There's Somebody Else

LegacyUser · 19-08-2014 1:45am #1

Going anon for this one. Been dating an amazing girl who I thought I really liked since early July. I know it's not long but we've been seeing each other 2-3 times weekly and talk everyday by text etc. She's stunning, clever, we've the same sense of humour and I really enjoy her company. She's the type of girl I'd want to marry, parents would love etc.

On Saturday night she had to go out with her mates. I went on a lads night and ended up meeting a great girl. We've been texting ever since almost constantly and I really like her and want to see where things go.

I've only spoken to girl 1 briefly since Saturday night and I know she's going to think something's up because I'm usually on the ball texting her in the morning. I've been distracted with girl 2. I don't want to hurt her either but right now I'm finding the new girl more what I'm after.

Am I making a big mistake? Should I tell the other girl that I've met somebody new, or just leave her be and not contact her again?

th283 · 19-08-2014 8:50am

anonguy134 wrote: »

Going anon for this one. Been dating an amazing girl who I thought I really liked since early July. I know it's not long but we've been seeing each other 2-3 times weekly and talk everyday by text etc. She's stunning, clever, we've the same sense of humour and I really enjoy her company. She's the type of girl I'd want to marry, parents would love etc.

On Saturday night she had to go out with her mates. I went on a lads night and ended up meeting a great girl. We've been texting ever since almost constantly and I really like her and want to see where things go.

I've only spoken to girl 1 briefly since Saturday night and I know she's going to think something's up because I'm usually on the ball texting her in the morning. I've been distracted with girl 2. I don't want to hurt her either but right now I'm finding the new girl more what I'm after.

Am I making a big mistake? Should I tell the other girl that I've met somebody new, or just leave her be and not contact her again?

Hi OP, I don't think anyone can tell you want to do, only you know your feelings, maybe clear your head and take a break from texting both of them for a day or two.

The main reason I'm replying is your comment about simply not contacting girl 1 again. As someone who has been on the receiving end of this it's never a nice ending and results in a lot more confusion and hurt feelings than simply ending things. If you like her as much as you say you do, have enough respect for her to end things properly

Goodluck

R.D. aka MR.D · 19-08-2014 9:30am

Let her know that you are no longer interested in her. Say you've met some one else.

You don't have to contact her any more after that but at least a simple explanation might make her realize she needs to forget about you instead of wondering why.

fergie24 · 19-08-2014 9:48am

Does Girl 2 know you are going out with someone else?

End it with girl 1 properly and dont tell her you met some one else.

Tokyo · 19-08-2014 9:59am

anonguy134 wrote: »

...Been dating an amazing girl who I thought I really liked since early July. I know it's not long but we've been seeing each other 2-3 times weekly and talk everyday by text etc. She's stunning, clever, we've the same sense of humour and I really enjoy her company. She's the type of girl I'd want to marry, parents would love etc....

...I went on a lads night and ended up meeting a great girl. We've been texting ever since almost constantly and I really like her and want to see where things go.

These two statements seem somewhat at odds with each other TBH - on one hand you say that girl #1 is the kind of girl you'd want to marry, while in the same breath saying that girl #2 is more what you are looking for. I'm not saying this to get a dig in, but to show that it's quite apparent that you like the new-ness of a relationship, the exciting stage where you are getting to know a new person, whereas a full on relationship is a lot more than that, and extends far beyond the initial excitement into something more familiar, but much deeper.

Only you can decide which of these girls are more suited to you, but if you are planning on leaving the first girl, do it right. Don't try to have your cake and eat it too. But before you make that choice, take a step back for a minute, and just make sure for yourself that girl #2 is the right one for you, and that you aren't simply getting caught up in the excitement of the moment.

CaraMay · 19-08-2014 11:29am

Definitely contact girl 1 again to say you don't want to see her again and do it sooner rather than later ie today. Then you can see how it goes with the other girl with a clear conscience.

Merkin · 19-08-2014 11:35am

anonguy134 wrote: »

Should I tell the other girl that I've met somebody new, or just leave her be and not contact her again?

