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Racist girlfriend.

  • 05-12-2007 12:23pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Going unregged for this one,
    I have started seeing this girl recently and things have been going great. Sexlife is brilliant!!!
    She is a very warm and caring girl except for a few major flaws. She can get very violent & Jealous when drunk, for example she threw a major fit last week when she caught me talking to another girl, we ended up having a huge argument about this and she scraped me across the face.
    As if things couldn't get any worse it now turns out she is fairly racist and had a HUGE falling out with another friend of mine (Polish), who she accused of trying to "steal me away". She made several racist remarks, which ended up with her throwing her pint of guinness over my Polish friend.
    She had mad 1 or 2 off the cuff racist remarks, which at the time were harmless/funny enough. But she has hit a new low with this...
    Have been seeing her for 2 months, both of use are 25 Yrs.
    Any advise, appart from joining a club / finding a hobby :rolleyes:


«1

Comments

  • #2
    Beruthiel
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    Are you telling me that you are perfectly happy to have a g/f who gets physically violent, is racist, acts like a jealous bunny boiler?

    My advice to you is, there are plenty of perfectly normal women out there.
    If this is the way she behaves after only two months, I fore see years of misery ahead if you stay with her. People like that only get worse the longer a relationship lasts.

    Run for the hills and don't be afraid to tell her exactly why you are dumping her. She needs to grow up and learn a lesson from this.


  • #3
    PeakOutput
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,639 ✭✭✭PeakOutput


    chuck her asap


  • #4
    tbh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 15,914 ✭✭✭✭tbh


    PeakOutput wrote: »
    chuck her asap

    +1.


  • #5
    L'prof
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,042 ✭✭✭✭L'prof


    Get rid!!!


  • #6
    AARRRGH
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,382 ✭✭✭✭AARRRGH


    You're probably very attracted to her "wild" side (e.g. the spark and sex life that comes with it), but these type of relationships always end in tears.

    I'd dump her now before you fall in love and get really hurt.


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  • #7
    blah
    Registered Users Posts: 938 ✭✭✭blah


    Beruthiel wrote: »
    ...don't be afraid to tell her exactly why you are dumping her...

    I wouldn't even do that, she'd probably take advantage of the opportunity to make a scene. Just delete her number and walk away. Otherwise it sounds like you'll quickly end up with no friends except for a bunny-boiler psycho aggressive girlfriend.


  • #8
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    DublinDude, thanks for the serious response and not jumping on the "Dump her" bandwagon!

    In fairness yes I am attracted to her wild side, but she is such a different person when we are alone.

    Beruthiel: I am not content in having a jealous racist girlfriend, but I wanted to know would it be worth my while staying with her, if she makes an effort to curb her behaviour.
    Will she make an effort to curb her behaviour or is she all talk? - Only 1 way to find out.


  • #9
    whiskeyman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,564 ✭✭✭✭whiskeyman


    people usually have minor flaws and thats ok... major flaws in your opinion should be a clear signal to get out!
    Sure, the nookie is good, but it will probably dry up with the more arguments you have and serious disagreements.
    Get out while the going is good and find someone better


  • #10
    Nevada
    Registered Users Posts: 51 ✭✭Nevada


    Dump her.

    Making a racist remark is easily the worst crime known to man.


  • #11
    girlwitcurls
    Registered Users Posts: 180 ✭✭girlwitcurls


    you deserve better. never let anyone treat you or your friends badly. she is not worth it. must have inner issues.id say take to the hills and run!!!


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  • #12
    Cathmandooo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,324 ✭✭✭✭Cathmandooo


    Agree with everyone - run for the hills. She's only going to get worse, a lot worse! She's not worth it and her behaviour is unacceptable.


