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Sex Buddy wants to do me bareback

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  • 15-09-2014 10:28pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    HI Guys

    i am posting as a guest as i am a regular poster and need some advice would greatly appreciate.

    I have a sex buddy and he "tops"me . was with him 2 weeks ago and he said he would like to to f>>k me without a condom. he keeps saying to me its much better feeling for him and it will amaze me and that he has tested negative as i am so theres no need to worry. i am coming around to idea of going for it Has anyone tried this ? and were you worried after?


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    #2
    Peregrinus
    Registered Users Posts: 26,123 ✭✭✭✭Peregrinus


    How could you not be worried after?

    If he is your "sex buddy", presumably you are not exclusively monogamous with one another. Even if you accept at face value his statement that he has recently been tested and was negative, that doesn't mean his is negative today, and of course we know he is someone with a taste for unprotected sex - because he is asking you for unprotected sex.

    This is not a risk you need to run, and he should not be asking you to run it. He may be your sex buddy but he is not your friend.


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    #3
    jaymcg91
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,015 ✭✭✭jaymcg91


    No. Absolutely not. When it comes to sex, trust no-one. I have too many friends whose lives have been ruined by men they thought they could trust.

    Your safety and health ranks so far ahead of what he finds pleasurable.


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    #4
    Miike
    Registered Users Posts: 2,021 ✭✭✭Miike


    I'm another one for absolutely not. Hell. No.


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    #5
    No Username Yet
    Registered Users Posts: 80 ✭✭No Username Yet


    Good god NO!!


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    #6
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 40,880 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    jaymcg91 wrote: »
    No. Absolutely not. When it comes to sex, trust no-one.

    I agree with the first part. Its a no for me.

    With the second part I dont necessarily agree. I think if you are in a long term monogomamous relationship where trust has been built up over time and both partners get fairly regularly tested as clean then it is ok to do bareback.

    The other thing is op you should remember the issue of the Window period. So when his last test was is important.


    It can take up to three months for your body to produce antibodies to HIV after you are infected. This time between infection and when antibodies can be detected is know as the "window period." If you test within three months of your last possible exposure you may not get a positive result even if you are actually infected with HIV. In some very rare cases it can take six months for antibodies to show up. If you have been infected with HIV you can still transmit HIV during the window period so it is very important that you continue to practice safer sex.

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



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    #7
    floggg
    Registered Users Posts: 5,820 ✭✭✭floggg


    Peregrinus wrote: »
    How could you not be worried after?

    If he is your "sex buddy", presumably you are not exclusively monogamous with one another. Even if you accept at face value his statement that he has recently been tested and was negative, that doesn't mean his is negative today, and of course we know he is someone with a taste for unprotected sex - because he is asking you for unprotected sex.

    This is not a risk you need to run, and he should not be asking you to run it. He may be your sex buddy but he is not your friend.

    This. I think that a casual sex partner who asks for unprotected sex is the very type of person you shouldn't have it with. The request evidences the fact that he makes questionable and irresponsible choices as regards his sexual health - and by extension your sexual health.

    In fact, I would be wary about having sex with somebody like that full stop, whether protected or unprotected.


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    #8
    J_E
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,734 ✭✭✭J_E


    Don't play with fire if you don't want to get burned. Outside of a long term partnership it's a very dangerous activity. He might not know he has something.


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    #9
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks for the advice guys i wont let him do it BB

    Cheers


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    #10
    Mr.Frame
    Registered Users Posts: 766 ✭✭✭Mr.Frame


    looking for info wrote: »
    HI Guys

    i am posting as a guest as i am a regular poster and need some advice would greatly appreciate.

    I have a sex buddy and he "tops"me . was with him 2 weeks ago and he said he would like to to f>>k me without a condom. he keeps saying to me its much better feeling for him and it will amaze me and that he has tested negative as i am so theres no need to worry. i am coming around to idea of going for it Has anyone tried this ? and were you worried after?

    What astounds me is that you are "coming around to the idea of going for it", in other words you are thinking of going bareback with someone you don't know.

    You are going to have unprotected sex with a stranger,unbelievable.

    Cannot believe in 2014 that someone would even think like this.

    FFS kop on ,if you are going to have sex and are not in a monogamous relationship,ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS, use protection. NO excuse.

    Your life may depend on it.


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    #11
    StanMcConnell
    Registered Users Posts: 94 ✭✭StanMcConnell


    If he wants more sensation, maybe suggest he tries latex free condoms. You can get them in the sex store near the Workmans on the quays. Apparently, they're more sensitive than latex ones.


