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Love of my life has returned after I've tried to settle and forget him

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    #32
    mrty
    Registered Users Posts: 139 ✭✭mrty


    Bailey01 wrote: »
    Hi
    It's been a while since I was here but thank you so much for your advice in the past.

    Some of you may remember reading my posts in the past. I'm a lady in her mid thirties. I've had a couple of serious relationships- one a 8 year engagement which I ended.

    Almost two years ago I met someone new. Fell madly for him only to find out he had cancer- back again having been treated. I wanted to support him in any way i could as I was crazy about him and he allowed me to for a while. Everything got a bit too much for him to handle- treatment and a relatively new relationship so he pushed me away. He had his reasons but he ended it so abruptly. I thought he would change his mind - despite me telling him now crazy I was about him and that I would support him he kept saying no. I was absutrly heart broken.


    In the six months to almost a year after that we kept in touch. It broke my heart to hear from him and he began to make it obvious he regretted us ending. A while later he moved to Australia - he got all clear and he was better and missed me but should never have ended it etc. In that time however I met someone else as I had to move on. The messages from him became more and more frequent saying he mad about me, he better now and would I make a go of it with him, come visit etc that he would Move back home if I would commit to him but I never thought he meant it.

    I'm not a silly love sick teenager - an ice queen if anything. I've been engaged and knew it wouldn't work and ended it so I think I'm tuned into my feelings and reality. As a mature woman I can safely say he is and was the love of my life.

    As I said earlier I tried to move on as I thought he would never be back in Ireland. He saying he wanted us meant nothing when he miles away as I couldn't move. He called me last week and said he was coming back home. I should have been happy but ...... I have just moved in with my boyfriend less than a week ago- the person I met when I thought he was never coming back.

    Now I'm in a house with my new boyfriend of a year and should be happy. I've always been mad about this other fella but had to try to forget him. As chance would have it I met him on a girls night out in the pub last night. What we had was electric - I'm crazy as ever about him and he saying he wants a life with me. He was sober, telling me he loves me and just did what he did to get better. I love him and always will but I have settled with someone else now.

    My friends tell me I need to make a go of it with him but that's against a backdrop of having moved in with my current boyfriend. I am crazy about this guy who broke my heart- but I don't want to break my boyfriends heart. I had done my best to forget him but he is home now and wants me- something I would have given my right arm for two years ago.

    Do I crush my boyfriend that I've just moved in with for him? In all realism, ending something that's very very good in the hope of something that was excellent with someone else in the past which it may not be now. I'm crazy about this other guy and now feel like I'm betraying my boyfriend - it's classic head over heart.

    Thank you in advance for you advice or comments. I appreciate any experiences
    or thoughts you may have.

    Nonsense cop on stay with your boyfriend as you say you're mature woman. Act like it.


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    #33
    doubter
    Registered Users Posts: 451 ✭✭doubter


    Right:
    3 things:
    If you don't follow your heart, you will regret it for your whole life. Been there, and still regretting the choice I made against it. There is NO guarantee, there never is. But you will always wonder.

    Second: Your current bf got physical with you. That alone would be the end of it for me.

    Oh,and thirdly -you only have this one life. Live it for you. Not for anyone else.


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    #34
    Bailey01
    Registered Users Posts: 19 ✭Bailey01


    Thanks everyone for all your advice- I was expecting it to be mixed but there was a resounding agreement on what I should do. So.... After more fighting after my last post I've ended it with my boyfriend - I'm lonely and upset but I've arranged to meet my ex on Thursday for an honest chat and just see what happens. Here is hoping and thank you all again for your thoughts ....


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    #35
    wirelessdude01
    Registered Users Posts: 8,418 ✭✭✭wirelessdude01


    Honestly think you should take some time for yourself. Generally going from one relationship and stepping straight into another(which is what your going to do here) doesn't work. Now I've ended one in fairly similar circumstances to yours and it worked but I was very sure. Up to a few days ago you had decided to stay with the boyfriend yet now it is all over. Take time for yourself and don't see the other lad is my opinion based on what you have said on here. Ohh and you mentioned an honest chat, how about telling him that you were actually living with the boyfriend.


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    #36
    doubter
    Registered Users Posts: 451 ✭✭doubter


    Bailey01 wrote: »
    Thanks everyone for all your advice- I was expecting it to be mixed but there was a resounding agreement on what I should do. So.... After more fighting after my last post I've ended it with my boyfriend - I'm lonely and upset but I've arranged to meet my ex on Thursday for an honest chat and just see what happens. Here is hoping and thank you all again for your thoughts ....

    Careful not to go on a rebound relationship.Good luck. :-).
    Oh-good choice on the former BF


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    #37
    RoscommonTom
    Registered Users Posts: 918 ✭✭✭RoscommonTom


    Bailey01 wrote: »
    Thanks everyone for all your advice- I was expecting it to be mixed but there was a resounding agreement on what I should do. So.... After more fighting after my last post I've ended it with my boyfriend - I'm lonely and upset but I've arranged to meet my ex on Thursday for an honest chat and just see what happens. Here is hoping and thank you all again for your thoughts ....

    No matter what happens with the fella what's back from australia your right to have ended it with the boyfriend, any fella what hits you is not worth being around and I'd be afraid hed do it again,


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    #38
    Thebigblue
    Registered Users Posts: 10 ✭Thebigblue


    I agree with poster above. Its not fair on your current boyfriend what if the roles were reversed and he had a girl he was mad about?
    You need to cut your ties with your new bf, regardless if you are going to give it a go with with your past flame. Your current bf is obviously not the one for you

    Didnt read the entire post, hope things work out for you and good choice


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