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How do you feel about virgins.

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  • 12-03-2010 6:11am
    #1
    Boston
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,163 ✭✭✭✭


    I can't for the life of me ever imagine having an issue with a partner being with other person before me. However, it seems, keeping sexual history a closely guarded secret is the norm for young (20 something) girls these days. One suggestion is that Irish men cannot handle the idea of their girlfriend being with another man preferring instead to think of them as little virginal doles. Personally, if I encountered a 25 year old virgin, alarm bells would be ringing immediately. Your views?


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    #2
    Otis Driftwood
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,925 ✭✭✭Otis Driftwood


    Why would it raise alarm bells?
    Because you would think she was lying or something else?

    Ive never encountered this and I really cannot imagine a girl lying about being a virgin,I mean,why would she?

    We are a pretty open society in terms of sex and sexuality so why would she feel it neccessary to lie?

    I reckon it would be more plausible that she could lie about not being a virgin ie she may feel inexperienced,inadequte etc etc.

    Im not too sure what exactly you are asking though.
    :confused:


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    #3
    Delirium
    Moderators Posts: 51,720 ✭✭✭✭Delirium


    I'm be a bit hypocritical if I had a problem with a virgin seeing as I'm one myself.

    Part of the thing that people seem to forget is that other people can cause you to be a virgin to a later age than usual.

    From my own point of view I'm a virgin still because I seem to have a knack for falling for women that have no interest in me. Obviously I don't know that at the time, it just seems to reach the point where they aren't interested.

    They may also be making the choice for whatever reason not to sleep with anything that has a pulse, which would be just as worrying IMO.

    If you can read this, you're too close!



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    #4
    krudler
    Registered Users Posts: 34,788 ✭✭✭✭krudler


    Wouldnt bother me at all, it'd bother me more if she had slept with 50 different people as opposed to none


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    #5
    Jemmy
    Registered Users Posts: 3,385 ✭✭✭Jemmy


    Boston wrote: »
    Personally, if I encountered a 25 year old virgin, alarm bells would be ringing immediately.your views?

    My view is thats ridiculous!
    Why would alarm bells ring with you if someone was 25+ and a virgin?

    Because they made a choice not to shag the first person that came along, and waited til they were in a committed loving relationship? I don't see the problem with that at all. I've had 2 BFs that were virgins when I met them, it didnt change my opinion of them when it came around to being intimate later in the relationship.

    Hopefully that 25+ virgin wouldn't give it up to you either with that attitude! :rolleyes:


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    #6
    Iago
    Registered Users Posts: 6,638 ✭✭✭Iago


    Jemmy wrote: »

    Hopefully that 25+ virgin wouldn't give it up to you either with that attitude! :rolleyes:

    sigh...

    ...people get far too emotional and worked up over things that don't matter.

    Anyway, I'd agree that I would be surprised if I met a 25+yo who was a virgin given the massive explosion of sexualisation that has occured in this country over the last 15 years or so, but that aside I think there are two very opposing reasons for why sexual history is a closely guarded secret for younger women.

    From a womans point of view, they don't want to be seen as easy or frigid. If they have had a number of partners they might think that letting a prospective partner know that would lead to assumptions on his part as to how much he has to do/show before he manages to get her into bed. If they have had a small number, or no partners, they might be worried that a prospective partners interest would wane very quickly if he felt that he wasn't going to get her into bed anytime soon, or if he thought she might not be experience in bed.

    From a guys point of view, it's a sad fact that a large number (majority?) of men are very insecure when it comes to relationships and sex and the thoughts of a woman who has more experience than them is frightening and off-putting. What if her previous partners where better in bed? What did she get up to with them? etc etc

    So in summary, women are worried about what a man might think of them regardless of their history. Men are worried that they won't measure up to a womans expectations.


    Frankly I've always taken each person on their own merits. Whether she was a virgin or had multiple partners never bothered me, as far as I was concerned we were together and what we had would make or break the relationship not anything that did or didn't happen in the past.


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    #7
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Why would alarm bells be ringing?
    I myself am a 22 year old girl and also a virgin. I don't mean to sound vain in any way but I receive alot of attention from men and I think this plays a huge part in the reason for me remaining a virgin until now.. alot of men, 90% I would imagine, just want sex.
    It's not something Im particularly proud of, in fact I find it a bit embarassing and really don't think I would admit it to my virginity to any future partners. I don't have any issues, apart from being fussy and not wanting to sleep with 'just anyone', so why would a man have a problem with a virgin?? I suppose I could ask myself then why I would be embarrassed about being one!


