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reunion advice

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  • 10-08-2012 11:04pm
    #1
    Elizvonne
    Registered Users Posts: 33 ✭


    Recently I was contacted to be told my 25 year old son adopted son wanted to make contact. This was obviously something that always I hoped would happen but has caused many mixed emotions. I immediately agreed to contact. We communicated through email and have had one meeting. I know this has to be at whatever pace he wants but I obviously want it to be sucessful and I am looking for advice from others who have gone through reunions on the best way to manage this relationship going forward to avoid disappointment on either side. I will appreciate any advice


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    #2
    aprilbaby
    Registered Users Posts: 7 ✭aprilbaby


    In my experience, the best way to go forward is to not be afraid of asking awkward questions. When I first went to visit my maternal aunt, I was terrified she would have a "surprise visitor" for me and as rude as I felt saying I didn't want that to happen, I had to be honest and directly say how I felt. Being honest and direct and making sure everything is mutually agreed is the best advice I'e gotten and it's worked out well for me so far. Best of luck with it!


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    #3
    The_Conductor
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 32,279 Mod ✭✭✭✭The_Conductor


    I'd suggest that you need to set some ground rules- its not all about your son, or you- you need a common framework that you both agree to subscribe to. Its not fair to give one person the right to dictate terms- when phone calls are made, when meetings are made, whether birthday cards or other occasion cards are sent etc. One person will always feel hurt by their relationship with the other person, if there are not some simple rules that both parties agree to abide by.

    Picture this- running home to the door for days on end wondering if you'll get a Christmas card, or a birthday card- and the other person for their own reason doesn't send it. Or you have news that you'd love to share, but don't feel its your place to ring the other person, or you'd love to meet- perhaps with other family members- but you don't know how the other person might feel about it, so its not brought up........

    You can't thread around someone on eggshells- there will be awkward questions, there will be decisions (even simple ones) that have to be made- you can't abdicate everything- sometimes a blunt question and/or suggestion, can clear the air a lot faster than tiptoeing around one another.


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