Are you "one of the lads".

Boston · 12-03-2010 6:03am #1

I'd a conversation about this tonight. If you don't know what I'm talking about from the title the answer is probably no. There is a certain feeling which is unique to male group bonding which is alluring and intoxicating. It makes men in groups do stupid things they wouldn't other wise do, but it can also make for a lot of camaraderie and fun. I can't really define it. I've a group of various mates, however only one grouping would I consider "the lads". I never got involved with such grouping in school, I'd hasard a guess that I was both too smart and too strange to be a sheep (A definite connotation to being a lad).

The questions I pose to this forum are these, do you consider yourself to be one of the lads? How do you define it and is it a good or bad thing.

Iago · 12-03-2010 12:50pm

I know what you're saying. I was definitely one of the lads, but as time has moved on we've grown apart and we all have our own concerns and responsibilities now.

I'd still consider myself a lad at heart, but the head wins out far more often these days

For me being one of the lads simply meant having a group of mates, could be as few as 2 or as many as a dozen, who you would stick with through thick and thin. You hung out together, partied together, stuck up for each other and looked out for each other. Most of my group of lads were from sports teams that I played with. The bond started on the pitch and the training ground and continued into our social lifes.

An example to give of this happened about 10-12 years ago. We were all playing for a senior football club, things were going well and everything was fine. The manager got a raw deal from the club and left to join another team, around 15/16 of us left and became the backbone of the new club. We dropped a division to do it, but we wouldn't leave one of our own hung out to dry.

So for me anyway, being one of the lads meant being part of a group that had mutual respect and each others backs so to speak.

Will · 12-03-2010 1:43pm

I don't see myself as one of the lads to be honest. For me being one of the lads is a negative thing. That's down to my own experiences growing up with sh¡tty male friends though.

Being one of the lads conjures up images of being needlessly violent, drinking to excess, having no goals or drive to do anything bar starting fights and smoking weed. Again this is only my view.

SLUSK · 12-03-2010 1:49pm

Being one of the lads would mean that I had any friends. I don't have any. That's how I roll.

Snowie · 12-03-2010 4:11pm

I think it depends on term..... or maybe as a collective in certain terms....

to me a lad is young man 18 to 24 but striek more down to mentality behavour and taste, in things from food to music....

how many 28 year olds do you know who have the the maentlity of a 16 year old... to me that would be a lad....

But when my circle of friends are going out you get the 2 minute calls whats the crack are ya comin out , to which you reply whos out? the lads.... doesnt mean that for one second we are lads just refer to it as term of collective well with in our group...

Herbal Deity · 12-03-2010 4:34pm

I've always referred to my guy friends as "the lads". Who "the lads" are gradually changed throughout school, but it never included more than 6 guys, and now there's 4 of us, my closest friends.

When I refer to "the lads" I do not mean the huge, homogeneous group of guys who drink to excess, wear the same striped blue shirt and jeans when they go out and stand around in a circle in the middle of the dancefloor with their arms around each other at the end of a night singing along to Oasis or whatever generic song happens to be playing before they precede to exit the club and start fights.

Red Hand · 12-03-2010 4:39pm

Nope, I'm not part of a group of lads. I don't hang around with a group or go drinking regularly or call to their houses or anything like that...looks like I just don't do male bonding.

I rented a room from a fellow who owned his own house last year while I was working in the west in a middle sized town. He was about my age or older. Almost every evening from 5 o clock on, his mates would call and they would hang out watching TV and talking about stuff. No drinking, no weed smoking, just sitting watching TV and talking about people they knew and what was going on in the town/gossip etc and leave when it was time for bed. There would be regulars who called every evening without fail and then those who would call twice a week or so.

In the weekends, they would drink in the pubs together as well in the town, and back to his house then with the fast food after the pub. Hardly a day went by without them seeing each other.

Maybe it's just me, but it kind of surprised me. They had all gone to school together, and worked in the town since then. Had they being doing this since their early teens? Are they going to do it till they die (or get married)?:pac:

L31mr0d · 12-03-2010 4:50pm

Used to have a fairly tight knit group of friends, but like others, we've grown apart. A couple of years back we did this big reunion thing where we all went on holiday together, regardless of where we were living at the time.

