Erectile Dysfunction

simon2011 · 05-04-2011 1:31am #1

Hi,

I'm a 26 year old guy who can't get it up for sex, I've never really had sex due to phimosis - which i got full circumcision for about 3 months back but still am unable to maintain erection when it comes to sex

has anyone else had this problem and what did you do about it - i went to gp and he gave me 'weekend viagra' which im reluctant to take as i dont believe its the solution- iv no problem getting an erection i just lose it for sex, i've also had blood tests and everything came back normal

really really need some help

Otis Driftwood · 05-04-2011 1:42am

Its possible the problem you are experiencing is down to anxiety.If you have no medical reason for this then it does seem like the logical answer.

You mentioned that you've never really had sex,this could be part of the issue,performance anxiety,nerves,call it what you will but it could be a sub concious thing that you fear being no good due to your inexperience.Obviously because you are able to get an erection its not a physical problem.

simon2011 · 05-04-2011 1:55am

but what would be my next step since my doc is of no use - myself and my girlfriend are getting really down about this we talk about it all the time together but that hasnt helped just makes me feel worse

minidazzler · 05-04-2011 2:03am

OP, can you get it up for masturbation?

Why not try the viagra the doc prescribed, if it's a psychological thing then you may gain the confidence to maintain an erection yourself.

stoneill · 05-04-2011 2:08am

It sounds like you have no probs getting an erection but sustaining it is the issue.
What did the doctor prescribe?
Cialis is better than Viagra for opening the blood vessels to maintain erections.

Otis Driftwood · 05-04-2011 2:08am

simon2011 wrote: »

but what would be my next step since my doc is of no use - myself and my girlfriend are getting really down about this we talk about it all the time together but that hasnt helped just makes me feel worse

The way I would see it is if you are talking to her about it,you are going to feel worse,no matter how understanding she is.ED is a massive thing for a man and I dont think most women,through no fault of their own,understand the effect it can have on a bloke.Have you considered speaking to a therapist that would be fully trained in these matters?I wish I could give you better advice than that but unfortunatly I cant.

minidazzler wrote: »

Why not try the viagra the doc prescribed, if it's a psychological thing then you may gain the confidence to maintain an erection yourself.

This could be an option however I would say that the danger is that you would become reliant on it,which you have already touched upon in your OP.

simon2011 · 05-04-2011 2:08am

minidazzler wrote: »

OP, can you get it up for masturbation?

Why not try the viagra the doc prescribed, if it's a psychological thing then you may gain the confidence to maintain an erection yourself.

yes i can - its a bit different since my circumcision but generally masturbation isnt a problem

TrollHammaren · 05-04-2011 2:09am

simon2011 wrote: »

but what would be my next step since my doc is of no use - myself and my girlfriend are getting really down about this we talk about it all the time together but that hasnt helped just makes me feel worse

My next question was whether or not you have a girlfriend. I agree with the above poster that the most likely cause is psychological (I would say that, being a psychology student!)

The only way of overcoming this is with practice - virtually all sexual dysfunctions with psychological foundations are dealt with this way. I would recommend just fooling around with your girlfriend and concentrating on foreplay, without actually going for full-on sex. Get used to just touching, kissing, oral etc. and just enjoying yourself. Eventually, when it feels right, go for the sex. Don't make actual sex your "goal".

This probably isn't an issue at all, but what kind of condom are you using, and at what point during sex do you lose your erection? Do you have trouble masturbating all the way to ejaculation?

You're right not to take viagra, I reckon all your parts are working perfectly fine.

simon2011 · 05-04-2011 2:11am

stoneill wrote: »

It sounds like you have no probs getting an erection but sustaining it is the issue.
What did the doctor prescribe?
Cialis is better than Viagra for opening the blood vessels to maintain erections.

yes cialis is what he prescibed i just think i'm only 26 surely had to be another answer - it was me who asked for the blood tests he just gave the meds without doing anything

TrollHammaren · 05-04-2011 2:14am

Sorry, just saw your reply to the previous posters now.

I would definitely advise against medication, as you obviously dont have a physical erectile problem.

