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Chuck Norris jokes

  • 25-06-2012 1:47pm
    #1
    EoghanIRL
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,080 ✭✭✭


    What's your best chuck Norris fact/joke? I'll start off , the boogy man checks his closet for chuck Norris before he goes to sleep.


Comments

  • #2
    blindside88
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,968 ✭✭✭blindside88


    When Chuck Norris falls in water he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris

    Or

    Chuck Norris sleeps with men, not because he's gay but because he's run out of women


  • #3
    endacl
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,352 ✭✭✭✭endacl


    Bruce Lee...;-)


  • #4
    SpiceWeasel
    Registered Users Posts: 78 ✭✭SpiceWeasel


    Every year, on his birthday, Chuck Norris selects one lucky kid and hurls them into the sun


  • #5
    christmas2012
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,827 ✭✭✭christmas2012


    chuck norris let you live!!!!


  • #6
    famagusta
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 604 ✭✭✭famagusta


    Chuck Norris doesn't do push ups, he pushes the world down!


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  • #7
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,349 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    chuck-norris-approves.gif

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • #8
    EoghanIRL
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,080 ✭✭✭EoghanIRL


    Chuck Norris once visited the virgin islands, now there just the islands


  • #9
    mfceiling
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,861 ✭✭✭✭mfceiling


    Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father...


  • #10
    Willard
    Registered Users Posts: 23 ✭Willard


    superman wears chuck Norris pyjamas!


  • #11
    EoghanIRL
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,080 ✭✭✭EoghanIRL


    Willard wrote: »
    superman wears chuck Norris pyjamas!
    Lol


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  • #12
    sgthighway
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,545 ✭✭✭sgthighway


    Willard wrote: »
    superman wears chuck Norris pyjamas!

    Don't be telling lies. Everybody knows he wears Paul O'Connell PJs ;)


  • #13
    LCD
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,123 ✭✭✭LCD


    The sun wears Chuck Norris Screen


  • #14
    Bloodwing
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 881 ✭✭✭Bloodwing


    There is no theory of evolution, only a list of species that Chuck Norris allows to live.


  • #15
    duiggers
    Registered Users Posts: 167 ✭✭duiggers


    Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in


  • #16
    EoghanIRL
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,080 ✭✭✭EoghanIRL


    When alexander bell created the telephone he had 3 missed calls from chuck Norris.


  • #17
    donegal_man
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,847 ✭✭✭donegal_man


    [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer
    [/FONT][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]
    Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about    [/FONT]
    [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]

    [/FONT]


  • #18
    the scrote
    Closed Accounts Posts: 105 ✭✭the scrote


    Chuck Norris has banned the periodic table as he only believes in the element of surprise


  • #19
    whatsup?
    Closed Accounts Posts: 73 ✭✭whatsup?


    Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number, you answer the wrong phone.


  • #20
    dr.fuzzenstein
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 16,620 ✭✭✭✭dr.fuzzenstein


    When Chuck Norris orders a Big Mac at Burger King, he gets it.


  • #21
    Oscar the grouch
    Registered Users Posts: 90 ✭✭Oscar the grouch


    Chuck norris once urinated ia a semi truck's gas tank as a joke.....that truck is now known as optimus prime.


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  • #22
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,349 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • #23
    Potential-Monke
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,279 ✭✭✭✭Potential-Monke


    God can walk on water. Chuck Norris can swim through land.

    Chuck Norris doesn't shave, he roundhouse kicks himself in the face.

    There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard, only another fist.

    They once made a Chuck Norris toilerpaper, but it wouldn't take sh!t from anyone.


  • #24
    Worztron
    Registered Users Posts: 8,739 ✭✭✭Worztron


    246075.gif

    Mitch Hedberg: "Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something."



  • #25
    ron_darrell
    Users Awaiting Email Confirmation Posts: 351 ✭✭ron_darrell


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBGtINJmFto


  • #26
    tossy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,590 ✭✭✭tossy


    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TA_hMq-JUOE


  • #27
    ZENER
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,163 ✭✭✭ZENER


    2 cowboys and Chuck Norris were sitting at a campfire, while arguing who was the manliest.

    Cowboy 1: I'm manlier, i killed a bull by punching it away before it charged at me!

    Cowboy 2: I'm manlier because i fought off an entire indian tribe with my bare hands!

    Chucks just chuckled at them, and continued to stoke the fire with his penis.


  • #28
    hop2it
    Registered Users Posts: 151 ✭✭hop2it


    Chuck Norris can hear braille


  • #29
    Aaah Kmon
    Site Banned Posts: 3 ✭Aaah Kmon


    Chuck Norris likes his meat so rare he eats unicorns


  • #30
    immature ejaculation
    Registered Users Posts: 107 ✭✭immature ejaculation


    Chuck Norris doesnt flush the toilet he scares the crap out of it!!!

    Chuck Norris counted to infinity....... twice!


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  • #31
    immature ejaculation
    Registered Users Posts: 107 ✭✭immature ejaculation


    If Chuck Norris was so mighty and powerful then he would appear behind me and smack my head into the keyrjghkrl;hjfegagihrgrgrag'rgikrgrggregregregrboard


  • #32
    Pompous
    Registered Users Posts: 650 ✭✭✭Pompous


    Chuck Norris doesn't read books, he stares them down until he gets the information he wants.


  • #33
    Satts
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 818 ✭✭✭Satts


    Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you. :cool:


  • #34
    Spaniel heaven
    Registered Users Posts: 58 ✭✭Spaniel heaven


    Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.


  • #35
    Into The Blue
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,358 ✭✭✭Into The Blue


    Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.

    Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.

    Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.

    Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.

    When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.


  • #36
    DeclanJWhite
    Closed Accounts Posts: 53 ✭✭DeclanJWhite


    LOL


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