No no no. You categorically cannot do this. It would be cowardly and cruel. Do the decent thing and tell her you've met someone else so that there is NO ambiguity. It will also prevent you from chancing your arm with her again if it all goes t1ts up with girl number two. Going AWOL is cruel and nasty so don't be that person. Hope it all works out for you.

New Home · 19-08-2014 11:38am

How would you like to be treated if you were in their shoes - either of them?

Carriexx · 19-08-2014 11:51am

So you are going out with a funny, intelligent, smart , good looking girl - but you met someone 'better' and think its ok just to stop contacting her? That's so wrong, be a man

timmy880 · 19-08-2014 11:58am

You dont really know much about girl 2 though? Met on a night out with the lads and been texting since?? For me that's just the excitement of the situation that is appealing... She could end up being a nightmare over time... Who knows? So many unknowns there. Lots of people are different on nights out compared to their normal selves.

Girl 1 sounds like a proper winner if you think she is stunning, perfect and marriage material and have been dating her for months.

Just my opinion though

Only you know what you really want!

ford2600 · 19-08-2014 12:01pm

OP a heads up from I'm guessing here a much older male. There will always be another more interesting, pretty, energetic girl than the one you are with; well they will appear so anyway.

Quit codding yourself, you don't want to marry lady 1 or anybody else.

Go sow your wild oats and get your head in place for a proper relationship, or keep sowing oats! What ever is right for you.

Meet girl 1 face to face and tell her your not in the right place.

In the real world, there are no perfect girls but but plenty amazing ones if your head is in right place. All the best

Dixie Chick · 19-08-2014 2:44pm

You are only with girl one since july. Just be polite and send her a courtesy text, she will meet someone else very soon as she sounds great.

njs030 · 19-08-2014 3:07pm

If you like girl no 2 that much then just tell the first one you aren't interested anymore.

However don't be suprised if things go pear shaped with girl 2 in a couple of months or if she meets someone new and drops you.

One thing I will say is treat people how you'd like to be treated. Don't be a coward and leave a poor girl hanging around wondering.

IlmoNT4 · 19-08-2014 7:35pm

Thats a pretty rotten thing to do, just break contact. Ok you've met someone else, meet the first lady and be a decent human and tell her you dont want to see her again.

You dont sound like someone whos in a place to be thinking about marriage etc, you sound rather young and immature. So go and have fun until you really are ready for a committed relationship and all that it entails.

LegacyUser · 19-08-2014 8:07pm

I'm not really sure how in one breath you say she's the type of girl you'd want to marry, but then you're sort of blanking her since you met girl 2. She obviously isn't what you thought she was if some other girl can turn your head so quickly. I really think if you are going for girl 2 you need to just let girl 1 know. The amount of threads on this about men/women being blanked by person they were seeing and it absolutely melts their heads. It's not a nice thing to do to someone, since she probably will wonder what went wrong etc.

Be honest with her. At least she can move on then with no self doubting thoughts.

LegacyUser · 19-08-2014 9:07pm

Have to agree with everyone here.

Don't be that guy that strings a girl along as a back-up plan. Call it a day with girl number one. Don't freeze her out inexplicably......and please don't go contacting her again if it all goes to pot with girl number 2. Make your choice and stick with it......

LegacyUser · 23-08-2014 1:45am

Hi OP here

Cheers for the responses. For those asking about my age I'm 29.
Well I feel like a fool because I met up with the second girl during the week and she wasn't what I thought/how I remembered. Nice girl but immature and just not my cup of tea.

I feel like a s**t because I didn't contact girl 1 again until yesterday...I didn't send the "I think we should leave things be" message...admittedly I wanted to keep my options open and I know that it's a selfish thing to do. But at the same time girl 1 never messaged me!

So I texted her yesterday apologising for going AWOL and she replied, she said she'd had a rough week, loads of work and sick with the flu too.

Am I wrong not to tell her about my weekend fling?

