I think I'm still in love with my Ex.

LegacyUser · 06-12-2007 3:35pm #1

We broke up over seven months ago after many breaks before that. He has moved away and is seeing someone else now though I’m not sure how serious that is and I am also seeing someone casually but my ex is always on my mind. I’ve changed an awful lot since we finished and have addressed a lot of the things he took issue with. He seems to have made changes too around things I had issue with. I think if we were to start afresh now we would be so much better matched and there’s nights where I lie awake thinking about telling him how I feel and other nights where I tell myself to just keep going on the track I am. I really enjoy the company of the guy I’m seeing now but feel nowhere near what I did for my Ex. Not a drop in the ocean compared.

Is it ever a good idea to look back like this? What if he’s thinking the same at times and like me is too hurt by all that happened to allow himself go there.

Don’t know what to do if anything.

diamondp · 06-12-2007 6:09pm

Your mind will never be at rest if you dont talk to your ex about how your feeling. there is nothing worst then the what if
Tell him what you are feeling, listen to what he has to say, dont be disappointed if its not what you'd like to hear. but at least you tired and in ten yrs time you wont look back and think you've made a terrible mistake by not approaching the matter. Go for it and
Good luck and keep us posted on how you get on. Nothing ventured nothing gained as the sayin gose

Wibbs · 06-12-2007 6:40pm

I agree with diamondp, nothing ventured nothing gained. Now many will say "don't look back" or "an ex is an ex for a reason". Quite often that's true and it depends on many factors. How long it went on for, your ages at the time, how deep you felt and feel for the person and of course how the felt and feel about you now(that's the biggy).

I will say that among the best relationships I know are between people who split up and went with others for a while. In one case there was nearly a 6 year gap.

Now many, if not most ex relationships fail, usually because they get back for the wrong reasons, too quickly or most importantly if the things that split them up in the first place weren't worked on or haven't changed. I would think that the reasons for the split are a big factor. If the reasons were more situational, rather than emotional, then second time around can work and work well. Mainly because second time around the two people are going into it with both eyes open.

If the ex relationship was one of the big ones, then you will have head wreck until you get over it. I would at least contact him and see how you feel and how he feels. Don't bring up the old relationship and don't put your cards on the table. His actions will tell you what will happen. Take it from there.

Most importantly, if it looks like something will happen, then of course both of you will have to split from your current partners before anything starts afresh with each other.

Nerin · 06-12-2007 6:46pm

Your mind will never be at rest if you dont talk to your ex about how your feeling

+1
theres a 50/50 chance. good luck

kraggy · 06-12-2007 8:04pm

Go for it.

milli · 07-12-2007 5:13am

Are you in touch much? I'd recommend to try meeting up with him, spend some time together before telling him how you feel - once you've spent some time together your feelings might change. I say this because I was in a similar situation a while back, thought I wanted to get back with my ex but when we spent some time together after not seeing each other for about a year I realised the feelings I had were the ones I convinced myself I had. If that makes sense?

BraziliaNZ · 07-12-2007 5:38am

seems to me like he broke up with you because of these issues he had with you and now has moved on with his life. If he wanted to go out with you again I'm sure he'd let you know. I don't think you have the right to be telling him these feelings if he has moved on.
I think if this was a bloke asking for advice everyone would tell him to leave her alone.

Wibbs · 07-12-2007 10:11am

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

seems to me like he broke up with you because of these issues he had with you and now has moved on with his life.

True enough, though if he has moved on then her contacting him will at most trigger memories.

If he wanted to go out with you again I'm sure he'd let you know.

Well she appears to still have feelings for him and he hasn't a clue so maybe not.

I don't think you have the right to be telling him these feelings if he has moved on.

Again if he's moved on it will make little difference. I know that if any of my exes rang me out of the blue, it would be good to hear from them, but that would be about it.

I think if this was a bloke asking for advice everyone would tell him to leave her alone.

Yea maybe so. I personally would offer the same advice to a man, as there is enough distance and time passed between them.

Frankly my biggest concern would be her current partner(and his if there are still feelings on his side). I think if she's still feeling like this it's very unfair on her current partner and a re assessment there would be a plan. Maybe be on her own for a while.

I think I'm still in love with my Ex.

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