  • #13
    Thomas_S_Hunterson
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,151 ✭✭✭Thomas_S_Hunterson


    ask her to be a fu.ck buddy instead of a gf

    Otherwise dump her


  • #14
    girlwitcurls
    Registered Users Posts: 180 ✭✭girlwitcurls


    ignore last post from sean. cut all ties it will only end in tears and your tears at that


  • #15
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,170 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Beruthiel wrote: »
    Are you telling me that you are perfectly happy to have a g/f who gets physically violent, is racist, acts like a jealous bunny boiler?

    My advice to you is, there are plenty of perfectly normal women out there.
    If this is the way she behaves after only two months, I fore see years of misery ahead if you stay with her. People like that only get worse the longer a relationship lasts.

    Run for the hills and don't be afraid to tell her exactly why you are dumping her. She needs to grow up and learn a lesson from this.
    Nail on the head. Leave her. It will be better for both of you if you do. There are perfectly normal women out there, though they may take some searching out... :) Seriously do yourself a favour and lose the loony.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • #16
    Gyalist
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,537 ✭✭✭Gyalist


    She is a very warm and caring girl except for a few major flaws.
    Sounds like a huge contradiction there. Made me laugh anyway.
    She can get very violent & Jealous when drunk, for example she threw a major fit last week when she caught me talking to another girl, we ended up having a huge argument about this and she scraped me across the face.
    As if things couldn't get any worse it now turns out she is fairly racist and had a HUGE falling out with another friend of mine (Polish), who she accused of trying to "steal me away". She made several racist remarks, which ended up with her throwing her pint of guinness over my Polish friend.
    She had mad 1 or 2 off the cuff racist remarks, which at the time were harmless/funny enough. But she has hit a new low with this...

    So she's not just violent towards you but your friends as well and I can't possibly think of any circumstance where racist remarks are harmless/funny.

    You are playing with fire here. If after only two months she is revealing this side of her character, it will be much, much worse in two years time when she has managed to alienate you from all your friends and family. Cut her loose now before you get in above your head.
    I have started seeing this girl recently and things have been going great. Sexlife is brilliant!!!
    Sex with unstable women always seems to be great. They seem to feed off the emotional spikes caused by all the drama in their lives. However, you'll be the one trying to sleep with one eye open. Ask me how I know!!!


  • #17
    Miss Fluff
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,673 ✭✭✭Miss Fluff


    Dump her. Continue having sex with her by all means but you do risk her cutting your balls off and frying them up with some tumeric. She's a violent nutjob. How serious is it? If it's just sex should be easy enough for you to bail on the whole thing.


  • #18
    AARRRGH
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,382 ✭✭✭✭AARRRGH


    Nevada wrote: »
    Dump her.

    Making a racist remark is easily the worst crime known to man.

    LOL

    Let's not get overdramatic here.

    She's a bit of a whacko, but obviously nothing close to being a serial killer.


  • #19
    Blackpitts
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 780 ✭✭✭Blackpitts


    get rid of her NOW


  • #20
    Oryx
    Subscribers Posts: 19,425 ✭✭✭✭Oryx


    Sexlife is brilliant!!!
    But nice girls have great sex too. Id say give up on this 25yo adolescent, even if she is the bees knees in bed. Do you really want to have to tiptoe around her or risk getting mauled everytime you glance at another girl?

    As for her rascism, thats just ugly. She needs to learn its really really not acceptable, and if you walking away goes some way towards doing that, brilliant.


  • #21
    NextSteps
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 984 ✭✭✭NextSteps


    ...And you don't want to risk having all your friends avoiding you and her.


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  • #22
    Rev Hellfire
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,346 ✭✭✭Rev Hellfire


    No one's perfect. If you are serious attracted to her and enjoy her company then the two of you just need to work on it. Certainly you should perhaps avoid situations where her insecurities about you might get amplified through excessive drinking.

    As for the racism I'm not so sure it’s a big deal, I’d ignore it. We all have our quirks.
    I suspect the pint incident is more connected with her insecurities regards you and would have most likely occurred regardless of the race of the woman.

    I say stick with it.


