DIY moron

Sam Quentin · 05-11-2015 3:59am

colm_mcm wrote: »

Wiring up a stereo in my old brava. Too mean to pay for harness adaptor.
Much chocblocking later, it was in and working.
Was grand for a few days, then it stopped working, came back again, went again.
It was only when I had to put the parking lights on (on fiats you turn the ignition backwards, press a button on the ignition barrel and take the key out) that the penny dropped.
I had wired up the switched 12v to the illumination wire, so the radio only worked when the lights were on...

This made me lol

Sam Quentin · 05-11-2015 4:05am

Voodoomelon wrote: »

Told this before, swear to god it wasn't me. A mate overfilled his Corolla with oil by about a litre. Instead of draining out the whole lot and starting again, he proceeded to insert and remove the oil dipstick hundreds of times, wiping it each time, to get the oil out.

He said he gave up after about half an hour. I couldn't believe it, thought he was joking; I fell around laughing!

lol this is not true lol I cannot(lol)accept this(lol)as reality........

C4Kid · 10-11-2015 8:18pm

Changing the oil the last time, drained the sump, put the bolt back in and tightened accordingly.

After refilling I went to drain the waste oil into an old oil bottle for disposal, there is my forgotten sump plug washer sitting pretty in the bottom of the pan I'd collected the oil in. Yep had to repeat the whole thing again using the same oil this time.

Don't feel so bad now....

nmacc · 18-11-2015 4:31pm

Changed the oil in my Renault many years ago. Neat film of oil on the filter and tightened it up. Drove about 200 yards before the oil pressure light came on.
While fitting the filter the O-ring had dropped off the filter and disappeared into the drain can. The state of the road was something to behold!

On the subject of over-filling: a friend of mine had a Mini 1275. Her husband was going away for a few days and told her to keep it topped up with oil. Takes quite a bit to reach the top of the rocker cover.
Blew every seal in the motor; they had to scrap it.

Then there was the work colleague of mine who drained his oil on a Saturday and commented that it was spotlessly clean. It took me a day or two to figure it out. He had drained the gearbox and put an extra gallon of oil into the engine. Surprisingly, when all was sorted, it was fine.

Finally there was an issue that will affect only a small number of us.
Man I knew had a flat battery in his Ferrari, so he did the obvious thing we all would do: he jump started it from his Rolls Royce.
Unfortunately the Phantom V was +VE earth and the GT4 was -VE earth.
Fried the ammeter in the RR. I rebuilt it for free just so that I could drive the cars.

jca · 19-11-2015 10:26am

nmacc wrote: »

Changed the oil in my Renault many years ago. Neat film of oil on the filter and tightened it up. Drove about 200 yards before the oil pressure light came on.
While fitting the filter the O-ring had dropped off the filter and disappeared into the drain can. The state of the road was something to behold!

On the subject of over-filling: a friend of mine had a Mini 1275. Her husband was going away for a few days and told her to keep it topped up with oil. Takes quite a bit to reach the top of the rocker cover.
Blew every seal in the motor; they had to scrap it.

Then there was the work colleague of mine who drained his oil on a Saturday and commented that it was spotlessly clean. It took me a day or two to figure it out. He had drained the gearbox and put an extra gallon of oil into the engine. Surprisingly, when all was sorted, it was fine.

Finally there was an issue that will affect only a small number of us.
Man I knew had a flat battery in his Ferrari, so he did the obvious thing we all would do: he jump started it from his Rolls Royce.
Unfortunately the Phantom V was +VE earth and the GT4 was -VE earth.
Fried the ammeter in the RR. I rebuilt it for free just so that I could drive the cars.

