Love of my life has returned after I've tried to settle and forget him

Bailey01 · 18-08-2014 12:57am #1

Hi
It's been a while since I was here but thank you so much for your advice in the past.

Some of you may remember reading my posts in the past. I'm a lady in her mid thirties. I've had a couple of serious relationships- one a 8 year engagement which I ended.

Almost two years ago I met someone new. Fell madly for him only to find out he had cancer- back again having been treated. I wanted to support him in any way i could as I was crazy about him and he allowed me to for a while. Everything got a bit too much for him to handle- treatment and a relatively new relationship so he pushed me away. He had his reasons but he ended it so abruptly. I thought he would change his mind - despite me telling him now crazy I was about him and that I would support him he kept saying no. I was absutrly heart broken.

In the six months to almost a year after that we kept in touch. It broke my heart to hear from him and he began to make it obvious he regretted us ending. A while later he moved to Australia - he got all clear and he was better and missed me but should never have ended it etc. In that time however I met someone else as I had to move on. The messages from him became more and more frequent saying he mad about me, he better now and would I make a go of it with him, come visit etc that he would Move back home if I would commit to him but I never thought he meant it.

I'm not a silly love sick teenager - an ice queen if anything. I've been engaged and knew it wouldn't work and ended it so I think I'm tuned into my feelings and reality. As a mature woman I can safely say he is and was the love of my life.

As I said earlier I tried to move on as I thought he would never be back in Ireland. He saying he wanted us meant nothing when he miles away as I couldn't move. He called me last week and said he was coming back home. I should have been happy but ...... I have just moved in with my boyfriend less than a week ago- the person I met when I thought he was never coming back.

Now I'm in a house with my new boyfriend of a year and should be happy. I've always been mad about this other fella but had to try to forget him. As chance would have it I met him on a girls night out in the pub last night. What we had was electric - I'm crazy as ever about him and he saying he wants a life with me. He was sober, telling me he loves me and just did what he did to get better. I love him and always will but I have settled with someone else now.

My friends tell me I need to make a go of it with him but that's against a backdrop of having moved in with my current boyfriend. I am crazy about this guy who broke my heart- but I don't want to break my boyfriends heart. I had done my best to forget him but he is home now and wants me- something I would have given my right arm for two years ago.

Do I crush my boyfriend that I've just moved in with for him? In all realism, ending something that's very very good in the hope of something that was excellent with someone else in the past which it may not be now. I'm crazy about this other guy and now feel like I'm betraying my boyfriend - it's classic head over heart.

Thank you in advance for you advice or comments. I appreciate any experiences
or thoughts you may have.

CaraMay · 18-08-2014 4:15am

It's not really fair to stay with your bf if you have feelings like this for someone else. Sounds like your ex had a legit reason for walking away so no blame there.

I don't really see how you can stay with your bf. he deserves to be with someone who totally adores him and not with someone who has 1/2 eye on someone else.

Reebrock · 18-08-2014 9:25am

CaraMay wrote: »

I don't really see how you can stay with your bf. he deserves to be with someone who totally adores him and not with someone who has 1/2 eye on someone else.

This.

Gongoozler · 18-08-2014 9:34am

Did you mention to the ex that you're with the new guy now and that you're living together? Because if so I'd be quite wary of him pursuing you despite this. Of he really cares about you as much as you say you care about him, then he should have left you be.

It's clear though that your current guy doesn't compare to the ex, so yeah, you should leave him, as you obviously aren't really into him.

Bailey01 · 18-08-2014 10:57am

No he doesn't know that we have moved in together. It's been a year since I have even seen him in person as he has been away. He is seven years younger than me- I have pushed him away so many times but he keeps coming back saying he wants us etc.

My two closest friends who know him say I need to be happy and to give him a chance as they feel he is crazy about me. One has her reasons not to like my bf ( she knows he once got physical with me in a row but we worked through it and it hasn't happened since, although he can be quite moody at times) . Things have been tough with my bf he is out of work, I'm carrying the can financially now for us, the relationship was long distance but he has moved to my town to be with me. Things aren't easy with him and have been stressful but have been better in recent days.