  • #23
    seanabc
    Registered Users Posts: 167 ✭✭seanabc


    The racist thing isn't the part to worry about, as long as she's able to walk past a foreigner on the street without disgracing herself. You really should take that scratch as a warning though. Better off getting out now rather than letting it go on for any longer.


  • #24
    biko
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 81,220 ✭✭✭✭biko


    Root of problem -> alcohol.
    A lot of people have racist tendencies but they do not act on them. Alcohol cause them to flare up.

    Try to get her to cut down. Threaten to dump her unless she cleans up.


  • #25
    blackheartfairy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6 ✭blackheartfairy


    sorry but if she is violent and racist is it rely worth it??? friends should come first there the ones that usually stick around longer!!!:rolleyes:


  • #26
    Overheal
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 85,053 ✭✭✭✭Overheal


    Leave her. Sex isn't a reason to stay in a relationship. She has serious unacceptable issues that she needs to sort out. You staying with her only reinforces that she might be right about it.


  • #27
    AngryBadger
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,251 ✭✭✭AngryBadger


    PeakOutput wrote: »
    chuck her asap

    +1


  • #28
    mayordenis
    Moderators, Education Moderators Posts: 9,645 Mod ✭✭✭✭mayordenis


    you'll lose too many friends over her


  • #29
    pwd
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,284 ✭✭✭pwd


    how did you know the other girl? Did you know her beforehand? Were you flirting with her, or she with you?
    Are you sure your Polish female friend isn't interested in you?

    Does your gf have many friends she's known more than a little while? It can be an indicator of a real psycho if the answer is no.


  • #30
    speaktofrank
    Closed Accounts Posts: 595 ✭✭✭speaktofrank


    I wouldn't dump her straight away, just tell her that her baheaviour is unacceptable and if she wants it to continue she should change her ideas. She gave you a stratch, I know if any girl lifted a finger to me they would get a slap back. Screw all this 'oh you can't hit a girl thing' if someone tries to inflict physical damage on you then you should let them know too exactly what it feels like. Chances are she won't do it again.


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  • #31
    Gyalist
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,537 ✭✭✭Gyalist


    Root of problem -> alcohol.
    A lot of people have racist tendencies but they do not act on them. Alcohol cause them to flare up.

    Try to get her to cut down. Threaten to dump her unless she cleans up.

    I couldn't disagree more with your post. While I'm sure that you mean well, I wouldn't consider it good advice.

    I'd bet good money that she's had some serious trauma in her past AND that she still doesn't even see anything wrong with how she behaved.

    What's more likely to happen is that she will attack him one day and then call the Guards and report HIM for domestic violence. Maybe after that, he will come to have what recovering alcoholics refer to as "a moment of clarity".

    How is he supposed to be able to control her drinking? Should he fit her with a GPS so that he could track her all the time? He'll likely end up being addicted to his "role" of trying to prevent her from drinking and controlling her behaviour. That's no way to try to live a normal life. Threats won't work because after they are first used they will lose all their power subsequently.

    For his own well-being he should cut her loose immediately.


  • #32
    MIN2511
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,398 ✭✭✭MIN2511


    Right, she may have passed a few comments but that doesn't classify her as racist

    Racism has many definitions, the most common and widely accepted being the belief that members of one race are intrinsically superior or inferior to members of other races. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Racism

    And even at that it would take a lot for me to consider her as racist-ignorance being the first point coming to mind
    But her behaviour leaves little to the imagination, even if i was pissed drunk:D i would never succumb to throwing drinks at another person, let alone the violent way she behaved towards you. Tbh that would be my breaking point not the comments, but as you say she was drunk! You need to sit down and discuss this erratic behaviour, it's only two months though and you can walk out without being hurt.


  • #33
    biko
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 81,220 ✭✭✭✭biko


    This is PI, the home of advice like "dump him or her".
    People are not toys that you can throw away when you find a flaw with them.

    I'd like (not) to read one day a update like "thanks everyone for asking me to dump him. I did and it feels much better now". At least from someone older than 25.