That last paragraph is rubbish... How does the earthing of either vehicle make any difference unless they were touching each other? I jump started a guys +ve earth vauxhall with my own -ve earth car at a show I didn't see any melting ammeters in either cars... Positive to positive, negative to negative not difficult. Too right you'd replace the ammeter ....

biko · 19-11-2015 11:03am

Thankfully the only thing so far is changing oil on a very blustery day.
Oil when draining was being blown all over the place, my driveway and myself.
Took ages to clean it all up.

nmacc · 19-11-2015 11:08am

jca wrote: »

That last paragraph is rubbish... How does the earthing of either vehicle make any difference unless they were touching each other? I jump started a guys +ve earth vauxhall with my own -ve earth car at a show I didn't see any melting ammeters in either cars... Positive to positive, negative to negative not difficult. Too right you'd replace the ammeter ....

Rubbish? Really?

Technically it makes little sense, I agree. However I can only accept the word of the owner that he did what he did, since I wasn't there when the magic smoke escaped. It would have been rather rude to tell him he was talking rubbish.

You may note that I rebuilt the ammeter, not replaced it. He told me that he had found it difficult (in Dublin in the pre-internet days) to source a replacement ammeter for a 1965 Phantom Ve.

Hermy · 19-11-2015 11:08am

I wish I'd known about oil changes back then.

Or even bothered to top up the oil in my Scudo taxi.

Not doing that broke the cam chain and cost me €3500 to have repaired.

nmacc · 19-11-2015 11:12am

biko wrote: »

Thankfully the only thing so far is changing oil on a very blustery day.
Oil when draining was being blown all over the place, my driveway and myself.
Took ages to clean it all up.

Ooohhh yes!

Done that more than once. I'm a slow learner.

Nekarsulm · 19-11-2015 11:16am

jca wrote: »

That last paragraph is rubbish... How does the earthing of either vehicle make any difference unless they were touching each other? I jump started a guys +ve earth vauxhall with my own -ve earth car at a show I didn't see any melting ammeters in either cars... Positive to positive, negative to negative not difficult. Too right you'd replace the ammeter ....

Yeah, but if you aren't paying attention, and just join Red lead to Red lead, and black to black, then with two cars with different earth systems it's really easy to send 24 volts through the system for a split second.

landmarkjohn · 19-11-2015 11:22am

biko wrote: »

Thankfully the only thing so far is changing oil on a very blustery day.
Oil when draining was being blown all over the place, my driveway and myself.
Took ages to clean it all up.

Been there. It's hard to get it all lined up at Kerbside Motors though... you need a dry day, no wind, the car, the oil and filter, the time, the inclination..:D

nmacc · 19-11-2015 11:33am

Nekarsulm wrote: »

Yeah, but if you aren't paying attention, and just join Red lead to Red lead, and black to black, then with two cars with different earth systems it's really easy to send 24 volts through the system for a split second.

Back in the old days (fadó, fadó....) that was a useful way to start a reluctant old banger that had been sitting up. Make sure everything is switched off, disconnect the alternator and the oil pressure switch, then connect the extra battery in series. The starter really flies!

It always worked for me if I was trying to resurrect an old car on a cold, damp, miserable winter's day. Mind you, had to be careful with ignition systems that used a 6V coil and dropper resistor. Now that I think of it, might not have been ideal for an electric fuel pump either!

milltown · 19-11-2015 11:35am

Roger Mellie Man on the Telly wrote: »

I recently forgot to refit the sump plug before happily pouring in fresh, expensive Mobil 1.

Any other DIY retard stories welcome so I can hopefully avoid making your mistakes again...:(

A mechanic in Roadstone did this many years back. Except he had the truck over the pit and the oil being pumped from a tank mounted high on the wall of the garage.

Emptied the tank. Filled the pit. Still no oil in the truck.

Same guy wound up teaching apprentice mechanics in Bolton St.

jca · 19-11-2015 1:08pm

milltown wrote: »

A mechanic in Roadstone did this many years back. Except he had the truck over the pit and the oil being pumped from a tank mounted high on the wall of the garage.

Emptied the tank. Filled the pit. Still no oil in the truck.

Same guy wound up teaching apprentice mechanics in Bolton St.

