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Moving out of the Family House?

  • 03-08-2015 10:02am
    #1
    The Aussie
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,440 ✭✭✭


    I will be speaking to a solicitor this week but I'm wondering if anyone here has an answer.

    The Wife and I are separating and are going down to Mediation route, we contacted then 2 weeks ago but from what I've heard it can take about 2 months.

    We are both in the family home with the 2 children but living on different levels in the house, but things have become untenable and turning toxic, it's at a stage where it probably is for the best if I move out, so my question is does it give me a weaker hand in the Mediation process if I'm no longer in the family home?


Comments

  • #2
    Taltos
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,830 ✭✭✭✭Taltos


    If things are turning toxic you need to get legal advice asap. Especially before you choose to move out, leaving the family home can have large consequences later on so you need the advice now before you go that route...


  • #3
    RooneyB
    Registered Users Posts: 2 ✭RooneyB


    if you have done nothing wrong - do not move out of the house - contact AMEN they are a great service


  • #4
    lollie3
    Registered Users Posts: 17 ✭lollie3


    you don't loose any legal rights moving out of the home - whats best for the children is that you are not making them live in a toxic enviroment


  • #5
    desbrook
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,847 ✭✭✭desbrook


    The reality is unless you both agree to sell up one of you will have to move out eventually. You are the man so it'll be you. That's reality, it's not fair but reality. Don't move back with parents, family or houseshare. Get a modest apartment to rent with reasonable room for overnight accommodation for the kids. Use a visadebit card for all your purchases. Document everything and agree maintenance based on this. Avoid spousal maintenance like the plauge. This is the mininum you need .


  • #6
    Boruma
    Registered Users Posts: 44 ✭Boruma


    desbrook wrote: »
    The reality is unless you both agree to sell up one of you will have to move out eventually. You are the man so it'll be you. That's reality, it's not fair but reality. Don't move back with parents, family or houseshare. Get a modest apartment to rent with reasonable room for overnight accommodation for the kids. Use a visadebit card for all your purchases. Document everything and agree maintenance based on this. Avoid spousal maintenance like the plauge. This is the mininum you need .

    What ever u do don't support the wife the mother of your children. Really piss of your children. Eventually they will find out. You will be pushed aside. If your happy to go. Go with grace and look after your family. You will be smelling of roses.


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  • #7
    superstepmom2b
    Registered Users Posts: 30 ✭superstepmom2b


    The Aussie wrote: »
    I will be speaking to a solicitor this week but I'm wondering if anyone here has an answer.

    The Wife and I are separating and are going down to Mediation route, we contacted then 2 weeks ago but from what I've heard it can take about 2 months.

    We are both in the family home with the 2 children but living on different levels in the house, but things have become untenable and turning toxic, it's at a stage where it probably is for the best if I move out, so my question is does it give me a weaker hand in the Mediation process if I'm no longer in the family home?

    Mediation is a process were you jointly come to a mutual agreement as to how to divide up or what to do withheld assets of the marriage and also to agree a parenting plan in terms of access and so on. At the end if you can agree on everytging the mediated document will be used to draft your formal seperation agreement by seperate solicitors.

    When you say toxic what exactly do you mean by this. Are you arguing in front of the children or o's it more so just uncomfortable? Personally I would not leave the house until you can mediate an agreement of some kind. Either using a third party or you jointly agreeing on terms. There issue much to consider. Where will you live can youafford to rent and cover half a mortgage. Can you live somewhere suitable where you can take your children for overnight access. Then there's bills and costs. Can your wife afford the house bills without you? Bearing in mind you need to sustain yourself and your children there will need to be an element of cutting your cloth to suit your measure and that goes for you both.
    What are her expectations. Does expect you to pay half of all house bills including utilities etc how old are your children, are they in child care etc. Definitely get advice from amen or similar organisations. Sit down and work out the family budget and add to that the cost to live on your own which would include running your car, utilities, rent, food and clothing. Then look at what you both have coming in and see how much it could all cost.

    Your both responsible for the welfare of your children. Does your wife work full time, if she doesn't she will need to seek employment if your not in a financial position to support all of you and live outside of the family home. These are all I'm afraid the realities of seperation and when there are children involved it's all the more complicated. There's also all the hurt and pain to deal with and that can cloud reasonable judgement and often both sides will inadvertently case each other more pain etc. Aside from all of the above you both have to put your children first and set your own feelings aside. And there's has to be realistic expectations.

    Best of luck I really do hope you can come to an agreement that suits all until you can come to a final agreement on all. Would it help for you to jointly go to counselling. It may deal with all of the other issues brewing which may help you both in remaining calm.and reasonable


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