Fantasy Papal Conclave

stimpson · 13-03-2013 6:40pm #1

So the candidates for the biggest job in catholicism are an average selection at best. If you could have anybody as pope, be they catholic, atheist, pastafarian or other, who would it be and why? They can even be a fictitious character, once they bring something a bit special to the job.

I'd have Australian musician, songwriter, author, screenwriter, composer and ex-heroin addict Nick Cave for a number of reasons:

- He looks awesome in robes -> http://akirathedon.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Julie-and-Nick.jpg

- He's scary as fcuk (see above) and could bring some fire and brimstone back to the church, thus appealing to the conservative element as well as the younger generation

- He really knows how to work a room. I'm sure his chalice-work would be effortless

- He's a protestant man, which micht go some way towards stopping people blowing the shit out of each other to see who loves god more.

- An audience with the Pope would be far more exciting

- He's already done the sex, drugs and rock n'roll thing, and it's all out in the open, so the chances of him having any skeletons in the closet is pretty slim

Think you can do better?

Mr Benevolent · 13-03-2013 6:42pm

Heather Brook, former amateur porn star famed for her uh... abilities on March 14th.

mattjack · 13-03-2013 6:45pm

Bree Olson or Charlie Sheen

BillyMitchel · 13-03-2013 6:47pm

Charlie Sheen

Free coke for mass goers and bj's in the confession box.*

*Not from priests but from kinky nuns.

Beaten to it!

Pherekydes · 13-03-2013 6:47pm

Stephen Dawkwings.

Or Richard Hawkin.

Or, more seriously, Ayn Rand.

BBDBB · 13-03-2013 6:48pm

Dana

.Henry Sellers. · 13-03-2013 6:49pm

I'd pick James Earl Jones dressed up like he was in Conan the Barbarian.

WumBuster · 13-03-2013 6:49pm

Ian Paisley

spankysue · 13-03-2013 6:52pm

William Shatner, I'm not explaining why he should be pope, everyone else should be explaining why he's not already pope!

BBDBB · 13-03-2013 6:53pm

WumBuster wrote: »

Ian Paisley

not as big a deal as you might imagine,

Catholics are used to being told "NO!"

Death and Taxes · 13-03-2013 6:53pm

Jimmy Saville would appear to have all the required characteristics, close run thing between him and Gary Glitter.

My name is URL · 13-03-2013 6:55pm

Billy Connolly would make a good pope imo

GoodisonPark · 13-03-2013 6:56pm

BBertie

Artful_Badger · 13-03-2013 6:56pm

Seeing as its fantasy I'd go for the late great Rodney Dangerfield.

"I'll tell ya, Pope's these days get no respect ! I was at mass the other day and the alter boy abused me !"

orestes · 13-03-2013 6:57pm

stimpson wrote: »

So the candidates for the biggest job in catholicism are an average selection at best.

Average selection? What do you expect them to be able to do? It's not Cardinals Got Talent.

Although if one of them started juggling chainsaws or something it would be pretty awesome.

stimpson · 13-03-2013 7:01pm

orestes wrote: »

Average selection? What do you expect them to be able to do? It's not Cardinals Got Talent.

Fantasy Papal Conquest.

It's unlikely that Nick Cave will ever be pope, but maybe in a wonderful alternative universe.

Fantasy Papal Conclave

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