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Does he love me?

  • 23-03-2015 9:12am
    #1
    Ng7890
    Registered Users Posts: 1 ✭


    I'm looking for some help. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 15 months. I'd say it's pretty serious, as in he practically lives at mine and we spend most of our time together.

    Thing is, he hasn't told me he loves me. He shows he cares but he's never said it. I'm not the type who needs to hear it, I can tell he cares, but I'm now thinking its a bit odd.

    He's very wrapped up in my family - he's met my entire family and joins us on family stuff. I've met his dad once and I've never even been to his house. I'm starting to feel like I'm being left out of this side of his life on purpose.

    Last night I jokingly asked him if he'd take a bullet for me, and he got genuinely nervous and squirmed out of the response.

    I feel like he could end this tomorrow and his life would resume without a trace of me. And that really frightens me.

    Can anyone advise? Do I just suck it up? Should I say something?


Comments

  • #2
    bobbyj946
    Registered Users Posts: 31 ✭bobbyj946


    You relax and be happy in the relationship.

    15 months isn't that long in a relationship, i was going out with my now fiancee for 3 years before i told her i loved her. With us i knew she wanted me to say it but i wasn't quite ready, she didn't push and i loved her more for it. Had she goaded me into it with "dodge the bullet" style questions i would have always resented it.

    The single worst thing you can do is to try and prompt your boyfriend into saying it, it'll make him run a mile. And don't think that he doesn't see through the side loaded questions/looks, of course he does he just doesn't let on.

    On a sperate note you seen to think that the fact that you stay over in each others all the time is a testament to the strength of your relationship, it's not. You know in your own heart the strength of it.


  • #3
    Penny Tration
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,687 ✭✭✭✭Penny Tration


    I dunno. I understand where the previous poster is coming from, but I somewhat disagree.

    I agree that I'd be very weirded out and feel very 'caught in the headlights' with a 'dodge a bullet' type question.

    That said, after 15 months, really, he should know by now if he loves you or not.

    It may be that he just isn't the type to verbalise it.

    However, having never even been at his house in 15 months is very odd. Surely it's gotten to the stage where you would have met the family and friends and see them at his occasionally? That'd be a red flag for me.

    Have you told him you love him? Or are you waiting for him to say it? If you're waiting, there's every chance he's waiting too.


  • #4
    bobbyj946
    Registered Users Posts: 31 ✭bobbyj946


    Jenny Thalia wrote: »
    However, having never even been at his house in 15 months is very odd.

    Little unusual alright but there may be practical reasons (eg he lives in the middle of no where)
    Bring it up and suggest you meet the family. I wouldn't go so far as to say red flags.


  • #5
    Stench Blossoms
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,390 ✭✭✭Stench Blossoms


    I don't think that's unusual at all.

    Maybe he's ashamed of his family?


  • #6
    Potatoeman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,366 ✭✭✭Potatoeman


    Ng7890 wrote: »
    Thing is, he hasn't told me he loves me.
    Last night I jokingly asked him if he'd take a bullet for me, and he got genuinely nervous and squirmed out of the response.

    Its kind of an unfair question though. Youre asking him to put your safety over his own. So even if he would do it you shouldnt want him to if you care as much for him.


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  • #7
    Typer Monkey
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 941 ✭✭✭Typer Monkey


    Ng7890 wrote: »
    Last night I jokingly asked him if he'd take a bullet for me, and he got genuinely nervous and squirmed out of the response.

    That's an odd question to ask someone. Would you not have been better off cutting to the chase and just tell him you love him (if you do) and asking him if he loves you, rather than that odd 'test' question?

    I don't know OP, my now husband and I were together over a year before we said 'I love you' to each other. I had to initiate the conversation too :-) We say it to each other a lot now. Maybe you just need to break the ice?


  • #8
    daisybelle2008
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,403 ✭✭✭daisybelle2008


    Ng7890 wrote: »
    Last night I jokingly asked him if he'd take a bullet for me, and he got genuinely nervous and squirmed out of the response.

    I feel like he could end this tomorrow and his life would resume without a trace of me. And that really frightens me.

    What a strange question, so hypothetical and such nonsense. It wasn't done 'jokingly' either, obviously it was very loaded or you wouldn't care so much about the answer. You seem to be desperate to get some validation from him. 'I love you' is just words, if his actions are not enough for you then there is a bigger issue and the words won't mean much anyway.

    I think it is kind of healthy that he would be able to resume his life if it ended, means his with you because he wants to be with you, not because he needs to be.

    I wouldn't ask my partner if they would take a bullet for me. To be honest I'd hope they'd say no, I think you should value your own life more than your partners, partners come and go you are always left with yourself.

    It's needy and desperate to me that they would 'take a bullet for me', kind of like a doormat with no self esteem. Dodge your own bullets.

    That Bruno Mars song about taken a Grenade for some girl, is full of the woman treating him like a dope and lying to him. Feel like saying grow a pair, value yourself!


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