Ha ha he must have taught some of the muppets on this thread:pac:

jca · 19-11-2015 1:12pm

Nekarsulm wrote: »

Yeah, but if you aren't paying attention, and just join Red lead to Red lead, and black to black, then with two cars with different earth systems it's really easy to send 24 volts through the system for a split second.

24volts won't harm an ammeter though... I can't see how you can get 24 volts with one battery flat in the circuit...

Hermy · 19-11-2015 1:18pm

dr.fuzzenstein wrote: »

My Cmax, was driving along when suddenly massive grinding noise from back wheel. Was doing the brakes and one of the rear calipers had come loose, flipped up and was rubbing against the inside of the alloy...:eek: A bolt had worked it's way loose and finally had fallen out. The groove is still there. I was able to procure a correct size bolt by scouring neighbouring mechanics (thankfully a lot on the Ballysimon Road) and Halfords actually lent me the tools! So I was able to put my brakes into usable condition, albeit with a "wrong" bolt. But they held together until I got the correct bolt from Ford. Call me nervous and overcautious, but brakes I wouldn't chance with whatever was lying around...:pac:

I left my Scudo in to the dealership where I bought it to have the front discs changed and they did something quite similar. Out working that night when suddenly I get a grinding noise from the front right. Turns out whatever gobsh!te did the job stripped the threads when putting back the calliper and replaced it with a nut and bolt which fell off at some stage.

Needless to say repair, replacement parts and everything else was at their expense but it was lesson learnt about how much faith to put in main dealerships, SIMI members and all that.

nmacc · 19-11-2015 1:40pm

jca wrote: »

24volts won't harm an ammeter though... I can't see how you can get 24 volts with one battery flat in the circuit...

I suspect he managed to connect the RR backwards. The alternator (it had been converted previously) diodes would then conduct and all the battery current would have been applied through the ammeter shunt, which melted.

This obviously wouldn't have done the alternator windings much good, but either they survived the roasting, or the alternator had been changed before I arrived on the scene, with the issue being the rarity of the ammeter in question. Can't remember if he mentioned alternator damage, as it was a long time ago.

nmacc · 19-11-2015 1:43pm

Hermy wrote: »

Needless to say repair, replacement parts and everything else was at their expense but it was lesson learnt about how much faith to put in main dealerships, SIMI members and all that.

Hmm. Reminds me of the time I had a new steering rack fitted in my Caravelle Syncro by a well-known Dublin VAG main dealer. They used the wrong bolts on the rubber rack mountings - God knows why, they must have removed the originals - and when the rack was put under pressure a few weeks later, off it came.

That was fun. Brightened my whole day.

Nekarsulm · 19-11-2015 1:56pm

jca wrote: »

24volts won't harm an ammeter though... I can't see how you can get 24 volts with one battery flat in the circuit...

Flat batteries have usually a bit of life in them.

Don't know about the ammeter, but managed to 24volt my Isuzu trooper a few weeks ago, using a spare battery.
Melted the 80 amp main fuse, and fried the changing relay. It's also probably cooked the alternator, cause it's running down overnight since.
Engine Check light flashing since, as well.

jca · 19-11-2015 5:47pm

Nekarsulm wrote: »

Flat batteries have usually a bit of life in them.

Don't know about the ammeter, but managed to 24volt my Isuzu trooper a few weeks ago, using a spare battery.
Melted the 80 amp main fuse, and fried the changing relay. It's also probably cooked the alternator, cause it's running down overnight since.
Engine Check light flashing since, as well.

How can you connect one battery in series with another(to get 24V) just using jump leads? I think you're a major BS artist, P.S. sign up for a night class on basic vehicle electrics with the amount of damage you're causing it'll pay for itself in no time:mad:

jca · 19-11-2015 5:51pm

nmacc wrote: »

Back in the old days (fadó, fadó....) that was a useful way to start a reluctant old banger that had been sitting up. Make sure everything is switched off, disconnect the alternator and the oil pressure switch, then connect the extra battery in series. The starter really flies!