It was ok, but people had gotten older and people had changed. It just wasn't the same as when we where in our late teens to early 20's.

A big part of the split probably was down to 1 guy. I think all male groups have that guy who's the glue of the pack, organizes the night outs and generally gets on with everyone and is liked by everyone. Well he left the country and the rest of us just wouldn't meet up any more, and if we did, it would only be a few of us as the person organizing it wouldn't invite the guys he never really got on with. It slowly fizzled from there and I maybe talk regularly to 1 of the guys now.

Snowie · 12-03-2010 5:14pm

Jeremiah 33 3 wrote: »

Nope, I'm not part of a group of lads. I don't hang around with a group or go drinking regularly or call to their houses or anything like that...looks like I just don't do male bonding.

I rented a room from a fellow who owned his own house last year while I was working in the west in a middle sized town. He was about my age or older. Almost every evening from 5 o clock on, his mates would call and they would hang out watching TV and talking about stuff. No drinking, no weed smoking, just sitting watching TV and talking about people they knew and what was going on in the town/gossip etc and leave when it was time for bed. There would be regulars who called every evening without fail and then those who would call twice a week or so.

In the weekends, they would drink in the pubs together as well in the town, and back to his house then with the fast food after the pub. Hardly a day went by without them seeing each other.

Maybe it's just me, but it kind of surprised me. They had all gone to school together, and worked in the town since then. Had they being doing this since their early teens? Are they going to do it till they die (or get married)?:pac:

thats like my circle we all went to school to getaher we went throught hte smoking weed faze... going out having big partys and genrally having fun... 5 years later we still get drunk we still al call over to the gaff, and spend time with each other while yes where all growing old we all do are different things but thats what friends are... People you hang with.. We all party we all drink to getaher those with gfs havent got as much time as other but one things for certain, you gotta make time for your friends....

gonnaplayrugby · 12-03-2010 7:01pm

no. in fact the lad mentality ****in disgusts me. i just have to laugh in embarrassment at some of them:o...

Otis Driftwood · 12-03-2010 7:37pm

gonnaplayrugby wrote: »

no. in fact the lad mentality ****in disgusts me. i just have to laugh in embarrassment at some of them:o...

You are looking at the purely negative connotation of the term though.

The lads illustrated below

wreck my head and Ive never been,nor would I ever partake in that type of group.

However the lads like Jeremiah 33:3 described would be how I would describe a group of my friends that Ive known for a long time.

Still,at almost 31 years of age Id be kinda insulted if someone referred to me as a lad,Im a man dag nabbit!

gonnaplayrugby · 12-03-2010 7:42pm

thats cool man yeah im just talking about those who post endless pics of their nights out up on facebook.

Dr Galen · 12-03-2010 8:06pm

watch the language Gonnaplayrugby, this ain't some street corner ya know

Handsome Bob · 12-03-2010 8:32pm

Being "one of the lads" is all relative IMO, it's all about being able to blend nicely into a group of lads that you share common interests with. There are no groups that have exclusive ownership over the term. I mean for example, if you are not a fan of sports, you shouldn't feel immasculised because you can't blend into a crowd that does.

For me personally, within the circle I'm a part of, being "one of the lads" is being able to enjoy activities with other males such as watching sports, going out on the town with each other, and playing games with each other such as poker or consoles.

Also, I think within every group of men being "one of the lads" means that you trust each other, that you can talk to each other about a problem and know that it won't go any further.

Finally, banter is involved of course. :P :pac:

Thomas828 · 12-03-2010 10:32pm

Will wrote: »

I don't see myself as one of the lads to be honest.
Being one of the lads conjures up images of being needlessly violent, drinking to excess, having no goals or drive to do anything bar starting fights and smoking weed. Again this is only my view.

It's also my view. The boys I went to school with were generally a good lot, but I never got involved in any social life with them. I've seen too many boys who cluster together, get drunk and cause trouble and can't think of anything better to do. I've never wanted anything to do with them. I was a loner then and I prefer to stay that way.

stovelid · 12-03-2010 11:33pm

Sometimes, yes. It doesn't instantly equate to being aggressive or shallow although those things are not instantly precluded either.

It's not something I analyse and it's certainly not something I'm ashamed of.

Boston · 12-03-2010 11:55pm

gonnaplayrugby wrote: »

thats cool man yeah im just talking about those who post endless pics of their nights out up on facebook.

