Alcoholic hubby

If violence is involved and you say he "forces" himself on you at night so without putting a finer point on it or being refined about it, that is rape and that is violence, then I would end the relationship immediately.

Are there children in the relationship?

You say you built the house so it is yours and if you have underage children I cannot see him being able to claim half the house or anything like it. You need to see a family law solicitor as soon as you can.

I have a sister who was in similar circumstances with a husband who was so bad on the drink that the marital bed was often soiled with his inability to contain himself. The abuse both physical and psychological were desperate and it affected their daughters badly.He ended up with cancer of the bladder with excessive smoking and drinking. I believe he has some form of autism or social dysfunction and self esteem issues which lie at the root of his drinking.

In my case I found myself the shameful consumer of a bottle of wine per day and not able to quit. Things started getting pear-shaped when I drank 2 bottles in the space of about an hour.Several episodes of bottles of wine plus a few cans of beer followed in the ensuing weeks.

I went to the doctor to see if there was anyway to quit, my uncles died prematurely from heart problems and high blood pressure brought on by excessive drinking and my father had type 2 diabetes from excessive eating.
I had to give up cigarettes 30 years ago when I reached 2 packs a day and had constant sinus and lung problems, but I eventually quit after 6 attempts and help from a doctor and counsellor. I did the maths and a man is allowed 21 units a week. I was on 70-80 per week. I have a very addictive personality and cant do things in moderation.

My doctor has me on low dosage librium to alleviate the cravings and reduce the depression I have resulting from my excessive and lifelong drinking.
So far it is working, thank god.

At an advanced stage of alcoholism a person with a major drink problem may have to be weaned gradually off alcohol because if they quit suddenly major medical problems such as seizures and heart problems can happen. Your husband has to have the motivation to quit, this seems to be absent for some reason. You mention that your husbands father was also a heavy drinker. It could well be that your husband was violently abused as a child by his father and this leads to his heavy drinking.

I was autistic and bullied at home and school as a result of being "different" to other people, the object of ridicule for many less enlightened people. My drinking I can now see was a tragically mistaken form of self-medication to try and dull the pain of such bullying but an ineffective one at that. I work in the music business in a small way but there is a tendency in that business for people to wind down after a gig with a few drinks, this has had to go. People in stressful jobs,sales, and public speaking roles also have similar problems and can get hooked on drink when it is used to relax after a highly strung day of work.

I do not know if any of this information is of any use to you but I put it out there for what it's worth. You need to get away from your husband as quickly and decisively as possible. You need to contain as far as possible any potential damage that might occur with rows in front of the children, if you have any.
The man in this thread is consuming at least a bottle of spirits per day and several bottles of fortified wine which amounts to 50 or 60 units PER DAY. That will kill him. I am sorry to have to be so blunt about it but there is no sugar coated way to say it. His mental faculties will be destroyed and he needs to be treated now if that is possible.If his liver goes he is a goner, like the late lamented TD's Brian Lenihan senior and junior.

I am sorry I cannot be of any more help and I sincerely hope I haven't stepped on your toes or insulted you in any way but the urgent need for action is now.