    What I'd like to read is "we sat down and talked it over and compromised and now it's all better". Or "we tried to work things out but the differences were just too great. But at least we tried..."


  • #34
    seanabc
    Registered Users Posts: 167 ✭✭seanabc


    This is PI, the home of advice like "dump him or her".
    People are not toys that you can throw away when you find a flaw with them.

    They've only been going out for two months. He really is better off stepping away from this now. Violence is a good enough of a reason to get away from her before it turns into a relationship.


  • #35
    Mazeire
    Closed Accounts Posts: 453 ✭✭Mazeire


    Unreg123321 wrote: »
    Going unregged for this one,
    I have started seeing this girl recently and things have been going great. Sexlife is brilliant!!!
    :
    Wow. Its amazing how a bit of good sex can make you blind to the fact that this psycho has both physically and verbally abused yourself and your friends. Look if you want to stay with this nutter for the sake of some regular good nookie then thats your choice but do your friends a favour and dont bring her out in public.


  • #36
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Whatever about her racism, which is appalling, her violent tendencies are what I would be more worried about.

    Reminded me of this thread: http://boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055192664


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  • #37
    tampopo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,333 ✭✭✭tampopo


    Run, or Dump.


    I suppose you could talk it over, but there are many pebbles on the beach and Ireland has many beaches...


  • #38
    Oryx
    Subscribers Posts: 19,425 ✭✭✭✭Oryx


    For those saying alcohol is the problem. I disagree. Alcohol can loosen inhibitions and exaggerate tendencies and traits that are already there. It does not take a 'warm lovely person' and suddenly create a monster out of nowhere.

    Also to say this girl is not really racist, but simply the jealous type, I think is also letting her off the hook. If shes not racist, why play the racist card against the polish girl. She could have said she was ugly or hateful or even a b*tch... but no, she had to bring race into it.

    @biko. This couple are two months into a relationship. This is the stage when you *should* be all loved up and cuddly and still think the other is a bit of alright. Not clawing their eyes out. If its this bad, this early, I say absolutely cut your losses.


  • #39
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    speaktofrank wrote: »
    I wouldn't dump her straight away, just tell her that her baheaviour is unacceptable and if she wants it to continue she should change her ideas.

    +1
    Try talking to her and let her know what your thinking. Give the girl a chance to explain her actions and change her ways. then when you have talked and if nothing changes you didnt just rush into dumping her without giving it a proper chance.


  • #40
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Rang her earlier, I am meeting up with her Thursday evening to "Talk", depending on this I will make my decision as to whether I should stay with her or take her to Dumpsville...

    The more I think about it now the more I realise I may have to leave her, but I really don't want to loose her...
    1 of the things what really sticks into me mind is when (while in the pub of course), with my mum, I got the impression she really didn't like my mum, was very short with her and even talking over her... This was her first time to meet my mother (granted we could have picked a better venue). She didn't do anything specifically but just her whole attitude that night :/

    Also as mentioned all her "bestest" friends are relatively new friends (as mentioned above)... Not sure if I should read into that too much.


  • #41
    Gemini Sister
    Closed Accounts Posts: 175 ✭✭Gemini Sister


    speaktofrank wrote: »
    I wouldn't dump her straight away, just tell her that her baheaviour is unacceptable and if she wants it to continue she should change her ideas. She gave you a stratch, I know if any girl lifted a finger to me they would get a slap back. Screw all this 'oh you can't hit a girl thing' if someone tries to inflict physical damage on you then you should let them know too exactly what it feels like. Chances are she won't do it again.


    You're suggesting the OP hit her back to 'teach' her what violence feels like? Thats a very dangerous line you walk there. OP, IMHO real men don't do that. Violence is always a sign of weakness. (unless the lady is coming at you with an axe).