It always worked for me if I was trying to resurrect an old car on a cold, damp, miserable winter's day. Mind you, had to be careful with ignition systems that used a 6V coil and dropper resistor. Now that I think of it, might not have been ideal for an electric fuel pump either!

Handy for a newly rebuilt tight engine too, never tried it on an electric fuel pumped vehicle though, that might cause problems.

Nekarsulm · 19-11-2015 6:21pm

jca wrote: »

How can you connect one battery in series with another(to get 24V) just using jump leads? I think you're a major BS artist, P.S. sign up for a night class on basic vehicle electrics with the amount of damage you're causing it'll pay for itself in no time:mad:

I bow to your superior knowledge.
Obviously you were there at the time and I never noticed you.
Pity you didn't see fit to enlighten me before I short circuited the set up.
But then ALL smart arses have 20/20 vision.

Sh1tbag OToole · 19-11-2015 11:59pm

jca wrote: »

Handy for a newly rebuilt tight engine too, never tried it on an electric fuel pumped vehicle though, that might cause problems.

I'd be more worried about frying the ECU although thats probably sitting behind a regulator that can take 20v at least

jca · 20-11-2015 12:35am

Sh1tbag OToole wrote: »

I'd be more worried about frying the ECU although thats probably sitting behind a regulator that can take 20v at least

Ecu's were a long long way away on the era of car I did that one on, the alternator was about the highest tec component in the circuit:D

jca · 20-11-2015 12:43am

Nekarsulm wrote: »

I bow to your superior knowledge.
Obviously you were there at the time and I never noticed you.
Pity you didn't see fit to enlighten me before I short circuited the set up.
But then ALL smart arses have 20/20 vision.

Now, did you short circuit or apply 24V? There is a major difference... I'm a smart arse because I've managed to jump start vehicles with different earthing arrangements without melting components....strange logic that. Next car I jump start I'll short it deliberately, brag about it here and will gain the respect of the dumbest vehicle electrician ever born:pac::pac:

TheChizler · 20-11-2015 1:29am

Are there many positive earth cars still around? This is a new one for me, I had the understanding that negative ground was completely standard. Might have just figured out why my leads started smoking last time I tried to jump a car...

jca · 20-11-2015 10:07am

TheChizler wrote: »

Are there many positive earth cars still around? This is a new one for me, I had the understanding that negative ground was completely standard. Might have just figured out why my leads started smoking last time I tried to jump a car...

There hasn't been a positive earth car around since the 1940's!! Don't mind the rubbish being spouted on this thread. Buy a decent set of jump leads in an auto factors, no more smoking leads. Come to think of it, if that RR had an alternator it was negative earth. Very very few alternators, if any at all, were made for positive earth. Any that were positive earth are long since gone to the great lucas graveyard in the sky.

nmacc · 20-11-2015 11:25am

British cars retained positive earth systems up until the early 1970's.

Usually the conversion to negative earth took place when the model was updated to an alternator, but that was not always the case. There are original, factory-fitted positive-earth alternator systems out there. The alternator doesn't care as long as you fit the correct diode pack. it really only matters if you are using a semiconductor regulator and they only slowly filtered everywhere, not just in British cars.

In the case of the Phantom 5 it was converted in the 70s to an alternator because it was spending a lot of its time in heavy Hong Kong traffic and the low speeds meant that the battery was not being properly charged. It might have been sensible to change the polarity at the same time, but mechanics in HK do a lot of strange things.

Positive earth may seem illogical, but I am told the motivation was galvanic corrosion. The positive terminal is more likely to corrode in damp conditions and it may seem strange to do this on an already rust-prone body, but the alternative is that the wires corrode and there's a lot more metal to work with in the body than in the wiring.

dodzy · 20-11-2015 3:00pm

Audi A4 1.8T Quattro.

Changes front pads.
Refits everything.
High fives oneself at speed of task.
(Never primes pedal).
Gets into car.
Drives off to end cul de sac (T junction).
Applies brakes.
Sh1ts oneself.

nmacc · 20-11-2015 5:29pm

Changes cam chain.
Reassembles everything.
Tries a test drive to check at speed.
Doesn't close the bonnet properly.
At 65mph on a narrow road the safety catch decides that enough is enough.
See last line of previous post.

