Playing down doing well over Christmas

Ray Palmer · 06-01-2014 5:05pm #1

So Christmas is over but didn't anybody else have to play down any spending or spending power? I get people are not doing well and lots of people are suffering but during other times I don't remember some of these people being delicate about how much money they had.
In particular I remember one in-law boasting about how he was earning so much and never went to college yet I was not making as much as him. He was actual wrong about how much I earned but I never corrected him. Anyway he was very flashy with his money and I never have been. Big into showing wealth, to me it was all quite tacky stuff and not worth it but him and his friends are all big into labels etc... He used point and laughing about how little money I had or that I wore cheaper clothes.
This Christmas he is broke and I wouldn't dream of doing the same but the wife and myself did spend money on each other but didn't show it off. That seems reasonable but we also found we would better not mention holiday plans or any large expenditures planned. Even at that he at least made a snide comment about having a new phone that he couldn't afford.
I know I focused on him but we did genuinely feel we couldn't say we had a good year.

freshpopcorn · 06-01-2014 5:13pm

People have to play down how much there spending all year round. Great that you went to College!

Mint Aero · 06-01-2014 5:20pm

Rub it in his face

Santa Cruz · 06-01-2014 5:23pm

Ray Palmer wrote: »

So Christmas is over but didn't anybody else have to play down any spending or spending power? I get people are not doing well and lots of people are suffering but during other times I don't remember some of these people being delicate about how much money they had.
In particular I remember one in-law boasting about how he was earning so much and never went to college yet I was not making as much as him. He was actual wrong about how much I earned but I never corrected him. Anyway he was very flashy with his money and I never have been. Big into showing wealth, to me it was all quite tacky stuff and not worth it but him and his friends are all big into labels etc... He used point and laughing about how little money I had or that I wore cheaper clothes.
This Christmas he is broke and I wouldn't dream of doing the same but the wife and myself did spend money on each other but didn't show it off. That seems reasonable but we also found we would better not mention holiday plans or any large expenditures planned. Even at that he at least made a snide comment about having a new phone that he couldn't afford.
I know I focused on him but we did genuinely feel we couldn't say we had a good year.

Cheer him up by asking how are the Bulgarian Holiday homes going?

06-01-2014 5:27pm

I avoid this dilemma by not associating with poor people.

Ray Palmer · 06-01-2014 5:38pm

Deleted User wrote: »

I avoid this dilemma by not associating with poor people.

I would certainly choose not to associate with my brother-in-law if I could. I'm sure he feels the same way too.

Daqster · 06-01-2014 5:40pm

Not a chance myself and the mrs played down our spending.

This year was the first year we have not being in debt and been quite flush in fact, why should we be ashamed of that?

Christmas morning, we rolled up in our brand newly purchased 00 D Lancer, lowered, with furry dice on show.

Mrs bold as brass gets out of the motor wearing a Paul's Boutique jacket, que the daggers coming from the in-law ladies inside and they hadn't even noticed her black seven inch studded wedges yet.

We walk up to the door, not two seconds inside and what does yours truly do but set up a fake call giving me an excuse to whip out a Galaxy Europa, only 15 months on the clock.

No point trying to hide these things I say.

road_high · 06-01-2014 5:42pm

Daqster wrote: »

Not a chance myself and the mrs played down our spending.

This year was the first year we have not being in debt and been quite flush in fact, why should we be ashamed of that?

Christmas morning, we rolled up in our brand newly purchased 00 D Lancer, lowered, with furry dice on show.

Mrs bold as brass gets out of the motor wearing a Paul's Boutique jacket, que the daggers coming from the in-law ladies inside and they hadn't even noticed her black seven inch studded wedges yet.

We walk up to the door, not two seconds inside and what does yours truly do but set up a fake call giving me an excuse to whip out a Galaxy Europa, only 15 months on the clock.

No point trying to hide these things I say.

That the store in Kilkenny?

Electric Sheep · 06-01-2014 5:44pm

Playing down what you spend is normality, it is not polite to brag about money or possessions.

Bragging about what you spend was a Celtic Tiger thing, and one of the obnoxious behaviours that made people from outside Ireland roll their eyes. The Beverly Hillbillies had more class than Irish people during the boom.

Jamie2k9 · 06-01-2014 5:47pm

I have never being one to brag or keep up with the joneses like so many people over the last few years. As a result I have not being badly affected over the last few couple of hard years for many but there is no way I could publicly say this to people in work or even some friends as they have the attitude that they did nothing wrong and its completely not there fault that they have no money. Have never being one for big spending at Christmas either, people just waste money buying the supermarkets out, anyone would be forgiven for think they would never open again. 24 hours is not much when most of the food got is thrown out....