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    #8
    Jemmy
    Registered Users Posts: 3,385 ✭✭✭Jemmy


    Iago wrote: »
    sigh...

    ...people get far too emotional and worked up over things that don't matter.

    sigh...

    yes I'm very emotional and worked up here
    Iago wrote: »
    Anyway, I'd agree that I would be surprised if I met a 25+yo who was a virgin given the massive explosion of sexualisation that has occured in this country over the last 15 years or so

    I agree I would be a little surprised too considering people attitude towards sex these days, but to say alarm bells would start ringing?! It gives the impression there may be a problem or something wrong with them for being a virgin.


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    #9
    star-pants
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,429 ✭✭✭✭star-pants


    Boston wrote: »
    Personally, if I encountered a 25 year old virgin, alarm bells would be ringing immediately. Your views?
    Have to ask as others have - why would it ring alarm bells?
    Iago wrote: »
    Frankly I've always taken each person on their own merits. Whether she was a virgin or had multiple partners never bothered me, as far as I was concerned we were together and what we had would make or break the relationship not anything that did or didn't happen in the past.

    I agree, and I would try to be the same. I'll admit I too would worry somewhat about a guys previous partners in the sense of would I measure up to them (whether he'd had 2 or 20). Personally I didn't sleep with anyone until I was 23, and that was my choice, when I felt I was with someone I wanted to share it with and when I felt comfortable. I had a close friend who started sleeping with guys when she was only 13. So I don't think alarm bells would be going off if I encountered a 25year old virgin (male or female), each to their own.


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    #10
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    It's funny, the "acceptable" number for women to have had as previous partners has shifted a little but not a lot. It's gone form none to 2/3 but only if the loved them and were in a relationship.

    There is still the double standard of the 'good girl' which someone settles down with and the 'bad girl' they will have sex with.


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    #11
    Khannie
    Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 37,485 Mod ✭✭✭✭Khannie


    star-pants wrote: »
    Have to ask as others have - why would it ring alarm bells?

    Because it's unusual I'd say. That's not to say that there's anything wrong with it necessarily, just that it would be a sign that there might be something up.

    I went out with a 23 year old virgin before and it was an absolute *disaster*. I wont go any further than that.


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    #12
    Malari
    Registered Users Posts: 18,150 ✭✭✭✭Malari


    Boston wrote: »
    I can't for the life of me ever imagine having an issue with a partner being with other person before me. However, it seems, keeping sexual history a closely guarded secret is the norm for young (20 something) girls these days. One suggestion is that Irish men cannot handle the idea of their girlfriend being with another man preferring instead to think of them as little virginal doles. Personally, if I encountered a 25 year old virgin, alarm bells would be ringing immediately. Your views?

    The only reason I think alarm bells could ring is that the guy could get the impression she was "saving herself" for someone special and that he's getting himself into something more serious than he wants if she does decide to sleep with him. Not that I'm rationalising that.


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    #13
    krudler
    Registered Users Posts: 34,788 ✭✭✭✭krudler


    The previous partners thing is tricky tbh, on one hand its not your business how many people your current bf/gf has slept with before you, but on the other it can tell you a lot about a persons character, in my own experience, when I was 21 I was seeing a girl who was 19 at she had slept with 22 people before me, I'll admit I was a bit shocked to hear that, I got over it though but then she wound up cheating on me (kissing someone else, not sex,at least as far as i know) so if I was with someone again that had a high number of partners I'd be a bit wary.

    The numbers thing is all about context as well though


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    #14
    Hagar
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,793 ✭✭✭✭Hagar


    That is a very ambigously worded thread title. :D
    I'd "feel about" them just like any other woman, start with feeling the knee and work up from there.


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    #15
    Iago
    Registered Users Posts: 6,638 ✭✭✭Iago


    krudler wrote: »
    in my own experience, when I was 21 I was seeing a girl who was 19 at she had slept with 22 people before me, I'll admit I was a bit shocked to hear that, I got over it though but then she wound up cheating on me (kissing someone else, not sex,at least as far as i know) so if I was with someone again that had a high number of partners I'd be a bit wary.

    Do you think if she had only slept with 2 people she would have been any more faithful to you really?

    I'll be honest, I don't see a direct coorelation between the number of people someone has slept with and their propensity to being unfaithful.


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    #16
    krudler
    Registered Users Posts: 34,788 ✭✭✭✭krudler


    Iago wrote: »
    Do you think if she had only slept with 2 people she would have been any more faithful to you really?