I also don't think you need a therapist yet. Give my recommendation a try - I have had several friends ask me for advice of a similar nature and the problem usually goes away with a bit of practice. Most people have some form of trouble when starting out with sex (can't keep it up, can't get it in, premature ejaculation), so I wouldn't worry too much.

simon2011 · 05-04-2011 2:18am

TrollHammaren wrote: »

My next question was whether or not you have a girlfriend. I agree with the above poster that the most likely cause is psychological (I would say that, being a psychology student!)

The only way of overcoming this is with practice - virtually all sexual dysfunctions with psychological foundations are dealt with this way. I would recommend just fooling around with your girlfriend and concentrating on foreplay, without actually going for full-on sex. Get used to just touching, kissing, oral etc. and just enjoying yourself. Eventually, when it feels right, go for the sex. Don't make actual sex your "goal".

This probably isn't an issue at all, but what kind of condom are you using, and at what point during sex do you lose your erection? Do you have trouble masturbating all the way to ejaculation?

You're right not to take viagra, I reckon all your parts are working perfectly fine.

we are together 6 months and all we can do is fool around as soon as soon as she puts it near her 'down there' i lose erection - sometimes it might last enough to get inside her but never lasts longer than a couple of seconds before i lose it

- Condom- have tried those featherlite (prob spelt that wrong) and have tried sex without condom

we dont have a problem with my erection if its just fooling around - last sat night stayed hard for about 1.5 hours just messing around and got it inside her but as usual lost it after a couple of seconds

simon2011 · 05-04-2011 2:19am

- not sure if this matters but i can only 'come' lying down with legs stretched

05-04-2011 2:20am

I find I can lose my erection sometimes if I'm going balls to the wall for a while (not literally of course!)

Could it be anything to do with being tired or exhaustion at all? My erection generally stays with me now, but anytime I've ever really lost it, was when I was just knackered from a lengthy or intense session.

That said, I've lost it once or twice too, by being mentally pre-occupied. Thinking of other things in my life and not really paying anything attention to what I was at, at all. Though that said, when I've gone soft and realise i've drifted off into another world, it generally only takes me a moment or two to get back on track and back to what I was doing properly.

Is it possible either of these could be related to your issue?

First time I had sex, i was quite anxious/nervous/self-conscious/generally paranoid, and I had a hard time having a hard time (lolzeroonie), so i could understand if you're just very worried. If so, I'd think you need to try and unearth what your big concern really is.

05-04-2011 2:22am

simon2011 wrote: »

we are together 6 months and all we can do is fool around as soon as soon as she puts it near her 'down there' i lose erection - sometimes it might last enough to get inside her but never lasts longer than a couple of seconds before i lose it

- Condom- have tried those featherlite (prob spelt that wrong) and have tried sex without condom

we dont have a problem with my erection if its just fooling around - last sat night stayed hard for about 1.5 hours just messing around and got it inside her but as usual lost it after a couple of seconds

If you can masturbate, I assume you do so to porn? Would you consider watching porn with her? Maybe the visual stimulation could assist you?

simon2011 · 05-04-2011 2:23am

TrollHammaren wrote: »

Sorry, just saw your reply to the previous posters now.

I would definitely advise against medication, as you obviously dont have a physical erectile problem.

I also don't think you need a therapist yet. Give my recommendation a try - I have had several friends ask me for advice of a similar nature and the problem usually goes away with a bit of practice. Most people have some form of trouble when starting out with sex (can't keep it up, can't get it in, premature ejaculation), so I wouldn't worry too much.

have you any recommendations of therapists - does someone have to have some qualification to do with erectile dysfunction or can any therapist do it? - iv seen this http://www.mrcs.ie/site/sex-therapy/ but i wonder is it you get what you pay for?

TrollHammaren · 05-04-2011 2:25am

simon2011 wrote: »

we are together 6 months and all we can do is fool around as soon as soon as she puts it near her 'down there' i lose erection - sometimes it might last enough to get inside her but never lasts longer than a couple of seconds before i lose it

This is going to sound like a weird question, but I'm genuinely ask for a reason - does she usually orgasm if you give her oral, and can you orgasm from manual/oral stimulation?

simon2011 wrote: »

- not sure if this matters but i can only 'come' lying down with legs stretched

Have you tried it with her on top? Also, is your penis overly-sensitive in around the head or where the foreskin was?

