Opinions please ladies!

FishFood · 22-10-2008 2:01pm #1

Myself and the now ex-gf and I were going out for 3.5 years of which roughly half or more was long distance. I am a bit older then she is and was working full time while she was in college.
Where it gets a bit confusing is, long story short, she became addicted to an online game and our lifestyle was non-active so we both put on weight, me a lot more then her now to be fair. No matter how many times i asked her to stop, it never did and so it went on.
I was doing all the financial support, going out and working while she just stayed at home and played, even when we were living together, i paid for all flights to and from for both of us when we werent. I paid for all the dinners out, occasional hotel breaks and holidays. And while i did indeed begin to neglect her a bit, the reason was because i was a bit tired of doing all this while the game still was a huge part of life.
We went away this summer for a week and it was great, with no game or work we were stress free and it was like old times again, i paid for this holiday again btw.
When we got back she went back to college in her country and i was back to you, 2 weeks later, she says she wants a break to 'experience other things'. Now i had told her before that she was young and i respected this so i agreed, then i found out that it was really because she had begun talking to this guy from the game she was playing and she wanted to be with him, she had never met him at this stage.
So i said if this is the case then i wanted to break up, she happily agreed and when i asked what exactly had gone wrong in the last 2 weeks, she mentioned that i wasnt attractive anymore because of me putting on weight, which she had never mentioned up till that point but she was happy to let me continue to pay for everything up till then.
Now i cannot help feeling a bit hard done by here, shes with this other guy by the way, straight after we broke up.
My question to the ladies is, do you feel thats a bit harsh? a little ungrateful? And is it not very cruel to say to a partner who, no matter what you feel then, was there for you always that you dont find them attractive due to weight?

Ginny · 22-10-2008 2:04pm

Sorry but did you not post this already?

paperclip2 · 22-10-2008 2:06pm

Deja Who?

Macha · 22-10-2008 2:17pm

You do know there's a Personal Issues form that way >> ?

WindSock · 22-10-2008 3:10pm

There is, yes. Moved from LL.

SpookyDoll · 22-10-2008 3:21pm

And is it not very cruel to say to a partner who, no matter what you feel then, was there for you always that you dont find them attractive due to weight?

Hi again OP, Going on this and the other post from yesterday I would say the weight thing is an excuse more than anything. If you love someone a temporary change of appearance is not significant enough to cause them to break up.

I think by the sounds of it, your gf got with you when she had little other experience of relationships and that was fine for a while. but inevitably she now sees she settled early and she wants to maybe play the field a little bit and get out of the commitment.

You held a lot of the financial power, paying for all the flights etc and yes she happily lapped that up, but its not a contract, it might not be fair or moral to freeload off a partner but she doesn't owe you any loyalty to be brutal.

She's fallen out of love with you, its dissappointing but it happens. The weight thing is an excuse to pass blame back onto you, a distraction of you like.

You can pick and dissect it as much as you like but it wont do any good Im afraid. Shes moved on and you can try to save as much face as possible by doing the same.

You might feel hard done by that she is using the weight thing as an excuse but whats the use of feeling bitter over it, it wont change things.

Yes it is cruel but love and loss are cruel. Dont get hung up on the weight thing, it really is not the central issue. I think she was young when you came her way, you gave her a lot and expected a certain degree of loyalty in return, but its obvious now she was cruising a little bit at the end of the relationship and I think using you a little bit twords the end too.

You are way better off out of it, try not to obsess over the weight thing.

Irishcrx · 22-10-2008 3:25pm

Hi mate,

Do you mind me asking if this was one of these real life simulation things? It's incredible how much these can effect people psysicly and mentally , I think you need to move on and start focusing on yourself from here on in.

If you feel you are happy in your own skin then don't listen to what people say, if you'd like to loose the weight FOR YOU then look into getting into a gym you'll see a massive differance in how you look , feel and confidence.

Sleepy · 22-10-2008 4:26pm

OP, it sounds like you were a total doormat tbh.

You're well rid of her. Get your life back for yourself, hit the gym if the weight's bothering you, go out and enjoy yourself, spend time at your hobbies etc and when you find someone else, don't let them walk all over you the way she did.

Gone Drinking · 22-10-2008 5:00pm

Your bird got addicted to world of warcraft, put on weight and then fell in love with some level 50 warlord she's never met before? I wouldn't worry about this one mate, let her go. She sounds like a weirdo!

Don't blame yourself, you're better off without her!

Opinions please ladies!

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