To invite or not, please help

anmhi02 · 29-08-2014 1:28pm #1

I'm doing out my invites for our wedding and am stuck on should I invite these or not.
1) An old friend who I knew about 15 years ago, we lost touch until about a year ago when we got back touch via Facebook. She knows about the wedding and have discussed it with her but only via Facebook. I have given her my number a few times but she hasn't text or called or given me hers, so for that fact alone I'm inclined to say no but from her messages I'm guessing she thinks she will be invited. I was at her wedding.

2) My ex husband 2 sisters and their husbands. I am still in contact with these and on good terms, they are also very good to my son. They know about the wedding and have met my fiancé once. I don't want them to feel uncomfortable at the wedding as they wouldn't really know anyone but I don't want them to feel they weRe excluded either because of history.
Could anyone give me their two pence with on these. Thanks :-)

Export · 29-08-2014 1:29pm

I'd invite the first, but not the second.

magicmushroom · 29-08-2014 1:31pm

1 - No. I just wouldn't bother if it was me, if you don't see each other or speak outside of Facebook, she is not a 'proper' friend.

2 - Yes. Send them the invitation - if they feel they might find being their slightly awkward they can make this decision and politely decline.
However you have extended a friendly gesture to ask them to be there, so there can be no negative feelings towards you.

Export · 29-08-2014 1:33pm

Actually, I'd invite the first one to the 'afters'.
I would not be inviting the second. It would be awkward and extremely doubtful that they would expect or accept an invitation. It would be a betrayal of their brother really.

Arbiter of Good Taste · 29-08-2014 1:39pm

I wouldn't invite (1)

I would invite (2). If you are on good terms with them, then why not? Perhaps you could ring them up and tell them you would love to have them at the wedding (assuming that is the case of course!) but if they feel uncomfortable or if they think it would cause problems for them with their brother, then you wont be offended

Milly33 · 29-08-2014 1:47pm

As most of above maybe ask 1 to the afters leave it at that and ask the second to it all or give them the options also of just going to the afters

MadDog76 · 29-08-2014 1:59pm

anmhi02 wrote: »

I'm doing out my invites for our wedding and am stuck on should I invite these or not.
1) An old friend who I knew about 15 years ago, we lost touch until about a year ago when we got back touch via Facebook. She knows about the wedding and have discussed it with her but only via Facebook. I have given her my number a few times but she hasn't text or called or given me hers, so for that fact alone I'm inclined to say no but from her messages I'm guessing she thinks she will be invited. I was at her wedding.

2) My ex husband 2 sisters and their husbands. I am still in contact with these and on good terms, they are also very good to my son. They know about the wedding and have met my fiancé once. I don't want them to feel uncomfortable at the wedding as they wouldn't really know anyone but I don't want them to feel they weRe excluded either because of history.
Could anyone give me their two pence with on these. Thanks :-)

I would invite the old friend ............ you were at her wedding afterall and this would be a good way to re-establish your friendship. If she doesn't keep in touch after the wedding (or doesn't go at all) then at least you know where you stand regarding your relationship with her.
I invited an old friend to my wedding even though we hadn't kept in touch over the years, it was great seeing him again and introducing eachother to our kids/wives etc. We see each other regularly ever since.

With the ex-inlaws I would first of all ask your Groom's opinion and consider his feelings and thoughts etc.
If he's happy for you to invite them then I would but also let them know there's no pressure to come and no hard feelings if they decide not to come ..........

Mrs OBumble · 29-08-2014 5:50pm

Export wrote: »

Actually, I'd invite the first one to the 'afters'.
I would not be inviting the second. It would be awkward and extremely doubtful that they would expect or accept an invitation. It would be a betrayal of their brother really.

Depends on the ex.

My brother and his now wife invited the bride's ex's mother and sisters, and had the next-day BBQ at their (lovely and highly suitable for a big event) home-place!

The ex-family were and are all mortified by how their black sheep had turned, and have done a lot to help the child from the relationship.

I thought it was weird, but they all have it worked out.

All depends on your relationships.

Export · 29-08-2014 6:14pm

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

The ex-family were and are all mortified by how their black sheep had turned, and have done a lot to help the child from the relationship.

Black Sheep?

'the child from the relationship'?

