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Opinions wanted

  • 05-12-2007 11:36pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi all, just looking for a bit of advice.

    Im a final year student and im in a longdistance relationship. The other is sick and finds flying very stressful and will probably get sick for a few days after flying to get here on the other hand he isnt working (because of sickness) and has no commitments.

    Im to visit them for 3 weeks over christmas and Im getting really stressed out about it. Its not as if id do a huge amount of study but if I was here id get some stuff done, whereas I just feel really squeezed by the prospect of heading off for a few weeks.

    His attitude bothers me a bit as well. He talked me into coming for christmas when the original pan was that he would visit and ive mentioned casually that I could do with doing a little work on college stuff over christmas and he totally hasnt picked up on it.
    I spent the summer with him and although I really enjoyed it, with him being sick it was also quite constraining.

    So I guess im just confused and not feeling very happy about things and im not sure how to bring it up with him,, especially as its so close to the planned flight dates.


Comments

  • #2
    K_P
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 577 ✭✭✭K_P


    Three weeks is a long time. Do you have to go for that long, especially if it's causing problems for you. I suppose a lot of this depends on how long the distance is and how serious the illness. If he really would be quite ill for a few days after travelling, then I can see the point. As long as him not travelling isn't just a matter of laziness.

    It probably is a bit close to Christmas to go cancelling, but maybe you could shorten how long you're there. 2 weeks even? And maybe while you're there talk things through with him, about how you're busy with college and stuff and see if you can find some compromise.


  • #3
    Cathmandooo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,324 ✭✭✭✭Cathmandooo


    That's quite a confusing post!

    Can you not bring your work over with you for the three weeks and set aside a few days to do your work? Discuss this with him before you go and say you've a lot on your plate at the moment being in your final year and that you cant afford to ignore your work for 3 weeks. It would be very unfair of him to expect you to drop it for that long at a very crucial time of your studies.

    Explain to him that working your butt off at the moment is going to benefit your future career and after that you'll have more time for him, plus you'll probably get a good job and be able to afford to see him more often. If he loves you he should understand that.


  • #4
    milli
    Closed Accounts Posts: 219 ✭✭milli


    It must be hard for you being torn between seeing you OH and your obligation to college - as Cathooo suggested can you bring your work over with you for the time you are away? Don't let it eat you up inside - talk to him about it before you go so he understands the pressure you're under.


  • #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Op, you don't need to answer but I want to ask you a quick question.

    Why do you feel the need to be in such a stressful relationship with someone, who it seems, has a pre-existing, long-term condition? Do you have a martyr complex?


  • #6
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Fair points, its possible to bring some stuff with me but its not really great, I guess thats what I'll do, Im finding it quite hard to raise the issue with him.

    As to why Im still with him, I got with him before he was as sick and he means a lot to me, I love him. However I have been wondering how its going to work out.


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  • #7
    K_P
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 577 ✭✭✭K_P


    op101 wrote: »
    Fair points, its possible to bring some stuff with me but its not really great, I guess thats what I'll do, Im finding it quite hard to raise the issue with him.

    As to why Im still with him, I got with him before he was as sick and he means a lot to me, I love him. However I have been wondering how its going to work out.

    As long as you're not staying with him out of guilt......


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