Finding out your baby's gender

Cunning Stunt · 24-04-2011 1:21pm #1

Hi all,

If there is already a thread on this, the mods can delete it. I had a quick browse and didn't see one...

Just wondering what are peoples thoughts on finding out the gender of your baby before birth? Did you/ do you want to know in advance and what are the reasons for this?

I am living on mainland Europe and am 10 wks pregnant. Over here it seems to be the norm to find out your baby's sex in advance. I would prefer to keep it as a suprise. The problem is that my other half really wants to know, so I have a bit of a dilemma on my hands. Apart from the obvious advantages (needing only pick one name / buy clothes in the right colour etc.) are there other advantages to knowing the sex in advance?

Thanks for your input

silja · 24-04-2011 1:42pm

Other than what you have already mentioned, and friends who will badger you to find out- no, there is no reason unless there are genetic problems in the family.

With my first pregnancy, I definitely wanted to find out, curiosity but also because I wanted to buy stuff, and didn't want everything to be unisex. Turned out we were having a boy and a girl, so I bought a lot of unisex stuff anyway so I could use it on both babies! Second pregnancy I wasn't bothered, as we already had names picked out and clothes for either sex. But my husband wanted to know, and I had no objections.

If you decide not to find out, make sure all the nurses and doctors looking after you know this- I have several friends who decided not to find out, but as the sex was in the notes from the anatomical/ 20 week ultrasound, and it was let slip by one of them saying "and is HE moving a lot?" or some such. If your partner really wants to know, and you really do not, one option is to have the ultrasound tech say it to him as you get dressed, or write the sex on a piece of paper and put it in an envelope, that way he can look later.

She Devil · 24-04-2011 3:39pm

Of course you don't have to find out, and you can let your partner find out on his own if needs be! I loved finding out, it was such a welcome surprise half way through, we had a little celebration day and then got ready for the baby!
But each to their own!
BTW, congrats

Storminateacup · 24-04-2011 6:02pm

I didn't find out for either of my pregnancies, I am so curious, Its killing me not knowing, but I don't want a preconcieved notion of what my child is going to be like. I find it strange that people have one name picked out, everything done for this little person they dont even know.

All births are special - but I dont think anything can beat the feeling of being introduced to your seconds-old child, meeting them for the first time, and not having it named and everything determined beforehand.

Moonbeam · 24-04-2011 7:26pm

I didn't find out on either of mine.

I wanted it to be a suprise and it is the only thing the daddy gets to find out 1st:)

Das Kitty · 24-04-2011 7:37pm

We found out the gender in advance.

I was struggling to feel anything for him and it really helped me to visualise who he would be once I knew the gender.

I also thought it was a nice surprise half way through. The way my labour went I wouldn't have enjoyed the surprise then anyway. I didnt even want to see him for an hour afterwards.

I was surprised by the number of people who were critical of the decision. One particular midwife told me she thought it was a disgrace!
I would try to find out again on another pregnancy, definitely.

Ayla · 24-04-2011 8:30pm

Regardless of whether you do or don't find out, people will judge & comment (but people always seem justified in sharing their opinions of anything you do as a parent). But I was amused to see how many people made guesses based on how I was carrying my baby.

Personally I would have liked to find out - I felt that the entire labour/being a new mother thing would be enough joy for me, I didn't need the "surprise" factor on top of it. I asked on each of my pregs, but the technician wouldn't say (or maybe she really couldn't tell).

It is important to note that just b/c you're told the babe is a boy or girl doesn't 100% guarantee that it's right.

Grawns · 24-04-2011 8:41pm

I found out because I hate surprises. It's up to the individual.

Cat Melodeon · 24-04-2011 10:02pm

Neither me nor my husband wanted to find out until the event. There are very few surprises left in life, this is one I'd like to keep until the last moment. Everyone I knew guessed I was having a boy - I was convinced it was a girl - so when a boy popped out it was only a surprise to me, no one else! I think I was actually shocked - it's kind of weird giving birth to a little wrinkly man who looks exactly like your own father!

We're pregnant again now and I feel much more tempted this time to find out, although when it comes to it I know I won't. People are already asking me if I'm hoping for a girl. To be honest, I genuinely don't care. It would be interesting to see if I would fall into a gender trap with a little girl, but I love my first boy so much that another one exactly like him would be grand too.

I can see how finding out would help if you weren't connecting to the baby though. I did hypnobirthing and there was a visualisation exercise on there that really helped with forming that bond from mid-pregnancy onwards so I didn't have that problem, but I can totally understand how it happens and how knowing the sex could help.

liliq · 24-04-2011 11:55pm

I found out kind of by mistake!
I thought I saw boy parts on a scan, and couldn't resist having it confirmed when I had my big scan!
I really didn't want to find out initially, but I would have been driven demented thinking i saw what I saw and not knowing if I was right or not for soo long!