Half of me is thinking my bf and I are finally making a go of it or is it a case of he coasting along as it suits him. I can't throw away what might easily work with a good person in the pursuit of a dream with this younger guy. I've ridden out the tough part of our relationship and now when there is hope of it working my -
The person I always wanted is back for good.

It's so hard to make a decision either way when essentially I haven't spent time with my ex in so long. My friends are urging me to spend time with him
And then make my decision but that is betrayal of my boyfriend and every other person he has been with has done that to him.

tara73 · 18-08-2014 11:23am

OP, I would be wary of that guy, your ex. I mean, he dumped you, now he's back and seems overly keen to be together with you again. why did he dumped you in the first place if he's so mad about you?

I don't know, but experience (and common sense) tells me it won't work out with people who act like that.

what do you like so much about him?

and then there's your new boyfriend, why didn't you tell your ex you have a new man and you are living with him?

sorry OP, it all sounds like very messy behaviour, from his part and from your part too. you obviously don't really love your new boyfriend, as others said, you should consider leaving him and after, you can figure out if you really think your ex is the man of your life.

oh, and don't act on what your friends or other people think is good for, you, do what you think is best for you.

Babooshka · 18-08-2014 11:23am

Bailey01 wrote: »

It's so hard to make a decision either way when essentially I haven't spent time with my ex in so long. My friends are urging me to spend time with him
And then make my decision but that is betrayal of my boyfriend and every other person he has been with has done that to him.

I really think you need to split up with your current boyfriend as you don't sound like you're committed to him, especially now. Sometimes you can't help how you feel and you just have to go for it as life is short and finding a partner you're happy with is quite important. But as you say you don't know him any more really as he's been away so long. if I was you I would end it with your current partner, even if you don't go back to your old partner, it doesn't sound like the current one is going to last very long anyway?

Sounds like you're only hanging in with him as you're worried if it doesn't work out with the older relationship that you won't have anyone, but isn't it better to be single and happy than with someone who's second best anyway? the guy deserves a bit of honesty. I would then tell the other guy if he's still serious about pursuing this that you'd like to take things extremely slowly and start off getting to know each other before deciding to become an item again. That's what I would do!

CaraMay · 18-08-2014 11:49am

He got physical with you? Run a mile

wirelessdude01 · 18-08-2014 11:54am

Sounds to me like you might need some time on your own. You moved in with your boyfriend yet a week later your here asking us whether you should essentially run away with the old flame. To be honest neither of them deserve to have to put up with you and your indecision. What happens in a years time after you've set up home with the old flame and a different fella turns your head?

Mr. Incognito · 18-08-2014 12:09pm

So your current is moody, unemployed, and hit you

Do you think you are just with him because he is financially dependent on you?

I think you need to break up with the current and give yourself some breathing space to be you. See the lad that came home, but you might want to take that slow as you are bound to be all over the place for a few months.

I cannot understand why you would allow someone you were not 110% about to move in with you, its hard to un-wind a live in situation

Bailey01 · 18-08-2014 12:21pm

Mr Incognito I think you have made some very valid points. I tried having the chat about us maybe not being ready to move in but I feel I was backed into the decision. I've been stressed and tired since the move- fighting and basically just wanting to return to my parents house ( it was my house he moved into). If I leave him he has nowhere else to stay as he could no longer afford his own place. I feel like he is on my turf and maybe you are right- he wants my financial stability more than me I feel trapped now and that my ex showing up is a sign.

To answer some of other peoples questions ...He ended it as he was diagnosed with cancer again , underwent his treatment and then took some short term work abroad when he recovered and now he is back home.

Thank you everyone for your comments - babooshka you gave some good practical advice.

