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Ian Paisley Jokes

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  • 13-09-2014 10:26am
    #1
    JohnnyBananas
    Registered Users Posts: 306 ✭✭


    Paisley died and went to heaven. When he got there he knocked long and hard on the door. St.Peter came out and asked his name.
    "YOU DON'T KNOW MY NAME ? I'M THE REV. IAN PAISLEY HE ROARED AT ST.PETER".
    St. Peter looked at his list and could not find his name. Sorry say's St. Peter you're not on the list.
    "WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M NOT ON THE LIST??? DO YOU NOT KNOW WHO I AM???"screeches Paisley in terror. As a matter of fact I do said St. Peter, but your name is not on the list.

    "THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH I'M A VERY IMPORTANT PERSON MY NAME SHOULD BE ON THE LIST" screamed Paisley. St. Peter tries to explain that its not easy to get into heaven, and that you have to be a Catholic. When Paisley hears this he starts to complain, so St. Peter says that had he been good to Catholics that he might have some chance.
    "WELL" roared Paisley, "I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I HAVE BEEN VERY GOOD TO CATHOLICS. WHY ONLY 2 WEEKS AGO I MET A YOUNG GIRL WHO HAD MADE HER COMMUNION AND I GAVE HER A POUND. AND 2 WEEKS BEFORE I MET A YOUNG BOY WHO HAD MADE HIS COMMUNION AND I HAVE HIM A POUND, NOW WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT MR. ST.PETER ???". St. Peter took a few notes on what he said. He told Paisley to wait and that he would have to go and talk to GOD and get some advice. About ten minutes later St. Peter comes out and says to Paisley. "HERES YOUR TWO POUNDS BACK, NOW F**# OFF".


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    #2
    Big C
    Registered Users Posts: 943 ✭✭✭Big C


    Ian Paisley died, when he got to the other side he said "where am I" but there was no one there.


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    #3
    boetstark
    Registered Users Posts: 874 ✭✭✭boetstark


    Jokes about a guy who has died are in such bad taste. Can't wait until pope or Adams kicks the bucket for some choice amusing stories :-)


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    #4
    boetstark
    Registered Users Posts: 874 ✭✭✭boetstark


    Jokes about a guy who has died are in such bad taste. Can't wait until pope or Adams kicks the bucket for some choice amusing stories :-)


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    #5
    boetstark
    Registered Users Posts: 874 ✭✭✭boetstark


    Jokes about a guy who has died are in such bad taste. Can't wait until pope or Adams kicks the bucket for some choice amusing stories :-)


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    #6
    boetstark
    Registered Users Posts: 874 ✭✭✭boetstark


    Jokes about a guy who has died are in such bad taste. Can't wait until pope or Adams kicks the bucket for some choice amusing stories :-)


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    #7
    boetstark
    Registered Users Posts: 874 ✭✭✭boetstark


    Oops posted 3 times


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    #8
    Big C
    Registered Users Posts: 943 ✭✭✭Big C


    I thought u just had a bad stammer


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    #9
    Firewalkwithme
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,066 ✭✭✭Firewalkwithme


    boetstark wrote: »
    Oops posted 3 times

    4 times.

    I was expecting more jokes than I got in this thread thanks to you :P


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    #10
    bonzodog2
    Registered Users Posts: 6,210 ✭✭✭bonzodog2


    I was reminded of a sketch from many years ago by Dave Allen:

    Paisley “‘...there will be a wailing and a great gnashing of teeth!’
    Little old lady in the front row: ‘But I don’t have any teeth!’
    Paisley : ‘Teeth will be provided!’”


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