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Boyfriend sleeping over

  • 22-12-2014 1:21pm
    #1
    jalopeen66
    Registered Users Posts: 7 ✭


    Hi all

    Hope someone can give me clarity with this one
    I am in a relationship with a wonderful man for 18 months. I have a son of 7 yrs from another relationship. He and my boyfriend get on so well together, they love one another and say that to each other a lot.
    However recently my boyfriend has started sleeping over and my son knows that. Having never lived with anyone since my son was born or never allowing anyone to sleep over, I'm really anxious if this is the right thing to do. We are committed to one another and we have spoken about marriage. But I don't know if I've done the right thing. And my son is telling family members etc about the sleeping together in same room. I feel I was always against doing this but at the same time I never felt this way about my boyfriend and he's so wonderful with my son.
    Should I be waiting until we are 100% committed, like engaged or married.
    I'm really finding this a difficult decision.
    Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks


Comments

  • #2
    Stench Blossoms
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,390 ✭✭✭Stench Blossoms


    I don't think you should be waiting until you are engaged to have him stay over.

    The phrase "you don't know someone until you live with them" springs to mind (and even at that you aren't suggesting living together, just staying over).


  • #3
    Shrap
    Registered Users Posts: 3,163 ✭✭✭Shrap


    I think you have waited long enough. My boyfriend sleeps over regularly, and like you, I waited a decent length of time until I was absolutely sure that we were committed to each other and that my sons had no issues with him. As it turned out, they both adored him instantly, but it was best to make sure we weren't going to hurt them by it not working out between us just when they'd become so attached to him. TBH, I couldn't have held them back in becoming so attached to him if I'd tried though. He gives them a sense of stability they never had before, just by being a super role model and friend to them. They both thoroughly enjoy our evenings together, and 3 years on, I now find him such a help with parenting my two teens.

    My advice is don't fix what isn't broken. If your son is comfortable with your boyfriend being there overnight (and probably gets a right kick out of spending time with him in the evenings, am I right?) then it's good for him and is not wrong. How could it be?

    I'm going to suggest to you that your anxiety about this may be based on how you fear this looks to other people? The only negative notions you have mentioned are about your son saying it to family, and that you were always against doing this (living with someone before marriage?). If this negativity is because of a moral standpoint that you have always held until now, and maybe been brought up to think, perhaps it's time to wonder if that quite hard-line morality should have a place in your son's life, lest he also grow up to feel that living with someone before marriage is wrong.....

    That was only a guess. Hope I haven't offended you!


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