Cunning Stunt · 25-04-2011 8:32pm

Thanks all for the replies.

I have decided to stick to my original plan and not find out until baby comes. If the other half insists on finding out then he had better keep it to himself!!:rolleyes: If I happen to find out by accident during a scan etc. then that's life

kelle · 25-04-2011 9:17pm

Grawns wrote: »

I found out because I hate surprises. It's up to the individual.

I found out for all 3 of mine, Grawns, for the same reason as yourself. Though it was wrong for my first baby!

qwertytlk · 25-04-2011 11:11pm

I found out the sex, we both wanted to know, its better for buying tjings and choosing names, but also for bonding with the baby, i still have 6wks untill due date but i know thats my son inside me and i already refer to him as that. I personally feel closer to him because of this, however this is my first so i dont have another experience to liken it to.. You cant usually find out untill between 18 and 22wks anyway so you have plenty if time to think about it, and by then you will be showing and most likely feeling movement so you never know,u may be dying to find out by then! Also you will prob start to get a gut feeling regarding the sex and mothers are usually right (not always,but mostly)Good luck whatever you decide

SarahC11 · 25-04-2011 11:16pm

Ayla wrote: »

Regardless of whether you do or don't find out, people will judge & comment (but people always seem justified in sharing their opinions of anything you do as a parent). But I was amused to see how many people made guesses based on how I was carrying my baby..

Yeah i agree with that i am 30 weeks now and found out im having a girl yet everyone likes to say im having a boy by the way im carrying! in my head im always like haha your wrong but let them go ahead with the old wives tales!!
i knew as soon as i found out i was preggers i was gonna find out the sex i couldnt not know the suspense would kill me! and im a little to organised so i had to know what i was buying!

Noopti · 27-04-2011 1:16pm

We found out (this week!). Everyone keeps telling us it is one of the few surprises left in life, but it was still a surprise when we found out this week anyway!

admiralofthefleet · 27-04-2011 8:17pm

Grawns wrote: »

I found out because I hate surprises. It's up to the individual.

that was our thinking, we found out last week (a boy)

quad_red · 27-04-2011 8:40pm

I've actually found it easier to get to grips with the incoming baby by knowing the sex.

Like, easier to daydream, to assign a personality to the moving bump in my wife's belly.

cynder · 27-04-2011 10:22pm

My friends due her first in 5 weeks it's a boy, I found out with my first, they wouldn't tell me with my other 2 and I was pissed I wanted to know.

lolli · 27-04-2011 10:58pm

I had 8 or 9 scans during my pregnancy and I found out at 12 weeks that I was having a girl! I didnt even know they could tell that early.

I just HAD to know! I couldnt wait!

lonestargirl · 27-04-2011 11:13pm

Grawns wrote: »

I found out because I hate surprises. It's up to the individual.

I felt this way too.

lolli wrote: »

I had 8 or 9 scans during my pregnancy and I found out at 12 weeks that I was having a girl! I didnt even know they could tell that early.

I had a scan at 10 weeks done by my friend who is an ob/gyn. She thought then that it was a boy but she wouldn't commit. Found out for sure at our 20 week scan.

We picked out a name very early on but we didn't tell anyone. I found it really special knowing who this little person would be.

nlgbbbblth · 27-04-2011 11:18pm

Always thought it was a Celtic Tiger thing - maybe I'm wrong.

My wife and I had no desire to find out beforehand on any of our three. We much prefer the magical surprise when the baby makes his / her appearance.

Noopti · 28-04-2011 3:53pm

A Celtic Tiger thing?!

Dades · 28-04-2011 4:15pm

Noopti wrote: »

A Celtic Tiger thing?!

Yeah, so you decide if the baby is to be called Sneachta or Persephone. :pac:

Found out for both of ours, btw.
For the first one I felt it much easier to bond with the bump knowing what (she) was. For number two we just wanted to know!

Nicole22 · 28-04-2011 8:58pm

As the hospital wouldnt tell me the sex on my first I decided to have a 3D scan at around 25 weeks (which is amazing btw) and we found out then. I wanted to know so I could think of whether it was my son or daughter growing inside me. Even in the labour it was nice to think "one more push and I get to meet my son". I just prefered to know. I'm pregnant with our second now and I'll definately be having a 3D scan again and finding out. Oh and my partner wanted to know aswell so no problems there. Each to their own though, its a personal choice.

nlgbbbblth · 28-04-2011 9:02pm

Noopti wrote: »

A Celtic Tiger thing?!

