I think it's a good idea! I've never been there (or to any gay bars!) I'm not available on the 1st though! Let me know how ye get on if it happens!

Just curious if people have ever thought... What if I go to one of these meet ups and actually recognise other people...?! :')

rere · 31-07-2014 9:14am

Is this going to be a different one to the July meet up on the other thread?

baby and crumble · 31-07-2014 5:17pm

I'm curious. What exactly is the definition of femme here? Of this is a MeetUp for femme women who like femme women, if a woman comes along who isn't femme enough is she getting asked to leave?

Ambersky · 31-07-2014 6:52pm

Im curious too. Is being femme self defining for this group, as in if you say you are femme its taken that you are femme or do you have to be able to pass for straight, that would be an awful measure.

Being femme as I understand it can run quite a gamut so some women dont look particularly femme by straight standards but feel femme in their being.

Also on the issue of a group being for femme women who like femme women. Well I would take it someone would would want to like femmes to want to join a group of them but how about the femmes who fancy butch women or more androgynous types or just plain ordinary dykes or gay women as well as or instead of femmes. Its my understanding quite a few femmes feel like that would they be allowed to join.

Lou.m · 31-07-2014 7:22pm

I am bi I went out with running amach for a while. It's nice because they do different things each week and there is a great mix.

Lou.m · 31-07-2014 7:24pm

baby and crumble wrote: »

I'm curious. What exactly is the definition of femme here? Of this is a MeetUp for femme women who like femme women, if a woman comes along who isn't femme enough is she getting asked to leave?

Lord no! I would sincerely hope not!

pharmaton · 31-07-2014 7:53pm

awh c'mon, if a group of self identifying femmes want to get together by themselves that should be ok too, no? (I don't think I am myself tbh)

baby and crumble · 31-07-2014 8:17pm

pharmaton wrote: »

awh c'mon, if a group of self identifying femmes want to get together by themselves that should be ok too, no? (I don't think I am myself tbh)

I've no issue with anyone doing that tbh but I'm curious about the 'policing' of it.

lady111 · 31-07-2014 8:17pm

Hi guys, only speaking for myself I would consider myself femme and only attracted to femme but I don't mind who comes ! The more the merrier ?! I agree with everyone we could have good crack ??guys I'm gonna be in front lounge tomorrow night with one male friend !

pharmaton · 31-07-2014 8:22pm

baby and crumble wrote: »

I've no issue with anyone doing that tbh but I'm curious about the 'policing' of it.

well you could always hire a few butches to stake the place out for 'policing' purposes if it comes to it

GrandBlaa · 31-07-2014 8:40pm

Hey guys, so what's happening? Is there a meet-up for definite this weekend?

Can it be during the day?

Even like a drop-in coffee thing

pharmaton · 31-07-2014 9:09pm

GrandBlaa wrote: »

Hey guys, so what's happening? Is there a meet-up for definite this weekend?

Can it be during the day? Even like a drop-in coffee thing

I suspect it's in Front Lounge Blaa, think there's another thread with details on the forum if you want to check it out

lady111 · 31-07-2014 9:16pm

So whose joining me in Fl tomorrow evening ?! Come on now!

Finding other femme women in Dublin

Comments