I don't think an ex I was crazy about - is the same as "the next guy that turns my head" and is a little unfair. I had tried to move on and do the right thing. How was I to know he would return home for good and settle home a week after I moved in with my bf- you make it sound like im hopping from fella to fella and that's not the situation. I've never been unfaithful to my bf but basically I'm beginning to feel like financial sponsor.

berrygood · 18-08-2014 12:36pm

Bailey01 wrote: »

Mr Incognito I think you have made some very valid points. I tried having the chat about us maybe not being ready to move in but I feel I was backed into the decision. I've been stressed and tired since the move- fighting and basically just wanting to return to my parents house ( it was my house he moved into). If I leave him he has nowhere else to stay as he could no longer afford his own place. I feel like he is on my turf and maybe you are right- he wants my financial stability more than me I feel trapped now and that my ex showing up is a sign.

To answer some of other peoples questions ...He ended it as he was diagnosed with cancer again , underwent his treatment and then took some short term work abroad when he recovered and now he is back home.

Thank you everyone for your comments - babooshka you gave some good practical advice.

I don't think an ex I was crazy about - is the same as "the next guy that turns my head" and is a little unfair. I had tried to move on and do the right thing. How was I to know he would return home for good and settle home a week after I moved in with my bf- you make it sound like im hopping from fella to fella and that's not the situation. I've never been unfaithful to my bf but basically I'm beginning to feel like financial sponsor.

Has he no family or friends? If he's not working, he should be on the dole. He'd get rent allowance and he'd get a place of his own.

Your thinking reminds me of employees who think the place will fall apart without them. It won't and doesn't and your bf won't wind up homeless on the streets. He is a grown man and has taken care of himself before you came along and will do so after you. Trust me! These people always land on their feet.

The fact that he got physically violent with you is reason enough to end it. It might have been one time, it might never happen again, but once is too much for me.

As for the ex. I find it bizarre that he was the one to end it. It's usually the non-sick partner that might find things too stressful and call it quits. What happens if you two were to get together and you hit a rough patch e.g. children/financial pressures whatever. Is he gonna stay and work through it or run? It's all well and good to want to work at the relationship during the good times. The good times usually don't require a whole lot of work. It's how the parties react during the bad times that will give a better indication of whether the relationship had a chance of going the distance.

I think you'd be best to end the current relationship. Explain to the other guy that you need to take some time by yourself to figure out what you want. If he's so keen to be with you, he'll wait. If all those flowery words promising forever are genuine, he'll wait. But ask him to keep his distance so you can figure out what's best for you.

Buona Fortuna · 18-08-2014 1:05pm

CaraMay wrote: »

He got physical with you? Run a mile

This. He hit you. What stops that happening again? Has he attended some form of anger mangement / therapy?

wirelessdude01 wrote: »

Sounds to me like you might need some time on your own. You moved in with your boyfriend yet a week later your here asking us whether you should essentially run away with the old flame. To be honest neither of them deserve to have to put up with you and your indecision.

I think you need some time on your own. It is so so easy to be strongly attracted to someone who has rejected us in the past. Get rid of the live in bf. Have some space and time alone to see how you really feel about the guy from Oz.

All the best OP.

P. Breathnach · 18-08-2014 1:28pm

OP, you have two issues: the current boyfriend and "the love of your life".

To my mind, the question of the current boyfriend is straightforward: you should finish with him. I say that on the simple basis that your connection with him is so easily shaken by the return of your ex, and I arrived at that position from reading your first post. What you say in your later posts simply reinforces my opinion.

If you finish with the current boyfriend, I think you should then take it slowly with the ex. You need to be honest with him, telling him about what you have come through, and making it clear that you need to get your head straight before getting into a renewed relationship with him.

jdsk2006 · 18-08-2014 3:03pm

Life is wayyyyyy to short and unpredictable to be sharing it with anyone any less than the love of your life! You will regret not choosing him

Greenduck · 18-08-2014 3:21pm

Hi OP

I suppose what stood out to me is that you call this guy the 'love of your life'. Sometimes in life we look back on ex's with rose tinted glasses. Over the healing, months and years the reasons why you didn't work out become blurred. You forget the crying, upset and devastation and you begin to put this person on a pedestal that no one can touch. The heart ache eases and we start to want we had with them all those years ago.