You don't really know what the rest of us are talking about.

LZ5by5 wrote: »

Being "one of the lads" is all relative IMO, it's all about being able to blend nicely into a group of lads that you share common interests with. There are no groups that have exclusive ownership over the term. I mean for example, if you are not a fan of sports, you shouldn't feel immasculised because you can't blend into a crowd that does.

For me personally, within the circle I'm a part of, being "one of the lads" is being able to enjoy activities with other males such as watching sports, going out on the town with each other, and playing games with each other such as poker or consoles.

Also, I think within every group of men being "one of the lads" means that you trust each other, that you can talk to each other about a problem and know that it won't go any further.

Finally, banter is involved of course. :P :pac:

I think LZ5by5 has it. The type of grouping I'm calling "the lads" will often centre around sport. It's about being part of a team, being just another pleb, one of many. Theres comfort in that, comfort that you're not alone that you're involved in and contribute to something bigger then yourself. I'm never really had it, too much of a individual, but I've had tasters.

Handsome Bob · 13-03-2010 12:43am

Boston wrote: »

I think LZ5by5 has it. The type of grouping I'm calling "the lads" will often centre around sport. It's about being part of a team, being just another pleb, one of many. Theres comfort in that, comfort that you're not alone that you involved in and contribute to something bigger then yourself. I'm never really had it, too much of a individual, but I've had tasters.

I'd agree, it's simply about being a part of something. It's not a case of being "accepted" IMO, it's more about knowing that you're contributing to a cohesive team spirit.

uglyjohn · 13-03-2010 3:30am

Boston wrote: »

It's about being part of a team, being just another pleb, one of many. Theres comfort in that, comfort that you're not alone that you involved in and contribute to something bigger then yourself. I'm never really had it, too much of a individual, but I've had tasters.

Boston wrote: »

I'd hasard a guess that I was both too smart and too strange to be a sheep (A definite connotation to being a lad).

i dont really see how you turn being part of a group of close male friends into being a stupid, loutish sheep. i think most guys have a few close friends who take centre stage and then a larger cast of B-list friends. i would be a a core member of two groups and have a guest spot in 3 or 4 others. the groups dont really mingle and probably wouldnt get on.

Boston · 13-03-2010 1:37pm

uglyjohn wrote: »

i dont really see how you turn being part of a group of close male friends into being a stupid, loutish sheep.

I don't know how you got stupid loutish sheep from my comment.

Handsome Bob · 13-03-2010 1:42pm

Might have been something to do with describing people as plebs.

Boston · 13-03-2010 2:38pm

A pleb is just an ordinary person.

Handsome Bob · 13-03-2010 2:45pm

Boston wrote: »

A pleb is just an ordinary person.

Ah right, I always thought it was a word with negative cannotations, all the conexts I've seen the word used in have been negative.

Boston · 13-03-2010 2:50pm

Well, its tricky, technically a pleb is a working class person without culture or high education. I'd considerate to mean the majority of people who arn't "upper class", if you will.

nxbyveromdwjpg · 13-03-2010 2:52pm

Some real **** people in this thread.. you'd swear having mates automatically turned you into some kind of football hooligan :rolleyes:

Handsome Bob · 13-03-2010 3:10pm

nm wrote: »

Some real **** people in this thread.. you'd swear having mates automatically turned you into some kind of football hooligan :rolleyes:

Yes, I have picked up a similar message, I perhaps may have put it more subtley though.

TangyZizzle · 13-03-2010 6:07pm

Yas have it lads*, to be one of the lads is just to be accepted and liked by a group of like minded males, and feeling that your contribution has been worth giving.

*see, I also just refer to males as lads

Boston · 13-03-2010 6:10pm

nm wrote: »

Some real **** people in this thread.. you'd swear having mates automatically turned you into some kind of football hooligan :rolleyes:

Having mates is different to having a group of lads. You can have mates without having to conform to any grouping. What most people seem to have is one or two close friends, which then are part of a larger grouping of mates. Inside that grouping there are other sub groups of one or two. A group of lads are all pretty much equal and all friends with each other.

deadhead13 · 13-03-2010 6:41pm

To me, describing someone as "one of the lads" is to describe a fairly average unassuming kind of bloke. I would never really have associated the term with a pack mentality.