I wouldn't lose hope, anyway. I genuinely think anxiety might be your issue and not something medical.

simon2011 · 05-04-2011 2:26am

Deleted User wrote: »

If you can masturbate, I assume you do so to porn? Would you consider watching porn with her? Maybe the visual stimulation could assist you?

without being too graphic she's a kinky one so have tried everthing - and getting it up isnt a problem around her its just the sex part

simon2011 · 05-04-2011 2:31am

TrollHammaren wrote: »

This is going to sound like a weird question, but I'm genuinely ask for a reason - does she usually orgasm if you give her oral, and can you orgasm from manual/oral stimulation?

Have you tried it with her on top? Also, is your penis overly-sensitive in around the head or where the foreskin was?

I wouldn't lose hope, anyway. I genuinely think anxiety might be your issue and not something medical.

- yes she orgasms and she can make me orgasm manual stimulation - since circ not a fan of oral

sensitivity - its way less sensitive than before but still feels good

yes tried all positions but usually lose erection once i go near her down there
- not a great ego boost for her!

TrollHammaren · 05-04-2011 2:42am

simon2011 wrote: »

- yes she orgasms and she can make me orgasm manual stimulation - since circ not a fan of oral

sensitivity - its way less sensitive than before but still feels good

yes tried all positions but usually lose erection once i go near her down there
- not a great ego boost for her!

Ah, okay. Given how recent your operation is I would probably wait another month or two before going down the therapy avenue, as I reckon this is likely something you can overcome yourself. Try and determine if there's something that keeps getting to you when you put it in - whether that be that you suddenly get very nervous/anxious or something else.

simon2011 · 05-04-2011 2:42am

Deleted User wrote: »

I find I can lose my erection sometimes if I'm going balls to the wall for a while (not literally of course!)

Could it be anything to do with being tired or exhaustion at all? My erection generally stays with me now, but anytime I've ever really lost it, was when I was just knackered from a lengthy or intense session.

That said, I've lost it once or twice too, by being mentally pre-occupied. Thinking of other things in my life and not really paying anything attention to what I was at, at all. Though that said, when I've gone soft and realise i've drifted off into another world, it generally only takes me a moment or two to get back on track and back to what I was doing properly.

Is it possible either of these could be related to your issue?

First time I had sex, i was quite anxious/nervous/self-conscious/generally paranoid, and I had a hard time having a hard time (lolzeroonie), so i could understand if you're just very worried. If so, I'd think you need to try and unearth what your big concern really is.

i dont think it has anything to do with tiredness etc as it happens ALL the time but maybe it is performance anxiety - any way of getting over this? we are together 6 months and have experienced this from the very start

simon2011 · 05-04-2011 2:45am

TrollHammaren wrote: »

Ah, okay. Given how recent your operation is I would probably wait another month or two before going down the therapy avenue, as I reckon this is likely something you can overcome yourself. Try and determine if there's something that keeps getting to you when you put it in - whether that be that you suddenly get very nervous/anxious or something else.

thanks for your help - has put my mind a little at ease

TrollHammaren · 05-04-2011 2:52am

simon2011 wrote: »

thanks for your help - has put my mind a little at ease

No problem - putting your mind at ease is actually the first step in overcoming performance anxiety.

simon2011 wrote: »

i dont think it has anything to do with tiredness etc as it happens ALL the time but maybe it is performance anxiety - any way of getting over this? we are together 6 months and have experienced this from the very start

The problem with performance anxiety is that it's self-perpetuating - you keep expecting things to go wrong, and that makes you anxious! Going for blood tests and seeing your doctor may be affecting it as it would suggest that something is wrong physiologically, whereas it's more likely that everything is in working order - you just need more confidence!

Believe you can do it, and the worst thing you should do is dispair when you lose your erection. Try and eliminate the fear of losing it, and think in terms of "when" you'll successfully keep it up

um7y1h83ge06nx · 05-04-2011 9:20am

I'm experiencing the same problem from time to time OP and I'm 28.

Like you, I have full tests including blood tests and everything was fine. Like you too I was prescribed Cialis which was meant to help get my confidence back, it really does work, almost too well being honest.

I have found recently that I need to make more of an effort tackling this from a mental point of view, I don't want medication becoming an unnecessary crutch. I considered going to a therapist but then I thought I would try out some books out there first.

This is what I came across:

Overcoming Sexual Problems

Review

The Sexual Male

Review

I received the first one on Friday and the second yesterday. From flicking through them, the first one (Overcoming Sexual Problems) appears to be more "hands on" (pun intended to lighten the mood!