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    #12
    Peregrinus
    Registered Users Posts: 26,123 ✭✭✭✭Peregrinus


    Mr.Frame wrote: »
    What astounds me is that you are "coming around to the idea of going for it", in other words you are thinking of going bareback with someone you don't know.

    You are going to have unprotected sex with a stranger,unbelievable.

    Cannot believe in 2014 that someone would even think like this.

    FFS kop on ,if you are going to have sex and are not in a monogamous relationship,ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS, use protection. NO excuse.

    Your life may depend on it.
    The Romans had a proverb, Penis erectus non habet conscientiam, meaning that a stiff willy has no conscience. That's true, but what's even truer is that it doesn't have a lot of common sense either. You may be dismayed that "in 2014 someone would even think like this", but you had better believe it. Horniness => stupidity; this will never change.

    To the OP's credit, he knew perfectly well when he posted his query that we would all slap his face and tell him not to be stupid; he came here to hear that, to get our support to bolster his common sense, and not have it overborne by horniness and the undoubted appeal of transgressive sex.


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    #13
    Mr.Frame
    Registered Users Posts: 766 ✭✭✭Mr.Frame


    Peregrinus wrote: »
    The Romans had a proverb, Penis erectus non habet conscientiam, meaning that a stiff willy has no conscience. That's true, but what's even truer is that it doesn't have a lot of common sense either. You may be dismayed that "in 2014 someone would even think like this", but you had better believe it. Horniness => stupidity; this will never change.

    To the OP's credit, he knew perfectly well when he posted his query that we would all slap his face and tell him not to be stupid; he came here to hear that, to get our support to bolster his common sense, and not have it overborne by horniness and the undoubted appeal of transgressive sex.

    Yes I know the expression well "a standing cock has no conscience",all the more reason why a person must and NEEDS to play safe. A brief horny moment of unsafe sex can and DOES have consequences.

    I don't believe the OP "knew perfectly well when he posted the query". He did after all say," I am coming around to idea of going for it". That alone beggars belief!!

    There are far far too many young guys out there who are now HIV positive because going bareback, "felt better" or "I was drunk" or "I got carried away because we were so horny".
    Ask those same guys now would they have behaved differently and the answer is most definitely YES.

    Again I would tell the OP to kop onto yourself, if you are going to have sex PLAY SAFE ALWAYS .
    NO EXCUSE.


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    #14
    Peregrinus
    Registered Users Posts: 26,123 ✭✭✭✭Peregrinus


    Mr.Frame wrote: »
    Yes I know the expression well "a standing cock has no conscience",all the more reason why a person must and NEEDS to play safe. A brief horny moment of unsafe sex can and DOES have consequences.

    I don't believe the OP "knew perfectly well when he posted the query". He did after all say," I am coming around to idea of going for it". That alone beggars belief!! . . .
    It doesn't beggar belief at all; it's absolutely commonplace. Randy people do stupid things all the time. Everybody knows this. It goes with the territory of being randy.

    The point is, the OP felt an inclination to do a stupid thing, but he didn't go out and do it; he came here and asked us what we thought.

    And he tells us he's a regular on the board under another name. If that's true he must have known that to a man and woman we would all tell him that what he was considering was stupid, and he mustn't do it. So he came her to ask us what we thought, when he almost certainly already knew what we thought. But he needed to hear us say it. That was his purpose in coming here.

    That wasn't stupid. That was wise.


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    #15
    Mr.Frame
    Registered Users Posts: 766 ✭✭✭Mr.Frame


    Peregrinus wrote: »
    It doesn't beggar belief at all; it's absolutely commonplace. Randy people do stupid things all the time. Everybody knows this. It goes with the territory of being randy.

    The point is, the OP felt an inclination to do a stupid thing, but he didn't go out and do it; he came here and asked us what we thought.

    And he tells us he's a regular on the board under another name. If that's true he must have known that to a man and woman we would all tell him that what he was considering was stupid, and he mustn't do it. So he came her to ask us what we thought, when he almost certainly already knew what we thought. But he needed to hear us say it. That was his purpose in coming here.

    That wasn't stupid. That was wise.

    It beggars belief that he would even consider it (or anyone for that matter) he said he was "considering" it .
    That beggars belief!
    Whatever about getting caught up in the passion of things,thats one thing, but to think about going bareback BEFORE getting caught up in the passion, is another thing.
    Dangerous.


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    #16
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi All OP here many thanks for all the information and advice you have given here


    The guy that tops me has assured me that he never has unprocted with anyone else which isnt many people anyway and his reasoning to me was i would feel a whole lot more intimatcy and he would also feel this and as he says for both of us it would feel amazing. Of course i know about the dangers of unprotected and that its more dangerous for the bottom but i am honest in that i have toyed with the idea of going for it.