Something which became common or fashionable since the good times began (late 1990s onwards) and continues today.

I'm 39 so old enough to remember friends / relatives having children in the 1980s/early 1990s. Never heard of anybody finding out the gender beforehand in those days.

Just an opinion - please don't take offence.

RIRI · 28-04-2011 9:20pm

It's definately a very personal choice OP and, as with everything concerned with preganacy / childbirth & parenting some people will judge no matter what you do.

Neither I nor my husband wanted to know - there's not many true surprises in life & honestly (& I know it's a cliche) we just wanted a healthy baby (which we got thank god). But I do understand why some people do like to know, it just wasn't for us.

Incidentially we only had one name picked, Rhys (or Reese in the event of a daughter) so no issue there.

OP I just hope your hubby can keep it to himself if he does find out - for your sake.

Very best of luck with your pregnancy

Das Kitty · 28-04-2011 9:47pm

nlgbbbblth wrote: »

Something which became common or fashionable since the good times began (late 1990s onwards) and continues today.

I'm 39 so old enough to remember friends / relatives having children in the 1980s/early 1990s. Never heard of anybody finding out the gender beforehand in those days.

Just an opinion - please don't take offence.

That's mainly because scans weren't always performed and when they were the scanners weren't good enough to tell.

lolli · 29-04-2011 12:50am

I was really curious and wanted to know.

But also, I have a genetic disorder and the gender of the baby was important because one gender was more likely to get it than the other so I really needed to know.

I was so delighted when i found out it was a girl but little did I know all the problems she would end up having.

If i ever have another child. I would find out again. I dont think it took away from anything. I felt it easier to bond with the baby knowing that i had a baby girl growing inside of me.

KayTee · 02-05-2011 10:31pm

Didn't find out on either of my previous pregnancies, and won't this time either. It'll be a surprise from start to finish :-)

As other posters have said, there are few true surprises in life anymore. That's our feeling on it, although the anticipation is killing me!! Don't think I'd be able to keep it to myself either..

Cottontail · 03-05-2011 3:06pm

quad_red wrote: »

I've actually found it easier to get to grips with the incoming baby by knowing the sex.

Like, easier to daydream, to assign a personality to the moving bump in my wife's belly.

Yup, this is why we found out with our first too. He became a real little person to me when I found out it was a boy, instead of just being 'a baby' or 'the baby'. I'd find out again next time.

mariaf24 · 03-05-2011 5:25pm

I didn't find out on my daughter and i didnt this time either (I'm 30 weeks). Like others have said, it is one of the greatest mysteries and surprises in life. It's science v nature really.

I love the feeling that i love this person/baby so so much and would protect it to my death...and yet i don't know if it's my son or my daughter. It's just incredible. The sex to me is irrelevant.

It even ruined entire episodes of One Born Every Minute for me when they gave the sex away at the beginning!!

Of course i'm curious but that's also another fun aspect of pregnancy...wondering and guessing!

I remember when my daughter was born and the midwive said 'You have a little girl'. It was just the most amazing moment of my life and she put her on my chest and i remember her looking straight into my eyes. No scan can compare to that moment!!

My gp was unavailable last week so i had a gp from the states and she was shocked that i didnt know the sex! I think almost everyone in the USA finds out?

Ayla · 03-05-2011 7:08pm

I think almost everyone in the USA finds out?

It's impossible to make generalisations about anything "most everyone" in the States does. It's the same as here - some do & some don't.

In the circles I grew up in, people generally did find out & announced the gender & name of the baby before the birth. It's just what was done, and personally I wouldn't think the magical moment of first holding your child is in any way diminished just b/c you know boy/girl prior to birth.

A flip side on not finding out is if your "gut/instinct" tells you you're having something different than what you really are...I was 100% sure my first-born was a boy - absolutely certain - and when my child was born a girl I was a bit shell-shocked. I had jokingly said when I was preg that I'd have a tough time adjusting if the babe was actually a girl, and obviously when she was born it didn't matter anyway, but the confusion I felt in those first few moments did take my concentration away for a bit.

mariaf24 · 03-05-2011 7:23pm

'and personally I wouldn't think the magical moment of first holding your child is in any way diminished just b/c you know boy/girl prior to birth.'

Oh no i didn't mean the moment is diminished...i just meant that for me the moment was extra special because it was at that exact moment i found out that i had a daughter.

Don't think you can argue this one, it's personal and there's no rights or wrongs.