MAJJ · 20-11-2015 6:15pm

Serviced car for first time, still very much a novice.
used axle stands at front
drained oil
refitted everything including cursed engine cover
dropped car down
did oil filter etc
refilled oil
went to do fuel filter, when refitting dropped one of the nuts down into engine and onto enginecover
died a bit inside
cup of tea later spent 20 mins trying to find in my shed my lidl special - magnetic, telescopic thing.
damn thing couldn't reach it
had to lift car and remove engine cover and eventually found it and got it all back together

Couldn't wouldn't admit defeat after buying tools, jack, stands etc and of course finally using some of my vast lidl/aldi stuff

jca · 20-11-2015 8:03pm

MAJJ wrote: »

Serviced car for first time, still very much a novice.
used axle stands at front
drained oil
refitted everything including cursed engine cover
dropped car down
did oil filter etc
refilled oil
went to do fuel filter, when refitting dropped one of the nuts down into engine and onto enginecover
died a bit inside
cup of tea later spent 20 mins trying to find in my shed my lidl special - magnetic, telescopic thing.
damn thing couldn't reach it
had to lift car and remove engine cover and eventually found it and got it all back together

Couldn't wouldn't admit defeat after buying tools, jack, stands etc and of course finally using some of my vast lidl/aldi stuff

Well done, great feeling that you didn't let it defeat you. You won't drop that nut ever again!!!

gctest50 · 20-11-2015 8:22pm

jca wrote: »

How can you connect one battery in series with another(to get 24V) just using jump leads? I think you're a major BS artist, P.S. sign up for a night class on basic vehicle electrics with the amount of damage you're causing it'll pay for itself in no time:mad:

cos of the 12/24 maybe -

StereoSound · 20-11-2015 10:00pm

Way back in the day my dad had a late model Nissan Bluebird and I asked him if I could change the spark plugs so he didn't have to. Saw him do it lots of times before so piece of cake. Cylinder number 1 I over tightened the plug and it stripped the cylinder head thread.. Plug just span round and round

. I said nothing, car still drove OK for the few weeks after where he sold it on. That's my first balls up car story. Torque wrenches became my close companion after that with future car messing about avenues.

jca · 20-11-2015 11:35pm

gctest50 wrote: »

cos of the 12/24 maybe -

No point in doing that night class as you seem to have trouble reading...

jca · 20-11-2015 11:39pm

StereoSound wrote: »

Way back in the day my dad had a late model Nissan Bluebird and I asked him if I could change the spark plugs so he didn't have to. Saw him do it lots of times before so piece of cake. Cylinder number 1 I over tightened the plug and it stripped the cylinder head thread.. Plug just span round and round . I said nothing, car still drove OK for the few weeks after where he sold it on. That's my first balls up car story. Torque wrenches became my close companion after that with future car messing about avenues.

Did that with a Tiger Cub belonging to someone else....it didn't last 2 miles. Aul fella gave me some roasting.

Hermy · 21-11-2015 11:42am

jca wrote: »

You won't drop that nut ever again!!!

Famous last words!

5W30 · 21-11-2015 1:05pm

I was changing the glow plugs on the Focus when I bought it.

It was a pain to remove the nut that fixes the glow plug wiring to the glow plug. I did the first 3 successfully using a magnet to put the tiny nut back onto the glow plug without dropping it.

Then I put in glow plug 4, put the wire onto the glow plug and then tried to put the little nut onto the glow plug like I did before, but NOPE, it just dropped and fell somewhere under the car.

So I'm there under the car looking for it, couldn't find it. Eventually it started raining. I went home, had something to eat, came back out.

After a good while searching I found the nut on top of the starter motor :pac:

Changing glow plugs on the Volvo XC90 is a pleasure in comparison. The connectors for the glow plugs are cool and they just pull off, instead of having to mess around with nuts that are easy to lose.

dr.fuzzenstein · 21-11-2015 1:20pm

1.6 or 1.8?