    I think this girl is young, jealous and insecure.... AND CAN'T HANDLE HER DRINK. Give her the fright of her life (and no - you don't have to use your fists), tell her that you need a 'break' (a week) to think about if you could ever feel the same way about her again, let her sweat it out. Then accept her apology and support her in working on the insecurity and drink thing.


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  • #42
    Jack B. Badd
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,294 ✭✭✭Jack B. Badd


    Gemini Sister wrote: »
    OP, IMHO real men don't do that.

    Real women don't do it either :rolleyes: OP, it sounds like her violence and jealousy are more of a problem than her bigotry. I couldn't imagine becoming violent with a loved one, even with alcohol in me. It would be worth remembering that men can be victims of domestic violence too (despite the fact that domestic violence towards men is viewed as somewhere between a taboo subject and a joke) and if she's like this after only a few months I'd watch myself if I were you.


  • #43
    Bottle_of_Smoke
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,770 ✭✭✭Bottle_of_Smoke


    Unreg123321 wrote: »

    Also as mentioned all her "bestest" friends are relatively new friends (as mentioned above)... Not sure if I should read into that too much.

    I would read into that.

    The racist remarks seem more of a jealousy thing. Thank God people couldn't see my thoughts one time when a good looking, charming black guy was flirting with a girl I was seeing. When humans are pissed off/jealous they concentrate on anything that's different about someone.

    When you say she "scraped you across the face", eh - could you elaborate a little more?


  • #44
    Zombrex
    Closed Accounts Posts: 25,848 ✭✭✭✭Zombrex


    Unreg123321 wrote: »
    She is a very warm and caring girl except for a few major flaws.

    She is very warm and caring except when she is calling your friends racist names or trying to claw your eyes out for talking to another girl

    And Hitler was seemingly nice to his dog ....

    If she is doing the things you says he is then she isn't warm and sweet and caring.

    Dump her ass


  • #45
    Tea drinker
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,817 ✭✭✭Tea drinker


    like the girl says in Minority report:

    RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNN

    This girl won't be happy until she has you all by yourself - then dump you or **** you over like everyone else.
    Even if you are winding her up it's still completely OTT.

    Life's too short.


  • #46
    Ickle Magoo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    I read your posts and alarm bells are going off...

    2 months in you should be cuddling up whispering sweet nothings. If it was a girl posting to say her fella gave her a back-hander across the jaw & was squaring up to & calling her friends names, I'd tell her to run - so I'm going to have to do the same here.

    By all means have a serious talk with your gf & let her know how you feel & she has one more chance but if she raises a hand to you or is rude to people you care about, then I don't see that you have a healthy relationship at all. Something significant has to change if you stay with her. Best of luck.


  • #47
    coolmoose
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 923 ✭✭✭coolmoose


    Miss Fluff wrote: »
    Dump her. Continue having sex with her by all means but you do risk her cutting your balls off and frying them up with some tumeric. She's a violent nutjob. How serious is it? If it's just sex should be easy enough for you to bail on the whole thing.

    +1...but if you value your balls that's another story...

    i'd say bail on this to be honest, never any excuse for violence!


  • #48
    Dont be at yourself
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,586 ✭✭✭✭Dont be at yourself


    Wait a second... she drinks pints of Guinness?

    Get rid.


  • #49
    Mighty_Mouse
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,882 ✭✭✭Mighty_Mouse


    Sexlife is brilliant!!!
    She is a very warm and caring girl except for a few major flaws. She can get very violent & Jealous when drunk

    Been there, done that.
    As soon as realised girl was an agressive drunk, got rid immediately.

    Sure its early in the relationship.
    Consider a lifetime of dating a crazy woman!
    No thanks!


  • #50
    Nerin
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,523 ✭✭✭✭Nerin


    Wait a second... she drinks pints of Guinness?

    Get rid.

    +1
    lol


  • #51
    seanabc
    Registered Users Posts: 167 ✭✭seanabc


    Wait a second... she drinks pints of Guinness?

    It's cheap compared to the concoctions that some women drink.


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