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court proceedings

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  • 07-09-2015 7:40pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi, I am separated from my husband and have just been issued with court proceedings. I don't want to divorce him as I come from a strong catholic faith and deep down I still love him. I have received letters from his solicitor and I just binned them hoping that if I did he would just leave it as we are. I know its stupid as we live under the same roof and haven't had a proper chat in several years. I like knowing he is there, and even though I know he has meet someone else I keep hoping he will give her up for me. but now this letter comes in my door and I am totally shattered and scared as I don't know what to expect. I have never been in court. I know I need to face up to my problems. any advice would be great, or any idea what this even means would be great to thanks


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    #2
    Sala
    Registered Users Posts: 1,494 ✭✭✭Sala


    upset7915 wrote: »
    Hi, I am separated from my husband and have just been issued with court proceedings. I don't want to divorce him as I come from a strong catholic faith and deep down I still love him. I have received letters from his solicitor and I just binned them hoping that if I did he would just leave it as we are. I know its stupid as we live under the same roof and haven't had a proper chat in several years. I like knowing he is there, and even though I know he has meet someone else I keep hoping he will give her up for me. but now this letter comes in my door and I am totally shattered and scared as I don't know what to expect. I have never been in court. I know I need to face up to my problems. any advice would be great, or any idea what this even means would be great to thanks

    The ground for divorce are living separate and apart fro 4 of the previous 5 years, no reasonable prospect of reconciliation and proper provision can be made for the parties (and dependents).

    If you think you can reconcile you need to talk to your husband, suggest counselling and try to work it out. Burying your head in the sand won't help. You shouldn't ignore solicitors letters either. I don't really see how you can fix this if you are not talking - it appears to me (correct me if I'm wrong) that you are living separate lives in the same house but you are comfortable with the arrangement. Your husband is not. The worse thing you can do, in my opinion, is do nothing.


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    #3
    desbrook
    Registered Users Posts: 1,847 ✭✭✭desbrook


    I'm sorry to hear of your situation OP. Unfortunately every piece of information you have given leads me to believe that reconciliation won't happen between you and your husband. Martial breakdown is akin to bereavement and part of bereavement is acceptance.

    While I respect your Catholic faith a cornerstone of Christianity is to treat others as you would like to be treated - and in effect to put yourself in others shoes. Your husband did not wish his marriage to breakdown just like you. It has. He wishes to formalise this fact and move forward in an orderly fashion. The four year rule often adds complication as sometimes it's difficult to prove if the other contests. I actually feel sympathy for him when you bin the legal letters. He must be very frustrated but fearful too. He is trapped by your lack of acceptance.

    Talk to a family law solicitor and begin mediation. Sort this out .


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    #4
    Ken.
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,898 ✭✭✭✭Ken.


    You could avoid court altogether if you accept that the marriage is over. My father told my mother through me that he'd agree to a divorce as long as it cost him nothing and he didn't have to go to court. Her solicitor printed out all the forms he needed to sign. I brought them to him and he signed them in front of a witness(Garda,priest,solicitor etc). I returned the forms and my mother went to court and it was done in 15 minutes.

    This could be an option for you. My parents had been separated 15+ years, My brothers and I were all well over 18 and there was no property involved so a very easy process.


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    #5
    myshirt
    Registered Users Posts: 5,245 ✭✭✭myshirt


    I think also there might be a clarification under Pope Francis in that divorcees are not fully excommunicated. I am very sorry to hear about the breakdown of your marriage.


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    #6
    desbrook
    Registered Users Posts: 1,847 ✭✭✭desbrook


    myshirt wrote: »
    I think also there might be a clarification under Pope Francis in that divorcees are not fully excommunicated. I am very sorry to hear about the breakdown of your marriage.

    To my knowledge divorcees were never excommunicated ! Priests who broke their celibacy vow still say mass after all.

    The only church difficulty is with those who remarry and are technically adulterers in SOME priests eyes. As such they should not receive communion - again in SOME priests opinion.


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