Big Bag of Chips · 23-08-2014 9:56am

It all depends. Have you decided girl 1 is really great, after all? Have you decided you were an absolute idiot to have your head turned by someone else, or, if girl 2 had been what you remembered would you have dropped girl 1?

If you've decided you were an idiot then say nothing and continue with your relationship. If you think girl 1 is now only filling a spot until the next amazing girl comes along then be fair and finish it with her.

Little Lion Woman · 23-08-2014 3:38pm

Anonguyagain wrote: »

Hi OP here

Cheers for the responses. For those asking about my age I'm 29.
Well I feel like a fool because I met up with the second girl during the week and she wasn't what I thought/how I remembered. Nice girl but immature and just not my cup of tea.

I feel like a s**t because I didn't contact girl 1 again until yesterday...I didn't send the "I think we should leave things be" message...admittedly I wanted to keep my options open and I know that it's a selfish thing to do. But at the same time girl 1 never messaged me!

So I texted her yesterday apologising for going AWOL and she replied, she said she'd had a rough week, loads of work and sick with the flu too.

Am I wrong not to tell her about my weekend fling?

Sounds like you're just keeping girl number one on the back burner until something you deem better comes along. If you're really not that into her the fairest thing to do is let her go.

jimd2 · 23-08-2014 9:44pm

Anonguyagain wrote: »

Hi OP here

Cheers for the responses. For those asking about my age I'm 29.
Well I feel like a fool because I met up with the second girl during the week and she wasn't what I thought/how I remembered. Nice girl but immature and just not my cup of tea.

I feel like a s**t because I didn't contact girl 1 again until yesterday...I didn't send the "I think we should leave things be" message...admittedly I wanted to keep my options open and I know that it's a selfish thing to do. But at the same time girl 1 never messaged me!

So I texted her yesterday apologising for going AWOL and she replied, she said she'd had a rough week, loads of work and sick with the flu too.

Am I wrong not to tell her about my weekend fling?

Actually I was going to post here in contrast to the others for you to meet up with girl 2 once to see was she what you thought she was. I dont think that is cheating as you are not particularly serious yet with girl 1 and it would be a low key date.

Of course, if you are unsure about girl 1 now then, yes, do the decent thing and finish it.

Idle Passerby · 24-08-2014 12:28am

You are not as interested in girl number 1 as you think you are/would like to be. You've only been seeing her a few weeks and you were ready to trade her in for a shinier model at the drop of a hat. I would read it that you have no real interest in her or even letting something develop.

Mentioning that you think shes marriage material when you barely know her yet and dont appear all that invested in getting to know her is redundant. Your family's opinion of her is also meaningless considering you yourself are clearly not that into her.

Stay single, play the field and you can flirt and have weekend flings without sneaking around, avoiding someone.

R.D. aka MR.D · 24-08-2014 2:06am

What's going to happen 3 or 6 months down the line when you meet some one else who you think might be better than girl 1. Same thing? Meet up with them behind her back? Just in case you are missing out on something?

If girl 1 is a nice genuine girl then do her a favour and let her find a nice guy.

anewme · 24-08-2014 5:28pm

God, that girl nearly had a lucky escape but did not quite get there. Poor Girl.

If you are the type (at 29 years of age) who was actually seriously considering just vanishing off the face of the earth, to someone who has been nothing but nice to you, and now keeping that person on the burner, then you are not a man of substance or integrity and to be honest, she would be best rid of you.

Maybe work on yourself and your shallow mean side and outlook before getting involved with anyone.

Can t believe the amount of people who are, in reality, gutless wonders.

My post sounds harsh, but I think people are actually being nice to you here in response to what is in effect mean, nasty, sly disrespectful behaviour.

FurBabyMomma · 31-08-2014 10:05am

I would hate to be Girl 1 - I wouldn't want to be anyone's consolation prize.

Neither of these girls are right for you if this is how you are behaving after only a couple of months. Go be single until you find the one you'll never want to let go of and set Girl 1 free to find someone who won't creep around behind her back looking for someone better.

There's Somebody Else

Comments