5W30 · 23-11-2015 1:38pm

dr.fuzzenstein wrote: »

1.6 or 1.8?

1.6 pffff PSA scrap :pac::pac::pac:

It's the 1.8 :rolleyes:

The Sidewards Man · 23-11-2015 2:34pm

Nekarsulm wrote: »

Flat batteries have usually a bit of life in them.

Don't know about the ammeter, but managed to 24volt my Isuzu trooper a few weeks ago, using a spare battery.
Melted the 80 amp main fuse, and fried the changing relay. It's also probably cooked the alternator, cause it's running down overnight since.
Engine Check light flashing since, as well.

How did you manage this, procedure you used?

jca · 23-11-2015 7:49pm

The Sidewards Man wrote: »

How did you manage this, procedure you used?

Don't waste your time with this joker. Life's too short...

Hellrazer · 23-11-2015 8:23pm

Another couple I just remembered.

About 15 years ago when Id just started in the parts trade I was changing a customers front wipers.So I lifted up the 2 wipers and left them sticking up while I got the new ones from the parts department.
As I was fitting the second one my elbow hit the wiper arm and it went straight through the customers windscreen...not a good day.

Next one wasn't me but it happened to my own car.

Got on eof the apprentices to throw a wheel bearing on to my old mazda 323.
So he went off and fitted the bearing.I head off home and next I hear a loud bang and the front wheel bouncing past me down the road.

Turned out that he locked the centre hub nut up with an air gun instead of locking it up and turning it back a quarter turn to allow the wheel to turn...now that was scary as fook!!!!!It had sheared the hub right off.

Melodeon · 23-11-2015 8:36pm

I had an old Land Rover up on the lift doing a bit of welding on the rear crossmember, using the ball hitch as a convenient bit of bare metal onto which I attached the earth clamp.
When the crossmember was done, I then took the opportunity while I was under there to do a bit of welding on the rear axle.
I was welding away merrily when I was suddenly surrounded by smoke and the stink of hot oil and melting teflon.

I had discovered that a steel braided brake hose isn't up to carrying welding current

dr.fuzzenstein · 24-11-2015 12:42am

5W30 wrote: »

1.6 pffff PSA scrap :pac::pac::pac:

It's the 1.8 :rolleyes:

Proper order! That engine could survive a direct nuclear hit. Did the glow plugs myself and yes, those little nuts holding on the wiring are rage inducing.

Nekarsulm · 24-11-2015 2:26am

jca wrote: »

Don't waste your time with this joker. Life's too short...

Saucer of milk for jca . .........
Who missed both the title and the point of the thread..

5W30 · 24-11-2015 6:39pm

dr.fuzzenstein wrote: »

Proper order! That engine could survive a direct nuclear hit. Did the glow plugs myself and yes, those little nuts holding on the wiring are rage inducing.

I tried to use a telescopic magnet but it didn't work at all to be honest

dr.fuzzenstein · 24-11-2015 11:40pm

5W30 wrote: »

I tried to use a telescopic magnet but it didn't work at all to be honest

If it was a Micra you could just pick it up, turn it upside down and shake it till it fell out.

MarkR · 30-11-2015 4:03pm

dr.fuzzenstein wrote: »

If it was a Micra you could just pick it up, turn it upside down and shake it till it fell out.

My brother had a peugot 106 years ago, and that was my suggestion when 5p fell into the seat rail.

milltown · 01-12-2015 10:22pm

MarkR wrote: »

My brother had a peugot 106 years ago, and that was my suggestion when 5p fell into the seat rail.

This just reminded me of a 5 series my dad had. Somebody dropped a handful of change in the back and one or two coins found their way into the rear footwell heater vent, under the passenger seat. The noise used to drive him spare when he went over bumps! They were too far in to fish out and would have meant taking half the carpet up to get at them.
One of the main reasons he sold that car was those two coins.

DIY moron

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