    I'll be honest, I don't see a direct coorelation between the number of people someone has slept with and their propensity to being unfaithful.

    Well I'm only speaking from my own experience, even girls I know but havent been with, the ones who sleep around are the ones who usually dont take relationships seriously and wind up cheating, thats obviously not always the case but again I'm only speaking from personal experience.

    On the flip side of this, a friend of my gf's has slept with well over 150 men, she actually doesnt even know the exact amount herself, and is known as the town tramp, shes never had a boyfriend of any shape or form because as soons as guys find out how many guys she's shagged they either run a mile or just meet her for sex but dont want to be anything more than that, so in her case I'd be less worried about a virgin and more concerned about being with a walking STD farm


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    #17
    Galvasean
    Registered Users Posts: 30,746 ✭✭✭✭Galvasean


    Iago wrote: »
    I'll be honest, I don't see a direct coorelation between the number of people someone has slept with and their propensity to being unfaithful.

    I would agree. Heaven forbid a woman should enjoy a bit of casual sex the same way most men do.
    Heck, I've known people with no previous sexual partners who have cheated on their other halfs.


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    #18
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Where as a man who has a lot of partners when he's in his 20s is sewing his wild oats and getting it out of his system and experiencing life and women so he knows what he wants when he settles down.


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    #19
    Herbal Deity
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,397 ✭✭✭Herbal Deity


    Boston wrote: »
    However, it seems, keeping sexual history a closely guarded secret is the norm for young (20 something) girls these days. One suggestion is that Irish men cannot handle the idea of their girlfriend being with another man preferring instead to think of them as little virginal doles.
    *shrug, I can handle the thought that my gf has been with other guys, I just don't like to think about it at all.

    I don't support any double standards. It's just a feeling I can't help, and for that reason, a partner's sexual history is something I just don't want to discuss very often.

    The reason why I have this feeling? In all honesty, probably because of a lack of an extensive sexual history myself. Is it a slight jealousy of a partner? Is it a feeling of slight inadequacy because of the experience gap? Is it because of a feeling that I don't deserve a partner because I'm generally so useless at socially interacting with women?

    Probably a combination of all of the above.

    I think that where many women have body issues, many guys have confidence/social value issues. Personally, I have low confidence/self worth days in a similar manner to my gf having "fat days". I think a lot of this is based on the traits society tells us the opposite sex finds attractive.


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    #20
    TouchingVirus
    Registered Users Posts: 8,584 ✭✭✭TouchingVirus


    Wouldn't bother me at all, I was a virgin once after all as were those people finding it a bit weird. It could even add to the fun if the parner is up for it, finding out what exactly she likes - adventure and exploration..hang on, I'll get my map!


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    #21
    DenMan
    Registered Users Posts: 7,961 ✭✭✭DenMan


    Wouldn't bother me in the slightest either. We were all virgins at one stage in our lives. I'm not a judgmental person myself personally and it would never come up in a conversation. Just curious, why would the alarm bells be ringing OP?


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    #22
    Icky Thump
    Closed Accounts Posts: 937 ✭✭✭Icky Thump


    id prefer if she was a virgin. i hate the tought of my girlfriend ever been with anyone else other than me. i know its ridiculous but i really would love if i was the only guy she was ever with and she was the only girl i was ever with. sure its too late for me now since i have a penius like a fecking hound dog but at least any future girlfriend could possibly be a virgin.

    i have been in serious relationships with a girl who was a virgin and a girl who wasnt. didnt really bother me either way


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    #23
    Greyfox
    Registered Users Posts: 3,727 ✭✭✭Greyfox


    star-pants wrote: »
    Have to ask as others have - why would it ring alarm bells?

    Because when a girl in her 20's says she's a virgin a lot of the time it's because she has issues with sex and see's it as a really big deal, chances are you'll be waiting absolutely ages to get your leg over!


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    #24
    Icky Thump
    Closed Accounts Posts: 937 ✭✭✭Icky Thump


    Greyfox wrote: »
    Because when a girl in her 20's says she's a virgin a lot of the time it's because she has issues with sex and see's it as a really big deal, chances are you'll be waiting absolutely ages to get your leg over!

    dude grow up. meeting a girl shouldnt be just trying to get your leg over. one of my ex's was in her mid 20's and was a virgin. not that she had an issue. it was because she doesnt have one nighters and she was never in a proper relationship before that. its not that she was a prude. she had done other stuff its just she never had the opportunity. if anything i have more respect for her because she sticks to her principles


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    #25
    Raze_them_all
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,477 ✭✭✭✭Raze_them_all


    I personally prefer non virgins, TBH I find virgins quite boring in bed and always needing reassurance, where someone with a few previous partners will always be more confident in bed.