    Sadly i know the fun of one night can have have a lifetime of misery I also know a drunken night can lead to this type of thing happening

    But in looking at the cons, would one go be all that bad ? if the other guy is honest


    Thanks


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    #17
    floggg
    Registered Users Posts: 5,820 ✭✭✭floggg


    Mr.Frame wrote: »
    It beggars belief that he would even consider it (or anyone for that matter) he said he was "considering" it .
    That beggars belief!
    Whatever about getting caught up in the passion of things,thats one thing, but to think about going bareback BEFORE getting caught up in the passion, is another thing.
    Dangerous.

    Does it do anybody any good getting all righteous and telling people they are considering something foolish?

    Sex has been risky since it was invented - after all, for much of history pregnancy was the deadliest STD known to man.

    and yet people kept on doing it anyway.

    Your evidently far more sensible than the OP, and so many more other foolish humans. That's great.

    How about being just a little bit more patient and understanding with the lesser beings though.


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    #18
    Milly33
    Registered Users Posts: 8,638 ✭✭✭Milly33


    Ok im not gay but just browsing, and would defo say do not do anything you are not comfortable with.. Even if your partner or sex buddy says he has got a fresh bill of health to put it or says he likes it, you might not... You have to think of all things and especially yourself do not be pressured into doing anything you do not want to do


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    #19
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Joeytheparrot wrote: »
    I agree with the first part. Its a no for me.

    With the second part I dont necessarily agree. I think if you are in a long term monogomamous relationship where trust has been built up over time and both partners get fairly regularly tested as clean then it is ok to do bareback.

    It's probably worth mentioning though that even if both partners are negative for STIs, there's still the risk of contracting a urinary tract infection from unprotected anal sex. It's something that never gets talked about. UTIs may be curable and less serious than STIs but they're still rather unpleasant. >__<


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    #20
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 40,880 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    Looking for info wrote: »
    Hi All OP here many thanks for all the information and advice you have given here


    The guy that tops me has assured me that he never has unprocted with anyone else which isnt many people anyway and his reasoning to me was i would feel a whole lot more intimatcy and he would also feel this and as he says for both of us it would feel amazing. Of course i know about the dangers of unprotected and that its more dangerous for the bottom but i am honest in that i have toyed with the idea of going for it.

    Sadly i know the fun of one night can have have a lifetime of misery I also know a drunken night can lead to this type of thing happening

    But in looking at the cons, would one go be all that bad ? if the other guy is honest

    Thanks

    His story doesnt add up.

    Firstly originally you gave us the impression he had done this before.

    Sorry OP but it seems to me like he is lieing that he has never had unprotected sex before. I think Flogg nailed it earlier.
    floggg wrote: »
    This. I think that a casual sex partner who asks for unprotected sex is the very type of person you shouldn't have it with. The request evidences the fact that he makes questionable and irresponsible choices as regards his sexual health - and by extension your sexual health.

    In fact, I would be wary about having sex with somebody like that full stop, whether protected or unprotected.

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



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    #21
    Mr.Frame
    Registered Users Posts: 766 ✭✭✭Mr.Frame


    Looking for info wrote: »
    Hi All OP here many thanks for all the information and advice you have given here


    The guy that tops me has assured me that he never has unprocted with anyone else which isnt many people anyway and his reasoning to me was i would feel a whole lot more intimatcy and he would also feel this and as he says for both of us it would feel amazing. Of course i know about the dangers of unprotected and that its more dangerous for the bottom but i am honest in that i have toyed with the idea of going for it.

    Sadly i know the fun of one night can have have a lifetime of misery I also know a drunken night can lead to this type of thing happening

    But in looking at the cons, would one go be all that bad ? if the other guy is honest


    Thanks

    Wow!???
    It only takes "one go" to be infected.
    No matter what he tells you,unless you both get tested at the same time and get the results at the same time, there is no way of knowing if he is clean,it's that simple.


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    #22
    Daith
    Registered Users Posts: 4,934 ✭✭✭Daith


    Mr.Frame wrote: »
    No matter what he tells you,unless you both get tested at the same time and get the results at the same time, there is no way of knowing if he is clean,it's that simple.

    Even that's not the case. There is a window for transmission. So getting tested now won't mean anything if the other guy shagged somebody last night.


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    #23
    Mr.Frame
    Registered Users Posts: 766 ✭✭✭Mr.Frame


    floggg wrote: »
    Does it do anybody any good getting all righteous and telling people they are considering something foolish?

    Sex has been risky since it was invented - after all, for much of history pregnancy was the deadliest STD known to man.

    and yet people kept on doing it anyway.