).

It had different relaxation exercises, specific touch exercises, masturbation exercises and pelvic exercises. The exercises are also split up between those you can do on your own and ones you can do with a partner. They're all designed to help you become more comfortable. I only received the book Friday but I have already tried some stuff and I'm determined to stick with it.

At the moment I'm tackling these exercises on my own as my GF is up the walls with college work these days but I hope to bring her into the equation with these exercises too.

It's purely a mental thing. I have had sex completely fine on occasions without any drugs. What made things possible on these occasions was that I wasn't expecting sex so I didn't have time to think negative thoughts.

For me it's accurate to say I had 2 episodes of ED which then brought on performance anxiety. The two episodes were brought on I believe by me being nervous about getting emotionally involved with women (I had a tough break-up 2/3 months before this). Funnily enough I had sex between the break-up and these episodes and there was no problem (maybe because I didn't feel emotionally involved).

These episodes then brought on performance anxiety which is where I'm at now.

OP, send me a private message if you would like to discuss things more, it would probably be good for both of us.

Good luck.

Bottle_of_Smoke · 05-04-2011 9:31am

I'd try the viagra once, have lots of sex.

Then try again without it. Maybe the sex on viagra will help you overcome issues with sex.

Maybe it won't and you'll need therapy, but at least you and your girlfriend get to have sex.

sam34 · 05-04-2011 11:44am

modnote: can people please stop advising the op against taking medication which was prescribed for him. noone here is qualified to give that advice.

SugarHigh · 05-04-2011 2:55pm

This might seem like a crazy idea but have you thought about going to an escort? I'm pretty sure they're legal here. It might be easier with someone you don't care about and then hopefully build up your confidence.

Bottle_of_Smoke · 05-04-2011 3:46pm

SugarHigh wrote: »

This might seem like a crazy idea but have you thought about going to an escort? I'm pretty sure they're legal here. It might be easier with someone you don't care about and then hopefully build up your confidence.

He has a girlfriend. They generally don't like that kind of carry on

simon2011 · 05-04-2011 5:01pm

SugarHigh wrote: »

This might seem like a crazy idea but have you thought about going to an escort? I'm pretty sure they're legal here. It might be easier with someone you don't care about and then hopefully build up your confidence.

i dont think thats the answer to my problem but thanks

minidazzler · 05-04-2011 7:08pm

simon2011 wrote: »

yes i can - its a bit different since my circumcision but generally masturbation isnt a problem

So you have no problem getting and maintaining an erection except when you go for actual sex? That is sounding like performance anxiety, which is why I will say again, take the prescribed medication a few times when you wanna have sex, chances are once you have done it a couple of times then you won't be so anxious with it and may mean you can have sex without the drug.

Otis Driftwood wrote: »

This could be an option however I would say that the danger is that you would become reliant on it,which you have already touched upon in your OP.

Given that the OP has never been able to actually get there it may be worth the risk of becoming reliant, I am sure a doctor would take that into account. It's better than the alternative of not having sex for a long time while working through the anxiety. And may help get through the anxiety, again things I am sure a doctor would take into consideration.

In short OP give the Cialis a try, your doctor is well trained.

lecker Hendl · 06-04-2011 8:38am

It's like learning to ride a bike in your case. You start off with the stabilisers to give you confidence (take the cialis!). You know you won't fall over at the start and this is the safety net. After a while you will just take off the stabilisers and drive on with more confidence.

What an amazing analogy!

testx · 09-09-2011 10:38am

simon2011 wrote: »

Hi,

I'm a 26 year old guy who can't get it up for sex, I've never really had sex due to phimosis - which i got full circumcision for about 3 months back but still am unable to maintain erection when it comes to sex

has anyone else had this problem and what did you do about it - i went to gp and he gave me 'weekend viagra' which im reluctant to take as i dont believe its the solution- iv no problem getting an erection i just lose it for sex, i've also had blood tests and everything came back normal

really really need some help

Would really like to know how this all worked out. I'm in the exact same situation you were in, pre-circumcision. Only thing is, I'm 50! I've been putting this off for so long now... I've finally had enough and will hopefully get a referral to a urologist. I'm hoping the circumcision will solve my problems but I don't want to "go under the knife" and still have the same problem.

Erectile Dysfunction

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