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    #26
    star-pants
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,429 ✭✭✭✭star-pants


    Khannie wrote: »
    Because it's unusual I'd say. That's not to say that there's anything wrong with it necessarily, just that it would be a sign that there might be something up.
    Aye I wouldn't say there's anything wrong with it. Some people may just never have gotten to that point or whatever.
    Iago wrote: »
    I'll be honest, I don't see a direct coorelation between the number of people someone has slept with and their propensity to being unfaithful.
    I do agree with this. I don't think because someone has had an open sex life that they're suddenly going to cheat on every bf/gf they have.
    Greyfox wrote: »
    Because when a girl in her 20's says she's a virgin a lot of the time it's because she has issues with sex and see's it as a really big deal, chances are you'll be waiting absolutely ages to get your leg over!
    Well I was/am a girl in my 20s and I was a virgin and it wasn't an issue, he wasn't 'waiting ages to get his leg over'. He had no problem with it.
    Icky Thump wrote: »
    dude grow up. meeting a girl shouldnt be just trying to get your leg over. one of my ex's was in her mid 20's and was a virgin. not that she had an issue. it was because she doesnt have one nighters and she was never in a proper relationship before that. its not that she was a prude. she had done other stuff its just she never had the opportunity. if anything i have more respect for her because she sticks to her principles
    Agreed - I'm not a one night stand/casual relationship type of person because I just don't work that way. Doesn't mean I'm a prude, doesn't mean I'm going to hold out for ages when dating someone. Just means I like to choose who I sleep with and when. That's a prerogative everyone is entitled to.
    My very first boyfriend would have liked to sleep with me, I wasn't comfortable with the idea at the time and in retrospect I'm very glad I didn't considering the type of guy he turned out to be.
    Raze_them_all wrote: »
    I personally prefer non virgins, TBH I find virgins quite boring in bed and always needing reassurance, where someone with a few previous partners will always be more confident in bed.
    Well... that's a little bit of a silly statement. Virgins first time in bed is never anything like the movies, guys and girls alike. It's awkward, it's sore and people get embarrassed if its not going so well.
    Anyone with experience will be more likely to have confidence, anyone doing something in their life for the first time will obviously have things to learn and need to know they're doing it right.
    People with experience in bed need reassuring too btw, not everyone's content in themselves that they're the perfect lover.


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    #27
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Raze_them_all wrote: »
    I personally prefer non virgins, TBH I find virgins quite boring in bed and always needing reassurance, where someone with a few previous partners will always be more confident in bed.

    yes/no but there does come a stage were you get fed up teaching.


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    #28
    Icky Thump
    Closed Accounts Posts: 937 ✭✭✭Icky Thump


    Thaedydal wrote: »
    yes/no but there does come a stage were you get fed up teaching.

    what do you need to teach?

    when i first had sex noone thaught me anything. its just something you get the feel for and get better at. of course some of us are just born amazing at everything:D


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    #29
    Raze_them_all
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,477 ✭✭✭✭Raze_them_all


    Icky Thump wrote: »
    what do you need to teach?

    when i first had sex noone thaught me anything. its just something you get the feel for and get better at. of course some of us are just born amazing at everything:D
    And some of us claim we are on the internet :P


    It's more the teaching thing. Jesus I hate it.


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    #30
    Tail Wagger
    Registered Users Posts: 670 ✭✭✭Tail Wagger


    Boston wrote: »
    I, if I encountered a 25 year old virgin, alarm bells would be ringing immediately. Your views?


    Well If I got myself a 25 year old in any condition I'd be absolutely delighted with myself. I wouldn't give a hoot what was on her log book!...........


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    #31
    Odysseus
    Registered Users Posts: 6,754 ✭✭✭Odysseus


    I somewhat agree with the alarm bells viewpoint, but on a different level. My work brings me some insight into people sexual behaviour, so I am generally quite open around any legal expression of sexuality [this does not mean I engage in it].

    Whilst there is clearly nothing wrong with being a virgin at 25 or even older, it would be in my experience out of the normal range. It would be like hearing anything else about a persons sexuality that was somewhat out of normal range; like a unusal fetish. However, I wouldn't form an opinion on the person just based on that characteristic. So maybe not alarm bells, but it might raise an eyebrow


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