Boston · 13-03-2010 6:44pm

Big difference between "the lads" an a lad.

3hn2givr7mx1sc · 13-03-2010 6:46pm

I'm close to about 2 groups, both would be known as 'the lads' by different people, I moved house four years ago so that's the reason for that. They're all 16/17/18, so close my age, 15, and most are in my year. Neither groups are the type to go out looking for a fight on a night out.

There are 3 other groups of 'the lads' that I go around with the odd time. One of the groups are all in my year, they're sound, but can be annoying with fights and stuff.
One of the others are all in 6th year, I'm in 5th, they wouldn't go looking for a fight and are all sound out.
The last group are the ones I go drinking with mostly, all older than me, 18-24, but I look old enough to go to pubs etc with them. They don't go looking for fights but they'll take one if it comes their way and they'd be there to stand up for me if I was in trouble or someone was after me.

Nervous Wreck · 14-03-2010 1:00am

I tried being one of the lads one time. I was found out almost instantly. Very embarrassing.....

uglyjohn · 14-03-2010 2:08am

Boston wrote: »

I don't know how you got stupid loutish sheep from my comment.

well you said that you were to smart to be a sheep....so thats where i got stupid sheep from and you also mentioned doing stupid things you wouldnt otherwise. were you not talking about drunken loutish behaviour?

Valmont · 14-03-2010 2:14am

I'm too much of a rugged individualist to be one of 'the lads'. I do enjoy a good game of football every week however, but I think one needs to be a permanent fixture on the pub scene to be in most 'lads' gangs.

re: great British night out, hilarious!

Davidius · 14-03-2010 4:32am

Every odd year I make a special guest appearance as the quiet guy that somebody knows. That's about it.

candlegrease · 14-03-2010 6:42am

Davidius wrote: »

Every odd year I make a special guest appearance as the quiet guy that somebody knows. That's about it.

social life fail

Otis Driftwood · 14-03-2010 7:33am

candlegrease wrote: »

social life fail

Sarcasm fail,thats much,much worse.

katana1 · 23-03-2010 2:38pm

This is how I now see things .
When I was a teenager I always wanted to be on of the lads.I made friends with a few lads and we always hung out(No pun please) together.
There were main attractions ---girls, sport and pubs & motorbikes.
I had to give up sport and bikes due to a permanent injury and I just got fed up with the whole pub scene.
This was well over a decade ago and now that I do not want to go to the pub , My "Friends" think I am boring and I rarely see them.
My injury got worse with time and I now know who my true friends are --Not the superficial sheep that would follow me because I could drink a lot or ride my bike fast.
From about a group of 8-10 of us that used to pal around I now only have contact with two.
I used ring and call to the others but I found they were never ringing or calling to me.
I am not bitter or anything but I always did my own thing -- which seemed to suit people around me .
I am not one of the lads but I am a good husband and father which is all I care about.:)

Imhof Tank · 23-03-2010 3:22pm

Isn’t is the case that men’s compulsion to form into groups goes back to the days of the cavemen who realised that individuals would have no chance of catching prey and so they networked and formed hunting groups among themselves.

Women don’t seem to bond in the same way.

Manic Moran · 23-03-2010 10:56pm

No, I am not.

I am a member of a 'band of brothers', a group of guys who are incredibly close, as you would be after having gone through a year in Iraq early in the war (My platoon was 16 other guys, my tank crew was three others, I had two crews during the tour).

However, that is an entirely different situation to "doing stupid things they wouldn't other wise do." I have most always maintained the dignity my status requires.

Being 'one of the lads' is un-necessary to life. Being a part of a fraternal bond is one of life's greatest feelings. People should prioritise accordingly.