Greek and Jealousy is the problem with Irish society and be sure many of the same people will make the exact same mistakes again in future.

humbert · 06-01-2014 5:51pm

Electric Sheep wrote: »

Playing down what you spend is normality, it is not polite to brag about money or possessions.

Bragging about what you spend was a Celtic Tiger thing, and one of the obnoxious behaviours that made people from outside Ireland roll their eyes. The Beverly Hillbillies had more class than Irish people during the boom.

It's not bragging. If you've a new phone and you're into technology you are entitled to talk about it, if you've been on holiday to somewhere interesting you're entitled to talk about it, if you've a new car and you're the type of insufferable bore that likes to talk about cars you're entitled to talk about it.

Can't stand the post Celtic Tiger attitude that everyone who isn't walking around in sackcloth should be ashamed. I also can't stand people going on ad nauseum about their poverty like it's some sort of badge of honour.

freshpopcorn · 06-01-2014 5:54pm

humbert wrote: »

It's not bragging. If you've a new phone and you're into technology you are entitled to talk about it, if you've been on holiday to somewhere interesting you're entitled to talk about it, if you've a new car and you're the type of insufferable bore that likes to talk about cars you're entitled to talk about it.

Is that you Breedaa?

My name is URL · 06-01-2014 5:56pm

humbert wrote: »

It's not bragging. If you've a new phone and you're into technology you are entitled to talk about it

I also can't stand people going on ad nauseum about their poverty like it's some sort of badge of honour.

So it's okay to droll on about material stuff you've bought, but it's not okay for people to go on about how they cannot afford stuff? Seems kinda contradictory.

Personally I find anyone that tends to go on about what they have bought, or what they can't afford; to be insufferable bores.

Eyes Without a Face · 06-01-2014 6:01pm

Ray Palmer wrote: »

So Christmas is over but didn't anybody else have to play down any spending or spending power? I get people are not doing well and lots of people are suffering but during other times I don't remember some of these people being delicate about how much money they had.
In particular I remember one in-law boasting about how he was earning so much and never went to college yet I was not making as much as him. He was actual wrong about how much I earned but I never corrected him. Anyway he was very flashy with his money and I never have been. Big into showing wealth, to me it was all quite tacky stuff and not worth it but him and his friends are all big into labels etc... He used point and laughing about how little money I had or that I wore cheaper clothes.
This Christmas he is broke and I wouldn't dream of doing the same but the wife and myself did spend money on each other but didn't show it off. That seems reasonable but we also found we would better not mention holiday plans or any large expenditures planned. Even at that he at least made a snide comment about having a new phone that he couldn't afford.
I know I focused on him but we did genuinely feel we couldn't say we had a good year.

Well it sounds as if you're quite humble not to rub it in his face. There's no way I could ever be friends with someone who's putting it to your sister. I feel you'd just be making a fool out of yourself

Electric Sheep · 06-01-2014 6:01pm

humbert wrote: »

It's not bragging. If you've a new phone and you're into technology you are entitled to talk about it, if you've been on holiday to somewhere interesting you're entitled to talk about it, if you've a new car and you're the type of insufferable bore that likes to talk about cars you're entitled to talk about it.

Can't stand the post Celtic Tiger attitude that everyone who isn't walking around in sackcloth should be ashamed. I also can't stand people going on ad nauseum about their poverty like it's some sort of badge of honour.

You're "entitled" to talk about anything you want to - of course, other people might find your phone and holiday talk as insufferably boring as you find the car talk. Nobody is really interested in other people's holidays.

You can talk about whatever you like, just don't expect it to help you "win friends and influence people".

Artful_Badger · 06-01-2014 6:03pm

Ray Palmer wrote: »

He used point and laughing about how little money I had or that I wore cheaper clothes..

Was he an 18th century English nobleman ?

06-01-2014 6:21pm

Ray Palmer wrote: »

In particular I remember one in-law boasting about how he was earning so much and never went to college yet I was not making as much as him. He was actual wrong about how much I earned but I never corrected him. Anyway he was very flashy with his money and I never have been. Big into showing wealth, to me it was all quite tacky stuff and not worth it but him and his friends are all big into labels etc... He used point and laughing about how little money I had or that I wore cheaper clothes.

That is an insecure man who values signifiers of wealth over decency and good manners. He probably feels his lack of education reflects badly on him, and over compensates by being obnoxious about what he does have.