Firstly - whats to say that you're relationship would go back to that place? Time changes people, yourself included. What you found cute 5 years ago might irritate the hell out of you now. Its part of the reason people who hook up in early teens tend to break up as they hit their 30's.

Secondly - Before this guy came back on the scene, you were happy enough with someone to move in with them. That's a huge step for any relationship and now suddenly with the appearance of your ex...its all gone? You sounded like you were happy? I personally dont believe in 'the one' and I think by making someone 'the one' you're effectively ruling out any future happiness with anyone else? Does that mean if you go with your ex and it doesn't work, you're doomed romantically forever? You need to really take an honest look at your ex and see if he's truly the one for you..or are you in love with the 'idea' of him. If you look really close you might see that it was a bit of an illusion.

I wouldn't do anything rash right now by breaking up with your current relationship. You do need to see if your current guy is making you truly happy first and take it from there.

Best of luck

comewatmay · 20-08-2014 12:51am

It's classic ex boyfriend syndrome. He sees you settled with a new fella and wants you back. If you were single he wouldn't be chasing you half as much. Don't fall for it! He just wants to prove to himself that he can still get you

Bailey01 · 20-08-2014 1:04am

That is a very fair point and I would agree except he has been asking to get back for months and months but I thought he wasn't serious about coming home, and here is is now. He doesn't know that I am with my boyfriend - he knows there was someone when he was away but he certainly doesn't know the current situation and frankly I know he would have nothing to do with me if he knew about him.

LegacyUser · 20-08-2014 4:54am

At this stage you need to end things with your present boyfriend. You don't love him.
He has hit you in the past and he could do this again. It is not your job to support you both. He had family and friends so he can leave your house, get benefit and rent allowance.

I would let your ex know that you want to met him and tell him what has been happening in your life since he left. I would then tell him you broke up with your boyfriend and that you want to spend some time on your own to figure out what you want long term.

If you ex wants you he will wait. My feeling is that his cancer treatment was a shock to him. After some time he started to see what was important in life.
Have a brake for a while, let you ex make an effort to keep in contact with you and to build up your friendship again. Don't be in any rush to sleep with him or let him move into your house until you know things are going somewhere.

CaraMay · 20-08-2014 6:18am

Bailey01 wrote: »

That is a very fair point and I would agree except he has been asking to get back for months and months but I thought he wasn't serious about coming home, and here is is now. He doesn't know that I am with my boyfriend - he knows there was someone when he was away but he certainly doesn't know the current situation and frankly I know he would have nothing to do with me if he knew about him.

So what next op? I think you need to be honest all round here. Your relationship with your bf isn't great and he has a history of violence towards you. You fight a lot and there doesn't seem to be a healthy balance in the relationship. Does he know your level of contact with your ex??

Your ex is only going to continue to persue you for so long before he gets sick of it.

What's your next move? You are not being fair to either and are lying to both.

Bailey01 · 21-08-2014 12:59am

Thanks so much everyone for taking the time to reply. Some of you have made some very fair points which I hadn't thought about until now.

I decided last night to give things a chance with my bf- that maybe I being too hard, head turned by ex etc. I asked a simple question earlier about why the new internet wasn't working and it turned into row where he packed his stuff n drove off. Total overreaction. Less than 5 mins later he returns. After more rowing he calmed down n things ok again-I cooked dinner etc so things ok.

I have always said the house - despite being mine is ours- I never once said it was mine to his face. But I was watching- from 8.30 to 12.00 he has sat sprawled out on the three seater with his hand down his trousers at himself- constantly. He used to do that in his place occasionally but now it's constant - in my house dare I say. I find it totally disrespectful. I said to him of he had visitors would he do that or would he do that in company that i find it discusting and offensive. He storms off, slamming doors, saying he won't be told what to do etc etc again.