SarahC11 · 03-05-2011 7:34pm

i know im having a girl but i think i will still be shocked / happy when i hold my baby for the 1st time! (its my first) i agree with both sides i would have liked the surprise of it but im too impatient i had to know!!

Naineen · 04-05-2011 10:04am

Dades wrote: »

Yeah, so you decide if the baby is to be called Sneachta or Persephone. :pac:

this just made me snort my (decaf)coffee onto my screen...teeheehee.

getting the same vibe from the mainland - people pushing for us to find out the sex of our baby so they can buy gender-appropriate stuff...

I first thought I'd like to know, but hubby said he didnt - so I can't cause I cannot keep my mouth shut. happy with it now though, it'll be a nice surprise! ;-)

collegeme · 05-05-2011 6:18pm

Nicole22 wrote: »

As the hospital wouldnt tell me the sex on my first I decided to have a 3D scan at around 25 weeks (which is amazing btw) and we found out then. I wanted to know so I could think of whether it was my son or daughter growing inside me. Even in the labour it was nice to think "one more push and I get to meet my son". I just prefered to know. I'm pregnant with our second now and I'll definately be having a 3D scan again and finding out. Oh and my partner wanted to know aswell so no problems there. Each to their own though, its a personal choice.

I will be having a 3d/4d scan in the next 8 weeks. I don't want to find out the sex.
Is it possible to not find out while having a 3/4d scan?

I will also be getting a dvd so i am wondering if it will be plain obvious??

cynder · 05-05-2011 6:31pm

collegeme wrote: »

I will be having a 3d/4d scan in the next 8 weeks. I don't want to find out the sex.
Is it possible to not find out while having a 3/4d scan?

I will also be getting a dvd so i am wondering if it will be plain obvious??

Ive had 3 babies i was told on the first one i was having a girl, on the second and 3rd they refused to tell me, however with my last guy he was on full display and i could see he was a boy and that was the normal everyday scan you get.

mariaf24 · 06-05-2011 12:07pm

collegeme wrote: »

I will be having a 3d/4d scan in the next 8 weeks. I don't want to find out the sex.
Is it possible to not find out while having a 3/4d scan?

I will also be getting a dvd so i am wondering if it will be plain obvious??

I asked this exact question here a few weeks ago!

Some people said no but i think 3-4 (here and another website) said it was very clear, especially on the dvd. That was enough for me so i didnt go for the scan

Bought a gorgeous crib with the money instead though

I think go for it if you don't mind accidently seeing the sex (ask sonographer to avoid the area) but if you really really don't antto know then i wouldnt have the scan!!

collegeme · 06-05-2011 12:13pm

mariaf24 wrote: »

I asked this exact question here a few weeks ago!

Some people said no but i think 3-4 (here and another website) said it was very clear, especially on the dvd. That was enough for me so i didnt go for the scan

Bought a gorgeous crib with the money instead though

I think go for it if you don't mind accidently seeing the sex (ask sonographer to avoid the area) but if you really really don't antto know then i wouldnt have the scan!!

Ah but i won the scan for free

so i feel i have to go

Toots · 06-05-2011 7:18pm

My brother and sister in law went for the 3D scan but didn't want to know what they were having so they told the sonographer and she said she'd try to avoid the area, but that there was a slight chance that they'd see. In the end everything went grand and they didn't see.

foxy06 · 10-05-2011 10:17pm

Found out on the 2nd 3rd and 4th but the 4th was told boy and a girl arrived! Was delighted though cos I already had 3 boys:D I will never forget my husbands face when the midwife said it was a girl!

Toots · 10-05-2011 10:59pm

I found out I'm having a boy last week! I'd be seriously shocked if a girl arrived because the midwife showed me the scan and it's very obviously a boy!! That said, when my mum was pregnant with us, she was told each time that she was having a boy and she got 3 girls! Lucky for her she bought baby stuff that was gender neutral!

CathyMoran · 11-05-2011 10:06am

I have had it confirmed a few times that we are having a girl - it makes sense as the pregnancy has been totally different than that with our son (who was obvoously a boy in the scans). For me I like knowing the gender so that I can talk to my baby with their name. I would not have cared what gender she is but knowing is nice.

GoerGirl · 11-05-2011 10:58am

We found out for two of ours - once they were wrong!!!

On the "surprise" element - knowing the gender for me never altered that amazing rush you get following the birth of your baby and you see him/her for the first time.

dollybird2 · 12-05-2011 12:10am

I'm finding out the sex of my baby in the morning! I don't want to wait, I need to put an identity onto the bump so that the pregnancy may seem more real! I can't wait!

Finding out your baby's gender

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