NTM

Boston · 23-03-2010 11:41pm

The type of fraternal bond you speak off can only be achieved through hardship and suffering. The things you cannot share with other people because they would never understand are exactly the things which draw you close. I'd consider it completely different to being one of the lads.

yourdeadwright · 24-03-2010 12:56pm

Surely being one of the lads is nothing bad,
I would consider myself one of the lads, its just a really close bound of friends that you can trust, There is about 8 of us who since school have been friends and are there for each other for good and bad times, It doesnt mean we go out get drunk and start trouble,sure we got out together quiet oftan but we all have other halfs and they are welcome along,so its not like were crazy teen anymore
I guess since i grow up playing team sports so im just used to being around a group of lads, i think its strange the way some people on here see it as a bad thing that people have close friends other than there other halfs,

thecatspjs · 31-03-2010 7:53pm

i think there's a lot of pretentious sounding psychobabble here. I like to go out drinking with my friends, it's fun and I enjoy it. By the way some people are posting here that means I'm just a mindless follower, or that I can't think for myself. Going out partying, chasing girls, driving our cars, watching football, smoking weed.... all of this i like, and so do the lads.

Need2Know4Sure · 31-03-2010 10:48pm

Being "one of lads" tends to mean catching up with mates from college and going on an all day bender.

Always great to catch up but normally someone will do something crazy and regret it in the morning...so not always a good thing.

Tar.Aldarion · 01-04-2010 12:21am

Depends who I am around, mostly no, sometimes yes

mectavba · 01-04-2010 11:38am

From my point of view i've been mates with the same group of "lads" since school, which would comprise of about 16. I'm happy to say that no one has drifted too much except for a couple who are overseas (and when they are back they slip right back into being one of the "lads").

To me it's like another family...some of the "lads" I get on with all the time and are my closest friends and would be able to talk to them about anything. Others I find tough to get on with sometimes. However, there is a sense of loyalty that exists between all of us that supercedes any negative connotations that might be associated with a group of "lads".

Over the last couple of years a couple of the lads have found themselves in difficult situations, illness, jobs etc. and to a man the "lads" have rallied round. I'm not referring to the "I love you man" guff, it's more subtle and simple than that and is a more important aspect of being one of the "lads" than seeing who is going for a pint....which is also great!!!

itsallaboutheL · 01-04-2010 7:07pm

Boston wrote: »

The type of fraternal bond you speak off can only be achieved through hardship and suffering. The things you cannot share with other people because they would never understand are exactly the things which draw you close. I'd consider it completely different to being one of the lads.

Boston, it's all relative (and this is in no way aimed at NTM), we can't all go to Iraq to find this fraternal bond, sometimes it occurs from sharing the tials and tribulations of everyday life. We all have mountains to climb (some bigger than others) and there's no way i would choose to go through life without the help, guidance and support of the lads, funnily enough i refer to some girls as being part of "the lads" aswell.

But as you say, you're too much of an individual to lower yourself to the workings of a social group, instead you'll come on here with your passive aggressive tones and toy with symantics in the hope some fool, (me in this case) will take the bait.

Also, being one of the lads and being an individual isn't mutually exclusive, the great thing about friends (or the lads) is that one can feel comfortable as an individual in their own right within the group, that's why they're my friends.

My 2c.

Now excuse me while i go meet the lads and crack a bottle of bulmers off of some poor shmuck :rolleyes::pac:

G_R · 01-04-2010 8:55pm

I would definitely be one of the lads, in fact I even have an MSN group called "the lads". These are my 3 closest friends in the world. Have been in school with two of them since 4th class and the other since 1st year. Don't get me wrong, I have more than 3 friends, but these 3 are the ones I know I could tell anything too, and who I know I could rely on if I needed help. We all have different interests, example 2 of us hate soccer, 1 hates rugby, etc, but we all just click, if ye know what I mean, same sense of humour.

Thats what I would regard as being one of the lads.

Oh course there is also the "going out, getting pissed and having the laugh" element as well

Delirium · 01-04-2010 9:55pm

I don't think I'd consider myself 'one of the lads'.

I wouldn't consider being 'one of the lads' a negative thing. Growing up, the group I thought of as 'the lads' would have been a group of guys who had played on football/hurling teams together for years.

I wasn't hugely interested in sports so thats why I think I don't really consider myself one of the lads.

gonnaplayrugby · 02-04-2010 11:22am

i would be but i never make that much friends.

corkcomp · 02-04-2010 12:53pm

I would consider myself one of the lads, I have about 4 very close friends and we have been through a lot together ... My other friends are great friends too, but in most cases I just dont know them for as long... As another poster pointed out there is a difference between being one of the lads and being a "lad" I dont consider myself a lad, a messer maybe though:D

Are you "one of the lads".

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