Is it me or is that testament to where I come into his world? That he has no respect for me. I have two male dogs who know better than to do that inside the house. I know men are wired different but no male in my family did that as I grew up, no ex did that either. I wouldn't mind a few minutes but all night?

I honestly think it highlights his total lack of respect for me. Now he won't speak to me cos I pointed out he cud do that in his place, but now that we in our place I find it offensive. Am I wrong?? He is really starting to make my decision easier by the day....

massdebater · 21-08-2014 5:25am

I think you're just looking for an excuse to break up with him tbh. Just break up with him already, it'll be better for both of you in the long run.

Oryx · 21-08-2014 6:02am

Your current relationship is doomed. Whether its because of the other guy, or because the current guy is no good, you may never know, but its not working. You guys are rowing and unhappy. Yes it does sound like you are picking on his flaws but he also sounds like a toad, though that image is from your description so may be skewed.

It sounds like you have settled for anyone rather than being alone and now that you suddenly have your better option back on offer, you see the flaws in the 'anyone'.

If you leave your current bf, stay away from the other guy till the dust settles at least. Try and get some perspective while single.

dellas1979 · 21-08-2014 7:20pm

Gosh-your current relationship doesnt sound very nice, does it?

He is not your responsibility. Staying with him because you feel sorry for him never worked out well for anyone!

Just keep this in mind when thinking about your future happiness. You dont have to decide about your ex right now. But you should want to be on your own/out of this relationship for the right reasons.

midnight_train · 21-08-2014 8:24pm

Hi OP, I agree with the poster above who said you're just looking for an excuse now to break up with your current BF. Fair enough, he doesn't sound like a prize, from the info you've given here. But I do think you need to take a good look at yourself and ask yourself why you decided to take such a massive step (because moving in together IS a very big step, especially when you're older - more at stake, less time to waste, etc. - I'm around your age so I understand) with a person who you can so quickly change your mind about?

I do think you need some time on your own before you make any kind of relationship decisions about your ex.

I'm also inclined to think that if he was really the love of your life, he wouldn't have ever left you in the first place. That is just my opinion, though. I could be wrong and I suppose only time will tell.

Good luck with your decision(s).

Bailey01 · 22-08-2014 2:43am

Thanks everyone. Suppose I moved in as he wanted and I at this stage in my life. Sick as it is I think id be happier at home in my own family house- doing my own thing perusing my own hobbies

Today been ok with bf but not excited to be in new place as some of you rightly said I ahould be. A lot is probably me and my attitude toward things - today it's harder I think he making more of an effort.

Ex wants to meet tomorrow. I can't
Put him off again - I've messed him around enough if I cancel again he will never speak to me again. I keep saying I'll meet n I didint as I didint want to be unfaithfull to bf. if I don't meet him
He will be gone forever. I know I on my last chance to meet him. Is it wrong if I do? I live in smallish town but think I can get around it if I lay some preemptive strategies......

dixiefly · 22-08-2014 3:08am

I think that others have advised you pretty well here.

Your current relationship seems doomed either way. Break up with the boyfriend asap. Give it a go with the ex but try and go slowly, i.e. I ont think that you should start living together straight away.

Best of luck.

CaraMay · 22-08-2014 5:07am

You are being so dishonest to both of them. You bf sounds like a piece of work but I suspect you won't leave him til you have a soft landing. You have been lying to your ex as well as you have hidden the fact that you are living with someone. What you are doing is being incredibly selfish. Make your decision and start to be honest with the people in your life otherwise you will lose both of them.

mylefttesticle · 22-08-2014 9:17am

Sounds to me like your trying to get you BF to end the relationship so you can with a clear head move on to The love of your life (Doubt he is) context is everything and your painting your current Bf in a bad light and I would wager anything he isn't nearly as bad as you are making him out to be because if he was you would be gone already.

