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Seeing ex on dating website

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  • 21-12-2014 10:20pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    The story begins with my ex breaking up with me about a year ago. It wasn't my decision and wanted to stay in the relationship, but I guess he just wasn't that into me. He hasn't spoken to me since. I don't know why, because we never faught and the breakup wasn't messy. I tried to contact him, but I was ignored.

    I still think about him most days, usually if I'm passing a place we've been together, or when I'm about to drift off to sleep at night.

    I started dating a few months ago, trying to move on. I signed up to a couple of dating websites/apps. No luck so far! But a couple of days ago I stumbeld across my ex on it. It has really thrown me. I was trying so hard to get over him and I was doing well. I hadn't seen his face in months, and suddenly there he was on this dating website.

    It stirred up all the old memories, and the hurt feelings after he broke up with me. I think a part of it is because I am so confused as to why he broke up with me in the first place and seeing him again just brought up all those questions.

    But what do I do? Should I reach out and see how he is? I don't know if making contact will help relieve the stress I'm feeling, or just open up old wounds. I could try ignoring him, but I know it will be very difficult.

    How do I move on from this? I feel it has really set me back on my break up recovery.


Comments

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    #2
    Mr. Incognito
    Registered Users Posts: 9,798 ✭✭✭Mr. Incognito


    but I guess he just wasn't that into me

    I think you should leave him alone. Permanently.


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    #3
    kylith
    Registered Users Posts: 17,736 ✭✭✭✭kylith


    Leave him alone. Contacting him will just reopen old wounds. You might be able to block his profile so you won't come across it again.


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    #4
    Katgurl
    Registered Users Posts: 2,143 ✭✭✭Katgurl


    Do not contact him. He left you, he ignored your efforts to stay in touch, he's not interested.

    I know it hurts but you have to leave him alone.


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    #5
    Stavro Mueller
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,673 ✭✭✭Stavro Mueller


    You'd be mad to reach out to your ex. No good can come of it. If he has any sense at all he'll ignore your contact and you'll feel like crap. If he replies in a terse or impersonal manner and cuts contact again you'll feel like crap. Let's be honest here - you only want to get in touch to remind him you still exist and because you hope he'll realise what an awful mistake he made. In short, don't even think about it. It's not going to end well.


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    #6
    wirelessdude01
    Registered Users Posts: 8,419 ✭✭✭wirelessdude01


    OP, why would you bother? Are you expecting him to come running back to you again? It ain't happening so save yourself looking like a bunny boiler and don't contact him.


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    #7
    Oink
    Moderators, Music Moderators Posts: 2,151 Mod ✭✭✭✭Oink


    No. Just no.

    You are hurt and you are still grieving, and I feel for you. But whatever you had is gone, whether you got proper closure or not. As bad as it is now, you dont need to make things worse.


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    #8
    honey79
    Registered Users Posts: 192 ✭✭honey79


    Don't do it

    If he hasn't contacted you in a year he does not want contact , you will only end up hurt again
    protect yourself and don't do it . there is more then one dating website delete your profile and move on to another site

    Good Luck x


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    #9
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi OP,

    What stood out in your post for me was when you said.. you don't know why he broke up with you. I think this is what's really at the heart of your emotional distress over this whole episode.

    This took me many years to fully get to grips with, but it really is simple. When someone you love breaks up with you for no apparent reason (no fighting/cheating/incompatibilities) it really is extremely hard to take. I think, neh, I know from my own experience on this that it is human nature for oneself to think "there must be something wrong with me".

    The simple fact is that this not true in the slightest. People fall out of love and loose interest in people all the time for reasons unbeknown to even them.

    Take for example my last relationship. I was seeing a girl for about two years or so, crazy about her, liked the same things, never fought, sexually compatible. On paper the perfect girl for me in pretty much every way. About a year and a half into the relationship things seemed to just go down hill, I really can not explain it, nothing happened at all. My feelings for the girl just started to weaken. Then it got to the stage where I had to tell her because it wasn't fair on either of us, most of all her. She deserved someone to love her, and I have no doubt that when he comes along he will be extremely lucky to have her.

    The fact was she just wasn't meant for me. And you where not meant for your ex. I think if you can readjust your outlook to this way of thinking your road to recovery will be a lot smoother.

    All the best.


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