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Has anyone separated from an alcoholic spouse?

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    #62
    wuzziwig
    Registered Users Posts: 516 ✭✭✭wuzziwig


    Thanks Taltos. That is exactly the way we are going to go with it now. We got a letter from them asking that the house be put up for sale asap since we can't reach an agreement on the buy out. We have replied that the price offered is fair as we are cofident a court ruling would give us 60% of the sale price if it were to go on the market. I did the sums on him getting 40% of the expected sale price minus estate agent and solicitor fees and my offer is only €1000 lower than that. But he'd have his money faster and not have the hassle of selling the house. We also pointed out that I have the main financial burden of supporting the kids. Hopefully he'll cop on and accept my offer.

    Paddy Fields, thank you for your post. It's always good to have people reinforce that you have done the right thing. I have no doubt in my mind that my kids are far better off away from all that but sometimes when you are struggling the self doubts start to creep in. But then you pull yourself together, plaster that smile back on your face and face the world with strength and confidence all over again.


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    #63
    RachaelVO
    Registered Users Posts: 3,108 ✭✭✭RachaelVO


    Hi Wuzziwig,

    Just reading through this thread, and I'm full of respect and admiration for ya. This is so far removed from being and easy situation its unreal. He's really looking for ways to get at you, but in some ways, its not really him, its the alocholism, not that I'm making excuses for him or anything like that. Of course I do hope he comes out the other end, and that maybe later on you can both have a good relationship (not being back together or anything like that) for the sake of your kids. If he does get better it will make life easier for you all.

    You're doing great though, putting your kids first, but don't forget to look after your childrens primary carer... YOU!

    I wish you TONNES of luck, and hopefully happiness in the future.


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    #64
    wuzziwig
    Registered Users Posts: 516 ✭✭✭wuzziwig


    I find it hard to believe that it is just over a year since I first posted this thread. What a difference a year can make. Things are still trundling along at a snails pace. I'm waiting for the bank to decide if they will approve me for a new mortgage application so I can buy ex out of the house and move the kids and myself back home. We have agreed on a figure so it's all just paperwork and formalities now. We have also agreed to access and maintenance and once everything is signed up (he won't sign anything until I get loan approval which is fair enough) my solcitor will take it to court and our separation agreement will be court ordered and that's it done and dusted until i can file for divorce further down the line (and I will most certainly be divorcing him).

    I am in a much better place than I was this time last year. I'm happier in myself, I'm getting out and living my life and having so much fun in the process. The kids are doing great. I really am amazed at how well they have taken all this. They are looking forward to going home so hopefully we will get there soon. I have zero contact with my ex. He still continues to drink and now seems to have turned his attentions to gambling. Not my problem anymore. I feel as if a huge weight has been lifted from my life and I'm looking forward to what the future holds for us.

    Thank you all for your help, support and advice over the last year.


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    #65
    wuzziwig
    Registered Users Posts: 516 ✭✭✭wuzziwig


    I just wanted to come back and update this thread. I'm now legally separated!! I was in court at the end of July with a consent motion and it took all of 7 minutes for the judge to rule. The bank gave me the mortgage so I bought ex out and he moved out of the house 2 weeks ago. I'm in the process of painting and cleaning it but me and the kids should be back home this weekend or early next week. They are over the moon to be going home and I can't wait to get back in and get on with our lives.

    It's 17 months since I walked out of my marriage and I have very little contact with ex. He's still drinking and is still as abusive and agressive as ever. I'm so glad I took myself and my kids out of that situation. I've also met a really lovely guy. It's early days but things are going great and we are both happy to take it slowly and see where it goes. It's all good. For anyone going through the hell of separation at the moment I would just like to say hang in there. Things will most definitely get better and your life will be so much happier and brighter. Thanks to everyone who gave me advice, support or just simple words of kindness and encouragement along the way. xxxx


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    #66
    rhapsody
    Registered Users Posts: 450 ✭✭rhapsody


    Thanks for updating us all wuzziwig, it's great to hear that things are getting better for you :)


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    #67
    ABajaninCork
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,411 ✭✭✭ABajaninCork


    Very happy to hear of your wonderful news! Keep going girl, and the very best of luck to you all!


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    #68
    georgebaby
    Registered Users Posts: 1 ✭georgebaby


    My advice is you try your best to adjust with your spouse and pray for him to become a good human being or else separate from your spouse and live as single with your kids for that you need some legal help I hope this family law firm can help you


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    #69
    ABajaninCork
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,411 ✭✭✭ABajaninCork


    georgebaby wrote: »
    My advice is you try your best to adjust with your spouse and pray for him to become a good human being or else separate from your spouse and live as single with your kids for that you need some legal help I hope this family law firm can help you

    Read through the thread. The OP has already separated from her husband and is in the process of making it legal...


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    #70
    LifeIsStrange
    Registered Users Posts: 14 ✭LifeIsStrange


    I've just come across your thread and it was like reading about my own life this past year, my ex isn't an alcoholic but he's abusive and has been physical and also appears to have mental health issues.

    Our court date for Judicial Separation isn't far away now, it's costing a lot of money that I don't have but I didn't have a choice. He's tried to break me so many times and I've had to spend more time with family than in my own home but we're nearly there.

    There are days you almost give up fighting but reading your last post gave me a bit more hope.

    Well done you for sticking it out and the very best of luck in your new life.


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    #71
    wuzziwig
    Registered Users Posts: 516 ✭✭✭wuzziwig


    Hi LifeIsStrange, sorry to hear you are going through this. Best of luck in court. If you are both consenting to the separation and have an agreement already signed then you will be in and out of the courtroom very fast. It's a bit daunting but the thought of it is worse than the reality IMO. It is a very expensive route to go but sometimes you just don't have the choice. Mine cost me approx €7,500 but that included the sale of ex's half of the house and transfer into my own name.

    It's great that you have family to turn to. Support is very important when you are in the middle of this. I'm glad also that reading my story has given you some hope. Do you have kids? If you do I hope they are holding up ok.

    Life can only get better for you so don't ever give up. I promise you that you will come out the other side of it and one day you will look back on the awful times and you will be stronger than ever. Me and my kids are so much better off now than we were while living with my ex. I went through some very dark times during the whole separation process but things couldn't be better for us now. I'm still seeing the same guy I mentioned above and things are going brilliantly. I can truthfully say that I am finally really happy again. That's something that I hadn't been in at least 10 years.

    Best of luck. <Mod snip>


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    #72
    ABajaninCork
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,411 ✭✭✭ABajaninCork


    Fabulous news wuzziwig! So happy for you...

    All the very best for a wonderful Christmas, New Year and beyond for you and yours. Keep reaching for the stars!!


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    #73
    olivepeach
    Registered Users Posts: 13 ✭olivepeach


    I think you are doing the right thing . Few years down the lane its better to look back and see how far you have come and how much better you are feeling emotionally rather than stay and wait for things to change and wallow in regret . A much better life awaits you ..go ahead embrace it !!


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    #74
    shortlady
    Registered Users Posts: 21 ✭shortlady


    Can u get barring order against alcholic? Back on drink a year and What a year.every week for da past 4 months drinking,No financial support.i single parent in a marriage..


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