His priorities are all wrong, and he probably knows it.

humbert · 06-01-2014 6:24pm

My name is URL wrote: »

So it's okay to droll on about material stuff you've bought, but it's not okay for people to go on about how they cannot afford stuff? Seems kinda contradictory.

Personally I find anyone that tends to go on about what they have bought, or what they can't afford; to be insufferable bores.

I certainly wouldn't encourage anyone to droll on about anything.

Electric Sheep wrote: »

You're "entitled" to talk about anything you want to - of course, other people might find your phone and holiday talk as insufferably boring as you find the car talk. Nobody is really interested in other people's holidays.

You can talk about whatever you like, just don't expect it to help you "win friends and influence people".

I'm interested in other people's holidays, it's the most reliable information I have when choosing where to go next!

Considering wheather or not people would be interested in this or that is rather missing the focus of this discussion, I would say.

SEPT 23 1989 · 06-01-2014 6:25pm

I was trying to talk mine up:(

06-01-2014 6:44pm

Never mind having a good Christmas money-wise, I ended up being scared to say happy Christmas to anyone at all.

"All set for Christmas?"
"Yeah everything's looking good, should be fun"
"Well yes it must be nice for you, unfortunately I've no money and no kids in the house and I know lots of people that are dead"

Well, me too, but I don't see why I can't be in a good ****ing mood on Christmas day.

Electric Sheep · 06-01-2014 6:44pm

humbert wrote: »

I certainly wouldn't encourage anyone to droll on about anything.

I'm interested in other people's holidays, it's the most reliable information I have when choosing where to go next!

Considering wheather or not people would be interested in this or that is rather missing the focus of this discussion, I would say.

Not really. I think the important thing is to consider your audience. A conversation about your new phone with a friend who is also big into phone technology is completely different than a conversation about your new phone with someone who can't afford one. Ditto with holidays - except that with holidays, don't start talking about them unless asked, and even if asked, recognise the difference between being asked politely, and being asked with actual interest.;) It's one thing to discuss holidays with friends who can afford to travel, quite another to foist it on people who can't afford to have a holiday themselves.

SmurfX · 06-01-2014 6:52pm

Good or bad, there's nothing more pathetic than talking business or finance across the christmas dinner table.

humbert · 06-01-2014 6:56pm

Electric Sheep wrote: »

Not really. I think the important thing is to consider your audience. A conversation about your new phone with a friend who is also big into phone technology is completely different than a conversation about your new phone with someone who can't afford one. Ditto with holidays - except that with holidays, don't start talking about them unless asked, and even if asked, recognise the difference between being asked politely, and being asked with actual interest.;) It's one thing to discuss holidays with friends who can afford to travel, quite another to foist it on people who can't afford to have a holiday themselves.

I'm afraid I often have the impertinance to choose conversation topics without waiting to be asked, politely or otherwise.

I have friends that cannot afford things I do and buy and friends who do and buy things I cannot afford. Fortunately none of us are insecure enough to be bothered about that. Speaking personally, my interest in someone's choice of topic is completely independent of whether I can afford it or not. Life's far to short to be wasting time worrying about other people's neuroses.

lazybones32 · 07-01-2014 12:48am

Ray Palmer wrote: »

I know I focused on him but we did genuinely feel we couldn't say we had a good year.

Why not? I'm assuming that no-one involved is a child, so why do you feel the need to walk on eggshells around him? Sure, there's no need to play his game and rub it in his face but why hide it?... Enjoy your wealth while you have it; neither be overly-proud or ashamed of it.

Ray Palmer · 07-01-2014 10:47am

Electric Sheep wrote: »

Not really. I think the important thing is to consider your audience. A conversation about your new phone with a friend who is also big into phone technology is completely different than a conversation about your new phone with someone who can't afford one. .

Just to be clear I wasn't talking about my phone nor did I bring it up he did! He was saying how it "nice for some" with obvious venom. I guess it was jealousy but not for the phone itself but what it indicated.

Given that the issue of spending came up without any mention from myself or my wife just using my phone I certainly didn't feel I should mention anything that would be seen as illustrating having money. Given how he behaved actively showing off when he spent he seemed to be expecting us to be rubbing it in his face no matter what we did. Mention of where we had been earlier in the year came up and he again said "nice for some".

The general undercurrent seemed to be we were some elite that conned the honest working man out of making a wage. Lots of t talk about how the bankers and IT people screwed the economy. Never heard IT blamed before but seeing as that is my area it isn't a surprise he added in there. He was just trying to start a fight, I gather it would have made him feel better if he could just beat me some other way. I didn't rise to it but the whole lot of the in-laws are struggling so it was uncomfortable.

Playing down doing well over Christmas

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