I have never ever said this in real life, let alone online, but I swear to God, would you like to take your sweet arse somewhere in person? To have a serious conversation on this?

Toots · 29-08-2014 6:31pm

Locking while I review posts.

Toots · 30-08-2014 12:08am

Re-opened. Keep it civil guys.

Merkin · 30-08-2014 12:10am

I wouldn't invite either.

Toots · 30-08-2014 12:16am

I'd invite the friend to the afters. If you'd like your ex sisters in law to be there, then do invite them, but let them know that you'll completely understand if they feel awkward going, or if their going will cause hassle between them and your ex, so while you'd like them to be there, there's no pressure to attend.

lulu1 · 30-08-2014 12:31am

I wouldn't invite the friend when she hadnt even the manners to return your texs or give you her phone number I suspect she is just beign nosey on face book. As for the rest if you and your partner are happy to invite them then well thats what you should do.

LynnGrace · 30-08-2014 12:32am

Toots wrote: »

I'd invite the friend to the afters. If you'd like your ex sisters in law to be there, then do invite them, but let them know that you'll completely understand if they feel awkward going, or if their going will cause hassle between them and your ex, so while you'd like them to be there, there's no pressure to attend.

I'd go with this approach also.

Mrs OBumble · 30-08-2014 1:38am

Export wrote: »

Black Sheep?

'the child from the relationship'?

I have never ever said this in real life, let alone online, but I swear to God, would you like to take your sweet arse somewhere in person? To have a serious conversation on this?

The black sheep is of course the ex, ie the adult child of the bride's former mother-in-law, and sibling of the bride's previous sisters-in-law.

And I'm just calling it exactly how they did: his relatives specifically described him as the black sheep of the family, and a great embarrassment to them.

Gatica · 31-08-2014 7:29pm

I wouldn't bother inviting either, then again I didn't want a big wedding.
Friend that wasn't close for a long time and hasn't bothered to text or call, doesn't seem like someone who is wanting to get close to you again. The other family is just that, they're not related to you and just because you're still on good terms does not mean you need to involve them in your wedding. I guess it depends on how close you are to them, if you're still very close, then I could see how you might like them there.

streetcar · 01-09-2014 1:36pm

Toots wrote: »

I'd invite the friend to the afters. If you'd like your ex sisters in law to be there, then do invite them, but let them know that you'll completely understand if they feel awkward going, or if their going will cause hassle between them and your ex, so while you'd like them to be there, there's no pressure to attend.

I would completely agree with this.
Have seen a similar situation (the groom was widowed and remarried a few years later and he invited his deceased wife's family). The ones that had remained close to him went and felt it was nice to be there to wish him happiness and health as he moved forward.
However, they did feel that the bride was slightly uncomforable with their attendance so I would ensure that you have the full backing of your fiance.

MouseTail · 14-09-2014 11:50pm

I would invite the ex sisters in law, a wedding is about the union of families, no matter how complex, and they are part of yours being good aunties to your son.

Julia_Julia · 15-09-2014 9:41pm

1. No
2. Yes, and if you short in invites maybe even if they come, they will be each others +1

IMHO
p.s. feel free to completely ignore us, the only one who had to feel 100% comfortable on that day is YOU!

MadDog76 · 15-09-2014 11:52pm

Julia_Julia wrote: »

1. No
2. Yes, and if you short in invites maybe even if they come, they will be each others +1
IMHO
p.s. feel free to completely ignore us, the only one who had to feel 100% comfortable on that day is YOU!

AND her Groom .......... maybe?

cletus van damme · 16-09-2014 1:19pm

MadDog76 wrote: »

AND her Groom .......... maybe?

no. weddings are all about the brides.

I woudln't bother with the friend but given what you've said about your ex's family I'd defo invite them

MadDog76 · 16-09-2014 11:44pm

cletus van damme wrote: »

no. weddings are all about the brides.

I woudln't bother with the friend but given what you've said about your ex's family I'd defo invite them

That's a sad statement to make ......... certainly on OUR Wedding Day it was all about US

eviltwin · 16-09-2014 11:46pm

cletus van damme wrote: »

no. weddings are all about the brides.

I woudln't bother with the friend but given what you've said about your ex's family I'd defo invite them

Some are and I feel very sorry for the poor blokes shacking up with such selfish women.

I wouldn't invite either OP

To invite or not, please help

Comments