You live in a small town so I can see how this is tricky being the bad guy in all this but if the other guy is the love of your life and like is so electric with him then to be honest you really wouldn't give a f**k about what people say because that electricity rarely happens for people.

And I will say this I would rather be the guy sprawled upon the sofa scratching his balls than the girl who makes pre-emptive plans behind the back of someone to deceive them to test the waters for something else.

Oh and your ex, the love etc etc etc, he breaks up with you, f**ks of for awhile, comes back and starts issuing ultimatums? yeah he sure is the love of your life, that or the one who dumped you and now you want what you couldn't have.

Big Bag of Chips · 22-08-2014 9:38am

You live in a small town? Do people know you? Is that where you (and your ex) came from originally? If so do you not think someone would have mentioned to him that you are now living with your bf??

You have to stop with the lies. To everyone. Whatever happens from here you are going to be a bad guy. Somebody is going to get upset by your actions. You don't love your bf. It doesn't sound like you even like him all that much. All his faults and failings are flashing out at you now that this perfect lad has appeared back. You are in your 30s. I know people are saying life is short etc, but it's not. Life is very very long if it is spent with someone you're not 100% about.

Sort it out. One way or another. Someone is going to get upset. So just do it and get it over with.

Oryx · 22-08-2014 10:28am

Bailey01 wrote: »

Ex wants to meet tomorrow. I can't
Put him off again

Yes you can, you just dont want to

- I've messed him around enough if I cancel again he will never speak to me again.

Then he isnt much of a catch, is he?

I keep saying I'll meet n I didint as I didint want to be unfaithfull to bf.

A meeting isnt being unfaithful unless you plan to cheat

if I don't meet him
He will be gone forever.

As above, if he is 'the one' then wouldnt he wait till you sort out your situation? Why the panic?

I know I on my last chance to meet him. Is it wrong if I do?

Yes. You already know it is or youd have done it without all this worrying.

I live in smallish town but think I can get around it if I lay some preemptive strategies......

Ugh. Listen to yourself. Don't turn into a duplicitous person who lies to get what she wants. The only way to deal with this is to be completely open with both men. Its the only fair way, otherwise you are a liar and possibly a cheat.

Tell 'the one' about your current situation. Yeah, he might leave but thats a risk you have to take. If he does, his feelings werent all that strong anyway. Tell your current bf about your doubts, and tell him the other guy is back on the scene. Anything other than complete honesty turns this into a very grubby situation that will inevitably be found out and leave everyone badly hurt.

mrty · 22-08-2014 10:29am

Bailey01 wrote: »

Hi
It's been a while since I was here but thank you so much for your advice in the past.

Some of you may remember reading my posts in the past. I'm a lady in her mid thirties. I've had a couple of serious relationships- one a 8 year engagement which I ended.

Almost two years ago I met someone new. Fell madly for him only to find out he had cancer- back again having been treated. I wanted to support him in any way i could as I was crazy about him and he allowed me to for a while. Everything got a bit too much for him to handle- treatment and a relatively new relationship so he pushed me away. He had his reasons but he ended it so abruptly. I thought he would change his mind - despite me telling him now crazy I was about him and that I would support him he kept saying no. I was absutrly heart broken.

In the six months to almost a year after that we kept in touch. It broke my heart to hear from him and he began to make it obvious he regretted us ending. A while later he moved to Australia - he got all clear and he was better and missed me but should never have ended it etc. In that time however I met someone else as I had to move on. The messages from him became more and more frequent saying he mad about me, he better now and would I make a go of it with him, come visit etc that he would Move back home if I would commit to him but I never thought he meant it.

I'm not a silly love sick teenager - an ice queen if anything. I've been engaged and knew it wouldn't work and ended it so I think I'm tuned into my feelings and reality. As a mature woman I can safely say he is and was the love of my life.

