Very odd question

GoingUnReg · 31-01-2012 5:26pm #1

Hi All

I'm going un-reg for this one as I'm a very regular poster on other sections of Boards.

Basically, I'm wondering if the Army has a policy on serving personnel entering relationships with eachother?

Basically, my husband is in the army and I have recently found that he's having an affair with a woman based in his camp.

I'm willing to try and work on my marriage, but apparently rule number one of ending a workplace affair is to expose it to the employer.

Obviously I'm very aware that the PDF is not your average workplace, so I'm just wondering whether or not there is a policy (either written or implied) on serving members having a relationship.

And before anyone jumps on my back about ruining his career, etc. etc., I have by no means decided whether or not exposing the affair at their camp/section would be a good idea at all. On balance, I probably won't do it. But I would like to know whether or not there is a policy or an unwritten rule about inter-personnel relationships.

I *think* they're the same rank; if not, she'd be senior to him, but not by much, he's a private. If that makes any difference.

Thanks in advance.

Praetorian Saighdiuir · 31-01-2012 7:13pm

Hi,

Sorry to hear about your situation. To be honest, id imagine a lot of his colleagues would either know about the affair already or suspect it at least, so I wouldnt be worried about exposing the truth.

There is a policy on interpersonal relationships within the DF, I couldnt quote you anything from it as I have never read it as it does not apply to me. I doubt it effects opsec so maybe someone here who has experience of it may be able to PM you or something.

However, I know quite a lot of soldiers of all ranks who are either in relationships / married to other soldiers of a different rank.

galwaycyclist · 31-01-2012 8:22pm

Defence Forces Handbook (Large file 6mb)

http://www.military.ie/fileadmin/user_upload/images/Info_Centre/documents/DF_Info_Handbook_layout_low_res.pdf

See page 79

Where it gets tricky is if the two people are unequal in rank since it is difficult to demonstrate consent in such situations. Either way, according to the regs, the primary reponsibility would rest with the person of higher rank. But the regs aren't always everything either.

The barracks should have some form of liason person who is a civilian (ex army) but operates outside of the Army's internal power structure.

Edit: See here under support services
http://www.military.ie/careers/military-life/personal-support-services

There is also a contact list for DF social workers at the back of the handbook

ChunkyLover_53 · 31-01-2012 8:23pm

Wow, really sorry to hear this.

I would advise you to contact the DF Chaplaincy Service the local Barrack Padre would be a good place to start if you wish to keep it discreet.

There are also DF Social Workers you can contact and Personnel Support Service local to every barracks, all of these personnel will be trained/briefed in Interpersonnel Relationships and are professional enough to keep it under wraps.

Thats an awful situation to be in. Hope everything works out.

Edit: all the contact numbers you need are in the previous posters link. You also need to confront your husband.

Local-womanizer · 31-01-2012 11:15pm

Afaik or remember there is nothing stopping 2 soldiers entering into a relationship within the Df. That is 2 people's choice after all. What is frowned upon is if this relationship starts interfering in work.

The issue here lies with your husband, what is happening is morally wrong not legally. Chaplain would be a your best bet, or the barrack support service.

Sorry to hear, hope it gets resolved!

Local-womanizer · 31-01-2012 11:16pm

Fecking double post!

OS119 · 31-01-2012 11:34pm

sorry OP, there's absolutely nothing to be gained from you 'grassing' to his CoC.

A) he'll be humiliated and embarressed by your action. this is unlikely to help your relationship. if his career suffers - and it may - he will blame you.

your problem is that your husband doesn't really want to be with you. if you prevent him seeing a particular woman you will have not changed that fact.

C) if you do split up, you (collectively) will need all the money you can muster. endangering his employment is unlikely to aid the setting up of two households and the paying of legal bills.

the PDF may have the equivilant of the BA's 'service test' - this is a subjective 'test' that is used to aid the 'good of the service'. while his relationship with this woman may technically fall outside disciplinary action, the embarressment that the Army suffers as a result of the incident could be laid at his door, and he could be judged to have brought the service into disrepute - and kicked out.

if he worked for a double glazing firm, would you go to his boss and complain?

Manic Moran · 31-01-2012 11:48pm

Might it be covered under the disciplinary codes, as opposed to the 'handbook' policies. For example, in the US, adultery is a court-martial offence completely different to the rules on inter-military romance.

NTM

Maoltuile · 01-02-2012 1:54am

OS119 wrote: »

your problem is that your husband doesn't really want to be with you.

That's one hell of an assumption, right there. Complete sexual fidelity to one person for the rest of your life strikes me as the exception rather than the norm.

DipStick McSwindler · 01-02-2012 2:37pm

This post has been deleted.

tac foley · 01-02-2012 5:15pm

In the BA we have a couple of matters that can give reason for termination of service in any person - no matter if he is an officer or other rank: -

1. Conduct prejudicial to the maintenance of good order and military discipline.

2. Conduct liable to bring the Army/Navy/Air Force into disrepute.

Severe doses of either offence under the Combined Armed Forces Military Discipline Acts may result in being dismissed the service - SNLR - service no longer required and dishonourably discharged/resigning of commission or, if severe enuff, cashiering.

Such an act would necessarily render the offender forfeit all pension rights under the relevant Act, and would get his or her record of service suitably 'marked up' to show the reason for the dismissal.

Those here serving in the PDF are best positioned to tell you the likely course of events if you should bubble your errant spouse directly to his CO, but take it from me, apart from getting the satisfaction of exposing your husband as a lying cheat and roaming over-legger, it would not be good, probably for either of you, in the long run.

tac

Manic Moran · 01-02-2012 5:31pm

[Mod] OK guys, this isn't "Personal Issues."

The question was with regards to what would happen if brought to the attention of the DF.

The handbook has been quoted, and contains no specific prohibitions on this case.

I am awaiting a result of a reading of the DFRs (and TacFoley brings up a good point, "actions prejudicial to the good order and discipline" is one of those catch-all offenses which most militaries seem to have). When someone definitively posts that there is or is not something in the DFRs to cover this, I'll be locking the thread. That's the only post I'm looking for at this point.[/Mod]

NTM

Very odd question

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