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Being the subject of conversation.

  • 03-12-2007 6:59pm
    #1
    Spoony2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 111 ✭✭


    hi guys and girls...


    A small bit of back ground before I go into this in details, I work in ski resorts all over europe and some time other countrys. I meet this girl cool chick I can talk to her have a laugh etc all the cool things.

    Any way she's off with people we booth know in london, catching up wth some other snowbums. Any way i got talking to her today. She was able to tell me who I'm living with this season i dont even know that (well I do now), and genrally telling me all sorts of things I had not been told as of yet.

    Its really anoyed me that she is happy to tell me thing's i dont allready know and also worrys me for what she could of been saying about me or discussing her self and myself, with other people. Im a very private person, I HATE people knowing my buisness or what's going on in my life. If I choose to let some one in it's useually because i trust them. Now im worried what she could of told these busy bodys. I will however say she does'nt seem to be of the gossiping nature but in my experence, one can never tell. We once could fo been an item but that deminishing a lot at the moment.

    There's nothing I can do to stop whats allready been said. I except it, but here's my problem, How would you guys aproach this matter, I'm the sort of person who would go guns blazeing.... But I held my composher and decided id have a think.

    My question is how do i approach this calmly and how would you question the person if it was you ?

    Thanks for reading.

    Oh and one of the reasons I care so much about this, Is her x lives in the resort im working in, there's a lot of people who I know out there and well i dont like being the subject of conversation.


Comments

  • #2
    Faith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,657 Mod ✭✭✭✭Faith


    What exactly is the problem? That she was nice enough to give you a heads up about who you're going to be living with? If I found out information that was useful to a friend, I'd pass it on. If I said, "Hey, X, your class next semester is going to be on Tuesday mornings in ABC", it doesn't mean I'm gossiping about them behind their back.

    Maybe I'm misunderstanding your post though.
    Its really anoyed me that she is happy to tell me thing's i dont allready know

    Why would she tell you things you do already know? That would be pointless. If you know them, there's no point in telling you.


  • #3
    Spoony2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 111 ✭✭Spoony2


    My problem is that I can't trust any one :(. That much Espechilley women the fact that I've been cheated on dumped walked all over like a stone on a foot path bye women the fact that any one Ive ever thought I could trust bar a few people have gone and told people. I'm worried about the fact that maybe she's told these people that Ive been on Ritalin , ive suffered from depression i was bullied bye people from he age of 4 to 16. that Ive only ever hada about 6 true friends.

    I tock a chance bye trusting her and im scared that she's told people about me and whast happend to me in my past I dont want people to know it scare's me to talk about my past really terfys me, and Ive excepted what happend and for a long time i struggeled with my own identity she knows everything thats ever happened to me I expect the worst in people.

    As much as I hate what i say, Its the only defence that I've got i dunno maybe that expalins things a lot better?


  • #4
    Faith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,657 Mod ✭✭✭✭Faith


    Have you made all that clear to her? I'm sure if you explain(ed) to her that you like to keep things private, she wouldn't tell anyone. I don't think it's anyone's natural reaction to talk about things they've been told like that with other people. She obviously earned your trust somehow, I think you just need to make it clear you want the information kept between the two of you.

    Incidentally, nothing you've listed above about your past is unusual. There's millions of people on Ritalin, you'd be hard pushed to find someone who HASN'T been bullied at some stage, and countless people also suffer from depression. Finally, although it doesn't seem to be common knowledge, true friends are rare and hard to come by. Having had 6 throughout your life is pretty good going.


  • #5
    Semele
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 753 ✭✭✭Semele


    Firstly, there is a big difference between what the girl told you and "gossiping". What she told you (about where you were going to be living) is by no means gossip- as someone pointed out it is information pertinent to you, that she knew you didn't know, and that she knew you would want to know. Given that, I would find it weirder if she hadn't mentioned it. Secondly, you say yourself she isn't a gossipy girl- if every conversation you had with her consisted of her telling you personal information about other people, then yes, perhaps you should be concerned that she might be doing the same about you, but that doesn't seem to be the case from what you've said. It's a bit unfair to condemn her as untrustworthy for telling you something she thought she'd want to know- how was she supposed to know you would consider that gossip? (as most people wouldn't. You might be irritated that others knew before you but theres no reason to suppose anyone else is especially interested in gossiping about it.)

    As a last point, its worth noting that a symptom of depression is a sort of social phobia and paranoia about others intentions towards you. This implies that it might be your reaction that is faulty, not her behaviour. This isn't a criticism, I do mean to help! I just think that it would be a shame to throw away what you potentially had with this girl over so little.


  • #6
    Caryatnid
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 555 ✭✭✭Caryatnid


    Get over it. People talk about people. There is nothing you can do to stop it. I think you are being silly about this, particularly since (from your description) there seems to be nothing incorrect or character-tainting about you in these conversations.

    I do agree with the previous posters, and do think your post does hint at some kind of social phobia. If you can't cope with other people talking about you, then you will find it very hard to exist on this earth. Hell, even if you disappear, your name will probably sometimes come up in conversations!

    And - aren't you now 'talking' about this girl and other people? Do you see the irony here? I really think you have nothing to be worrying about here, other than the state of your mental health perhaps?


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  • #7
    Sir Oxman
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,492 ✭✭✭Sir Oxman


    Semele for the win.
    Excellent advice OP and if I was you I would take it.


  • #8
    Spoony2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 111 ✭✭Spoony2


    Semele wrote: »
    Firstly, there is a big difference between what the girl told you and "gossiping". What she told you (about where you were going to be living) is by no means gossip- as someone pointed out it is information pertinent to you, that she knew you didn't know, and that she knew you would want to know. Given that, I would find it weirder if she hadn't mentioned it. Secondly, you say yourself she isn't a gossipy girl- if every conversation you had with her consisted of her telling you personal information about other people, then yes, perhaps you should be concerned that she might be doing the same about you, but that doesn't seem to be the case from what you've said. It's a bit unfair to condemn her as untrustworthy for telling you something she thought she'd want to know- how was she supposed to know you would consider that gossip? (as most people wouldn't. You might be irritated that others knew before you but theres no reason to suppose anyone else is especially interested in gossiping about it.)

    As a last point, its worth noting that a symptom of depression is a sort of social phobia and paranoia about others intentions towards you. This implies that it might be your reaction that is faulty, not her behaviour. This isn't a criticism, I do mean to help! I just think that it would be a shame to throw away what you potentially had with this girl over so little.

    your right. I agree I feel really bad now :(. Thank you.

    So would that mean im still suffering with depression ?


    I know I should trust her she's a phscoligest. Its just that i can't help but judge everything through past experence's, I try to disattach my self from my past as much as I can. But some times the train of thought get's to me...

    but thanks you do make a lot of sence...


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