As I said earlier I tried to move on as I thought he would never be back in Ireland. He saying he wanted us meant nothing when he miles away as I couldn't move. He called me last week and said he was coming back home. I should have been happy but ...... I have just moved in with my boyfriend less than a week ago- the person I met when I thought he was never coming back.

Now I'm in a house with my new boyfriend of a year and should be happy. I've always been mad about this other fella but had to try to forget him. As chance would have it I met him on a girls night out in the pub last night. What we had was electric - I'm crazy as ever about him and he saying he wants a life with me. He was sober, telling me he loves me and just did what he did to get better. I love him and always will but I have settled with someone else now.

My friends tell me I need to make a go of it with him but that's against a backdrop of having moved in with my current boyfriend. I am crazy about this guy who broke my heart- but I don't want to break my boyfriends heart. I had done my best to forget him but he is home now and wants me- something I would have given my right arm for two years ago.

Do I crush my boyfriend that I've just moved in with for him? In all realism, ending something that's very very good in the hope of something that was excellent with someone else in the past which it may not be now. I'm crazy about this other guy and now feel like I'm betraying my boyfriend - it's classic head over heart.

Thank you in advance for you advice or comments. I appreciate any experiences
or thoughts you may have.

Nonsense cop on stay with your boyfriend as you say you're mature woman. Act like it.

doubter · 22-08-2014 1:47pm

Right:
3 things:
If you don't follow your heart, you will regret it for your whole life. Been there, and still regretting the choice I made against it. There is NO guarantee, there never is. But you will always wonder.

Second: Your current bf got physical with you. That alone would be the end of it for me.

Oh,and thirdly -you only have this one life. Live it for you. Not for anyone else.

Bailey01 · 27-08-2014 12:10am

Thanks everyone for all your advice- I was expecting it to be mixed but there was a resounding agreement on what I should do. So.... After more fighting after my last post I've ended it with my boyfriend - I'm lonely and upset but I've arranged to meet my ex on Thursday for an honest chat and just see what happens. Here is hoping and thank you all again for your thoughts ....

wirelessdude01 · 27-08-2014 8:58am

Honestly think you should take some time for yourself. Generally going from one relationship and stepping straight into another(which is what your going to do here) doesn't work. Now I've ended one in fairly similar circumstances to yours and it worked but I was very sure. Up to a few days ago you had decided to stay with the boyfriend yet now it is all over. Take time for yourself and don't see the other lad is my opinion based on what you have said on here. Ohh and you mentioned an honest chat, how about telling him that you were actually living with the boyfriend.

doubter · 27-08-2014 12:19pm

Bailey01 wrote: »

Thanks everyone for all your advice- I was expecting it to be mixed but there was a resounding agreement on what I should do. So.... After more fighting after my last post I've ended it with my boyfriend - I'm lonely and upset but I've arranged to meet my ex on Thursday for an honest chat and just see what happens. Here is hoping and thank you all again for your thoughts ....

Careful not to go on a rebound relationship.Good luck. :-).
Oh-good choice on the former BF

RoscommonTom · 28-08-2014 8:23pm

Bailey01 wrote: »

Thanks everyone for all your advice- I was expecting it to be mixed but there was a resounding agreement on what I should do. So.... After more fighting after my last post I've ended it with my boyfriend - I'm lonely and upset but I've arranged to meet my ex on Thursday for an honest chat and just see what happens. Here is hoping and thank you all again for your thoughts ....

No matter what happens with the fella what's back from australia your right to have ended it with the boyfriend, any fella what hits you is not worth being around and I'd be afraid hed do it again,

Thebigblue · 30-08-2014 1:10pm

I agree with poster above. Its not fair on your current boyfriend what if the roles were reversed and he had a girl he was mad about?
You need to cut your ties with your new bf, regardless if you are going to give it a go with with your past flame. Your current bf is obviously not the one for you

Didnt read the entire post, hope things work out for you and good choice

Love of my life has returned after I've tried to settle and forget him

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