    Your evidently far more sensible than the OP, and so many more other foolish humans. That's great.

    How about being just a little bit more patient and understanding with the lesser beings though.

    Righteous?? Really?
    We are talking about a possible sexual transmitted disease here, one that could potentially have devastating effects on a persons life.

    Yes I am far more sensible when it comes to unprotected sex with a stranger,you have to be.


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    #24
    floggg
    Registered Users Posts: 5,820 ✭✭✭floggg


    Mr.Frame wrote: »
    Righteous?? Really?
    We are talking about a possible sexual transmitted disease here, one that could potentially have devastating effects on a persons life.

    Yes I am far more sensible when it comes to unprotected sex with a stranger,you have to be.

    Hurray for you.

    There's a way of advising without treating people like they are stupid. Even if they are considering doing something stupid.


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    #25
    J_E
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,734 ✭✭✭J_E


    Looking for info wrote: »

    The guy that tops me has assured me that he never has unprocted with anyone else which isnt many people anyway and his reasoning to me was i would feel a whole lot more intimatcy and he would also feel this and as he says for both of us it would feel amazing. Of course i know about the dangers of unprotected and that its more dangerous for the bottom but i am honest in that i have toyed with the idea of going for it.
    I can't help but feel it's not so much about you enjoying it as it is him talking you into enjoying it, and I think despite give and take in sexual relationships, that's an unhealthy attitude to impress upon you, and it sounds like it's leading into 'we can't play unless it's my way' territory.
    But in looking at the cons, would one go be all that bad ?
    One go is all it can take if it ends up being an STD. Even if honest, some STDs are not immediately detectable. I would just consider it an irresponsible decision do perform that with someone who partakes in casual sex and would not like something to happen to you on an offchance. This isn't just talking about HIV, by the way.

    There are options like post-exposure prophylaxis if it was worst case and he did admit he had HIV, but why put yourself through an unnecessary risk? You can still have fun and play safe. This is not about 'not trusting' him, it's about keeping your own sexual health in mind regardless of who it is. We're not always perfect but the default should be to take precautions where you can when it's not a long-term partner.


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    #26
    Milly33
    Registered Users Posts: 8,638 ✭✭✭Milly33


    even saying that it would give ye more intimacy sends alarm bells off, I am sorry...Intimacy should have nothing to do with that in such


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    #27
    Mr.Frame
    Registered Users Posts: 766 ✭✭✭Mr.Frame


    floggg wrote: »
    Hurray for you.

    There's a way of advising without treating people like they are stupid. Even if they are considering doing something stupid.

    Oh what a lovely response ,thanks


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    #28
    Just.Jessie
    Registered Users Posts: 25 ✭Just.Jessie


    Looking for info wrote: »
    Hi All OP here many thanks for all the information and advice you have given here


    The guy that tops me has assured me that he never has unprocted with anyone else...

    ........


    ....if the other guy is honest


    Have you ever seen the test results? Or you just simply trust him?

    He's just your sex buddy, so it basically means that he can can have fun with someone else right now, and tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow. How you can trust someone who just f...k you?


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    #29
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi Everyone OP here thanks once again to everyone who posted their thoughts on me having unprotected sex with a buddy.



    The consensus is not to do it under any circumstances..... and i appreciate that

    I suppose its an individuals choice wheter to do it or not and its more dangerous for the receiver than the top.

    its something i have to think about before engaging in it however im sure this happens all the time with guys who get it together, and alchol and or drugs are involved inhibitions are gone out the window

    So thanks all


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    #30
    L1011
    Moderators, Business & Finance Moderators, Motoring & Transport Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 67,845 Mod ✭✭✭✭L1011


    Looking for info wrote: »
    But in looking at the cons, would one go be all that bad ? if the other guy is honest

    Yes, as that "if" is something you've no knowledge or control over.

    Tell him to keep it wrapped or feck off.


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    #31
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 40,880 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    Looking for info wrote: »
    Hi Everyone OP here thanks once again to everyone who posted their thoughts on me having unprotected sex with a buddy.



    The consensus is not to do it under any circumstances..... and i appreciate that

    I suppose its an individuals choice wheter to do it or not and its more dangerous for the receiver than the top.

    its something i have to think about before engaging in it however im sure this happens all the time with guys who get it together, and alchol and or drugs are involved inhibitions are gone out the window

    So thanks all

    Yes guys do it all the time with alcohol/drugs but that doesnt mean you should use that as an excuse to abdicate responsibility.

    At the end of the day you are responsible for your own health. If other guys do something thats irrelevant really.

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



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